


Got ya!

by YingCas



Series: I'm looking for myself (in you) [2]
Category: EXO (Band), NCT (Band)
Genre: Adopted, Adoption, Adventure, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Coming of Age, Drug Use, Family Issues, Flashbacks, Fluff, Humor, I don't want to spoil anything but, I watched 'Find Your Family', Implied Mpreg, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Mild Language, Moral Dilemmas, Mpreg, Partying, Smut, So this one obviously cannot be, The first part of the series was light hearted and fun, Traveling, We're diving deep, You all already know what this is about, and decided to write a fanfic where Donghyuck is, finding yourself, no need to tell you every single thing, you know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:00:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 121,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24741952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YingCas/pseuds/YingCas
Summary: Donghyuck's search for his biological family now leads him to China. The basis couldn't be better - he is traveling with his friends who he trusts, his relationships are all going well and no one is fighting and no one is lying. He makes stupid mistakes but everything will just work out in the end, right? That's how it always goes in Coming-of-Age movies.He tends to forget that real life is much more complicated than that.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Liu Yang Yang/Wong Kun Hang | Hendery
Series: I'm looking for myself (in you) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1770679
Comments: 366
Kudos: 393





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First and foremost: THIS IS THE SECOND PART OF A SERIES! If you haven't read the first one, you'll be very lost reading this (as well as spoiled) so I suggest you go read Found ya first!
> 
> For everyone coming back: Hi, how are you all? I'm so happy to be here again. I've worked on the story very hard (I already had many ideas while working on the first part so it isn't like I started from zero) and now I'm finally confident enough to start posting. I have the structure and ideas planned, now I just have to get down to write everything. Yayy! This one turned out to be a bit more angsty than part one... eh, sorry. But it's not all angst, don't worry, there are so many colors and ideas that I've splashed around, I hope you like them!
> 
> Some facts/stuff you should keep in mind while reading:  
> 1\. all of EXO are aged up by 10 years  
> 2\. I've never been to China either so if you know I've messed something up, tell me so I can fix it. I'm European, I've never been to the big world, please forgive me  
> 3\. This story in particular deals with moral dilemmas, lots of them. The thoughts and decisions of the characters may or may not reflect what I personally think. This is a story. I'm happy to discuss some of the themes here so if you feel like you want to talk, just hit me with a comment! 
> 
> Disclaimer:  
> I don’t know these people. I’ve never met them in my life and I don’t claim to know anything about them. This is just a story I wrote for fun, I pulled everything out of my own imagination. I like to play with what-ifs.
> 
> Without further ado, let's jump right in!

**_July 1999_ **

_“Kyungsoo”_

_“Kyungsoo”_

_“Do Kyungsoo”_

_“Do. Kyung. soo.”_

_“Kyungsooooooo”_

_“kyungsookyungsookyungsookyungsoo-”_

_“WHAT??!”_

_Baekhyun laughed as the younger male flipped and slammed his book closed. Kyungsoo looked up to the tree that Baekhyun was currently hanging from. The branches were growing so wildly over the bench, the poor tree was only moments away from being cut. That would be unfortunate - Kyungsoo's favorite shady place on the schoolyard would then be lost. However, then there wouldn’t be an annoying Byun Baekhyun hanging from the branches above him so maybe it wouldn’t be that bad._

_Or, nevermind. Baekhyun would come up with a way to get to Kyungsoo’s nerves anyway. Today, the omega was especially annoying, maybe Kyungsoo should be happy that the overly grown branches were there to keep him away from his skin_

_“Come with meeee”_

_“No”_

_“Pleaseeee”_

_“NO. I’M STUDYING”_

_Baekhyun flopped down, but his feet didn’t exactly hit the bench like he had wanted to. Only his left foot did, he lost his balance and fell on the ground. Luckily, that wasn’t the first time, so he knew how to land and not break bones. His bum hit the ground hard though_

_“You’re being so BORING-”, that whine came out stronger than it needed to, but it also probably contained some pain relief. Baekhyun was so frustrated, it would be amusing if it wasn’t so annoying. “I want to go to the Han river! Come on, your tutoring only starts at six!”_

_“I took an additional course, and it starts at four”, Kyungsoo answered and opened his book again, not caring the slightest that his DEAR FRIEND was HURT. Baekhyun got up from the ground and wiped his pants clean as he whined. He should be careful - he had destroyed three pairs of uniform pants last semester alone, his mother would skin him soon._

_But Baekhyun was too stupid to even fear his mother who was like the reborn version of Maleficent. How the hell Baekhyun had grown into what he was now in her care was far beyond Kyungsoo._

_“You still have an hour before that though”_

_“Go bother Chanyeol or the babies, I couldn’t care less”_

_Kyungsoo was one of the few who were completely immune to Baekhyun’s pout. If he went and just asked the others, they would do anything for him in a blink of an eye. Especially the giant, Chanyeol, who was currently in his math tutoring class but would probably drop it all to go watch flowers bloom with Baekhyun even if it meant losing his spot at university. Baekhyun had tons of people to choose from._

_So why the hell was he bothering Kyungsoo?_

_He tried to get back to reading. Where had he been again? Right, the part about cell mutations. Biology was going to be his major in one of the SKY universities, he had to get everything perfectly right. Kyungsoo read until the end of the page and when he flipped it to move to the next opening, he looked up and Baekhyun was gone._

_Actually gone. Kyungsoo turned around and looked up, and the older was nowhere to be seen. This was exactly what he had hoped for, but… But he had kind of expected Baekhyun to continue whining like he always did. It was so weird sitting there, in silence, and what was weirder was that Baekhyun had actually left without saying anything. Had he been hurt? Should Kyungsoo go after him, to make sure he was okay?_

_Kyungsoo shook his head at that. Now he was just being silly. He should enjoy the little quiet time he had and study. Baekhyun would come back and drive him to the brink of insanity in no time because that was what he had always done and nothing would change it._

_Nothing at all._

_..._

Donghyuck was waiting outside, tapping his foot to the ground nervously. It was hot as hell, he was standing in the shade in shorts and a t-shirt and still sweating like crazy. Renjun stood beside him, wearing his dark blue - or, _royal blue_ , as Renjun had corrected him a million times - Yonsei jacket. Donghyuck couldn’t even imagine how hot _he_ was. But, the idiot had refused to wear anything else ever since getting to uni. 

Going to Yonsei had been his dream ever since Donghyuck could remember. So, he tried not to give the alpha too much shit about it. Tried to. It was hard though because Renjun was slowly losing all of his common sense and that was scary - he had always been the smart one. They NEEDED him to be the smart one. If he lost his mind then who was going to take his place??

Jeno, maybe? No, he was too nice and biased. Jaemin and Donghyuck, absolutely not, and Yangyang was a crackhead who couldn’t take care of anything at all. Chenle was arrogant and would get drunk of power if he became the one. The only one who could maybe do it was… It was Jisung. NO. 

_Oh god. No. Please, Renjun, get yourself together!!!!_

Anyway. Under the deadly hot sun in July, in Hong Kong, Donghyuck and Renjun stood outside the airport doors and waited. They could have gone inside, but the flow of people was so massive, they didn’t think it would be any better there. Donghyuck looked at the clock again, for the third time in the past two minutes. It was 16:37. Mark’s plane had landed thirty minutes ago and he was still nowhere to be seen.

“Calm down, you’re stressing me out”, Renjun rolled his eyes and fanned himself with a dark green Moomin fan that he had brought from Korea. His Moomin obsession had mostly died down years ago but he still held onto the merch that he had. Renjun was one of those people who couldn’t throw anything away so the short Moomin phase could still be seen everywhere in his life.

Anyway, yeah, Renjun was one of the extra people accompanying Donghyuck on his trip to find his alpha father. One of many that had just invited themselves along to this meaningful, random, and crazy trip to another country with weak clues. 

At first, it had just been Donghyuck and Mark planning their trip to China. Donghyuck had asked his Chinese speaking friends if they wanted to help him in some ways and it had actually been Yangyang who had jumped on the bandwagon immediately - Guanheng’s exchange period in Korea was ending in June and they really wanted to spend time together in July so they joined the search party with that excuse. It was good to have Guanheng in the team because he spoke Cantonese, and they were going to Hong Kong. Donghyuck had gotten to know the older much better during the spring, and he wasn’t regretful at all that the two had joined the search party originally intended for only two people.

They were currently waiting by the car somewhere in the parking lot. Guanheng was the only one who had a Chinese driver’s license so he was proving himself to be more and more useful each day (although, his driving skills themselves could use some polishing). He also had a friend who lived in Hong Kong so they were able to stay at his place for a fairly good price. Donghyuck had yet to meet the said friend but, for what he had heard, the guy had multiple names and he had gone on an impromptu road trip a few days ago, and he was going to return from it in a few days. Or weeks. Or hours. He was a _spontaneous_ guy, as Guanheng had described him. Yeah, he sounded as reliable and chaotic as Yangyang and Guanheng and pretty much every one of his friends, _including_ Renjun now.

Renjun had heard of their plans and invited himself along as well, to “keep an eye on them”. It had been a surprising turn of events but of course, Donghyuck was happy that he wanted to come. The older probably just wanted a break. His first semester at Yonsei had been intense, to say the least, and Donghyuck had barely seen him after March. For the first time in his life, Renjun had not signed up for any summer courses but instead took the whole summer off for holiday. That wasn’t like him at all. But it was a good thing, to see him take care of himself now. 

Or just more proof that he was losing it.

So, there they were, the four of them and soon, hopefully, Mark as well. Chenle had declared early on that he was not interested in their stupid trip and instead taken Jisung with him to Shanghai to meet his grandparents. Jaemin and Jeno stayed in Korea to take care of their relationship, as well as look after Jaemin’s family that was running against walls because of Jungwoo who was going on his seventh month of pregnancy that had gotten completely out of hand.

Jaemin’s family had always been wild but this was on another level, even for them. Because nothing in Jungwoo’s pregnancy had gone according to the plan.

His morning sickness had been severe, as well as his cravings and mood swings and his stomach had grown way too fast and during the second ultrasound, as the doctor had found out that he was expecting twins, Dongyoung had fainted on spot. Donghyuck would have never imagined that he would say it, but _poor Dongyoung_. The alpha had been trying his best to balance the intense work and taking care of the constantly crying Jungwoo. At one point, he had just dropped Jungwoo at his parents so that he could sleep for _one night_. And from that moment on, the omega had been all of their problem.

Yeah. The upcoming months were going to be interesting.

“Oh, I think I- ahh nevermind, it wasn’t him”, Renjun kept pointing at people who were NOT Mark and Donghyuck was getting tired of getting a heart attack each time. He was nervous out of his mind. The last time he had seen the older had been in New York five months ago and although it hadn’t been _that_ long…

Five months was a fucking long time, Donghyuck had learned.

Especially, with someone that he had only met and been with for a far shorter time. If he and Mark had been bad at talking when they were in the same place, face to face, then they couldn’t be blamed for that anymore. Because all they did was talk - all they _could_ do was talk. And Donghyuck was a physical person so… he had been frustrated out of his mind.

Especially during the two heats that he had had. He had made several thirst calls to the older but phone sex was awkward as hell, especially because he still lived with his parents. And sisters. Who had no concept of privacy. Who could run into his room at any time. And Mark’s dirty talk was nothing like Whiplash in real life. Donghyuck missed being touched, it was the first time in his life that he couldn’t ask anyone to help him with the pain of the heats either - because, he was in a relationship. Jaemin, who had always been his go-to friend, was now completely unavailable because he was… in a _relationship_ with Jeno, as well.

… yeah, that was a whole another mess that Donghyuck tried not to get twisted into. Tried to. Tried. Very hard. But Jaemin… had been difficult. It had been difficult to get used to living _away_ from him.

But anyway, Donghyuck had been suffering for five months. The time difference brought its troubles into the mix, as well as both of their tightening schedules. Donghyuck got into university after all, but it had been brutal from the first day onwards. He wasn’t the only one suffering though. All of his friends, maybe excluding Jisung who was only in his second last year of high school and Guanheng who was on an exchange - were going through lots of changes and tackling a huge amount of work. Chenle was doing his CSATs this year and was already stressed and irritated, and the 00 gang had started Uni, everyone in a different school, scattered around the city. Donghyuck had had to make new friends, get used to his studies, and manage a long-distance relationship at the side. 

“Is that him?”

Donghyuck turned to look at the direction that Renjun was gesturing to with no hope in his heart but, this time, there he was. Red from the heat, wearing all black like the idiot that he was.

But he was Donghyuck’s idiot.

“MARK LEE”, he screamed and started running. It wasn’t very smooth since he had to dodge so many people from his way, but Mark stopped and stayed still until Donghyuck got closer. He leaned against his suitcase a little, a tiny bit of awkwardness in his posture but damn he looked so handsome with that small smirk on his face. Donghyuck reached him fast and jumped in his waiting arms like they always did in those disgustingly romantic movies.

“Great to see you, Hyuckie”, Mark said, holding his weight alright - had he gained some muscle? Donghyuck filled his lungs with his scent. He was a bit sweaty and smelled like an airplane but still, like _Mark_ , his Mark. Donghyuck dropped down so that he could kiss him - the alpha tasted like sweet sugar candies and airplane coffee, and _Mark_. His Mark. He would do everything he hadn’t been able to, for so long. Fuck talking, he was going to hug and kiss and smell and touch and-

“Some decency, please? We’re in a public place”, Renjun’s voice entered his Mark-bubble, and Donghyuck pulled his hand away from the older’s ass. Right, this was not America. People were expected to behave here. Mark just laughed and took his hand, and Donghyuck intertwined their fingers - he could wait a bit to touch him properly. He had called the best room of the house upon their arrival two days before, he couldn’t wait to get there, behind closed doors with his alpha.

Mark turned to face Renjun properly.

“I’m Mark Lee, it’s nice to meet you”

“Huang Renjun. The pleasure is all mine”, they shook hands firmly and the eye contact between them looked intense, as though they were reading each other’s thoughts for a few seconds. They figured out the hierarchy right there - they were in China, which gave Renjun the advantage and higher status as he knew how to move there, and he also was an old friend of Donghyuck’s. Mark, however, was older. 

“May I call you hyung?”

“Sure”

And that was it. They dropped their hands and the short tension was gone. Alphas and their constant battle with status - Donghyuck had always thought it was ridiculous but the alphas and betas rolled their eyes at his omega habits too.

...

“So, what is this place we’re staying at?” Mark asked as Guanheng drove off the traffic jam around the airport. Yangyang was sitting in the front next to him and Mark, Donghyuck, and Renjun were at the back, Donghyuck in the middle because the others had pulled age privilege. Assholes.

Guanheng and Yangyang had decided to play some kind of gangsta rap in the front, and Donghyuck feared for his life. He had tangled himself in the seatbelt and so had Renjun, even though the two in front hadn’t. Yangyang was sitting cross-legged, reading driving directions out loud to Guanheng in between rapping along to the track himself.

It was new, to sit in a car when his friends were driving instead of secure, safe, _actual adults_. Donghyuck had only done it a couple of times - Johnny had been one, but he was so much older so it didn’t feel weird. Also, he drove very softly. Then, Jeno drove smoothly and perfectly and his face was always set on a relaxed half-smile as he looked at the mirrors like a stay-at-home dad that had been driving his kids to their football practice for the past ten years. Guanheng, on the other hand, stressed Donghyuck out and awakened feelings of horror in him that he hadn't known he was able to experience. 

Guanheng's driving included a continuous voice-over, that went something like: _shit, I wasn’t supposed to turn from that, wait, DID YOU SEE THAT WHAT AN ASSHOLE FUCK YOU okay let’s - wait, why is he honking at me? Oops, wrong turn, sorry! Let’s go this way- no, that way! No, let’s make an u-turn. Wait, hold on, I’m gonna have to aim at that… yess, we’re going NOW._

There was a stereotype about Chinese people and their driving skills. Of course, stereotypes were stupid but… With Guanheng, every drive was an adventure, closer to a roller coaster than a nice afternoon ride with an old Chinese family car. To be honest, Donghyuck would probably feel safer in a roller coaster. 

“Oh, yeah, his name is Lucas", Guanheng answered and tapped his fingers against the steering wheel as they stopped at another red light. Right, now it was Lucas. It had been Xuxi for Renjun and Yukhei for Donghyuck. The guy surely had many names, for all kinds of people. 

“He is the same age as us, we went to a boarding school together in Macau so I swear on my life, we can trust him. I roomed with him for… how long, six years?”

“You told me it was seven and a half”, Yangyang said and turned the music down a notch, so that the people in the car could hear each other. 

“Yeah, well, a long time anyway”, the light changed and Guanheng hit the gas pedal, glueing all of their backs to the seats. To think he had gotten his license two years ago… the real mystery was how on earth he had even gotten it in the first place.

“And he knows about all of our arrangements?” Mark continued the conversation, as though they weren’t on the verge of losing their lives.

“Pfft yeah”, Guanheng swung his hand and Donghyuck felt the urge to scream at him to focus on the road. He wasn’t the only insane driver there. “His parents are away anyway so we have the whole house for ourselves for a while and really, once Yukhei comes back, it’s going to get wild. He is crazy, you’re going to love him”

If Guanheng called someone crazy while drifting on a highway then the person must be a madman. Out of this world. Completely insane.

Oh God.

…

“Good night!”

“But it’s only six pm-”

“I SAID GOOD NIGHT”

Donghyuck slammed the door closed and pushed Mark against it. The older yelped but was in on it right away, holding Donghyuck’s waist as he kissed him. Mark had almost become a fantasy, a dream that Donghyuck hadn’t been sure he had truly experienced or if he was just a creation of his imagination. Untouchable, a character behind a screen. But now, he could feel him, taste him, smell him. And he wanted to have him as close as possible.

“Hey, slow down”, Mark laughed good-heartedly and pulled away a little after a while of sloppy making out. Donghyuck pouted due to the lack of contact immediately, but Mark just smiled and cupped his face in his hands, his eyes shining. “There is no rush, let me look at you”

“You’ve seen me though, almost every day”

They had made facetime calls every few days and Mark was following him on Instagram, what else was there to see now? They only had a few weeks together, why waste it on looking when they could do something so much more fun and satisfying during the time?

But Mark shook his head lightly.

“You colored your hair”, he said and moved a small loose curl of hair behind Donghyuck’s ear. It was such a simple gesture but he was looking at him so tenderly, Donghyuck’s heart jumped to his throat and the butterflies had even more space to roam in his stomach. Not like his heart had ever been in his stomach or anything, but, like, there was more space in general because his heart was basically the size of his fist and what did that have to do with anything and oh right he was probably supposed to answer something but what was Mark even expecting, looking at him like that and holding him against himself with his other hand and he smelled so nice and- 

Donghyuck had thought that they had passed the butterfly phase. The unsure, silly, honeymoon phase, and instead become an established, stable couple during the months they had spent apart. But that had been such a silly thought. Because now, facing Mark, he suddenly felt almost shy again. Like a blushing teenager, spending time alone with an alpha for the first time.

The initial thoughts, the plans that he had made for their time together now made him blush.

“Yeah, I did”, Donghyuck said, to move the conversation onward and escape from his own head. He didn’t want to think too much now, he had done plenty of it before. It was just Mark, the alpha who had seen his lowest state and wanted him anyway. He had no reason to be nervous.

But staring at his dark brown eyes, he didn’t know how to feel. 

“It suits you”, Mark said, as he brushed Donghyuck’s hair smoothly, and left his hand to rest on the nape of his neck. It felt nice, Donghyuck didn’t think Mark could touch him in a way that _didn’t_ feel nice. Mark was just so careful and soft, Donghyuck had missed him so much.

“Thank you”, he just said. It was nice to hear - he had been a bit nervous about that too. His hair was light brown now, Jaemin had helped him color it just a week before, and Donghyuck had been careful not to show the older the results yet. He had been watching Jaemin’s hair color adventures during the summer - strongly influenced by Taeyong, their dance teacher - so he had been quite convinced that he didn’t want to go through that himself. However, brown wasn’t that drastic. Also, Taeil and Taeyong both had encouraged him to try so he had, partly to surprise Mark too.

Because he wanted his undivided attention.

“I’ve really missed you”, Mark whispered, as he often did. But now, there was no digital screen between them, and his voice was clear right there, so close to him.

“Me too”, Donghyuck answered, and pulled at his collar. "So much"

Mark was wearing a black dress shirt and jeans - despite looking amazing he must be really hot, and as a good partner Donghyuck should make sure he was comfortable. He kissed the older again, a little less desperately, and pulled his collar to take him to the bed. They got on it surprisingly smoothly, and as Mark’s hands roamed under his thin shirt, he knew they were perfectly in sync still. 

“This is not someone's marriage bed, is it?” Was the only thing Mark asked, as Donghyuck started unbuttoning his shirt.

“Why do you even care about something like that?” Donghyuck rolled his eyes. “But no, I think Guanheng said this is a guest bedroom”

“Who is rich enough nowadays to have a guest bedroom? In Hong Kong?”

“Don’t know, don’t care. Hyung, just shut up”

“Gladly”

Mark leaned down to kiss him and they fell into humid, hot oblivion of the summer night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> beep


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for Road To Kingdom: I admit that I’m completely biased but I’m so happy that The Boyz won, their performances were amazing and if you haven’t seen them, I strongly recommend them! I think they were all incredible, but especially the final one, Checkmate - just pure art. Damn. I’m still not over it, that show was just so good!
> 
> (Also, this story is set in the summer of 2019 and we all know what was going on in Hong Kong at that time - let’s just ignore that, I don’t want to make this story political so I’m not going to mention it at all)

**_March 2019_ **

_“I mean, Jeno is wonderful but he is just… a bit… jealous”, Jaemin said and stretched his arms over his head. Donghyuck also deemed his calf muscles stretched enough and moved to the arms just like their instructor, Taeyong, was doing in front of them. Donghyuck wasn’t nearly as flexible as him, but he tried his best to follow what he was doing._

_“Jealous, huh?” he said. “I wouldn’t have expected that from him. But, you are you so I guess it's justified”_

_“What’s that supposed to mean?”, Jaemin snorted and rolled his eyes, but Donghyuck knew that he got it. Even if everything had changed._

_Jaemin's salacious tendencies had been such a big part of his character that now that they were gone, his color had changed completely. The change was almost as shocking as Taeyong’s change of style every time they met him. One week, he wore ripped jeans and eyeliner. Next, he had a pink hoodie and fluffy honey blonde hair, and next, he wore round glasses and carried a pile of old-looking books, wearing shiny shoes and a cute backpack. Jaemin got a lot of inspiration from him style-wise. It was cute._

_Taeyong wasn’t an official dance instructor, not really. This… thing that they were at was something that Jaemin had found from his new university’s free time forum and had invited Donghyuck along with him to test. What had started as a regular male omega get-together had developed into a dance course led by one of the oldest omegas in the bunch because most of the people present in the first meeting of the semester had shown interest in dancing._

_There were people from other universities too, and there were people who didn’t care about dancing but liked to join nevertheless. Male omegas were rare, it was nice to find a group where people could relate to each other on a deeper level because of their sub gender and really, just to make new friends. They usually met on Thursday afternoons to learn some kpop dance covers and gossip, that sort of thing. There were maybe a dozen people in total who came around now and then, and the most frequent faces in the bunch were Donghyuck, Jaemin, Taeyong, and an oldie Taeil who was currently eating chips in the corner._

_“Jealousy is a toxic seed that can bloom in all sorts of trouble”, Taeyong commented from the front and stretched his sides like a grain stalk in a strong wind, elegant and loyal to the shape. Donghyuck just cracked himself left and right and decided that he had warmed up enough._

_“I know”, Jaemin sighed. “But I don’t know what to say to him to make him trust me”_

_“Don’t just speak, show it with your actions”, Taeyong answered and locked eyes with Jaemin who was struggling with his posture, through the mirror. “What I know about betas is, in general, that they are always mad jealous. It’s like it’s been hard-wired into them. Jealousy is born of insecurity, the society teaches betas that they are always lacking something that makes them inferior to alphas, whom the omegas should feel the most attracted to, biologically. That’s rubbish of course, but that’s probably how he thinks - That he is just a beta, and you’ll never be satisfied with him”_

_Taeyong majored in psychology and social sciences. And he was just smart with people in general._

_“He might just be an asshole too”, Taeil joined the discussion from the corner. “like, you’ve been together for only a month or so, and he is already showing such a nasty side. There are more fish in the sea, Min”_

_“Mmh, maybe”, Jaemin looked down. “I just really care about him, I don’t want it to be the truth”_

_“It might not be”, Taeyong smiled encouragingly to him through the mirror. “Even if it is, he could grow out of it. Relationships are all about growing together, after all”_

_Taeil tsk-ed from his corner, but Taeyong completely ignored him. For what Donghyuck had learned during their few meetings together, Taeil hadn’t exactly been successful in love-related issues. He was rather cynical. But, wasn’t it so that the people who had faced the most failures were usually the wisest? Only when the world pushed you down did you learn how to get back up again._

_“I’ve known Jeno my whole life, but I don't understand where all of this is coming from, not at all”, Donghyuck admitted. “Just talk to him, honestly.”_

_“That’s the best advice”, Taeyong nodded and straightened. “Alright, what was it that we were going to learn today? Twice?”_

_“Dance The Night Away!” Jaemin’s face lightened up immediately. “Did you watch the dance practice?”_

_“I did”, Taeyong answered with similar enthusiasm. “Taeil, would you?”_

_The older groaned and reached for the speakers that were positioned maybe a meter or so away from him. As the first beats of the song filled the tiny practice room, Jaemin seemed to forget all about his relationship troubles. It was good. But Donghyuck couldn’t stop the bad feeling the discussion had left in his stomach._

_Thank God he and Mark didn't have that problem. Mark was an alpha, he had no reason whatsoever to be jealous._

_..._

“RISE AND SHINE EVERYONE, THE KING HAS RETURNED”

A loud shout woke Donghyuck up in the morning. That one sentence had been formed of three different languages so he wasn’t entirely sure if he understood, but the implication was clear - someone way too cheerful and way too happy had entered the house. Then, music was put on, and a strong bass started shaking the house.

Mark woke up beside him as well. They had slept on the opposite ends of the bed because it had been so damn hot. Despite showering properly the night before, they were both already sweaty again and Donghyuck did not feel like going to meet someone new, looking like this. But, it was probably the owner of the house (or, the son of the owners) so he had to go, out of politeness.

“What time is it?” Mark asked and Donghyuck reached for his phone from the floor. 

“It’s not even seven o’clock yet”

Mark sat up and scratched his neck, still half asleep. The time difference between Hong Kong and New York was twelve hours so he was probably jet-lagged as hell - but, the older had pulled an all-nighter so to say, so he had been able to sleep at eight pm in Hong Kong, that would have been morning in New York. According to his words, it was the best way. But, he couldn’t exactly fix his rhythm right away just like that.

“Do you want me to go first?” Donghyuck asked, and the older took a few seconds to process what he had been asked before nodding slowly.

“If you don’t mind? I might take a short while to wake up”

“Of course I don’t”, Donghyuck reached down to find his clothes on the floor - yes, he had slept naked. After showering it had seemed like a good idea and now, he hated wearing the fabric on his already hot skin. He’d rather stay in the room, naked, with Mark. But he couldn’t get everything - he had people to meet and stuff to do. So, once he looked somewhat decent (despite the few hickeys peeking from under his collar, showing everyone what he had been up to) he stooped down to kiss Mark’s temple.

“Take your time”

Once he was outside in the noise, he took a few seconds to lean against the closed door. That had felt oddly domestic - comfortable, something he could imagine doing again, many times. There were only a handful of butterflies in his stomach this morning, jamming to the music coming from downstairs. Oh gosh, Donghyuck felt so happy and excited, he couldn’t help but smile.

…

The sight in the kitchen was… unexpected.

First of all, Renjun was eating rice and soup by the table. There was nothing weird about that. Guanheng was sitting next to him, screaming over the music that was blasting from the big carriable speakers placed on the table in front of him. The noise was one of the things that made that scene different from normal, and the other thing was the man sitting on the counter, screaming back at Guanheng. 

Without a shirt on.

Was that… Did he have a _six-pack?_

“Heyy Donghyuck!” Guanheng screamed with a smile and Renjun reached out to turn down the music, finally. Had they woken him up on purpose? Assholes! “Good morning!” 

“Hi”, he answered as the guy sitting on the counter jumped down. Damn, he was tall as well. His skin was tanned and his face was sculpted to perfection. Only when he smiled widely did he look a little funny, but that only added some depth into him.

“I’m Wong Lucas!” the man introduced himself. “You must be Donghyuck, it’s nice to meet you”

Donghyuck prepared to shake hands with him but the other leaned down to hug him instead. Woah, unexpected. He lifted Donghyuck from the ground like he weighed nothing. His six-pack pressed against him too, it was hard and firm as he spun them around. Oh god, who was this guy?

The infamous Lucas Wong didn’t disappoint with his randomness.

“Uh, it’s nice to meet you too”, Donghyuck managed to say when the alpha put him back down. “I see you speak Korean as well”

“Kinda”, He smiled. “Not that well. But kinda. Both me and Kunhang like Korea a lot”

“Yukhei wanted to be a kpop star, that’s why”, Guanheng yelled from the table and Renjun choked on his rice.

“Hey, with this face, it’s a perfectly considerable career path! And you wanted that too!” Lucas argued.

“Guilty as charged”

“I thought you were interested in the biological research of South Korea?” Renjun asked. Guanheng had been an exchange student under that label - he was studying biology. 

“Yeah well, that was like, a plan D”

“Plan E, actually, but yeah”

Lucas - Donghyuck was going to call him Lucas because that name felt familiar to him - turned around to get something from the fridge and Donghyuck sat by the table as well. There were plenty of breakfast options laid available, they had gone shopping together two days ago and although it was mostly "everyone buys their own shit", a shared breakfast was something they had done since day one. Donghyuck fetched himself an apple - he was going to have to watch his diet now, his skin had to stay perfect.

“Where did you leave Mark?” Renjun asked.

“He's recovering from his jet lag"

The older nodded and finished his soup - how he could eat something warm in the morning was weird. As weird as the habit of the Chinese people of drinking lukewarm water. Donghyuck was surrounded by the weird culture now though - he was the weird one out now. 

“And what about Yangyang?”, Lucas asked as he sat next to Donghyuck, and pointed at Guanheng accusingly. “You promised you would introduce your pretty beta to me right away!”

“He’s sore”, Guanheng shrugged, shamelessly. “He said he couldn’t walk yet so I left him to sleep a bit more”

“ _Dude”_ , Lucas and Guanheng high-fived, and Renjun looked disgusted.

“I did _not_ need to hear that, you shameless animals!"

Donghyuck pulled his collars a bit higher. 

...

The morning was spent mostly listening to Lucas. Because the man had a lot to say. And really, why not, when everything he told was entertaining.

Renjun had to work as a translator of sorts quite often, but so did Guanheng. Lucas spoke Korean, then English, then Mandarin and sometimes Cantonese and although Donghyuck could only understand maybe a third of what the older said, he got a pretty good idea of the hectic life he lived.

This ‘road trip’ of his that had taken him away from Hong Kong at first, was apparently something he did often. Or, he liked to travel and do all sorts of wild things.

“Like, I went to Shantou to see the festival, right, and then there were these crazy dudes who called themselves 威神 and I joined them and 我们开车去揭阳参加这个疯狂的聚会, we met 너무 많은 사람들, I have, like, thirteen 商業 cards”, He turned his wallet upside down and out fell the said cards, as well as a million other things that probably had their own stories as well. “我们把女孩放到惠州 and I was going to 사람들을 따라 to Dongguan but my bike started making a 이상한 소음 so I came 回家 instead, to fix it”

Lucas language was a patchwork quilt of languages that he used however he pleased.

“You fix bikes?” Donghyuck asked. It wasn’t the most interesting thing in the story but it was one of the few that he had properly understood.

“Yeah”, Lucas grinned and nodded towards the window. “That’s my baby right there”

Indeed, there stood a motorcycle. 

Of course.

Now, with Lucas, Guanheng was even wilder than he used to be. Like, a lot. When they started retelling their memories from the boarding school, the energy of the room hit the ceiling...

...and woke up Yangyang who came to the kitchen limping and whining. Guanheng introduced him to Lucas and then gave Yangyang a piggyback ride to the living room so that he could lay on the sofa, and the happy crowd moved there to continue.

Lucas and Guanheng had been serious about becoming idols, back in the day - or, as serious as the two of them _could_ be about anything. They had auditioned for every single company that had come to Hong Kong to search for new trainees, and they had done multiple covers on the internet as well.

The videos weren’t half as cringe as they should have been, considering they had been in their early teens while making them.

“What made you drop that dream, then?” Donghyuck asked as Lucas locked his phone again, from which he had been playing their videos for him to see. He wasn't ashamed at all of his 13-year-old self and really, he had no reason to.

“The rules”, He answered. “Like, they were saying they were going to make me pretty and famous but I was not allowed to date? Or move around how I wanted to? I had to ask for permission to go to a _convenience store_ , gosh, no thank you”

“Lucas trained for SM”, Guanheng pointed out and Donghyuck raised his brows. That was a big thing!

“Only for three months. They kicked me out because of a” Lucas made quotation marks with his fingers. “‘ _attitude problem’_ , but I was happy to come back home”

“How old were you?”

“Like, sixteen? I was so young and stupid back then ahaha thank god I grew up”

Yeeeah Donghyuck wasn’t all that sure about that, as he watched the oldest alpha in the room balance his ass on the backrest of the very same couch that Yangyang was lying on. He spilled half of the coke on his chest as he lost his balance, his stories about his ridiculous adventures from just a while back were proof enough that this man was crazy. 

At some point, Donghyuck went up to see how Mark was doing. The older kept sleeping like a baby, Donghyuck just smiled by the door before closing it behind himself. He should probably wake him up but he just couldn’t bear doing it.

When the warmth had even chased Renjun out of his Yonsei jacket, Mark finally got up and out of the room. By that time the people who had been awake - everyone except for Mark, and Yangyang who had fallen asleep and slept like a corpse on the couch despite the noise and shouting - had ordered some food too so Mark got to know everyone over Chinese delivery noodles.

It was comfortable, Donghyuck leaned his head on Mark’s shoulder as they laughed at another crazy story Lucas was telling them. 

But he had an actual mission to take care of.

…

“So, where should we start?”

As the happy bunch shattered, Mark and Donghyuck conquered the kitchen table. Mark had his MacBook and Donghyuck his laptop, Mark wore round glasses and a pen behind his ear, it was adorable.

“Mmh”, Donghyuck scrolled through the list of keywords that he had on Word. In many ways, this search had started from a lot more hopeless place than the first one, because he had only had one picture and vague info regarding his father. Baekhyun had managed to help him get a better start though. 

During his Easter visit, they had gotten a lot done. They had taken tests in the lab to prove that they were blood relatives, and Baekhyun had taken care of the legal stuff to set everything right - he had some fines to pay as well, and he did, without another word. He could have stayed hidden for the rest of his life, but he chose to do what he should have so many years ago. It was more of a symbolic thing now, it wasn’t like his name in Donghyuck’s legal files would make a real difference, but it seemed like he got peace for his soul by doing that.

During the very same visit, Baekhyun had visited many of his past friends. He made a point to introduce them to Donghyuck as well - alphas named Sehun and Jongin were among the people Kyungsoo had shown him in his old pictures, and they had also remembered some things that Baekhyun hadn’t. They had been friends with a bunch of exchange students back in the day.

It had seemed a bit hopeless, still. Donghyuck had decided that he would go to China anyway, so they bought tickets to Hong Kong, his father’s home city - that was a fact that Sehun had remembered. At least he would learn something about the place his father had grown up in, most likely. That would be fun too, a nice trip to his roots with his friends. 

“What we know is, that he was born in 1980 and that he speaks Cantonese as well as Mandarin”

“Alright”, this wasn’t new knowledge to anyone, he and Mark had gone through lots of stuff on the phone already, but it felt stabilizing to get everything down now too. They set everything on the table, literally, to see what they could do next. “Do we have an address, email, or phone number to help us?”

“Nah, but we have a few names”

Donghyuck turned his laptop so that Mark could see it. There was a list of names that Baekhyun, Jongin, and Sehun had remembered, of Kris’s friends. Renjun had tried to come up with the accurate hanzi for the names but he had complained the whole time. _I need to know the tones and even then, there are multiple options. Huang is usually written like this but it could be also this, and not to even mention WU-_

Yeah, Donghyuck couldn’t read Chinese writing anyway so he just ignored the hanzi and looked at the pinyin. Zhang Yixing, Lu Han, and Huang Zitao. Those three names could either be the key to finding his biological father, or they could just remain as strands that Donghyuck couldn't grasp, the end of his search.

“Alright, let’s do an internet search”

And they did. Fifteen minutes later they weren’t any wiser.

“They don’t have any social media accounts either? That’s just ridiculous!”

“Well, these aren’t exactly the rarest of names but I agree, it doesn’t look good”

“We’re in China. They probably have Weibo if anything”

It was Renjun who pointed that out. Mark and Donghyuck both turned around to look at the other alpha who stood in the doorway awkwardly.

“I thought you were with Guanheng and Yangyang?” Donghyuck asked because that was what he had been doing after Lucas had announced that he was going to fix his bike outside. Renjun just huffed.

“Nah, they started to get handsy and I’d rather be of use than watch their foreplay. I can leave if you want?”

“No”, because really, Renjun could be really useful. “What did you say about Weibo?”

“Chinese social media platforms, gosh, Donghyuck, you should know these things”, Renjun’s nagging voice came out as he stepped properly into the room. “There’s WeChat, Sina Weibo, and Douban, and I think Maimai could be a good one as well. First and foremost, change your search engine to Baidu”

“Okay. How do you spell all that?”

“It’s bai- nevermind, just let me do it”

Renjun sat down next to him and turned the laptop so that he could write instead. And he did - after changing the settings of his laptop so that he could write hanzi effectively. He dropped Chinese characters quickly and the different sites and their color palettes looked confusing as hell.

Donghyuck had never been interested in Chinese characters at school. Maybe he should have been. Seeing Renjun type with the characters he knew so well but Donghyuck couldn’t understand at all, yet again reminded him of the time they met, weirdly enough.

Donghyuck had known Renjun for almost as long as he had known Jeno. Ever since kindergarten. Renjun’s family had moved to live in the same area and they had started playing together. At that age, Donghyuck hadn’t known at all what it meant to be Chinese or Korean, his parents just told him that Renjun came from somewhere far away and that he should be patient with him.

Renjun was exactly as willing to hit him with a toy truck as Donghyuck was, he didn’t know why he should be patient with someone like him so he didn’t think about it. Renjun was a new boy who had a difficult name, that was all.

Donghyuck still remembered hearing Renjun actually speak Chinese for the first time. They had been playing at Renjun’s house, and the other's mother had called him in Chinese and he had answered that. Donghyuck remembered watching the short exchange in awe and feeling really weird afterward - like, Renjun _thought_ in a different language than him, with different words and different sounds. Renjun could look at those weird, complicated pictures and understand some of them! It was so weird but so cool at the same time. Only after that incident did he start to notice how accented Renjun’s parents’ Korean was, and how often Renjun made grammar mistakes.

Renjun had learned quickly and now no one could tell that Korean wasn’t his first language. Donghyuck tended to forget it too, every now and then, but Renjun tried to remind people of his heritage whenever he could. It was important to him. He constantly worked on himself not to forget his Chinese writing skills despite not really needing them anymore. He spoke the language much more now that they had so many friends who did: Renjun had befriended Yangyang in middle school and dragged him along - the Taiwanese-born boy had already lived around the world and spoke four languages, he and Renjun hadn’t had too much in common despite their mother tongue and age. Then, Chenle and Jisung came around and while Jaemin started babying Jisung, Renjun adopted Chenle as his younger brother. He had been so helpless, having just moved from Shanghai and his Korean had been so bad.

Now, Chenle spoke the same slang as Jisung despite Renjun’s best attempts at training him to speak properly. Oh well, at least his Chinese was okay. Apparently. Donghyuck remembered hearing some complaints about how the younger kept forgetting words in his mother tongue, but those fights were often fought in the said language.

Here, watching the older type on his laptop in the language he valued the most, Donghyuck was once again reminded of this side of Renjun that separated him from the rest of his childhood friends. But that separation had never been anything but a plus - Renjun knew more than them, he came from a partly different culture and could speak a completely different language. He was the smartest of them all.

“Aha”, Renjun pointed out something from the sixth website that they were scrolling through. Who would have known that making internet searches would be this tiring? Donghyuck had drunk a liter of water and dozed off fifteen times while Renjun kept searching and scrolling and Mark kept pointing out the pictures of people that they saw. Apparently, he knew some simple Chinese too so he could help Renjun out.

Whatever, if the others were enthusiastic and smarter than him then he didn’t care at all that they did most of the work.

“I think we found one”

“Are you sure?” Donghyuck asked. They only had one group photo for reference, gifted to them by Kim Jongin, and that was where Zhang Yixing, Huang Zitao, and Lu Han as well as Kris, Baekhyun and Sehun were posing in front of the Gwanghwamun gate, throwing V-signs. That was all visual clues that they had of these men, and then they had names that were, well, partly correct.

“Of course not, but this looks promising”, Renjun turned the laptop so that Donghyuck could see better. “Check this out: Zhang Yixing, born in 1981, has high education and went to college in South Korea from 2001 to 2004. And he looks like the Yixing in the picture”

Donghyuck eyed the pastel-colored page and the high-quality profile picture for a moment. “What is this page?” 

“A dating site, for busy and desperate people”, Renjun explained. “You must have seen these websites before, it’s where people go to look for a partner when they realize that they don’t have time to do so due to work or something”

“Yeah, I have, but that didn’t even cross my mind”, Donghyuck admitted. “But if… If this… I mean, how do we contact him, then?”

“Oh, there’s a phone number!” Renjun pointed out and Mark already had a pen out, which he used to scribble the numbers on his notebook. That sounded too good to be true. Like, they had just found a friend of his father from a _dating website_?

“Do you want to call it right away?”

“I’m not su-”

“GUYS” the front door slammed open and they all turned to look at Lucas who was still shirtless, covered in oil, looking red in the face, holding a wrench in one hand, a phone in another. “SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT JUST CAME UP!”

“WHAT IS IT?” Guanheng’s voice came from upstairs.

“JACKSON WANG CALLED!” 

Who?

“NO WAY, IS HE BACK IN THE CITY?” Stumbling could be heard as Guanheng and Yangyang came running backstairs, both fully clothed thank god. 

“YEAH”, Lucas nodded. The whole exchange was so intense, Donghyuck, Renjun, and Mark exchanged quick looks but didn’t know how to enter the conversation either. “AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!”

“YES”, Guanheng looked so enthusiastic it couldn’t end up well. Guanheng’s enthusiasm was extremely unhealthy for a normal person. Guanheng and Lucas both turned to look at the three sitting by the table. Their eyes were burning with enthusiasm, even Yangyang looked a bit confused. 

“We”, Lucas said. “Were just invited to the party of the CENTURY”

Oh no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “A multifandom kpop fic is not complete unless Jackson Wang shows up” - an old Chinese proverb. 
> 
> It’s not as bad as it sounds like I swear!
> 
> I won’t be throwing many different fandoms here, don’t worry. Or, sorry, if you ARE into that. There are many things in this chapter that I don’t like but I just wanted to get it done and over with - just like when I was writing the first one, I often tend to focus on the later chapters more, and getting the story started is difficult. Like, I procrastinate writing chapter two by writing chapter seven, if that makes sense to you in any way.
> 
> Agh, it’s late and I’m going to regret doing this tomorrow at work but here goes. I hope you enjoyed it and have a great day! Let me know what you thought down in the comments, that would mean the world to me. See ya <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh the weather has been so hot lately, my cat is suffering but so am I. Also, I'm addicted to Jackson Wang's 100 Ways now (I know I'm late) and I listened to it religiously while writing the chapter. Yeah, that's all I'm gonna say.

**_October 1999_ **

_“I had fun today”, Baekhyun looked up at him. His smile reached his ears and his eyes disappeared. How could anyone be so pretty? His smell was better and better each day, Kris never wanted to let go of him._

_“Me too”, He answered, and stopped walking as Baekhyun did. They both glanced at the house - the lights were on in the kitchen like they often were. Kris hadn’t looked at the clock in a while but it had to be nearing midnight. Kris had only seen Baekhyun’s parents once and he still felt cold fear in the back of his mind as he thought about ever seeing them again. The murderous look in Baekhyun’s mother’s eyes as he had dropped their son to their door late the first Saturday was forever burned into his mind._

_“Wanna kiss me before you go?” Baekhyun looked at him with such big eyes, how could he ever say no to him? There was, however, a shadow that he saw in the corner of his eye that was something he couldn’t completely ignore._

_“Uh, I think your father is in the window”_

_“He is going to yell at me anyway”, Baekhyun just shrugged. “Why not make the most out of the time we have?”_

_Kris hesitated so Baekhyun beat him to it, grabbing his collar and pulling him down so he could kiss him. Kris felt like a set of fireworks was set ablaze everywhere around him, Baekhyun tasted so sweet and only one thought filled his mind: his. Baekhyun was his._

_Woah, wait a minute. That was… where had such a possessive thought come from?_

_“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Baekhyun smiled as he pulled back. His carefully applied eyeliner had been smudged during their… session in the back of Luhan’s car a while ago but he was still so beautiful. More beautiful each day._

_Oh God Kris was a goner._

_“Sure. Be careful”_

_“I always am”, Baekhyun threw him one last smirk and ran away, to the door where his father was already waiting. Kris looked after him for a few beats and turned away, his heart even more confused and his head cloudy._

_.._

_“Dude, you stink. And this car still smells like sex, I fucking hate you”, was how Luhan greeted him when he got to the car. Kris rolled his eyes and shut the door._

_“You’re just jealous”_

_“No, I mean, the omega smell seriously stinks, it’s not a normal smell and it’s only getting worse and worse”_

_“You just don’t have taste”, Luhan had never been the nicest person, but that didn’t sound like just an insult. Kris couldn’t understand it though - how could the other alpha not smell how incredible his omega smelled? Maybe it was better if he didn’t, but… but something didn’t add up._

_The other alpha dropped the topic of smells and turned on the car. Kris stole one last glance towards the house where Baekhyun was probably getting into a fight of a lifetime - if only he could do something about it, take him away from there._

_If only he could do what he wanted to. But once he returned to China, he would lose all of his freedom._

_..._

“That’s Mark Tuan, the most laid back son of a millionaire that I know. Then that’s Bambam, his Gucci glasses are fake - then those omega girls are Shuhua and Minnie and oh, those two are Dong Sicheng and Nakamoto Yuta!”

Lucas was running around the crowd introducing them to everyone he saw, and most of the foreign names flew over Donghyuck’s head immediately. The sun was starting to set but the humid heat was going nowhere - the small effort that Donghyuck had put in his face was already going to waste as he sweat away the foundation. But, Lucas and Guanheng had convinced them that this was a big deal - bigger than life - so, he had tried to look good.

Because Jackson Wang was super rich and visited the city only now and then, as he had houses all around the world. And apparently, his parties were the most important event for the youth of the upper class in the city as well so, they were GOING, ALL OF THEM, PERIOD. 

Renjun had tried to decline, but Guanheng and Lucas didn’t take no for an answer. And Renjun learned to never say no to the two Huangs again. Wait, Renjun was a Huang too. Three Huangs. Anyway.

Guanheng and Yangyang had disappeared immediately upon their arrival to the big-ass house, so Lucas took it upon himself to show the three of them around. He seemed to know everyone, and that was a lot of people because the house was huge and the crowd in and surrounding it even bigger. The rooms were crazy big and open, there was even someone working as a DJ - apparently, Jackson himself, although Donghyuck wasn’t sure because they had run through the biggest living room so quickly - and the pool outside was filled with beautiful people who looked like they were from a Hollywood teen movie. Everyone was so pretty and confident, Donghyuck had never needed to doubt his own stance before, but… 

The people Lucas was pointing at now were making out against the wall but separated upon hearing their names. The alpha, Yuta, never let go of Sicheng’s ass though and the other didn’t seem to mind.

The two were every bit as gorgeous as everyone else there. Yuta had bleached his hair white and he had a million piercings all around. Sicheng was pretty, like ideal omegas were - Donghyuck could recognize male omegas from a mile away, it was just his skill - he had wide eyes and fairy-like ears. The only heavily masculine things about him were his height, as well as his haircut. His pitch-black hair had been cut short, almost military style.

 _“Hey, Lu, you came back!"_ Yuta smiled and fist-bumped with him. His name sounded Japanese yet he spoke Chinese to Lucas - that sentence was simple enough for Donghyuck to understand.

 _“Yup, and I have Koreans with me”,_ Lucas answered. Technically, only Donghyuck was Korean in the bunch but well, they didn’t need to explain the details to everyone. Mark didn’t care, but Renjun bit his cheek. Oh well, he could open his mouth at any time and everyone would know that he was Chinese.

“That’s cool!” Yuta switched to Korean. “Nice to meet you!”

“Nice to meet you too!”

“Yuta grew up in Osaka but has lived in Seoul too! He is a music producer here. And Sicheng is an omega too, I’m sure you’d have a lot to talk about!” Lucas explained helpfully.

Just because they were omegas didn’t mean they were necessarily anything alike. It irked Donghyuck just a bit, that Lucas had introduced Yuta in detail and Sicheng as just “another omega”. But that was pretty typical. He locked eyes with Sicheng and the older omega nodded at him - they both knew what it was like.

“And now, if you excuse us, we’ll get something to drink”, Lucas announced and started walking again, and being the lambs that they were, Donghyuck, Mark, and Renjun ran after him. They made their way to the kitchen that was probably bigger than Donghyuck’s family’s entire house and started looking for drinks that had been left all around. There were huge buckets filled with ice and different bottles, as well as… multiple fridges?

Who the hell could afford this? And why, even?

“Yo, Mark! What do you drink?” Lucas yelled over the music that was loud as hell. Everything was so loud all the time, was it Hong Kong or just their company? No one knew an answer to such a mystery.

“Uh, something sweet, doesn’t matter”

“Sure”, Lucas threw a bottle at him and Mark caught it only barely. “And Donghyuck?”

“Beer!” 

“I think that’s in the corner over there, help yourself!”

Donghyuck managed to take one step towards the corner before something stopped him - it was Mark’s hand, on his shoulder.

“Um, Donghyuck”, Mark said. “I don’t think that’s a good idea”

“Why?” Donghyuck hadn’t expected that. Mark had never said anything about his alcohol usage.

“You’re a lightweight, I don’t want you to get drunk here. I don’t trust these people”

Oh, so it wasn’t like Mark wanted to dictate his life or anything, he was just worried. And he was right - if Donghyuck drank one, he usually drank another one as well, his drinking habit was to get shitfaced and that was not a good idea now. Even though he was with Mark and his friends, at least for now, getting drunk at a random house party in a foreign country was not a good idea.

"Okay. I won't drink at all, then"

Renjun switched his drink quietly to a non-alcoholic one as well, and suddenly they were on their own because Lucas saw something that caught his interest and sprinted out of the kitchen like a beagle dog who saw a hare. 

So, they looked around. 

And looked around.

And looked around.

There was so much to see, in the huge house - mansion. Donghyuck got reminded of the movie 'Crazy Rich Asians', except now the huge building was filled with people in their twenties rather than business people. Mark and Renjun were obviously on their toes, and Donghyuck felt like they stuck out like sore thumbs. Three sore thumbs. Uh, no, just two. Donghyuck was fine, he knew how to behave. Leading the clueless alphas got old quickly as they followed him like lost puppies. Renjun was Chinese for God's sake, he could speak to anyone there!

 _“Yo, more alphas_!” Someone yelled in English and they all turned to look. There was a room filled with alphas, gathered around multiple decks of cards, probably playing drinking games or something. They were gesturing towards them wildly and Donghyuck saw a way to get rid of his followers. He loved them both but it was starting to get boring. He wanted to hang out with the other people of the party too, see what was going on, but the alphas made it very difficult as they were so wary and awkward all the time.

“Go on”; Donghyuck said. “I'll go get some fresh air.

“No, I’m not leaving you alone", Mark protested and Renjun nodded beside him. Donghyuck tried very hard not to roll his eyes.

“I’m not going far. I want you to go, have fun! I'll see you in a bit!"

Mark eyed him for a moment. “If you’re sure?”

“I am”

“Okay”, Mark leaned down to kiss the corner of his mouth, and he made sure to do it so that the whole room would see. He was such an ALPHA. “We’ll just check out what they’re doing, we won’t take long”

  
...  
  


The people in the yard were doing all sorts of things - playing beer pong, chatting, smoking, drinking. Donghyuck had expected China to be more… Chinese, like, with more traditional culture and stuff. But maybe the rich people in big cities were getting lots of influence from the outside world and the local cultures were stronger in the countryside. That was how it was in Korea at least.

In a way, Donghyuck was glad that it wasn’t too different. He sat down on the edge of the terrace and breathed in the night air.

“Hey, can I sit here?” 

Donghyuck looked up to see the source of the low voice. It was the other male omega of the party, Sicheng, smiling at him. He nodded and the other sat down next to him.

“You speak Korean too?” Donghyuck asked him because they had technically been introduced earlier, but Lucas had let that detail slip. It was quite an important one if you asked Donghyuck - he didn’t care if people were omegas, betas or alphas for as long as they could understand him.

“Kinda”, he said. “I went on exchange there, a couple of years ago. That’s how I know Lucas”

“Oh, really?” Were all of Guanheng's and Yangyang’s friends some sort of Korea enthusiasts? Or was it only the Korea enthusiasts who happened to talk to him? Yeah, the latter was probably the case. “Where did you go? To Seoul too?”

“No, Busan”

“Cool”

They did small talk and Sicheng’s accent became more and more obvious. It didn’t bother Donghyuck though, not at all - he was happy to meet people who he could understand. While Mark and Renjun were being taught the beauty of Chinese drinking games, hanging out with Sicheng in the yard was the best way to pass time. He wasn’t complaining.

At one point, Yuta walked past them with a bunch of other guys that Donghyuck hadn’t met before. He turned around to throw Sicheng a wink and a slick smile before running away with his friends, and as their conversation about the Korean school system had just naturally died down, he found another topic to talk about.

“Are you and Yuta, um, together?”

“Us?” Sicheng asked as though that was an absurd thing to assume. “Nah, no. I was just flirting with him out of boredom. I’m mostly attracted to other male omegas”

“Okay”, Donghyuck wasn’t exactly sure how he was supposed to react to that. Like, okay? It was fine by him but. “I’m not, but, I don’t judge”

“Oh, you’re not? Okay, sorry, I kinda thought you were, you give off that vibe”

“I do?” Donghyuck swallowed. Really? In the society, the traditional ones especially, people who preferred the same sex/sub gender as they themselves were, were usually frowned upon. Or any kind of mix that couldn’t produce children, was discriminated against one way or another. Because the meaning of life was to reproduce, so if people fell in love in a way that prevented that from happening, then it was not good. Families needed heirs, the economy needed more taxpayers, that was just how it went. What was the point of companionship if it wasn’t going to produce offspring?

Just like Donghyuck had said, he didn’t mind that people dated like that. He was a fault in nature anyway, it wasn’t like he had any say in it whatsoever but even so, he didn’t care how people married. Yangyang and Guanheng, as well as Jisung and Chenle in the upcoming years, were some of those ‘inconvenient’ couples that the society would gladly break.

But did he... Did he really seem like someone who liked other omegas? 

“Mmh”, Sicheng nodded and took a swing off the bottle he had been carrying with him. The liquid inside looked clear so it could be anything. 

“How?” He asked. Yeah, he didn’t care. But if he seemed like… like he was attracted to omegas... What did that make him? What did it mean? He wasn’t, he surely wasn’t! “Is it… do you think others might think so?”

“Don’t sweat it. They say that every omega is a little gay anyway”, Sicheng said and took another sip.

That sentence was very familiar to Donghyuck. It was something that he had heard from Jaemin and even Jungwoo - _every omega is a little gay._ He didn’t know how to feel about it. Because he had a history with Jaemin… and other male omegas as well. But he didn’t feel… gay, not really. Besides, he was with Mark now, he didn’t need to look into that part in himself, it didn’t matter what he thought regarding that.

“What brings you here, Lee Donghyuck?” Sicheng asked and offered him the bottle but Donghyuck turned it down. For all he knew, it was probably something strong, and he was not going to start drinking because he knew that once he did, he would not be able to stop before it was too late. 

He had made a promise. He was not going to drink tonight.

“I’m looking for my alpha father”, he answered. Because what reason did he have to hide it?

“Oh, good luck with that”, Sicheng huffed. “I don’t know mine either”

“Oh”, Donghyuck didn’t bother explaining the whole adoption thing to this stranger who he was probably never going to meet again. But he could sympathize, in a way, although the situation was very different. “I… I’m sorry”

“Don’t be, I’m sure he was an asshole anyway”, Sicheng said bluntly. “Alphas always are”

Donghyuck didn’t know how to answer that either.

“Did your alpha tell you not to drink?” Sicheng asked after a short silence and nodded towards his drink. Donghyuck looked down at the water he had grabbed from the fridge on his way out - did he look that miserable? 

“Kind of. He cares about me”

“It starts from small things”, Sicheng hummed. “Alphas are dictators in nature. They start commenting on your habits, your appearance, everything, under the cover of ‘caring and affection’ and before you realize it, you’ll be shaped into a puppet of your alpha with no say in anything”

“Excuse me, you don’t know anything about my alpha”, Donghyuck was starting to grow irritated. He recognized the thought pattern though - it was exactly the same as he had held on to just a few months ago too, but Mark had proved him wrong. Renjun, whom he had always thought to be just an exception, had also kept proving him wrong. Mark had just told him not to drink because he worried about him, that was all.

“Sorry, I’m just telling the truth. From one omega to another”, Sicheng said and the half-assed apology felt good enough. 

Because what reason would he have to sabotage Donghyuck's relationships? They didn't even know each other. Maybe he had just always gone through bad things with alphas or something? Taeil was similar, he had gone through lots of breakups and knew for sure what he was talking about, whenever he gave people love advice. 

Mark wasn't one of those asshole alphas. He was just protective. Maybe overly so, but he did it out of love. 

But now that Donghyuck thought about it… 

One drink was not going to get him in trouble. He wasn't _that_ weak, even if Mark thought that he was. 

"I changed my mind - can I have a sip?" he asked Sicheng and the other handed him the bottle, an amused smile on his lips. The familiar burn of strong alcohol hit Donghyuck's throat, and the feeling was welcome and familiar. It had been such a long while since he had had _fun -_ he had gone to some of the university parties and drank only when absolutely necessary, but he had been on his toes all the time. He didn't have Jaemin with him anymore, he wasn't out hitting on people, he was trying to make friends as a taken omega. 

Now, he was hanging out at a house party, with a nice omega. What was the worst thing that could happen? So, he took another mouthful before handing the bottle back and welcomed the feeling of lightness and fuzziness that the substance was going to give him. 

He knew how to handle it, he was going to be alright. 

…

He enjoyed Sicheng’s company for a good while. The night was long, people kept coming and going and the music was loud, he and Sicheng drank the whole bottle of vodka together and talked, it was fun. Donghyuck completely forgot to check the time. Until something woke him up.

And that something was a shit ton of fireworks in the sky, above the house.

“Shit, is that legal here?” He asked over the noise as people started getting up and out, scattering like some insects suddenly exposed to light. Maybe that was exactly what they were.

“No”, Sicheng answered, as the fire in the sky lit up his dark eyes. “That means that the cops are here. I think it’s better if we get out of here"

“Yeah”, Donghyuck personally didn't have a reason to fear the police but looking around, there were obviously some underaged people there. And some people were killing time doing... Things that were obviously illegal. Even if Donghyuck hadn't done anything wrong, he would be linked to those things. 

“It was fun talking to you, have a nice life”, Sicheng sent him one last grin and then disappeared into the house, probably to look for his friends or something.

Donghyuck knew he should do the same, but before he managed to get far, someone grabbed his arm.

“Hey, there you are!” it was Lucas, smiling down at him. “I think it’s best if you come with me”

“Where’s Mark? And Renjun and the others?”

“They left already I think. Kunhang left the car at a bad spot so he had to leave first so that the others could too”

That wasn’t a surprise, Guanheng had been in such a hurry to get in that he had half-assed the parking. Guanheng’s parking skills were bad on a good day, so, on party night?

Eh.

“Did Mark really go without me?”

“Yeah, but I told him that I’d come to get you, so”

 _“HONG KONG POLICE DEPARTMENT_ ” a loud shout could be heard from the front yard and Donghyuck’s heart stopped - oh god, he was going to go to jail in China, oh no, what was he going to do?

Lucas yanked him by the arm in the other direction. 

“Come on”, he said. “My bike is this way”

And they ran. Lucas had the height advantage but Donghyuck feared for his life so they made their way quickly over the yard, over a few more yards of expensive villas, through a couple of bush fences and even a proper, high one made out of rocks - Donghyuck felt like a criminal and this image of Jackson Wang that he had built in his head changed into something quite different from just some harmless, rich party guy.

When were rich people ever harmless?

Finally, they reached the bike that had been left quite far away from the party house. It had been hidden well, behind big wild rose bushes, and Lucas pulled it out of there smoothly. Lucas had taken his motorbike because Guanheng’s car had been full. Thank god it had, because otherwise, Donghyuck could be in the custody of the police right now.

“I left it here because I knew that the party would end like this”, Lucas explained and threw the helmet for Donghyuck who only barely caught it. He hadn’t even realized how much he had drunk - his words didn’t stick together and his vision wasn’t that blurry, but some of his fine motor skills had taken a hit.

“You knew?” Donghyuck asked, a little bit of anger and stress slipping into his tone. Of course, Lucas couldn’t possibly predict the future but if he had had a good idea of what was about to happen, “Then why the hell did we come?”

“It’s exciting, isn’t it? The best party ends with police, that’s just how it goes”, Lucas had the nerve to laugh. Donghyuck didn’t know what to think - Lucas was so relaxed, like he had done this a million times before. Maybe he had. In that case, Donghyuck had nothing to fear either. He was in good hands.

Hopefully. He put the helmet on and tightened the strap under his chin as Lucas sat on the bike. He took one look at Donghyuck and removed his leather jacket, before throwing it to him too.

“But won’t you get cold?” Donghyuck asked, but Lucas just grinned. 

“Nah, my blood is boiling hot. Hurry, you don’t want to get caught by the police, do you?”

Absolutely not. He climbed on and wrapped his arms around Lucas’s waist - the older flexed his muscles a little before switching on the ignition and kicking off. 

And over to the highway, they went. Jackson’s house was quite far away from Lucas’s house, so there was a long way to drive. Donghyuck leaned his body completely against Lucas’s and closed his eyes - oh god, the vodka had kicked his world into a wild spin and he would have to calm it down. Looking at the road going by made him nauseous.

They stopped way too early. Donghyuck opened his eyes and realized that not only were they at the side of a highway but also, he had kind of fallen asleep against Lucas’s back while trying to distract himself from thinking about the fast speed and the many mouthfuls of vodka that he had consumed. He leaned back and tried to play it cool - it was fairly easy because Lucas wasn’t paying attention to him. His attention was fully on the bike.

“Fuck!” He yelled as he hopped off. Donghyuck followed, not nearly as smoothly but he didn’t fall so it was okay. “I should have checked the oils twice”

The oil was falling from the bike like blood from an anime hero’s wounds - too quickly, too much, it shouldn’t be possible yet it was. Lucas touched the engine and then pulled his blackened hand back, cursing because it was too hot to operate. 

“Uh, now what?” Donghyuck eyed the bike that was currently bleeding to death. Oiling to death. Spilling oils, dying, leaving a nasty pool on the asphalt, and on the handkerchief that Lucas wiped his hands in before kneeling to inspect the bike closer.

“I’m going to have to make some adjustments, but we have to wait for the engine to cool down a bit”

“Okay”, Donghyuck said, because what else could he do?

Lucas walked a few meters away from the bike and sat on the asphalt. Donghyuck followed - the smell of oil and bensin and whatever the bike was currently having problems with wasn’t as strong there, the wind was blowing over the highway and the ground wasn’t as awfully hot anymore, the night had made it rather cold and that was exactly what Donghyuck needed, to clear his head - coldness. Coldness in wind, on the ground, in the darkness.

Lucas took something out of his pocket - it was a pack of cigarettes.

“Do you want one?” He offered and Donghyuck took it without much thought. He had never been a chain smoker, but he wasn't entirely clean either. At 12 he and Jeno had once stolen a cigarette from his father’s jacket pocket and tried to smoke it together in the backyard, but they hadn’t been able to even light it properly. Jeno had coughed his lungs out and they had decided that it wasn’t worth it. He and Jaemin, on the other hand, often bummed cigarettes from the handsome betas and alphas outside nightclubs, so one could say he was a drunk smoker. But it had been a while since he had been drunk nor smoked - last time must have been in December and it was not something he could say he missed.

But he was feeling annoyed, his drunkenness was starting to fade into an annoying headache and Sicheng’s words kept ringing in his ears. He needed a distraction, something to take out the pressure and annoyance, so.

Lucas offered him a flame and Donghyuck lit the cigarette…

...and proceeded to cough his lungs out.

“Shit, are you alright?” Lucas asked and Donghyuck nodded his head. 

“It’s just been a while”, because it had. His lungs had forgotten what it was like to fill them with poison.

“Oh, I didn’t know, sorry”

“I can make my own decisions”, Donghyuck answered, slightly annoyed. He wasn't some weak omega who should be led.

“Yeah, but it feels like I lured you into sin or something”, Lucas said but turned to light up his own cigarette. Donghyuck took another drag and it already went down easier than the first one.

See, his body knew what to do! He had talked about drugs, smoking in particular, with Mark earlier and he knew that the older despised people who did it. 

Well, he wasn’t there. In fact, no one that Donghyuck truly knew was there. It was just him and a random friend of a friend alpha smoking at the side of a highway, watching cars go by and going through what exactly they had done the previous hours.

It was nearing four am, Donghyuck noticed, as he checked his phone. He scrolled through his notifications - his mother told him to have fun at the party, Baekhyun asked him how the search was going and also, there was a text from Mark. A simple _‘Where are you’_ , sent two hours ago, and nothing after that.

The party had come to an end almost an hour ago. Mark must have noticed that they were taking much longer than they should have, yet, he hadn’t even called.

Donghyuck felt a little icky. Had the older gotten so drunk that he had forgotten?

“Are you sure that Mark was with Guanheng?” He asked Lucas, just to make sure. And the alpha nodded.

“Yup, I saw him by the car”

“Was he drunk?”

“I don’t know, he just looked tired”

So, it could be either way. Donghyuck took a deep breath of smoke and blew it out slowly from between his lips. The cold, ashy feeling of the fire felt good in his cloudy mind, fitting. Smoke was always present in chaos.

Before they were done, a car slowed down next to them and as they turned to look at it, the passenger seat window was opened. 

"I knew that it would break down", Guanheng said with a tired smile. 

"I was just about to fix it!" Lucas argued but he didn't sound nearly as determined as normally. He had been eyeing the bike, the tobacco in the corner of his mouth, and the wrinkles on his forehead kept getting deeper and deeper.

"I'm sure you were", Guanheng said dryly. "Just get it on, let's go home" 

When they drove to the house, Mark was waiting outside. Arms crossed, he looked tired and worried and all of Donghyuck’s earlier resentment towards him evaporated. He swallowed - he felt the taste of vodka and smoke still on his lips, and he’d rather not let Mark know about everything that he did if he could help it. So, the moment he was out of the car, he dived to give the older a hug.

“Hey, babe!”

“Do you understand how worried I was?” Mark asked voice strained, but he hugged Donghyuck back so he couldn’t be too mad.

“I was okay, you know I wouldn’t let myself get in trouble!”

“Yeah, I picked up the chainsmokers from the side of the road”, Guanheng threw the car door closed and walked past them to get inside. “Yukhei, take the bike down from the trailer, we can work on it tomorrow”

“Sure”

A couple of beats of silence followed, and then, Mark asked.

“You smoke?"

 _Fuck Guanheng and his big mouth._ Donghyuck separated from Mark’s embrace and tried his best to show him an innocent smile

"You know, only when I party", Donghyuck swung his hand. "It's not a big deal" 

"You were drunk, weren't you?" 

Shit. He should have just kissed him right away if he was going to be such a shitty liar. 

"A bit, yeah", he said. "I didn't do it on purpose! Sicheng, the omega, offered me a drink as we sat outside and I guess it hit harder than I thought it would" 

Mark looked thoughtful but Donghyuck was too tired to argue with him now.

"Let's just go to sleep, okay? I have a headache and I'd rather sleep it away", Donghyuck took Mark’s hand to pull him inside with him. And thank god the older followed without complaints.

However, he knew that they would have to talk tomorrow.

But whatever, it wasn't a big deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm 99% sure that there are at least a few inaccuracies here but, like, this would be accurate where I'm from so.  
> Seriously, guys, every time I sit down to write the story, it just becomes bigger and bigger - this party was going to be a small scene but oops you got a whole chapter. This story might become longer than I initially thought. 
> 
> See yall later, I'm off to work!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um. Hi. It’s me. I’m back. This story has really been torturing me, but it’s moving forward, slowly. I had soooo many ideas, I’ve had to kill so many darlings it almost hurts. I also spent the past few nights drinking with my friends from uni, being the dictator of the speakers, and filling their heavy metal playlists with bubblegum kpop. That’s another reason why this chapter took longer to get done - I was in the vicious circle of drunk and hangover, a big shout out to my liver for taking such good care of me, and let’s go to the chapter!

**_April 2019_ **

_Donghyuck’s phone buzzed with a notification and he dug it out from his pocket to see._

**_Nana 23:38  
_ ** _Aaaaargh I’m so tired of this  
_ _Jeno is such an ASS_

_“Is it Jaemin?” Mark asked and Donghyuck looked up again. He closed the phone. He could answer Jaemin later, this wasn’t a new piece of news, not at all._

_“Yeah”, he answered and moved a bit on the bed. The old computer was warming up on his lap and as he was feverish already, he didn’t need any more heat on his skin. He slipped a pillow between his thighs and the laptop (not a permanent solution but better than nothing) and glanced at the timer in the corner of the video call - they had been talking for over an hour already._

_“How are they? Is it getting any better?”_

_“No. Worse”, Donghyuck sighed. “Jeno, the beta, is getting more and more ridiculous with his jealousness, I don’t know what’s wrong with him”_

_“Mmh, doesn’t sound very healthy to me”, Mark said and then lifted his hands. “I mean, I shouldn’t judge people who I don’t know, but...”_

_“But it’s pretty obvious”, Donghyuck finished the sentence for him. “This whole thing makes me so frustrated - I thought they would be happy now, finally. This is what Jeno has wanted for so long, why is he ruining it now?”_

_“Maybe he is just scared that he will lose Jaemin”_

_“Yeah, well, his fear will be the one thing that will drive Jaemin away in the end”_

_"Maybe. Love can be a difficult thing"_

_"Love, tsk. More like possessing someone."_

_Donghyuck looked out the window. It was dark outside, raining, he couldn’t even see the road properly. The window used to be his secret entrance (that his parents most definitely knew about but had never acknowledged with their words). His friends - mainly Jaemin - used to get in and out through it when they went on midnight adventures and had spontaneous sleepovers._

_It had been months since he had last opened it. Jaemin hadn’t visited him in ages, they only met once a week at the omega gathering now. Because they had had to keep their distance so that Jeno truly believed that whatever they had had between them was over. Donghyuck kind of understood that, although he didn’t like it - Jaemin was so physical, sharing spontaneous kisses and affection came so naturally to him, but it wasn’t acceptable anymore, with anyone who wasn’t Jeno. So, the best way to avoid all temptation was to keep their distance. For now._

_“Penny for your thoughts?” Mark asked after the silence had dragged on for a while_

_“I just wonder why Jaemin hasn’t walked away yet”, he answered, because that was one of the things he couldn’t understand either. “Why he puts up with Jeno - he has never put up with anyone else who turned out to be difficult, jumping from person to person has never been a problem to him. So, why is it different now?”_

_“I don’t know. Jaemin sounds like a… like a strong-willed guy. Maybe he loves Jeno so much that he can overlook this.”_

_“Honestly, listening to him, it doesn’t sound like that at all”_

_“Well, I’m sure that they’ll figure it out soon. It’s actually a good thing, to get exposed to each other’s worst qualities early on. I don’t remember where I read it but, we apparently should choose our partners by their bad qualities rather than good ones - choose the bad you can live with because they are going to be the dealbreaker in the end, if you can't. I think choosing a partner comes down to coming to terms with their cons and sharing core values”_

_Donghyuck was quiet for a while, again._

_“You’ve put a lot of thought into this, haven’t you?”_

_Mark looked a bit sheepish._

_“I… I have”_

_Honestly, it wasn’t a bad sign. It sounded like he was serious and that was exactly what Donghyuck wanted him to be, too. In New York, at first, it hadn’t been that serious between them or, at least they hadn’t talked about their relationship because, of course, it had only been the beginning. However, after they had slept together after Baekhyun’s gig and Donghyuck had spent a while watching the older sleep before dozing off as well, he had known that he wanted something more. Something so much more than just a holiday fling or whatever they had been at that point in time._

_“What are your core values, then?” Donghyuck asked, to lead the conversation finally fully away from Jeno and Jaemin, aka. Donghyuck’s daily dose of headache and frustration. Also, he wanted to know - he and Mark had never talked about this specifically before._

_“Uh, trust, loyalty, faith, honesty”, The words came easily for Mark, of course, he had thought of them beforehand. Donghyuck could see a pattern, as Mark seemed very loyal and of course, truthful, but one of the words he needed an explanation for._

_“What does ‘faith’ mean to you?”_

_“I guess… That’s faith in God, mostly”_

_Wait._

_“You’re religious?”_

_“Yeah, I am”, Mark admitted with a little bit of shyness. “I know that I don’t seem like it as, you know, having sex out of wedlock and getting drunk and such isn’t something I should do as a good Christian, but I’m… I’m trying to improve myself, find out what I truly believe in, but the core elements are important to me”_

_That was… a revelation. Donghyuck had never been religious himself, he had been raised non-religious by his parents and most of his friends were the same. Renjun’s parents were Catholic but honestly, he wouldn't be able to tell if he didn't know. Renjun was uptight and a prude but otherwise nothing like a typical Christian. Donghyuck’s mom sometimes talked about blessings and God but it was subtle, she had never read biblical stories or anything to Donghyuck and his sisters. Religion had never had a part in his life._

_“Uh, Donghyuck? Is it… is it a problem?”_

_“No, of course not!” Because it didn’t change Mark at all, he was still the same Mark that Donghyuck had talked to for months now. “I just… I didn’t know. It came as surprise, I guess”_

_“Oh. Okay. Well, it’s a good thing that we talked about this early on, then”_

_“It’s not a deal-breaker or anything, not for me”, Donghyuck assured him. “I hope it isn’t for you either, the fact that I… I don’t believe in it. Or anything, really”_

_“Anything?” Mark looked like a weight had been lifted from his chest, though he still looked a bit skeptical. “I’m sure you believe in SOMETHING”_

_“Well, I believe in science or, whatever”_

_“Science is a religion as well”, Mark argued. “There are still so many things about human psyche and nature that science hasn’t been able to explain, and the things it HAS been able to explain, are based on assumptions that have been built on equally religious grounds”_

_Donghyuck chuckled. “Are you trying to proselytize me?”_

_“No”, Mark shook his head. “Of course, I care about your soul, but I don’t want to push you if you don’t want me to. I don’t care what you believe in for as long as we share the same values”_

_“Yeah, me neither”, Donghyuck answered. “But… Do you date for marriage? Isn’t that a Christian thing to do?”_

_“I think that’s the RIGHT thing to do”, Mark answered. “But, yeah, I think that’s how it should go”_

_For a short while, Donghyuck pictured what it would be like. Getting married. Of course, their relationship was only a few months old so it was ridiculous to imagine getting married and having kids yet but… was it, really? Mark was dating for marriage, it was an end goal here, wasn’t it? Donghyuck didn’t like the thought of casually dating either. And he and Mark were going to have to make decisions, difficult decisions regarding their relationship, in just a couple of months._

_Because they couldn’t keep going on not knowing when they would meet again, for very long. Donghyuck knew now that they would meet in July but what came after that? They were both in school and would be for many years. Would Mark move to Korea, would Donghyuck move to the States, what would they do?_

_They would have to make a commitment and stick to it. And although Donghyuck suffered being physically so far apart now, if he didn’t love Mark and believe that he wanted to spend his life with him, he would have given up a while ago. He had never met anyone quite like him._

_So, their meeting in July would either have to be the end or just the true beginning of their relationship._

_“Another penny for your thoughts?” Mark asked and Donghyuck returned to reality. It was very late, he kept zoning out and getting lost in his own thoughts. It was early morning in New York, Mark’s hair looked fluffy and Donghyuck really wanted to ruffle it, play with his overly grown locks and kiss him and be with him again, close. He wanted to wake up beside him, live in the same rhythm. Together._

_“I just”; Donghyuck wasn’t sure what he should say. Once he would end the call he would have to think through everything they had talked about, to figure out for himself, where his heart was. But there were some things that he was sure of even right now.“I really care about you, you know that, right? I just want to do this right”_

_“Me too”, Mark answered. “I think that the best course of action is to talk, then. Whenever something bothers you, whenever you feel uncertain, just talk to me right away, alright? I don’t want any bad things to grow too big to handle”_

_“Yeah, let’s do that”, Donghyuck nodded. All they could do right now was talk so it could sound like an empty promise to an outsider. However, Donghyuck knew better - it was so easy to talk without really saying anything, avoiding difficult topics was easy but it would only create bigger problems in the long run._

_He would never let that happen with Mark._

_..._

Donghyuck woke up to a headache from hell. 

"Aagh turn the light off", he whined and could hear Mark laugh beside him. "This is not funny!" 

"You know what, it kind of is", Mark hummed and the blinding light became a bit less bright. Only a little. Mark had pulled the curtains over the window but it was still way too bright, way too hot, way too _everything_ bad. Donghyuck felt nauseous too, how on earth was that even possible, he had been okay right before going to sleep!? 

The night before came flooding back to Donghyuck's mind and he curled into himself more, despite the heat and sweat on his skin.

"Advil?" Mark asked, and Donghyuck finally opened his eyes a bit to see him. 

"Yes, please", The thought of pain relief cheered him up and he sat up, only to regret it a second later. The pain and nausea hit him even harder. "Give me twenty, end my suffering" 

Mark chuckled.

"I _told_ you that drinking was a bad idea" 

"You did", Donghyuck sighed and decided to keep his eyes shut, to prevent the room from spinning so much. "I thought I could handle it"

Mark placed the pill on his palm and fetched him a glass of water and Donghyuck drank the whole glass in one go with the pill. Now, there was something in his stomach that he could throw up so he tried not to move or think about it. He felt dry as a raisin, he really needed that water to stay in his system. 

"What did you even drink? You seemed okay last night, or, mostly okay”

“Just vodka”, Donghyuck took a deep breath and could almost feel the pill go down slowly. “Or, I think it was vodka. Sicheng didn’t specify”

“Do you have any idea how dangerous that was?” Mark didn’t sound angry but he was strict. “He could have put anything in there, or someone else could have. Did your mother not tell you to never eat what a stranger offers you?”

“He wasn’t a stranger, he was Lucas’s friend…” Donghyuck could see the weakness of his argument clearly but he was so embarrassed that he wanted to defend himself somehow. Yeah, his logic was fragile and easily blown but at least he had some!

“We don’t even know him, and I bet he doesn’t know half the people he claims to know, either”, poof all of Donghyuck’s arguments were shattered. Donghyuck hung his head in embarrassment and stared at his hands. He and Mark had once agreed that they would talk about everything and, since there was a great pile of quilt pooling in his stomach, he might as well try to clean up some of it.

_Oh god, the hell with that kind of metaphors, stop thinking about whatever there is in your stomach now it's NOT THE RIGHT TIME!_

“I know. I just… I felt like you were trying to control me so I got maybe a bit… annoyed”, he said and took a deep breath.

Mark was quiet for a moment as he thought.

“You said it was fine by you”, he finally said. He sounded annoyed, of course, he did, but only a little bit. “You should have said something”

“And had an argument in the middle of the party?”

“What makes you think I would have argued with you?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Donghyuck asked. “You’re my alpha”

“Stop that thought right there”, Mark said strictly, and there it was, the tension in the air. “That has nothing to do with it and you know it. What’s going on Donghyuck?”

Donghyuck hid his face in his hands.

“I was just stupid, okay?” Donghyuck said. There, he had addressed the issue, now all he needed to do was apologize and it would be okay, right? “I didn’t think, not at all. I’m sorry for worrying you and not listening to you”

“You don’t have to listen to me every time, I just want you to be honest about your feelings. I don’t want there to be any resentment between us”

“There isn’t, not on my part, I was just acting stupidly.”

“There isn't any on my part either. Just… don’t do something that stupid again.”

“I won’t”, Donghyuck said, but there was something in Mark’s words that irked him. “But if you were so worried, then why did you leave without me?”

“Oh, that”, Mark looked at the roof. “I was in the middle of the worst chaos when the shit went down, people were fighting and someone set those fireworks as a warning of some sort. I would have looked for you but Lucas talked me out of it and told me to just go with Guanheng, he said he would find you quicker and we were playing with time there. So, I had no options left as he ran into the house like some sort of a ‘ _knight in shining armor’”_

Mark’s voice was a bit more bitter than the situation called for but Donghyuck didn’t dare say anything. Not now. The past night had been a small disaster, stuff that had happened back then that did not reflect the state of their relationship normally. He had apologized. They were okay.

“Wasn’t that just a disaster”, Donghyuck sighed and massaged his temples. He wasn’t even sure where the strongest pain was, his whole head was throbbing.

“Yeah”, Mark muttered. “Did you at least have some fun?”

“I guess I did”, Donghyuck kept forgetting what exactly he had been talking about with Sicheng. But it had been harsh, they had been really mean towards the alphas around them and Donghyuck had just sucked Sicheng's thoughts in like a sponge. The quilt in him never fully let go, but maybe it was because he had had quite a lot of it, to begin with. Anyways, time was a good healer. He would feel so much better once his hangover was gone.

“What about you?” He asked to move the discussion from him to Mark instead.

“Mmh, it was alright”, Mark chuckled. “Would have rather spent that night with you though”

“Aww, aren’t you in love”, Donghyuck’s teasing side came out to finally get rid of the remains of the tense atmosphere, and Mark smiled a little. 

“Maybe I am”, he said. “Next time, just be open with me, okay?”

“Okay, I will. I’m glad we got this figured out”, Donghyuck said and meant every single word. “I love you”

“I love you too”, Mark kissed his forehead and Donghyuck felt a tiny bit better. The quilt on his chest, the black tentacle monster of darkness didn’t go anywhere but he felt it curl into itself for a while. “I’ll leave you to suffer in peace.”

“Thanks, babe”

Donghyuck laid down on the mattress again. The older walked to the door and opened it, and loud screaming and music from downstairs filled the room, as well as the smell of some burned food. Oh god, Donghyuck felt so nauseous. He covered his face with his arm and took deep breaths. Fuck Sicheng and his generousness.

“Actually, there’s one more thing”, Mark said before stepping out of the door. Donghyuck didn’t bother even peeking at him, he was too focused on not throwing up.

“What?”

“Your smoking-”

“I told you, it’s nothing”, he answered. “Just a stupid thing that I did while drunk, I’m not an addict”

“If you say so”, Mark said, not sounding exactly convinced but not angry either, and he closed the door.

...

So, they gathered in the kitchen in the afternoon, once Donghyuck got himself up. Lucas was outside, trying his best to fix the bike and Guanheng and Yangyang were ~~having sex~~ hanging out in their room - that was Lucas’s little brother’s room. Poor brother, wherever he was - Guanheng and Yangyang were going at it all the time, the bed would not be the same afterward.

“Are you ready?” Renjun asked. Donghyuck eyed the paper that Renjun was holding between his fingers - the one that had Zhang Yixing’s phone number written on it. And he nodded.

“I think I should be asking you this”

“Yeah, sure”

Renjun was going to make the call because the man they were going to contact was Chinese. Obviously. Renjun was an interesting case because he had some social anxiety - asking for help and interacting with random people was difficult to him - however, whenever someone _else_ needed help, he was the best minion you could get. 

_I could never be a king. But give me an order and I’ll be your best knight._

He dialed the number and Donghyuck and Mark waited in silence as the phone beeped once, twice, thrice, and a man answered. Renjun put the call on the speaker right away.

_“Hello?”_

“Good afternoon, this is Huang Renjun on the phone. Am I talking to Zhang Yixing?”

_“Yes, you are. What is it?”_

“Well, I am looking for-”

That was the extent of Donghyuck’s Chinese skills. The rest of the time he could only try to understand the tone of the discussion as all words he recognized were _we, me, you, yes, no, that’s right_ , and so on. Renjun talked in his polite tone and the man sounded relaxed as well on the other end. The fact that the phone call didn’t end right away was a good indicator that they were going somewhere.

Donghyuck recognized his name, as well as Baekhyun and Kris. The man said them too, a few times, on the other end of the line and at one point Renjun reached for a pen and paper and started scribbling something on it. Donghyuck eyed it with interest but he only wrote down more Chinese characters that he, obviously, couldn’t understand. It was like a code that he couldn’t crack. Annoying.

The phone call came to an end, eventually, and both Donghyuck and Mark started at Renjun like hungry hyenas.

“So?”

“What did he say?”

“That’s he’s not sure”, Renjun said bluntly as he put the phone on the table. “This Yixing is indeed the right one, however, he hasn’t been in contact with Kris in years”

Donghyuck’s heart dropped. Of course, it wouldn’t be that easy. It felt weird though, to think that people who (at least in pictures) had seemed so close in their late teens could be living completely separate lives as adults. Donghyuck thought of his friends, everyone in the group chat - the thought of growing apart in a way that one day he wouldn’t have them in his life sounded absurd. However, they had been growing apart a bit already, as the student life and their new responsibilities kept pulling them in different directions.

So, maybe it was more likely than he thought.

“However”, Renjun said and turned the paper in front of him around. “He managed to give us a direction of some sort!”

Donghyuck eyed the paper that he still couldn’t understand. There was quite a lot of text there though so, it must be somewhat useful.

“This is the contact information of Lu Han”, he said, and Donghyuck immediately recognized the name.

“One of the gang!” 

“Yeah. Yixing said that the last time he heard of Kris, it was through Lu Han.”

“Okay, so, let’s contact him then! Do you have a phone number?”

Renjun pointed at the ten-digit number written under the hanzi.

“Of course I do!”

The second call wasn’t as successful as the first one. Because it went straight to voicemail so Renjun closed the call immediately and they came up with a short message that he only needed to translate and speak to the phone. Renjun practiced his lines a few times under his breath and then spoke them out loud, and that was it.

The message had been sent. All they could do then was wait and hope for the best.

This search was very different from the first one. Maybe Donghyuck was a bit smarter, or just lucky. They weren’t running on the streets but instead doing everything by phone. It was nice, as there was more time to spend with his friends now and he appreciated it.

They hung out in the house, he, Renjun, and Mark. Guanheng and Yangyang joined them later on, blushed and cheerful and if Donghyuck had been called a mood maker back at home, Guanheng and Yangyang hijacked the title in Hong Kong and Donghyuck couldn’t say he was unhappy about it. Quite the opposite. The pair, while most of the time they were sucking face because they were still in the extended honeymoon phase of their relationship (a next-level horny honeymoon, more like _wedding night phase_ ) they were also energetic, funny and entertaining, coming up with many new ways to spend time and party games. 

Waiting had never been so fun.

At one point they decided that it was time to start cooking dinner - yes, they wanted to _cook_. Renjun was a good cook so Donghyuck agreed, it could be a good idea. Even though they had Mark there who couldn’t even make eggs. Even though they had Guanheng and Yangyang there who had attention spans of three seconds - combined. Renjun was there, to order them around and take care of everything critical. So, it would be okay.

The planning of the grocery list was yet another disaster with five people talking over each other. Lucas was still outside doing god knows what but he, as the owner of the house, should be included as well.

“Someone should ask Xuxi what he wants to eat!”

“I’ll go”, Donghyuck answered Yangyang and got up. He was the closest to the door anyway so, might as well, and once he got out, the intense heat surrounded him immediately. Uh, he was never going to get used to Hong Kong July.

“Lucas!” He yelled and walked around the yard, to the garage - or, rather, right outside the garage - where Lucas was still fixing his bike. He had been doing it on and off during the day, sometimes he had gone to the town to buy some spare parts and whatever, but right now he was… Oh, he was _under a car???_

“Yeah, I’m here!” He yelled and slid out from under Guanheng’s car, oil stains everywhere. Donghyuck didn’t question it but instead, asked his questions regarding food.

“Right, I just want meat, doesn’t matter what kind”

Donghyuck yelled the answer at Yangyang who was waiting in the window, and as the younger threw him a thumbs up, he turned back around to look at Lucas, whose legs were the only thing visible from under the car now.

“What’s wrong with the car?” Donghyuck asked. Because of the night before it had worked just fine.

“It’s mostly okay, Kunhang just asked me to check… stuff”, right, that kind of a vocabulary was probably not something he would learn if he was studying Korean to become an idol. Oh, well, it wasn’t like Donghyuck would do much with the info anyway.

Donghyuck nodded and turned to leave, but Lucas’s voice stopped him before he could do so.

“Hey, Hyuck, can you lend me a hand?”

“Sure”, it wasn’t like he had anything better to do, four people planning their dinner was more than enough and he had told them his opinion already. “What do you need?”

“Can you hand me a-”, pause. The language barrier struck again. “Just hand me anything you see, from the toolbox”

Donghyuck found the said box near Lucas’s feet and proceeded to hand him random objects. He tried two different tools before he found the right one, and then he did that again, and finally, Lucas had more tools next to him under the car than there were left in the box. Still, the particular ones that he needed were always in the box.

As Lucas reached out for the tools, Donghyuck couldn’t help but notice how tanned his arms were. Like, really tanned, really dark. Lucas was otherwise very tanned too, and Guanheng was getting there - their skin naturally bathed in the sun and darkened to such a beautiful tone, the one Donghyuck’s did too but which he had learned to hate and avoid at an early age.

That was one of the things that made him feel like he could be Cantonese as well. Of course, dark skin wasn’t rare in South Korea and pale people existed in the Canton area as well, but it had been such a big deal for Donghyuck when he had been younger - his easily tanning skin. His whole family was pale, people had noticed that difference. It had always been a negative difference, if any.

But with Guanheng and now Lucas… it was something that they had all inherited, from their Cantonese, Southern Chinese parents. Donghyuck still felt as Korean as ever but he kept playing with the thought - would he have been like Guanheng or Lucas, had his alpha father known about him? If Baekhyun had told him, if they had raised him together, would he have grown up knowing Cantonese? The weird language that Guanheng and Lucas used to communicate, and the inside jokes that they knew because they had grown up Cantonese - what would his life be like if he knew it all? Would he view the world differently? Would he be different as a person?

Everyone’s lives were full of what-ifs. Donghyuck’s life was special in a way, but everyone else had their own what-ifs, the decisions that they made, or the decisions that were made _for_ them, that had shaped their lives into what they were now. But it was interesting to think about.

At one point, the happy crowd from the house got out as well.

“We’re going shopping!” Yangyang yelled over the Little Einstein trap remix that was playing from his Bluetooth speakers that Guanheng was carrying on his shoulder - were these people ever going to quiet down??

“Wanna come with us?”

“Uh, Donghyuck”, Lucas reached out from under the car again and Donghyuck got back to looking for tools. 

“I’ll help Lucas, you can go without me!” He answered and pulled out a very small screwdriver, one of twenty different models. Lucas took it and thanked him, so yes, he had found the right one right away. Yass!

He looked up to see the crowd go. Guanheng and Yangyang walking in the front, and Mark looked at him for a few beats more before he finally nodded and followed the others.

“We won’t be away for long!” 

Donghyuck looked after him. Mark’s expression had been unreadable, and that annoyed the hell out of him. Was there something bothering him that he just wasn't saying to Donghyuck? That would be hypocritical, wouldn't it? They had agreed to talk about everything.

Everything...

Lucas kept working on the car and muttering something that Donghyuck could only interpret as cursing and maybe just him talking to himself sometimes - he was using Cantonese so obviously, Donghyuck couldn’t understand. But before long, the older came out one last time and stood up.

“Done?” Donghyuck asked from where he was sitting on the dusty floor, playing with the remaining tools that he had never seen before. His knowledge was seriously lacking in the fixing stuff- department.

“Hopefully”, Lucas nodded and puffed his cheeks as he looked at the mess of tools and oil on the ground. He removed his shirt with one swift movement and wiped his sweaty and dirty face onto the fabric. That was kind of disgusting but Lucas was hot enough to do that and still look charming.

He sat next to Donghyuck on the floor, further away from the oil and bensin and whatever there was on the ground, and pulled something from his back pocket - cigarettes, again.

“Want one?”

“Nah”, It wasn’t hard for Donghyuck at all to decline. “I’m just a drunk smoker”

“Oh, I used to be as well”

That sentence made Donghyuck somewhat uneasy but he brushed it off. The smell of the cigarette wasn’t nearly as disgusting as it used to be a long time ago when he had never touched one himself. Oh well. He and Lucas sat together under the shade, surrounded by cold smoke and waiting for the happy crowd to arrive.

Once the Cooking by the Book remix could be heard from the direction of the nearby supermarket, Donghyuck braced himself for another night filled with screaming, hyper energy, and just general chaos.

Oh, fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, that’s it! As always, I feel like it lacks something but I just needed to get this up published, finally. I hope it wasn’t too bad.
> 
> Oh and I just wanted to tell you that I have a [CuriousCat](https://curiouscat.me/YingCas) now! Or, well, I’ve had it for a while already but I’m only telling you all now xd. I just answer the daily questions there, nothing interesting, but if you want to discuss something or exchange questions or anything really, you can head over there!
> 
> Thank you for reading, and see you again! Ps. Hwasa’s new song Maria is soooooo goood, it’s my new addiction lol


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yayyy another chapter!!! It's been rainy and cold and I was in a bad mood for a long time but I had a really good day today and I hope you did too! This chapter is a bit... fluffier than the earlier ones, maybe, a bit, you'll see. Let me know what you think!

**_February 2000_ **

_“He is still thinking about that Korean omega, isn’t he?”_

_Yixing turned to look at Tao who kept clicking his ballpoint pen instead of writing anything down. His paper was still mostly blank, but so was Kris’s - the older kept staring out of the window at the back of the class, rolling the pen in his fingers, looking somewhere so much further away than just the old oak tree that was mostly blocking the view._

_“Do you mean Buo Xian?”_

_“Yeah whatever the fuck his name was”, Tao knew that his tone was harsh, and he knew from the way that Yixing raised his brows that he was about to get another lecture. Well, whatever, he turned his ears off once the first words about ‘appropriate behavior’ and ‘growing up’ started falling from his lips._

_Instead, Tao kept staring at the alpha who kept his eyes anywhere but at him, just like he always did. Tao had used to be so sad about it, especially right after he had presented - he was an omega for god’s sake, but Kris had just patted his head and congratulated him. Nothing else, ever. Kris asked several other omegas out just like that, but he never even spared Tao another look, no matter how many years passed. The sadness had eventually turned into anger._

_Why? What was so disgusting about him that he never even deserved a chance? Kris had no problem jumping from one person to another, he kept choosing those omegas who always broke his heart and cheated on him. This Korean omega in particular annoyed the hell out of Tao. Because the slut had slept with Kris on the first date - the FIRST DATE - and although he wasn’t even pretty or interesting in any way, and although he smelled absolutely disgusting, Kris still went after him even though he knew that they would have to part ways eventually._

_Tao would always stay by his side. He was still untouched and pure, he wasn’t an immoral slut who smelled like a fucking corpse and was probably sleeping with ten different alphas at the same time. Tao would be so good to him, why was Kris so fucking blind?_

_“Your weakness disgusts me”_

_Tao and Yixing both turned around to look at Luhan who had gotten his report done ages ago and was now napping against the table. Or, he had been napping, kind of, in reality, he had just kept his eyes closed and listened to the others speak. The classroom teacher had left ages ago so he could technically leave too, but he had chosen to sleep against the table, in a class full of people finishing their exchange reports._

_“If you like him, tell him, or otherwise someone else is going to take him. Get your shit together Tao or live with regret.”_

_Luhan had always been harsh. But he was right. For a while, it had seemed like Kris was truly in love with the Korean omega, and Tao had been almost sure that he had lost his chance. But Kris was free again, he should do something about it. Maybe. If the alpha just fucking looked his way and gave him a genuine chance for once._

_“What did you write on your report, Han?”_

_“Just that I learned Korean, got new friends, did volunteer work and studied hard and other crap that they want to hear”, Luhan answered and Yixing nodded, returning to his paper. Tao spared one last glance at Kris before returning to his paper as well. He had only written one paragraph, this was going to be a long afternoon._

_“There was a reason, you know, for why he was so attached”, Luhan said quietly and Tao turned back to him._

_“What?”_

_Luhan glanced at Kris too, but it wasn’t like he could hear them. He was obviously daydreaming on the other side of the classroom._

_“There was a reason for why Kris thought the omega smelled good when no one else did, and why he was so attached and possessive”_

_“What was it then?” Tao asked, trying to sound indifferent but… failing, a bit._

_Luhan spoke the next words with a voice that was so quiet that Tao could barely even hear it._

_“He knocked him up”_

_Yixing gasped loudly and a couple of beta girls next to them looked at them before returning to their papers. Tao, however, just rolled his eyes._

_“Yeah, right, of course, he did. Stop messing with me”_

_“I’m serious”, Luhan answered and only one look at him proved it right. Tao’s face fell._

_“What the hell”, he asked. ”why did he not say anything?”_

_“He doesn’t know”, Luhan chuckled. “It was just a theory at first, you know how we all noticed the omega’s smell change and stuff, and finally I just put one and one together. I’m still in contact with Sehun, you know the unpresented guy from a couple of years below him, and he confirmed my suspicion somewhat right. The omega has been gaining weight in... certain areas”_

_“Woah”, Yixing looked at the ceiling, his eyes empty as ever. “Unbelievable”_

_“It is”, Tao said. That was bad, really bad. “Have you told Kris?"_

_“I haven’t, it’s not really my place to tell, not yet at least”_

_" You should though”, Yixing said. “This is, like, a serious thing”_

_“NO”, Tao said, a bit too loudly and the betas turned to them again, and glared at them angrily. Well, it wasn’t Tao’s fault that they couldn’t focus because of the small background noise. Yixing and Luhan both looked at him as well, Yixing with his usual tired, blank expression and Luhan with an amused, knowing smile._

_“I mean”, Tao spoke quieter again. “It really isn’t our place. This isn’t 100 percent clear either, I mean, it could just be a coincidence and stuff. I’m sure that the omega knows what he is doing and if he doesn’t want to tell, we shouldn’t either”_

_“Yeah”, Luhan nodded slowly. “It’s none of our business”_

_“None”_

_And also, if Kris heard that he was about to have a freaking child in South Korea, he would be gone forever. He was a man who had a strong sense of duty, that was one of the things that Tao especially liked about him._

_But that was not going to drag him away. Tao would make sure of it._

...

They were both panting as they came down from their highs. Mark fell on top of Donghyuck but he, having expected that to happen, just hugged the alpha closer as he tried to catch his breath. 

It had been a day since they had called Zhang Yixing. A day since their disaster dinner and Donghyuck and Lucas (mostly Lucas) fixing all of the motor vehicles in the household. The next day had been a bit more gloomy and cold, Mark had pulled him aside early in the evening and there they were, on the bed again. Like they always were, when they got the time.

Mark finally pulled out and Donghyuck whined - now that the cloud of pleasure from sex was starting to fade, he could feel a slight pain in his lower back. Mark stopped immediately.

“Shit, are you okay?” He asked and lifted his weight off of Donghyuck. “Did I hurt you?”

“No”, Mark moved a bit more and a hiss escaped from Donghyuck’s lips. “I mean, a little, but it’s okay, it’s not your fault.”

“It is”, Mark finally got off of Donghyuck and instead, pulled him to his side, in a hug. “I’m so sorry”

“I didn’t even notice it before, it’s okay”

Maybe not the pain, but Donghyuck _had_ noticed that something was off. Mark had been so much more aggressive, he had hurried more and most of all, he had been dominant. He rarely was, usually, it was the other way around. Donghyuck hadn’t complained because he had pretty much been equally horny himself. Now, of course, he would have to pay the price for his foolishness.

Oh well, it had been worth it. Most of the time at least.

He got up, despite Mark’s protests - he didn’t want to end up like Yangyang who had to be carried around every day. Guanheng enjoyed carrying him around though, like the prince charming that he was, so maybe it wasn’t only because they were rough together. But Donghyuck didn’t like to be carried and treated like a fragile princess, contrary to popular belief.

And besides, they had to clean up. It wasn’t as hot now, as it had been a few days ago but still, dry cum was disgusting and Donghyuck didn’t want any of that to remain on his skin any longer than necessary. They had placed wet tissues on the bedside table just because of that, Donghyuck reached for a couple and shared them with Mark.

He took a quick look at the dressing mirror placed next to the bed. Or, it had been supposed to be a quick look. However, something caught his eye - a couple of huge hickeys up his neck. It wasn't even his neck anymore, Mark had tackled his jawline, the bruises couldn't be hidden with anything anymore. That wasn't an accident.

“What’s this about”, he didn’t even need to turn around, he could see Mark through the mirror. The older looked at him in the eyes, then down at the hickeys and wrapped his arms around him from behind.

“I guess I got excited”, he kissed Donghyuck’s neck lightly. “Sorry”

Donghyuck didn’t buy that. He stretched his neck and eyed the bruises from a few different angles - they were going to look ugly, there was no way he would be able to cover them with simple foundation, especially as the weather was so hot he would sweat it away soon anyway. He could already picture Renjun’s disapproving glare and the others who couldn’t help but see-

_Oh. Oh, right._

“Were you trying to mark me or something?” Donghyuck asked, amused. Mark hid his face in the crook of Donghyuck’s neck and he got his answer.

“Sorry”, he mumbled. “I know it’s possessive and so stereotypically alpha but… It felt like a good idea in my head, to tell everyone _hands off_. It’s not me downgrading you, don’t misunderstand, I just… I don’t like the way _he_ looks at you”

Donghyuck wasn’t angry, because he knew that Mark wasn’t like that normally. Maybe he would have been angry a couple of nights ago when Sicheng filled his mind with those thoughts - NO, he shouldn’t blame anyone else for something he had agreed on so lightly. His impulsiveness was his own fault.

“Are you jealous of Lucas?” he asked Mark. The older hugged him tighter.

“He keeps intentionally stripping and flirting with you and he just drives me MAD", Donghyuck eyed the bruises and thought back to all the times he had seen Mark glance at him with that same, uncomfortable and unreadable expression.

“Do you not trust me?” He asked, carefully.

“Of course I trust you. I just don’t trust _him_ ”, Mark sighed. “You spend so much time with him”

Maybe he did. Honestly, he hadn’t thought about it. Lucas just seemed to always be there, he always needed a hand and he always had something to say. Donghyuck enjoyed his company - however, he enjoyed someone else’s so much more. Their time together was limited, he shouldn’t waste it on some random alpha. Of course, it looked bad.

“I’m sorry, for making you feel that way”, Donghyuck turned around a little to look at him straight in the eyes. “How about we go out? Just the two of us. We haven’t really spent time together, other than just sex - let’s do something fun!”

Mark thought about it for a few seconds. It wasn’t even late yet, just eight o'clock, so they could put that plan into action right now if they wanted to.

“Sure”, Mark said. “Do you have anything in mind?”

“Let’s just get out of here, I don’t care about anything else”

...

“Hey, Guanheng, can I borrow your car?”

Donghyuck paused, on his way to the door.

“Sure”, Guanheng answered from where he was sitting on the sofa, watching a movie with Yangyang. It was nice to see them do something other than fuck each other for a change. “The keys are in the bowl”

“Sweet”, Mark found them easily and ushered Donghyuck out of the door. “We won’t take long!”

“What the hell?” Donghyuck asked once the door had been closed and they were outside. “You don’t have a Chinese license!”

“No, but I have an international one that works here”, Mark smiled and led the way to the car. Donghyuck followed him but stopped before opening the passenger door. Because he needed to get something off his chest. 

“You”, he gasped. “Have had a license this WHOLE TIME and you’ve still let us all suffer from GUANHENG’S DRIVING???”

Mark had the audacity to laugh.

“He’s not that bad”, he said and sat down behind the wheel. “Driving with him… is an experience”

“We could have died!”

“But we didn’t”

“That’s the stupidest argument ever!”

“Are you coming, sir, or should I find a better customer?”

Donghyuck smiled a little at Mark’s stupid posh accent but sucked it in - he was ANGRY with him. He sat down as well and shut the door with a bit too much force.

“Good, good”, Mark said as though he was scolding a child. “Now, where do you want to go?”

“I don’t care”, Donghyuck answered like a child being scolded and crossed his arms. Mark chuckled and turned on the car.

They drove out of the neighborhood and onto a bigger road, with no real direction in mind but it didn't matter. Mark handled the car with much more gentleness than Guanheng ever did - there were no quick breaks or cursing, he only furrowed his brows a few times but that was all.

Donghyuck stared at him. He looked handsome when he was all focused. Donghyuck had thought for a long time that driving was hot - he had never learned to drive himself, mostly because he knew that he was going to live in big cities his whole life and he would never need to own a car. Back in the day, he had thought that he could just bum a lift from Renjun or Jeno or…

Yeah, but that had been a while ago.

They visited McDonald’s because they were familiar with the chain and got some random meals from there which they ate at the parking lot. Mark spilled coke on his shirt and Donghyuck laughed, then he fed Mark some of his fries and they bought ice cream and drove close to the shore. It felt like a real date, which was nice, Donghyuck felt like he got back some of the feeling from New York, of those afternoons that they had spent drinking Starbucks coffee in Mark’s dorm room and getting to know each other.

Those were dear memories to Donghyuck. And he wanted to make some more in Hong Kong.

It started to rain. It was no wonder since the sky had been heavy for a long time, heavy and dark gray. It was still warm though. Donghyuck reached his hand out of the window, to feel the wind and rain on his fingers, on his palm. It felt almost as though he could catch the curls of the wind in his hand, it blew their hair around and filled the car with a new kind of life. 

“Where to now, mister?” Mark asked a few hours later, as though Donghyuck could know a place, and as though he would know how to get there. Hong Kong was unfamiliar to both of them, it wasn’t Donghyuck following Mark like a lost puppy anymore, instead, they were both lost. However, Donghyuck still felt like he could rely on Mark a bit more. Mark was smart, he knew how to navigate no matter where he was.

Anyway, a thought came to Donghyuck’s mind that he tried to suppress immediately. That happened often - he felt an urge to say something stupid but he tried not to speak without a filter with Mark because he really really liked him and didn’t want him to think that he was an idiot. This one, in particular, didn’t stem from anything too ridiculous though. Mark’s words just reminded him of a certain movie he had seen a day before leaving for Hong Kong, as it had aired from the cable TV and his mother and sisters had gathered in the living room to watch it.

A silly thought. A cliche.

_To the stars._

"Pull aside", Donghyuck said and closed the window. The water drops on his cheeks and hair felt refreshing but the warmth in his chest couldn’t be cooled down with rain alone.

"What?" 

"Stop the car", Donghyuck said. "I don't feel like driving anymore" 

Mark furrowed his brows but did as asked. They pulled to an empty parking lot and Mark barely had the time to stop the engine before Donghyuck had already pulled him closer for a kiss. 

"mmh wh- what are you doing?" 

"I love you", Donghyuck answered. The advertisement lights were painting Mark's face with dark red and orange, artificial and heavy. He looked so handsome, even when he was confused and unsure. Donghyuck wanted to erase those uneasy feelings from his chest and fill it with something better instead.

"Yeah, uh, I love you too" 

Donghyuck climbed on his lap - it was a bit difficult in the tight space but Donghyuck managed. It was one of his favorite places to be in the world, Mark's lap. And Mark's hands wandered under his shirt like they often did. These days in China were something Donghyuck had desperately been waiting for, for months now. And he had them in his hands now. 

He didn't want to ruin them with pointless fights and uncertainty. He wanted to figure everything out with Mark because he was indeed in love with him. 

He kissed him again, harder, deeper, and Mark answered him carefully. It felt so right, more right than with anyone else ever before. The five months that they had spent apart almost felt like some distant dream now. Donghyuck hoped that it would remain a dream, something that would never return. 

The mere thought twisted his stomach and made him want to kiss him even more. Smell him and feel him, touch him so much that he would get tired of it. 

It was never going to happen though, getting tired. He would always yearn for him. 

"You smell different", Donghyuck pointed out as he finally broke the kiss to breathe properly. Now that there were no strange smells around them and the air around them was clear, it was easier to point out the heavy undertone of Mark's usually pleasant smell. It wasn't bad per se, just strong and unfamiliar. He had noticed it before, but he hadn't been sure whether it was Mark or just something in the room. 

"Yeah, I was going to talk to you about it", Mark said quietly. Only the droplets of water drumming the roof of the car, and their movements broke the absolute silence, it felt like they had to whisper in the small bubble to not break it. "I'm going into a rut. Don't worry, it's suppressed so the changes are going to be very subtle and it won't last very long. It's just, you know, my time now"

"oh", of course. Like heats, ruts could be moved and suppressed, skipped with good medication. However, when they were suppressed, the rut still came but it was very mild and barely noticeable to people who didn't know the alpha. 

"It's, uh, as I said, it's suppressed so you don't necessarily have to take care of me, but..." 

“But you need more sex", Donghyuck nodded. That was a general rule for ruts and heats, regular in mild versions too. "Got it. That's something I'll give you gladly" 

He leaned down to press their lips together one more time. Mark tasted a bit different too, but now that Donghyuck knew the reason for it, he actually liked it. This was what Mark would be like in rut - the super-easy version of it. Donghyuck had played with the idea of spending a rut together with him. What he would be like, what it would feel like, how his own body would react to that, and so on. 

This wasn't exactly what he had imagined, but it was okay. They could spend dozens of heats and ruts together in the future. Hopefully. They kept making out and Mark's dark alpha scent surrounded and filled him once again, making Donghyuck thirsty for more. It didn't matter that they had slept together less than two hours ago - his body was preparing for more and honestly, now that Donghyuck finally had Mark right there with him, he was ready to do it as often as he possibly could. 

“Wanna do it here?” He whispered in between kisses, feeling how both of them were getting more worked up and hungry after each kiss. Mark didn’t pull away to stare at him in disbelief like Donghyuck expected him to - no, instead, he was in on the idea right away.

“Backseat?” He asked, his voice low and thick like it always was when they got down to doing something like this. Donghyuck nodded and didn’t bother using a door - with great difficulty he climbed to the backseat and pulled Mark after him, on top of him, on the old car seats. It wasn’t the most comfortable place for sex but, it excited Donghyuck. The knowledge that they were about to sleep together in an empty parking lot, with the falling rain as their only company.

_To the stars?_

It sounded like something impossible. Yet, still, there was someone who could take him there. As they removed all layers between them and Donghyuck got drunk off Mark's smell, he felt like he was almost there. As he dived deep into the feeling, as his heart burst and he shined a million colors everywhere around him…

Maybe. Yeah.

Such silly thoughts. 

...

The next day, once Mark and Donghyuck got up too (they had returned way after midnight so of course they slept for long - there wasn’t a single early bird in the house anyway, none) the happy crowd gathered in the living room to eat take away noodles and watch as Yangyang and Guanheng got high off their zero cokes and started dancing to Say Meow - remix. Lucas was clapping and laughing and Renjun was trying so hard to smile and fit in, Donghyuck didn’t bother commenting on it and instead focused on his noodles.

Renjun had rolled his eyes at the sight of his neck, just like Donghyuck had expected him to. Lucas had chuckled and asked if he had had fun and Donghyuck had said yes - oh, he had had so much fun alright. Nothing had changed in the way that Lucas treated him, or anyone else, and Donghyuck was convinced that whatever flirting he did was just a part of his personality, not necessarily him trying to hit on Donghyuck or anything. He didn't bother trying to explain that to Mark though - he wasn’t going to like the other alpha anyway.

The enthusiastic music session was broken by a phone call. It was Renjun’s, but all important calls had been made with Renjun’s phone (because had anyone called back, Renjun could at least talk to the people. Donghyuck didn’t know Chinese) so Donghyuck stole the phone from Renjun’s back pocket and checked the number.

It was Lu Han.

“EVERYONE SHUT UP”, he screamed over the music and as it stopped, Guanheng and Yangyang froze like two comic characters. Donghyuck answered the call and put it on the speaker. 

He had to nudge Renjun who had paled, having been suddenly thrown into speaking. He usually needed time to prepare - too bad Donghyuck, and possibly the guy on the other end, didn’t have time for that now.

“Uh, hello, Huang Renjun”

The next couple of sentences were in Mandarin until the language changed to Korean, to Donghyuck’s biggest surprise. 

“ _So, I’ll repeat the question to the both of you”_ , a man, most likely Lu Han, said. _“Why do you want to contact Kris Wu? He is a busy man, he has nothing to do with you”_

“We have something very important to discuss with him”, Donghyuck jumped in after hearing the man speak perfect, unaccented Korean. So, he had kept his language skills alive - good, great, very lucky. Yangyang and Guanheng moved to the kitchen because they couldn’t stand being quiet and calm, and Lucas followed them.

 _“Mmh, elaborate”_ , Lu Han said, and for a good reason. Unlike he had done in New York, Donghyuck had left for this particular search with a very different tactic - he wasn’t throwing Kris’s name around telling everyone that he had a child. Because, during his search in New York, he had learned that it was a bad tactic. Not only was it foolish because he was sharing personal information (he could have been exploited, or a very wrong person could have gotten the info - Baekhyun had changed his name for a reason) but also, someone’s reputation was on the line. People were sensitive to rumors and Donghyuck was a bastard child - he could destroy a marriage or even a career if he wasn’t careful. 

So, they hadn’t told the details in the voicemail. Just the bare minimum, that they had to talk to Kris about something regarding his past in South Korea. Now, however, as they were quite convinced that they had the right man, Donghyuck could tell him the truth.

“He is my alpha father”, he said. “I’m Lee Donghyuck and I’m his biological son”

 _“Yeah, of course, you are",_ Lu Han said with a dry voice. _"What do you want? Money for child support? Come up with some other trick, we've already seen this too many times"_

… What?

"I don't care about money", Donghyuck insisted. "I was adopted, I just-"

 _"Yeah well, in that case, you don’t have any rights to that anyway"_ , Lu Han said harshly. _“If this was all you had then goodbye, I’m not wasting my time with some money-hungry-”_

"BYUN BAEKHYUN!" Donghyuck yelled over the annoying man before he managed to hang up. "Does that name sound familiar? My omega father is Byun Baekhyun. Kris Wu had an affair with him nearly twenty years ago in South Korea and I'm the result of that. I don't need money, status, or anything else, all I want is to meet him and we believe you're the key to finding him. All I ask is that you tell us what you know if you do"

The man was finally quiet. For a short while. Then, 

_"Okay",_ he said. _"Let's do it like this then. I'll schedule you an appointment on Wednesday the 10th of July in... 10:35 to 10:50. I hope you understand, I have to check that you're not a fraud, Mr. Wu is accused of all sorts of things"_

Renjun was already writing it down so Donghyuck focused on listening.

_"My office is in Guangzhou, I'll send you the address now. I'll see you on Wednesday, Mr. Lee, Mr. Huang''_

And that was how the call ended. Donghyuck, Renjun, and Mark shared a glance. When the phone beeped again, Donghyuck checked the address and it was indeed located in Guangzhou. 

“That was weird as fuck”, Yangyang was the first one to speak, and Guanheng agreed. They were standing in the kitchen doorway, sharing a bowl of cookies. 

“Yeah, the guy sounded shady as hell - an appointment? Something that has happened before? Dude!”

Renjun stayed quiet, deep in thought, and Donghyuck turned to look at Mark beside him.

“So”, he said. “I guess we’re going to Guangzhou then”

“Guangzhou?” Lucas peeked from the door too, like the comic character that he was. “I know someone from Guangzhou!”

Donghyuck, Mark, and Renjun shared a glance.

“Of course you do”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for now, tell me your opinions and if you have anything to complain about, you can tell me openly. I have struggled a lot with this story lately but it's getting better. Also, the chapters are getting longer - I didn't intend it to happen this way, it just did. Oops. 
> 
> Also, I feel like Wayv writes perfect car sex songs (Love Talk, After Midnight) so I admit, I got the idea for the driving scenes while listening to them. I like it better after midnight~
> 
> Thank you for reading everyone and I hope you have a great day!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you MEAN it’s been over a week since I last updated??? I thought it had only been a few days, time surely flies when you’re having fun... Yeeeah maybe not, I’m working so much and making so little money, at least my workmates are wonderful, they make each day worth it. We carry boxes and treat customers and gossip, it’s very nice. Some of them are hardcore kpop stans, they might as well be reading this and have no idea that I’m the one behind everything. The Internet is so weird.

**_April 2000_ **

_“Sorry I’m late, here’s the finished work”, Kyungsoo slammed the papers on the table the minute he arrived. The printouts were still warm as he had grabbed them from the principal's office less than five minutes ago. One more thing done, check, now they had to discuss the finishing touches for their discourse together quickly so that Kyungsoo could get back to doing his other extracurriculars._

_“Woah, you were fast”, Jongin took his feet off the table and Chanyeol eyed the prints as though he had never seen paper before. He was constantly zoned out, even worse than Baekhyun who at least had a reason to. The omega was chewing on another garlic bread in the corner of the room, perfectly in Chanyeol's line of sight._

_Well, not anymore, because Kyungsoo took a seat at the table perfectly in-between the two._

_"Chanyeol", he said strictly. "Did you finish the presentation slides?"_

_"Uh-"_

_"I made them", Jongin said and pointed at the stack of transparent plastic films that he had filled with text. Kyungsoo checked them through - the handwriting wasn’t nearly as neat as he would have liked, considering that they were going to show the films through the overhead projector to one of their strictest teachers, but it was good enough. The text was correct, it was the main thing._

_"Okay, well, is your part of the analysis done then?" Kyungsoo asked. Because that was what he had assigned for Jongin in the first place._

_"Uh, it will be tomorrow. It took me a while to make these”, Jongin smiled apologetically, but Kyungsoo wasn’t mad at him. They were going to have the presentation tomorrow, so technically they had until tomorrow. Still, he would have liked to have everything done the day before, just so they could all practice properly beforehand - actually, they had all agreed on doing it with this schedule. He turned to Chanyeol._

_“Why didn’t you do what I asked?” He kept his voice calm but he was greatly irritated. Especially now because he had to hit the table to get the older’s attention - he had, once again, just been staring at Baekhyun._

_“I, uh, I had other stuff to do”, was his only defense. Kyungsoo closed his eyes, counted to five because he didn't have time for ten, and-_

_"Chanyeol", he stood up and the chair scratched the floor. "Talk to me for a second"_

_He walked to the hallway, not even bothering to check whether the older was following him or not. If the alpha valued his head, then he was. He heard his heavy steps behind him and once they were both out of the room, he slammed the door closed._

_"Pull yourself together", straight to the topic was the best tactic. "If you want to screw up your own studies for an omega who is pregnant for someone else then go ahead, but don't pull the rest of us down with you"_

_Chanyeol blushed immediately._

_"I- that's not what I-"_

_"Yeol”, Kyungsoo didn’t have the time to listen to his excuses. “I'm saying this as your oldest friend - forget Baekhyun. He is going to get a child soon, it's not even yours, just stop running after him. There is no point. I know you've liked him for a while and all but you can't keep this up.”_

_Surprisingly, Chanyeol let him finish without interrupting him. Even once he was done, Chanyeol didn’t attack him with the fire that he usually possessed. He had become much more gentle during the past few months and although Kyungsoo liked that about him because he wasn’t constantly annoying him…_

_… He knew where it came from, and that made him uneasy. Chanyeol’s grades had started dropping, he was losing his focus, and as Kyungsoo was often in the same team with him, he could feel the effects of that too. This wasn’t the first time. They had just started their senior year - this kind of behavior was unacceptable._

_“I know”, Chanyeol finally sighed. “I just can’t help it”_

_“Try harder”, Kyungsoo said coldly. Because Chanyeol had to be treated coldly when he got too soft. “Baekhyun lives with me now, my mom looks after him, he doesn’t need you. Not really. You do not want to raise a stranger’s child, not when you are basically a child yourself. We’re barely even legal”_

_Kyungsoo could see the way Chanyeol’s brain worked, through his eyes:_ **_It wouldn’t be a stranger’s child, it would be Baekhyun’s and I love Baekhyun._ **

_Before the older managed to say something like that, Kyungsoo raised his hand to stop him._

_“Even if you do nothing more, please focus on this group work now. I need at least 95% from this, and that requires your full focus. Chanyeol, please”_

_“Okay”, he nodded. “I can do that much”_

_“Okay”, if that was all that the older was going to agree on then so be it, Kyungsoo didn’t have time to keep scolding him. He had his own life to live, Seoul National wasn’t going to give him extra points because he was helping his idiot friends. Baekhyun was a lost cause but Chanyeol could still be saved if he got himself together._

_He had to clear his head and focus on what was important - his education._

_Kyungsoo opened the door again, to see that the two in the room were doing anything but the presentation._

_“Let’s just get this done and over with”, Kyungsoo sighed and both of them nodded. He pretended not to notice the glances and the tense atmosphere of the room, but instead, he hurried through their work and took the films that Jongin had made with him as he left. He would rewrite them himself._

_This was going to be the last group work that he would ever make with these people._

...

**_Chenle_the_dolphin 10:36  
_ ** _[sent a picture]  
_ _[sent a picture]  
_ _[sent a picture]  
_ _Jisung in a roller coaster xdxdxdxd_

 **_Nana 10:39  
_ ** _Nooooo you're bullying my baby_

 **_SungieBaby 10:40  
_ ** _I’m not a baby, those things are fucking crazy okay  
_ _No human should ride them, it doesn’t make sense  
_ _Btw can you change my username now?_

 **_Nana 10:40  
_ ** _No_

 **_Chenle_the_dolphin 10:42  
_ ** _Oh but I can, you don’t need admin rights to do that_

 **_SungieBaby 10:42  
_ ** _You DON’T??_

 **_Hyuckie 10:42  
_ ** _Oh, such a poor and innocent baby  
_ _You've believed in this lie for two years now_

 **_SungieBaby 10:42  
_ ** _SHUT UP  
_ _Chenle how do I do that?_

 **_Chenle_the_dolphin 10:43  
_ ** _Wait, I’ll show you, my grandma is almost done kicking ass in Mahjong  
_ _You inside?_

 **_SungieBaby 10:43  
_ ** _In your room, avoiding your aunt_

 **_Chenle_the_dolphin 10:44  
_ ** _K_

 **_Hyuckie 10:44  
_ ** _If YoU'rE gOiNg To TaLk To OnE pErSoN tHeN dO iT pRiVaTeLy_

 **_SungieBaby_ ** _changed their username to_ **_JisungOPPA_ **

**_JisungOPPA_ ** _changed their username to_ **_JisungPWARK_ **

**_JisungPWARK_ ** _changed their username to_ **_maknaeontopjisungieeee_ **

**_Maknaeontopjisungieeee_ ** _changed their username to_ **_JUSTPARKJISUNG_ **

**_JUSTPARKJISUNG_ ** _changed their username to_ **_W_ **

**_W_ ** _changed their username to_ **_SungieBaby_ **

**_Nana 10:59  
_ ** _Awwww_

 **_SungieBaby 10:59  
_ ** _whatEVER_

**_..._ **

_"HUANG XUXI ARE YOU IN HERE?"_

The front door slammed open on a fine Tuesday morning, the 9th of July. Donghyuck startled - why was everyone around here so fucking loud?! He turned to look at the doorway that was currently empty, the door hanging open and the wind blowing in. Whoever had just come through it was now stomping up the stairs. Donghyuck glanced towards her - it was a petite young woman with long hair. That was all he saw. 

Uh, okay?

Should he do something about this random visitor? Nah, Lucas would take care of it. As far as Donghyuck knew, the older was killing time somewhere upstairs with Guanheng, Yangyang, and Renjun. The Chinese gang was playing video games and although Donghyuck usually liked games as well, he had gotten tired of the noise and had left to get something to eat. He was playing on his phone lying on the sofa, and snacking on some sugar candies that he had found from the cupboards.

He was 99% sure that they were Renjun’s. 

"What's going on?" Mark stepped into the room. His hair was still wet from the shower, it was way too hot to blow dry now so Mark let it be. It wouldn’t get _that_ wild, Mark’s hair was fairly short. 

"Oh I wish I knew", Donghyuck sighed and as Mark sat down next to him, he threw his feet on him. 

"Massage me please", he playfully ordered and Mark rolled his eyes but did as asked. Donghyuck had just showered too so it wasn't that disgusting. Mark was so gentle and he smelled amazing just out of the shower, Donghyuck dragged himself even closer and closed his eyes. He could just-

_"XUXI!!"_

The visitor yelled again and a couple of more door slams could be heard. Donghyuck cursed under his breath - he was mentally prepared for loud noises now but his heart still kept jumping to his throat. He hugged Mark closer and sighed. 

"God, I'm so glad we'll get out of here", Mark said quietly. 

"Yeah, well, this place had its perks" 

They were going to leave for Guangzhou on the very same day, Tuesday the 9th. They had in total lived in Lucas’s house for seven days which wasn't that much, but it was more than enough for them. In Guangzhou, they were going to live with other strangers again but hopefully, they would be calmer. At least Guanheng had promised that they would be.

The thing was, that they couldn’t be sure that the meeting with Lu Han would take them anywhere. They had to prepare for the worst. So, they had played it safe. They were going to stay with these two friends of Lucas’s who lived in Guangzhou - Donghyuck didn’t know much about them, he had only heard their names once or twice but he had forgotten them already. Yeah, Donghyuck knew that the whole plan sounded slightly dubious, however, Guanheng had sworn that these people were legitimate. He had known them just as long as Lucas, they were old school mates too, and Donghyuck trusted Guanheng. So, in order to save money, they were going to live with these friends. 

And hopefully, reserve a hotel room as soon as the meeting was over and they would have a clear path. While obtaining their visas, they had had to come up with a specific timeframe for their trip, so they had decided on two weeks. The whole process of getting their visas hadn’t been crazy long but they had had to, for example, buy their return tickets already (They had just bought train tickets back to Hong Kong) and prove the people working in the visa agency that they had a place to stay.

Their travel plan had to be very specific for that to work. And it wasn’t. But they managed to make it look like it was, and that was enough. Just because they said they would stay with friends didn’t mean they would, for the whole time. 

“I can’t wait to get into a hotel with you”, Mark said quietly as the screaming continued upstairs. “Just you and me”

Donghyuck smirked at the thought.

"Yeah, I'm sure you must be suffering now, as you can only look but not touch" because one of the reasons why they were so excited about having a room for themselves was that they could… do stuff anytime they wanted to, just lock the door. A closed door meant nothing in the Wong household and although the Chinese people there (except for Renjun, that Catholic prude) didn’t mind being seen and seeing something that wasn’t initially meant for their eyes, Donghyuck and Mark did. 

"Not touch? Let's see about that..." Mark leaned closer, Donghyuck thought that he was going to kiss him but before their lips touched, he felt something else that caught his whole attention - that was Mark _tickling_ him??!?!

“Nonononono please stop I wasn’t serious I’m sorry”, Donghyuck tried to push his hands away from under his shirt but Mark wasn’t backing away that easily.

“Ohh I knew your sides were ticklish”, he grinned and only attacked Donghyuck with more power. Donghyuck fell on the sofa on his back and Mark climbed on top of him. Donghyuck couldn’t even fight back, he kept squirming and laughing as Mark tickled his sensitive sides. Agh, he had found out about his weak point, there was nothing he could do about it.

“I surrender!”

“That won’t help you!” Mark grinned and his eyes were dark - alpha dark. His rut was slowly coming to an end and although it was the best for everyone this way… damn, Donghyuck wanted his darkness to stay.

“I surrender”, Donghyuck repeated with a calmer voice, as he looked at Mark in the eyes. The other had reduced his tickling into mere holding like he always did after they had slept together and a set of filthy thoughts filled Donghyuck’s head. 

“As I said”, Mark’s voice faded into a whisper. A thick and heavy whisper. “There is no use”

When Mark leaned down to kiss him, Donghyuck lost all sense of time and place. His taste was so strong, Donghyuck’s hands - that had been formed into fists that he had punched Mark with, repeatedly - opened under his warmth like flower blossoms, and started wandering around Mark’s body because he wanted to-

“Seriously"

Renjun’s voice brought him back to reality. 

"What's your problem?", Donghyuck groaned as Mark broke the kiss and Donghyuck had to pull his hand out of his pants. "You were supposed to be hanging out with the others!" 

"Well, I'm not anymore", he said matter of factly. "Do you not have any shame? We have visitors" 

“We? Since when has it been we?"

"GUYS", Lucas screamed from the staircase and all three of them turned to look. Their visitor, the girl with a strong voice and long hair, looked tiny beside him. At least she wasn’t screaming anymore. "Are you ready to go?”

"Now?" Donghyuck asked. They hadn't been able to leave right away because of the visas but also, they had had to stay for one more day because Lucas had had something _"super-duper totally mega hyper important"_ to do. Well, it seemed like he was done.

"Yeah”, Lucas grinned. “My baby bird flew back home”

“Baby bird? Yeah right, I was waiting for you in Dongguan and then I heard through grapevine that you’ve come back home? And didn’t bother telling me??” The girl sounded somewhat angry as he hit Lucas’s arm, but the alpha just laughed.

“I didn’t know you would be there so soon, I would never leave you hanging on purpose, babe”

“I know you wouldn’t. That would be the last thing that you did”

The girl made a face and Lucas leaned down to peck her lips. Donghyuck’s eyes widened - Lucas was a man filled with surprises, and seeing him bicker and flirt and then kiss a girl there in the staircase was yet again a thing Donghyuck hadn’t expected. The kiss was quick and innocent, they parted with a smile spreading on both of their faces and Lucas turned to face the others.

“Right, so, Yuqi, these are Donghyuck, Mark, and Renjun and you all, this is Song Yuqi, my hot and beautiful girlfriend”

“Is that all I am to you? Just hot and beautiful?”

“And intelligent and funny and charismatic and cute and-”

“Alright, that’s good enough”, Yuqi chuckled as she hit Lucas’s arm again and bowed for the people in the living room. “It’s nice to meet you all”

“Likewise”, Mark, Donghyuck, and Renjun all mirrored the gesture. When Mark’s and Donghyuck’s eyes met again, the confusion changed into relief. Donghyuck thought of the hickeys still pretty much visible up his neck - they felt so stupid now. Even more stupid than before. Lucas had had a _girlfriend_ this _whole time._

“So, you all ready?” Lucas repeated and Donghyuck nodded. They had packed the night before. Mostly.

Still, it took them another two hours before they were out and on the road.

Donghyuck blamed Yangyang.

...

The drive from Hong Kong to Guangzhou, according to the wonderful internet, would only take two hours. They took Guanheng’s car and Yuqi and Lucas both had the motorcycles that they took with them. 

They got stuck into a traffic jam in Hong Kong already though. Mark was driving the car, thank god - Donghyuck had insisted on it and Guanheng, surprisingly, didn’t have anything against it. Renjun did though because he was stuck with Yangyang and Guanheng on the backseat now, instead of Donghyuck and Mark, and the crackhead pair came up with the weirdest of ways to pass time. Donghyuck kept his eyes on the road and tried not to reminisce about the time he had spent in the same car just a couple of days ago, with Mark.

Or maybe he did reminisce. Just a little.

They needed to stop four times before they even got near Guangzhou - twice for a bathroom break because Yangyang kept drinking coke like he was going to die if he didn’t have some of it in his mouth all the time, once to get food, and once because Yuqi’s bike had a problem.

Seriously, how hard was it to maintain a motorcycle??

“I think it’s the brakes again”, Yuqi said as the rest got off the car in the supermarket parking lot. Yuqi was kneeling next to the bike and Lucas was leaning against his own, smoking a cigarette, looking pretty unbothered. Maybe this really was something that happened often. Donghyuck didn’t know about Yuqi but Lucas’s family must be rich - still, their son used motorcycles that had to be maintained all the time. That was weird.

“Did you check the brake fluids?” Lucas asked.

“I did, I’m pretty sure that it’s not that”, Yuqi muttered and started to work. Guanheng and Yangyang decided to go to the supermarket to get snacks and Renjun joined them, while Donghyuck and Mark just stayed by the car and enjoyed the sun.

Donghyuck was going to get so tanned, but really, he didn’t even care anymore. He looked good with a tan. The only thing that slightly bothered him about his tanning skin now was the lines that were going to form on his skin. He was still bruised, he had tried to cover most of them with a high collar shirt but that meant that his neck was going to remain a lighter color than his face. As though he was wearing crazy dark makeup powder.

“Alright, all done”, Yuqi exclaimed after twenty minutes working on the motorcycle. Donghyuck couldn’t see a difference, he doubted anyone could. However, the engine sounded like a normal motorcycle would, as Yuqi kicked it on.

“Great!”, Lucas dumped the second cigarette during that break. “That means we can continue”

“Not yet”, Yuqi raised his hands that were colored dark by… gasoline? Oil? “I’m going to the bathroom to wash up first. Then, we can go”

“I’ll come with you!” Donghyuck got up from where he had been leaning against the car. He needed to pee but he hadn't gone with the betas and alphas because, well, he would have to use a different bathroom anyway. Yuqi just nodded and they went. 

Once he was done, Donghyuck stayed in front of the bathroom mirror, to stare at his neck. His shirt wasn't covering nearly as much as he would have liked, the foundation had, of course, come off as he had been sweating wearing the thick shirt. He groaned and pulled his collar higher. 

“A possessive lover?” Yuqi’s voice found Donghyuck, and he looked at her through the mirror as the other stepped out of the cubicle and started washing her hands.

“An uncharacteristically jealous lover I’d say”, Donghyuck sighed and bit his tongue immediately. He shouldn’t be talking about this to a stranger he had just met. However, it was a bathroom situation. The thing about feminine bathrooms was that people shared intimate worries there - it didn’t matter if people knew each other, all the problems were shared there.

Whenever he had gone out with Jaemin in South Korea, they had gotten a lot of attention from the omega girls. They had shared dating advice and makeup tips, they had dried the tears of so many girls they couldn’t properly remember afterward - women’s bathroom was an emotional cocoon where positivity and empathy were spread. Even when the cloud of intoxication disappeared, it still remained as this safe space that Donghyuck secretly liked a lot.

“Ohh tell me about it”, Yuqi hummed empathetically. “Men and their jealousy, am I right?”

Donghyuck nodded. In this case, the word _men_ meant alphas and betas. Donghyuck was in this weird in-between state between men and women, and although he looked and sounded like a man as he was one, he also shared many important characteristics with women. 

He was a weird fault of nature, he was something of his own. However, there were times like these when he felt like he could relate and talk to the girls much easier if he had to choose one of the two. He wasn't attracted to them, he wasn't one of them, but still. 

“So”, Yuqi said as she dried her hands. “What’s got his panties all twisted?”

 _Your boyfriend._ Okay, Donghyuck definitely couldn’t tell her that.

“Just me getting attention in general I guess”, Donghyuck sighed and looked at his hair in the mirror. It looked messy, his dark roots were growing out already but the color wasn’t too radical to look bad. He hadn’t gone with platinum blonde or pink for a reason, he wasn’t patient enough to go through massive hair treatments every day. 

“Are you a new couple?” Yuqi asked casually and checked her hair in the mirror as well. Her long, messy hair suited her. She started combing it though - driving on a motorcycle tangled the long locks, but it didn’t look that bad.

“Yeah, kind of”, Donghyuck admitted. “We’ve been together for five months, most of that in long-distance”

Yuqi hissed. “Uhh, I feel you. Ain’t that just a pain”

“It is”, Donghyuck admitted. Because that was exactly what it was - painful, inconvenient, annoying as hell. But he put up with it. Because he liked Mark.

“Wanna tell me about it?” Yuqi asked. She put the hair comb back and pulled something else out of her handbag - a box of concealer - and smiled. “I think I have a solution for this little problem”

“Uh, I’m not sure about that”, Donghyuck wouldn’t mind sharing his story, but the pale shade of the concealer that Yuqi was holding didn’t look like it would suit Donghyuck’s skin, ever. Even if he went to live in freaking Greenland for ten years, his skin would remain darker than that. But Yuqi just smiled.

“We need to do layers but, I assure you, this has saved my life multiple times - I’m sure it would help you too. Give me your concealer, you don’t want to walk on the streets of Guangzhou all bruised”

He didn’t. He definitely didn’t. So, he decided to trust Yuqi and gave her his foundation - that he had had in his pocket for obvious reasons - and the short female started to work.

…

“Alright, all done!” 

Donghyuck eyed his neck in the mirror - there were no signs of the bruises, it was as though no one had ever touched his neck at all. He was pure and innocent and untouched again. Yuqi had only needed approximately seven minutes to perform this magic on him - during that time Donghyuck had told the short version of everything that had happened to him during 2019, from looking for his father to ending up in a long-distance relationship and then coming to China. Yuqi had listened, quietly applying the makeup on his skin.

“Thank you”, Donghyuck said, sincerely.

“No problem”, Yuqi smiled and put the box back into her backpack. “Happens to me all the time. Xuxi can be a pain in more ways than one”

She leaned closer to the mirror to apply more lipstick. She held such weird energy. On one hand, she was really cute, she was short and she had a round face and long, fluffy curly hair and colorful, childish hairpins in it. But on the other hand, she wore dark red lipstick and a black leather jacket and knee-high boots, she looked like she could beat someone up whenever she wanted to. 

It seemed as though everyone Donghyuck met on this journey was confusing as hell. However, Yuqi’s two sides seemed to be in perfect balance. It was easy to see what Lucas would be attracted to in her.

“How long have you two been together?” Donghyuck asked, mostly to break the silence but also because he was curious. He hadn’t expected Lucas to have a girlfriend for a good reason - he didn’t seem like the type to settle for anyone, just like Jaemin had never seemed like he could. However, there must be a story there.

“Four years”, Yuqi answered and smacked her lips before deciding that she was done. Then she switched the lipstick to eyeliner and leaned in again to apply it. "We met at SM, I'm sure he has told you lots of things about his training. Oh, well, I was eliminated in a monthly evaluation and not even a month later Xuxi followed. He was an idiot, I'm sure he would have made it if he had truly tried but", Yuqi shrugged. "Xuxi has always been a bit weird"

That explained Yuqi's Korean skills. Donghyuck didn't know much about the trainee programs, he had never considered idol life as an actual career option, but Yuqi's version sounded much more… bland? No shining lights, no hard work that pays off, they had just kicked her out and that was the end of it. It was probably what happened to most people, but the media had never liked ordinary. Also, Lucas had pointed out how irritated he had been by the dating limitations, and the two of them had been together for a while already. Maybe love had truly changed the course of his life, possibly for better, possibly for worse. 

Donghyuck would have to decide, whether he would want to let it change his. Chatting with Yuqi in a random bathroom somewhere between Hong Kong and Guangzhou was not going to be the place where he would make big decisions but, that was where he developed his thoughts further. 

He had spent a week with Mark and they were nowhere near a proper answer. To anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Yuqi. And I love Yuqi and Lucas together. I was initially going to add another scene here but decided against it, enjoy one slow chapter now and get ready for the next one, bbbbyeeeeeeeeee
> 
> (also, I noticed that my sentences were crazy long here. I really need to work on that xd)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi yall DID YOU HEAR RENJUN'S COVER???????? OH MY GOD I listened to it in a bus on my way home from work and it was asjfhskfskbvfb sooooooo goooooooooood oh my goooooooood. 
> 
> Yesterday, my friends canceled our plans so I sat at home with my cat, drunk beer, and wrote bad poetry. Yeah I know, it's kind of sad, but I had a fairly good time - I blasted my NCT127 and SuperM albums and ate ice cream and had some quality me-time. I also wrote this chapter because Renjun's cover really inspired me to get this done. Maybe you'll understand why when you've read it, maybe not... Anyways, let's GOOOOO

**_June 2000_ **

_“Hyung, what the fuck?!”_

_Sehun had always had his way with words. All Baekhyun could do was try to smile under the intense stare and take a few steps back, to let the people in._

_“Meet Haechan, everyone!” He held the baby in his arms, but pain prevented him from moving much. Sehun and Jongin were eyeing the place and the baby like they couldn’t believe their eyes. Baekhyun admitted that it looked bad - worse than it was, really. There was quite a lot of blood still on the mattress, but he hadn’t been able to clean it yet. He had to hold the baby, wash the baby, Haechan was so fragile and small, he couldn’t lay him down for a single second._

_And the pain? He could deal with it._

_“Why didn’t you call us?” Jongin yelled and Baekhyun’s heart skipped a beat. He had let a young, unpredictable alpha into his home when he was holding a newborn. A newborn that wasn’t the alphas. A bad idea, a very bad idea, the worst of them all._

_He stepped back until his back hit the wall, and hugged the baby closer to himself._

_“Have you gone mad?!!” Jongin continued. Haechan was starting to cry, so Baekhyun tried his best to calm him down. The alpha was angry, it was dangerous._

_“Quit it, Jongin”, another alpha stepped closer to him, but instead, his back was towards Baekhyun. “He is weak. We have to help him”_

_Chanyeol. It was Chanyeol. A potentially dangerous alpha as well, but at the moment, he was standing there protecting him - them. Baekhyun squeezed his eyes closed and felt tears fall on his cheeks, as he tried to rock the baby in his arms. He tried to calm down - Haechan could sense his distress and get scared, and it didn’t matter how scared he felt, the safety of them both was his priority now._

_And if the baby kept crying, the alphas would only get more mad. More dangerous. Baekhyun knew that he was too weak to protect them both if it came down to it, the pain was getting worse and the black dots in his eyes danced with more intensity._

_“Can’t you see you’re scaring him?” He heard Chanyeol say._

_“What, I-” suddenly, the angry alpha - Jongin - stopped and his anger evaporated. “I- I didn’t mean to! Baekhyun hyung, you know you don’t have to fear me!”_

_The alpha took a step but Chanyeol stopped him._

_“Don’t get closer”, he said strictly. “And calm the fuck down. He has just given birth and his omega instincts are kicking in - he can only feel your aggression, he doesn’t know what it’s targeted to”_

_Baekhyun’s ears were ringing. He fell on to his knees as a sharp pain shot through his abdomen. Oh no, no, he thought he was done, what was going on? He shouldn’t have stood up, he shouldn’t have walked to the door, he felt nauseous and dizzy and-_

_The speech around him turned into porridge, mist, and traffic noise, he could only sense strong feelings of distress and aggression. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths to calm himself. Haechan calmed down a bit too, and Baekhyun's tears stopped falling as no hit came._

_No one tried to force him to give his baby away. An alpha stepped a bit closer but he hissed and it backed off._

_“Sehun, you’re unpresented. Talk to him”_

_“Hey, hyung”, he heard a voice much closer to him, much more calm. The smell of the person indicated that he was unsure, but not dangerous. A puppy!_

_He turned to see Sehun kneel in front of him, moving slowly and carefully so that he could predict his every move._

_“Hyung”, he repeated. “We need to go to the hospital”_

_“No”, Baekhyun shook his head. His mother would steal his baby! No, he would never allow that to happen!_

_“But you’re hurt”_

_He still kept shaking his head._

_“Who will take care of Haechan if you’re dead?” Jongin asked from across the room. “We can’t help you here, you might get an infection or bleed to death. Is that what you want?”_

_Tears filled his vision again. Haechan was so small, so weak and helpless against his chest - he couldn’t leave him to face the world alone. No. No, he had to be there for his baby. He had to stay alive. The blood pooling between his legs was a pretty clear indicator that something was not right, he had to go to the hospital._

_“Don’t let them take him away from me”, he whispered only for Sehun to hear, hoping that he would understand what he meant._

_“We won’t”, he said. “Now, give Haechan to me - I’m afraid you’ll drop him, you’re seriously pale hyung. Will you let Chanyeol carry you out?”_

_He hugged the baby even harder first, but he knew that Sehun was speaking the truth._

_“Be brave Haechannie”, he kissed the baby’s forehead and gave it to Sehun, who took it like it could break if he made one single mistake. It could, Haechan was so precious and so small. But once he was safely in Sehun’s arms, Baekhyun smiled._

_And passed out._

_..._

“Alright”, Lucas said loudly, and the group gathered around him like a bunch of tourists. “My friends told me that they are killing time here. Neither of them is answering their phone anymore so we're going to have to find them ourselves. But don't worry, it won't be difficult"

"Not difficult you say", Donghyuck mumbled as he looked around. The area looked huge and there were thousands of people walking here and there. It was nearing eight o'clock, their two-hour drive had ended up taking them four. And now they would have to look for people among a huge crowd - two guys in their twenties. There were lots of people in their twenties there, doing all kinds of things. Yay.

Donghyuck felt so tired already. Sitting in the hot car for hours had affected his mood and physical well being negatively. He didn’t feel like going for a random city search, he just wanted to lay down under air conditioning and not move for another week or so.

Mark took his hand and he felt like he got a bit of strength back. He smiled a little and laced their fingers. 

"You good?" Mark asked and Donghyuck nodded. 

"Yeah", could be better but he would survive this. He tried not to spread his negative feelings too much. The weather was good and they had crossed the border without problems - so many things were okay too. This was nothing in comparison.

Lucas led them at first but it became clear soon that he didn't know where to go either. The place where they were at was some kind of a park/marketplace where people came to spend their free time. There were street food stands and happy people gathered everywhere, it wasn't as hot anymore so walking wasn't that unpleasant. 

They turned a corner and came to… What was it exactly? 

"That's Pearl River, everyone!" Yuqi pointed at the area of water spreading in front of them. A warm wind reached them and although it was nearly as hot as the weather, Donghyuck welcomed it on his skin with a smile. 

The sun was setting slowly and as the sky got colored pink and orange, the purple, blue, and green neon lights of the tall buildings along the river were put on. The contrast was strong but beautiful, the skyscrapers reached for the heights and danced on the surface of the water.

It beat New York 100 to 0 and Donghyuck made sure to tell Mark that. Just in case the older hadn't realized it himself. 

"That's debatable", Mark said. "It's just different" 

"Phew, New York is only so cool in the West. Man, I love East Asia”, Donghyuck had never traveled too much but he _had_ seen some of the biggest cities in East Asia. And he knew nothing would win the feeling there. The huge buildings, the crowds, and the buzz always going on around the biggest cities really set his heart alive. 

“You’re biased”, Mark chuckled. “Is New York the only Western city you’ve been to?”

“Yes, but apparently it’s the best - and yet, it can’t hold a candle to the beauty of the Eastern megalopolises. And the traditions here. And the people here”

“That’s ignorant as hell Hyuckie, the West is amazing in its own ways. ”

“You keep telling yourself that, you dumb American”

Mark caught his wrist and turned him around, to face himself. Mark’s cheeks were a bit too red, indicating a slowly forming sunburn. Stupid alphas and their carelessness when it came to skincare. That though was just passing through, because on the upfront in Donghyuck’s mind was _oh my god he looks so hot and smells so good and-_

“I’m starting to think you’re just _trying_ to pick a fight”, he said with his low, dark alpha voice. Donghyuck felt his breath on his face and he smelled like that random chicken sandwich that he had eaten just before they had reached their destination. Donghyuck felt hungry… but not necessarily for chicken. “What should I do about it, mmh?”

“I don’t know, what do you have in mind?” Donghyuck challenged him because he couldn’t not. Lots of thoughts swam in Mark’s eyes but before he managed to say anything, Donghyuck noticed something in the corner of his eye - a couple of older people, eyeing them with raised brows.

“You know, baby, people are expected to behave here”, Donghyuck whispered and stepped away. “Save that for later”

“Seriously, your arguments are so stupid sometimes”, Renjun commented from the front, where he had ended up after Lucas and Yuqi had fallen to the end of their walking crowd. All of the couples seemed to have something going on, Yuqi and Lucas were discussing something intensely in Mandarin and Guanheng and Yangyang kept taking pictures of each other, so Renjun had started leading them. Donghyuck would feel a bit sorry for him, if the other weren’t so openly, invitingly easily annoyed.

“Your envy is showing Rennie”, Donghyuck sang, never letting go of Mark’s hand but instead pulling him to the front with him. He had meant what he had said earlier - public expressions of love weren’t as usual nor accepted in China as they were in America or even South Korea. Playing with Mark wouldn’t be a good idea in the middle of a busy Guangzhou park, so it was better if they occupied their minds with something else. Donghyuck was also wearing thin shorts, and they would have to be in public for a while still so… it was better if he didn’t take any risks and let his mind wander.

“I’m not envious”, Renjun said and straightened his back. He was wearing his royal blue Yonsei jacket again, despite the warmth. Donghyuck doubted that the people here would even know what Yonsei was but he was tired of bullying Renjun about that. There were so many other topics to choose from.

“Uh-huh”, he nodded. “I bet your balls are as blue as your jacket”

“Excuse _you_ , some of us are capable of showing some restraint”, Renjun glanced at Mark. “No offense”

“None taken”, Mark chuckled. Donghyuck rolled his eyes.

“Should we find you someone? _I’m_ getting frustrated watching you!”

“Can you shut up about my dating life?” Renjun’s annoyance stayed on the normal level, and as Mark worked as his safety shield, Donghyuck didn’t even need to fear for bruises. 

“You mean the _lack of_ a dating life”, Donghyuck huffed. “You’re not even trying”

“Maybe I don’t want to try? Ever thought of that?” Renjun huffed and turned a corner. This square had been checked well enough already. 

“Oh I know you, it’s not that”

“You’re being ridicu-”

 **_hai mei gen ni qian zhe shou  
_ ** **_还没跟你牵著手_ **

**_zou guo huang wu de sha qiu  
_ ** **_走过荒芜的沙丘_ **

All of them stopped walking at once, when Renjun did. Donghyuck, who had been walking right behind him, annoying him, actually walked against him but Renjun didn’t say anything at all. Donghyuck peeked over the alpha’s shoulder - In front of them, two young men were sitting on a bench, one of them had a guitar, and there were a few people gathered in front of them, listening. The guys also had a guitar case laid open in front of them, and someone was just crouching down to put coins in there.

 **_ke neng chong ci yi hou, xue hui zhen xi  
_ ** **_可能从此以後学会珍惜_ **

**_tian chang he di jiu  
_ ** **_天长和地久_ **

Donghyuck glanced at Renjun - he was completely frozen, staring at the men performing like he was seeing the light for the first time. They were singing well, most street performers usually were, but that didn't explain Renjun’s reaction. 

“Ah, I told you we would-”, Lucas started speaking loudly from behind them but Renjun shushed him silent and put a hand in front of him. It must have been out of pure surprise that Lucas actually listened to him and shut up. 

The guys played a chorus which sounded nice, but Donghyuck couldn’t really pay full attention to the song. He kept staring at Renjun who in turn stared at the guys playing. He was frozen and when Donghyuck opened his mouth to speak, Renjun immediately slapped his hand on his mouth to stop him from doing so. 

So, there they stood and listened until the end of the song. 

“ _Yukhei!_ ”, the guy holding the guitar finally yelled, smiling, as he spotted them. Donghyuck had learned what Lucas’s different names meant, or at least why different people used different ones. Xuxi was his name in Mandarin, and those who spoke Mandarin as their mother tongue - Yangyang, Renjun, and now, Yuqi - used that one. Lucas was a more international one so he and Mark used that, as there were no tones that could be screwed up. And then Yukhei was his Cantonese name and Guanheng - or Kunhang, as Lucas called him - used that one.

So, this guitar man was Cantonese. Of course, he was, since they were in Guangzhou - but Donghyuck was still proud of his little observation.

“Dejun!” Lucas answered loudly and walked through the crowd to the singers - or, rather, the crowd made way for him, and the others just followed. Renjun’s eyes were blown wide, and Donghyuck needed to take his wrist to pull him with them. What the hell?

“Oh, right, so”, Lucas turned back to them. The crowd scattered as they noticed that the music had stopped. Lucas smiled and patted the backs of both of the singers. “These guys are Qian Kun and Xiao Dejun”

The guys said their hellos and bowed, and the others mirrored the gestures. This was the fifth time that Donghyuck heard their names, maybe now that he had a face to connect to each then he could finally learn and memorize them. The guys were both pretty short. Dejun seemed to be a bit shorter than Donghyuck and he looked so omega-like, Donghyuck would bet his head on it. He had a smooth voice and soft build, and once they locked eyes, he could see that knowing look in the other’s eyes.

Yup. An omega.

Kun was a harder case. Probably a beta or an alpha, but Donghyuck would have to ask to get that confirmed. But he wouldn’t be asking that straight from Kun - not because it would be rude, it usually wasn’t, but because-

“Kun and Dejun don’t speak Korean”, Lucas informed. “But, I’m sure you’ll get along anyway, they’re both very simple”

“Don’t be rude”, Yuqi hit his arm. “We discussed this earlier - Kun has a bigger apartment so Guanheng and Yangyang, Donghyuck and Mark, you can go with him. Me, Xuxi and Renjun will stay with Dejun. Is that alright?”

“It's fine by me”, Donghyuck answered. At least he would have two people there who could translate for him. Renjun and Mark nodded beside him, and Guanheng was already introducing Yangyang to Kun. The older omega, Dejun, struggled with gathering the coins from the guitar case and some of them rolled on the ground. Renjun kneeled immediately and caught some of them, and then gave them to Dejun. 

The alpha’s cheeks turned even redder as the omega thanked him and dropped the coins once more before getting them to his pocket. 

“Um, yeah”, Renjun said as he got up and brushed his hands, turning back to Yuqi and Lucas. “It’s fine by me too”

Donghyuck elbowed Mark and they shared a knowing look. As the group split in half, Donghyuck kept his eyes at the alpha and grinned. They might have a solution in their hands!

If only Renjun wasn’t so painfully _awkward._

…

Kun might have a bigger apartment compared to Dejun but it still didn’t mean it was _big._ He had a living room, one bedroom, a kitchen, and a bathroom, a small apartment that must still cost him a fortune because the location was so good. The four of them were going to sleep in the living room - Kun had dragged mattresses and pillows there to make it comfortable, and Donghyuck appreciated the effort. He would have appreciated the cold floor too since they were saving a lot by living with the guy instead of some random hotel. Just in case everything went to shit and they had to start over.

He hoped that it wouldn't happen.

Anyway, he started to miss Lucas's house quite soon once he realized that the alone time with Mark had now been reduced to zero. Almost zero.

They made out on the living room floor as the other three went shopping (they gave them the money so it was okay) But other than that they acted perfectly civilized. No playing at the dinner table, they listened to the other three’s discussions without understanding much but they joined whenever Guanheng and Yangyang realized to translate stuff. Kun was nice. He cooked, although they offered to do it themselves, and he refused to take any money from them even though they were going to inhabit his living room for days to come.

“Kun says that he is just happy that he has visitors”, Guanheng translated as he helped himself more of Kun’s fresh omelets. They were so good. “Gege is a loner, no one has slept here other than him in years”

Speaking of loners, Donghyuck kept texting Renjun but the other left him on read. He didn’t even fight back, he just opened the messages and didn’t answer. So, Donghyuck wasn’t left with any other options.

**_Hyuckie 20:30  
_ ** _We found an omega for Renjun_

 **_Nana 20:32  
_ ** _WHAT??????  
_ _REALLY????_

 **_Chenle_the_dolphin 20:33  
_ ** _Lol_

 _**SungieBaby 20:33**  
_ _Oh no_

 **_Jen 20:34S  
_ ** _Stop bullying him_

 **_Hyuckie 20:34  
_ ** _YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS YET_

 **_Jen 20:34  
_ ** _I know YOU  
_ _So I know enough_

 **_Nana 20:34  
_ ** _WHAT’S GOING ON?????  
_ _DONGHYUCK TELL ME EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 **_Hyuckie 20:34  
_ ** _Well, we found the omega singing in a park in Guangzhou  
_ _And Renjun popped a boner right there  
_ _And now he is sleeping over_

 **_Nana 20:35  
_ ** _WHATTTTT?????????_

 **_Chenle_the_dolphin 20:35  
_ ** _Ohh gege getting some_

 **_Renjun 20:38  
_ ** _From the bottom of my heart: Fuck you Lee Donghyuck_

 **_Yangx2 20:40  
_ ** _Guanheng said that Dejun is single  
_ _Like, #foreveralone kind of single  
_ _So, you should go for it_

 **_Renjun 20:41  
_ ** _Fuck you both I swear to GOD_

 **_Hyuckie 20:42  
_ ** _Orr you could spend the night productively and, idk, fuck Dejun_

 **_Yangx2 20:42  
_ ** _Guanheng says that he has a thing for nerdy, smart alphas so  
_ _You’re perfectly his type!  
_ _Take him, Jun!_

 **_Hyuckie 20:42  
_ ** _Yeah, fuck away some of that tension baby!_

 _ **Renjun** has removed _ **_Yangx2_ ** _and_ **_Hyuckie_ ** _from the chat_

...

In the morning, Kun led them to the city. He spoke English poorly but understood it quite well, Mark was able to communicate with him somehow and Donghyuck followed his example. Body language was the key, as well as the translator apps that they were able to use. Kun had work to do, a job to attend to, so he couldn’t lead them all the way, but he took them to the metro station and next to the right line, and they were able to figure out the rest of the way from there.

It was a pain that they couldn’t use google maps and other web pages that they had used to, but Mark managed well with a regular map as well. He was like a boy scout, leading the way, and Donghyuck could just trust him and follow him around. Like he had done back in New York. They made it to the right building with time to spare.

“Lu Han?” the secretary on the lowest floor raised her brows. She spoke English, thank god. “Yeah, he told me you would come. He is currently in a meeting but I’ll lead you to his office”

And she did. 

“Please wait here, he should come in a minute”, the secretary smiled and they thanked her as she closed the door. Donghyuck walked closer to the window to see the scenery underneath. The office was high up in a skyscraper, the windows were huge and Donghyuck could only stare in awe at the glass-covered buildings shining in sunlight all around them. The people were so far down, they looked like ants. He could see all the way to Canton tower, the famous landmark of the city that Yuqi had pointed out to them the day before.

"All of his table boxes have locks in them"

Mark was focusing on something else.

"Uh, isn't that pretty normal? This man must be working for some really rich people", Donghyuck answered him and turned around. Mark was walking around the office, eyeing everything as though he was a detective or something. There wasn't much there to see really - it was a very minimalistic office, with no big posters or pictures or personal belongings anywhere in sight. Just a simple table and a couple of chairs, and the huge windows.

The building had had many names on its outer walls, Donghyuck wasn't exactly sure what this one was. He had taken pictures of everything and sent them to the group chat for the Chinese people to translate, but none of them had gotten to work yet. 

"I guess", Mark said. "But, like, you might be an heir to a huge, rich company. How cool would that be?"

"Nah, I was adopted", Donghyuck chuckled. "That cuts all the ties I could have legally had"

"Damn", Mark sighed and walked next to Donghyuck by the window. "But still! Skyscrapers, secrecy, money on the line... Think about it! Your life could be so different had things gone differently!

He did think about those things. Maybe more often than it was healthy. 

Someone stormed into the room, and Mark and Donghyuck turned around immediately. The man, Lu Han, looked like he was coming straight from a magazine cover shoot - he had that perfect round, small face that drove Korean girls crazy and the gray suit hugged his slim figure, adding to his looks. He wasn’t very tall, but everything else made up for it. Everything in him, even his voice as he spoke.

“I’m running late so we’re going to have to do this quickly”, he said as his introduction. "So, which one of you is Lee Donghyuck?" 

Donghyuck lifted his hand like a student, and Lu Han walked to him like a predator closing on its small defenseless prey. Donghyuck swallowed - the determination in the man’s eyes was somewhat unnerving. When he was closer, he reached out and for Donghyuck’s biggest surprise, pulled him closer by the neck and smelled him. 

"Mmh, interesting", the man said after a few sniffs, and let him go. He dug his phone from his pocket and started typing on it furiously. Donghyuck didn't know how to react so he just stood there, and rubbed his neck. He glanced at Mark who looked just as weirded out.

Of course, his scent would have some similarities to his parents but that would be very subtle. He was also sweaty, he wore perfume and he probably smelled like Mark as well, and Qian Kun, and other people he had been around. In order for Lu Han to recognize Donghyuck's smell, he would have to have a great nose - an extraordinarily good one - and he would have to know Donghyuck's father's smell really well as well. 

"Um", Donghyuck started because technically he hadn't said anything yet. "Is there any way that we could meet Kris Wu?"

"Possibly", Lu Han said and put his phone in the inside pocket of his suit jacket. "Just know this, kid: this is not just some game for you to play. You can't tell anyone that you're the biological son of Kris Wu. The news cannot spread, the reputation of our whole company is on the line here. Do you understand? "

Donghyuck nodded furiously. "I do"

"Same goes for you", Lu Han pointed at Mark. "No word anywhere. Or if you do speak for the press, I'll make sure you get crushed first and there is no coming back. No one will believe you"

"What does my father do?", Donghyuck had to ask. "Why is this such a big deal?"

Lu Han smirked a little. Only very little, but didn't say anything as his phone rang and he had to dig it out again. He answered the call in Mandarin and Mark and Donghyuck could just stand there, not knowing at all what to do. The phone call was short and angry, Lu Han hung up after thirty seconds and started typing again, furiously.

"You can ask that from him yourself", he said, and a weight was lifted from Donghyuck's chest. Or was it, really? A new had been added so he couldn't be sure.

"Okay, when could I do that? Can I contact him somehow?" 

"You know what, how about I call you back later?" Lu Han looked up from his phone. "I'm going to have to run, but you can expect to hear back from me in two days. Now, shoo, off you go!" 

And they went. Lu Han had such a powerful aura and a feeling of determined rush in his being, Donghyuck and Mark just got out of the office, the building, and on to the street.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright. I had to sign up for my next semester in uni and plan my studies and my autumn looks... awful. Lots of courses that I've been avoiding until now and most of them are completely online or just "read two books and take an exam" kind of courses. Ughh. But, maybe that leaves me with quite a lot of time to write..? Who knows? I have so many projects going on, let's see when I'll be able to post them.
> 
> Thanks for reading everyone, love you lots, I hope you have a great day and I'll see you SOON byeeeeeeeeeee  
> (ps. Can you tell which song Kun and Dejun were singing...? This is, like, the easiest "mystery" ever xdxdxd)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh, hi again, remember me?
> 
> It took me a month to upload another chapter, yeah, I know that's a long time and I'm sorry. Honestly, a bunch of stuff happened and I just lost all inspiration for writing. So I just didn't. But a few days ago I started to get hopeful again.
> 
> There is no reason to, really, the world is crazy and the evil C disease returned to my country (it had almost entirely disappeared but of course the selfish bricks went overseas for holidays and brought it back. Oh god I'm so angry) BUT I started to plan an adventure. Maybe it will happen, maybe it won't. But planning is always fun.
> 
> Also, I'm going to a huge End of Season Party tomorrow night. The season ends at my workplace, I have my last day tomorrow and then the season is over. I'm excited but at the same time... this is the last time that I get to see my wonderful workmates, and then it will all be over. Oh man, I'm going to miss my friends and the place so much... The summer went by so fast, it always does.
> 
> Anyways, enough about that, let's dive deep into this crazy story!

**_August 2000_ **

_“Don’t tell Kyungsoo”, Baekhyun said. That was the first thing that he said after Chanyeol had arrived, half an hour ago. “Sehun, Jongin, my brother - don’t tell any of them. If they ask, tell them that you don’t know. I.. I can't..."_

_Chanyeol’s heart ached. This was the second time in two months that he had to see Baekhyun lying on a hospital bed. After the first time, he had left patched up and his newborn baby in his arms - he had looked scared, but so determined that Chanyeol had believed he would make it. If only one person in the world would, then it would be Baekhyun. He had never been the caring, nursing type but seeing him with Haechan, Baekhyun had just been glowing. Just like he had been the whole pregnancy._

_Jongin called Chanyeol an idiot, just like Kyungsoo had. Baekhyun had been pregnant with another alpha’s baby, he smelled taken, he was going to raise a kid that belonged to someone else. There was nothing more off-putting than that, in a biological setting - but still, Chanyeol couldn’t help but want him. Try to look after him although Baekhyun didn’t need it, watch him run away and wonder, what it would be like to be with him. If he ever chose him._

_Chanyeol knew that he was not going to be the one for him, not now, possibly ever. Right now, he didn’t even care about it. All he cared about was bringing the life back behind his eyes - Baekhyun was just staring, without seeing anything. The flowers on his bedside table were slowly withering, his infections were slowly healing and he was starting to get some color on his cheeks again - however, he was empty and so hurt that it seemed like he couldn’t feel anything anymore._

_The Baekhyun that he had known was lost._

_There was not even anger left. Not a single trace of that unhealthy, dark energy that sometimes pushed him forward even if nothing else did - hatred, bitterness, anger towards his parents. Now, even that was gone. In the past, Baekhyun would have formed his hands into fists and sworn that he would get revenge on them. But now, his palms were open, as he paid no attention to them at all. He didn’t seem to see or feel anything except for the hollowness, the throbbing pain of losing something invaluable._

_"Okay", Chanyeol answered softly. "I won't tell anyone. Not before you're ready"_

_He would do anything that the other asked of him, he would travel to the other side of the world if that would bring the spark back behind his eyes. He wished he could have been there to prevent this from happening, but he wasn't a healer and he didn't have money. Not a single bank would give him a loan because he was underage, and his miserable parents couldn't be of help either. When he had heard that Baekhyun was in the hospital, through his brother, and when Baekhyun had told him (the only person in the world) what exactly had happened to Haechan… Suppressing tears had been extremely hard._

_But he had done it. He could cry when he got back home, it was more than likely to happen. But right now, he was there to support Baekhyun. Properly, this time._

_Baekhyun nodded at his answer, and a single tear rolled from his eye. Baekhyun didn’t even bother wiping it away, so it made its way down slowly. They were quiet for a while again, the only noise in the room being the old air conditioner. The summer was still hot and humid. But the warmth couldn’t reach the white and empty room up so many floors._

_In the quietness, Chanyeol fell into his thoughts. How exactly was life supposed to go on after all this? How could Baekhyun ever return to a normal student’s life now? Wear his uniform, sit in crowded classrooms, and deal with freshly presented alphas and betas fighting in the hallways. Baekhyun had gone through a pregnancy, he was a PARENT. How… how was he going to live with those memories?_

_“Chanyeollie”, that small ‘ie’ at the end was a very tiny dot of color in the gray, colorless reality that now surrounded them. The small note added at the end of his name, usually when he was teasing him or… or talking about him, rather than to him. It was nice._

_"Yeah?"_

_However, even that small piece of hope was wiped away as the next sentence swept away all light there could be._

_“I just want to die”_

...

“Well”, Mark started once they had finally stopped on the street. “That went well… right?”

“I guess?” Donghyuck answered. He looked at the clock. It was exactly 10:50 - talk about punctuality. 

So, they were done with the meeting and would now have to wait for Lu Han’s call. This search was so different from the first one, they were moving somewhere but it didn’t feel like he was doing much - it was more like he made people run _for_ him. But, whatever, at least he wasn’t crushing his feet walking around for nothing.

“So, what now?” He asked Mark. The other thought for a moment, and then smiled a little to himself.

“Do you think our situation is stable enough that we could book a hotel room now?”

Donghyuck thought of it for a moment. He thought of Lu Han, and he thought of the tight space in the living room they had slept in the night before. But most of all, he thought of Mark’s thighs that looked so delicious in his tight pants.

“Definitely”

…

Once they got back to Kun’s flat, though, they realized that someone else had done their planning for them.

“Heyy, they’re back!” Yangyang screamed as he opened the door. Loud music could be heard from inside the apartment and Donghyuck watched as Yangyang ran back in, to sit on the backrest of the couch that Donghyuck had slept on the night before (Omega privileges, the others had had to sleep on the floor)

“What’s going on?” Donghyuck asked as he kicked his shoes off. Mark crouched to open his laces but Donghyuck just kept his loose enough so that he wouldn’t have to open them every time he took them off. His worn sneakers looked stupid in comparison. Maybe he should buy a new pair? 

“We were just planning on doing something fun today!” Lucas’s voice could be heard in the apartment as well, and as Donghyuck walked a bit deeper, he could see the older alpha sitting by the small dining table that Kun had in the living room because it didn’t fit inside the kitchen. Yuqi was by the table as well, as well as Renjun and… Dejun. Everyone except the real owner of the flat.

Guanheng was sitting on the same sofa as Yangyang, he leaned against the younger and played something on his phone.

“How was your meeting?” Yuqi asked. She was wearing her hair in two high pigtails, she and Lucas were wearing matching outfits with dark t-shirts and khaki pants. It was cute. Maybe Donghyuck and Mark should dress in matching outfits too, sometime? 

Or maybe not. It would only look corny. Lucas and Yuqi were like night and day in every way, their body types were so different that the matching outfits didn't look too similar. It would be different with him and Mark. 

"Okay, I guess", Donghyuck answered and sat on the floor next to the sofa. There was space on the sofa too but, Guanheng and Yangyang could do anything at any time so it wasn't a safe option at all. "It took us, like, ten minutes and he promised to call us… Tomorrow, was it?" 

"In two days", Mark said as he sat beside Donghyuck. "We were actually planning on getting our stuff and going to a hotel now since we know where to continue" 

"Oh", Lucas gasped, looking up from where he had been typing on his laptop. "You'll still come with us tonight, right?" 

"Um, what do you have in mind?" Donghyuck asked carefully and eyed Renjun and Dejun who were quietly talking among themselves over the table. Renjun looked so much less stressed now than he ever had during the trip. Dejun was smiling a little and Renjun looked at his hands while he talked. It was so quiet, no one else paid it any attention. 

Renjun looked up, obviously sensing his staring. His face was blank but he raised his brows. Donghyuck smirked. 

"We were planning on going on a cruise", Lucas explained and turned the laptop so they could see as well. It looked cool, The pearl river at night and a cruise ship. 

"You have to see the river properly man it's so cool. And, then we have to go for dinner and some bar hopping, it sucks that we couldn't do it in Hong Kong so now we HAVE TO" 

Donghyuck swallowed. Lucas looked so enthusiastic and it indeed sounded fun but… It sounded expensive as hell. 

And Donghyuck's budget did not extend to anything like that. He still had to buy his plane tickets back home and he wanted to move away from his parents' house at some point so, burning the rest of his savings for partying wasn't really an option. 

"I don't know", he said. "It sounds fun, but-" 

"Oh come onn", Lucas whined a little. “You can’t miss this! If you’re worried about money - don’t! I have some good _Guanxi_ with the entrepreneurs here”

He had _what?_

 _“_ _Guanxi_ is… like a personal relationship, isn’t it?” Yuqi translated, as she often did when Lucas threw random Chinese words into his Korean sentences. “Anyways, Xuxi has a talent with people, it’s unbelievable” 

"He really does!" Guanheng nodded enthusiastically from the sofa. "Trust us, Yukhei has been working his ass off flirting with the business owners everywhere, soon you’ll see _them_ paying _you_ to grace them with your presence!”

Well.

That didn’t happen. Donghyuck ended up paying nearly 20,000 Won (in Yuans of course) for his entrance ticket. However, that was such a small amount of money in comparison to what it would be for a regular customer, so he didn't complain at all. 

It just felt… like a big amount now, as he and Mark had just reserved a room for a week too, from a small hotel. Mark had paid for that, and Donghyuck felt bad. Mark had told him that it was fine, that he had plenty of money saved, but still, Donghyuck wanted to avoid all possible imbalances in their relationship. Just in case.

“Yehee hey, look at that”, Lucas led them to the highest, best place on the ship. There were plenty of other people there already, before them, but they made way for Lucas and his group. “Cool, right?”

It was. That was one of the many words that Donghyuck would use to describe it. The neon lights, the setting sun, the warm breeze blowing over the lake, hugging them all. Most other people taking the cruise moved inside to eat, as there was a buffet dinner served on board as well, but their group stayed outside. The heat was getting to Donghyuck, he didn’t feel like eating although Lucas had planned that as a part of their tour as well. But that was going to be somewhere deeper in the city for them, maybe the air on the river would clear Donghyuck’s head a little and make him feel better.

Guanheng and Yangyang were taking selfies and the others were buzzing around in excitement. Dejun was pointing out something in the scenery to Renjun who was listening attentively and nodding along. Mark was talking to Lucas, finally, his face looked relaxed and he was even smiling a little. That was nice to see.

Donghyuck leaned against the railing as the boat started moving. 

Normally he would probably be bothering someone, either Renjun or Yangyang, and Guanheng or just spam the group chat but now, he… looked at the scenery and just thought to himself. He got himself in such weird situations, but yet again, he kept making weird decisions so was it a surprise? He was living the peak of his youth (or so everyone always said about the early twenties) he was allowed to be a bit crazy and do wild things.

He was well aware that he was in a privileged position - or, no, privilege was the wrong word. But rather, he was lucky. He had money, health, time, and luck, lots of luck. He kept taking leaps into the unknown and making decisions hastily, yet he hadn’t been punished for it yet. He had never failed and fell hard, although there had been multiple occasions where that would have been more than likely. Maybe he just had a great guardian angel?

Or maybe his happiness and luck now only existed because of the misfortune of his father.

He had talked to Baekhyun a lot during the spring. Like, a lot. There were more and more times when he felt like he needed guidance, and he had never been one to hide his problems - he had always had people there to help him and give him advice. His mother, father, Jungwoo, the whole Na family… and now, Baekhyun, and Donghyuck found talking to him easier than anyone else, for some reason.

The Na family was occupied and his parents were… well, alright, but with Baekhyun it was different. Baekhyun had been kicked in the head multiple times by life itself. Kicked, tossed around, crushed and thrown away and still, he had picked himself back up. Donghyuck didn’t know the details of his worst times, but the more they talked, the more he believed that Baekhyun was intentionally keeping things from him. About his fights with his friends, about his abusive relationships, bad relationship with his own family, and failed attempts at building a career. And frankly, none of those things were any of Donghyuck’s business, but he kept thinking, wondering.

His life had been so easy in comparison. Of course, Baekhyun had lived longer and taken more risks but still. He had been punished for his stupidity and naivety. The shadows were waiting behind every corner, ready to break down the one who took living too lightly. Donghyuck could recognize similar habits of negligence and impatience in himself as he did in his father. He kept running without thinking properly. This time, his decisions and occasional gullibility and naivety had led him to Guangzhou’s Pearl River, they had led him to a relationship with Mark and his father, crazy enough. They had led him to amazing adventures.

But if something was for sure in the world, it was balance. And Donghyuck was no saint. There were memories in his mind that haunted him, still, of things he had done. Bad things, mistakes. Somewhere in his heart, he kept waiting for... for punishment. That one big failure, a big misstep that would ruin everything. The orange sky and neon lights shined so brightly, it was hard to imagine that there was creeping blackness somewhere under them too. But, all light only looked so pretty against the darkness.

Donghyuck had been too comfortable for too long.

A change was about to come at some point. 

Donghyuck could sense him before he touched him. As Mark wrapped his arms around him, Donghyuck leaned back against his chest.

“You alright?” Mark asked quietly, and Donghyuck nodded. That was a familiar sentence to him, Mark asked that often. And Donghyuck said yes often. Because he had no reason not to be, especially now.

“Yeah, just thinking”, he said and took a deep breath. The chaos behind them felt distant when his thoughts had swum under the ocean and over the world into the starry sky.

“About what?”

“I don’t know, everything”, Donghyuck looked down at the water, the small whitecaps forming next to the boat. He’d rather not share these thoughts with Mark, even though they bothered him a lot. How could calmness and happiness ever make someone uncomfortable like this? It didn’t make sense to Donghyuck either, even though he was the one experiencing it. He didn’t want to have to explain how he was expecting a crash to come any minute now. How he expected all happiness to be balanced with at least an equal amount of sorrow. Mark would only get confused.

Or, he would ask him what he had done. What had made him think that he deserved punishment of some sort.

Donghyuck… didn’t want to talk about that.

“Do you feel fatigued, still?” Mark asked instead of trying to make him talk about his thoughts. Donghyuck placed his hands on Mark’s.

“Not really”, well, a little, but he hoped it would be gone soon. He had slept in the hotel a bit and eaten okay, he knew that it was just the heat getting to him and nothing more. The air conditioning in their hotel room was just amazing, he had not wanted to leave at all once he had laid down on the massive bed.

Mark would probably have let him do that, being such a sweet guy that he was, but the others had bombed them with calls until they came back out. 

“Good”, Mark said and leaned his chin on Donghyuck’s shoulder. His rut was gone now and his scent was back to normal which was good - he was calmer, not a single trace of distress remained on top of his regular scent. “Just tell me if it ever comes back”

“Will do”

“Hey, love birds!”, Yangyang’s voice entered like a needle through their bubble. “Get your asses over here, we’re taking pictures!”

Donghyuck rolled his eyes but was secretly thankful for the distraction. He untangled Mark’s arms gently and instead took his hand, with a smile.

“You’re the one to talk!” he yelled back as they made their way to where the others were. “I bet that turtle neck is just a fashion choice too!”

The cruise went by surprisingly quickly. Lucas, as well as Dejun (with the help of a translator aka Renjun) kept pointing at the buildings and areas they passed and told all kinds of stories from there, more or less interesting. Lucas’s ones were usually _“Yeah once me and Kun got so drunk over there that I had to carry him all the way to his apartment and I lost two pairs of Ray-Bans”_ when Dejun focused on talking about the history and architecture. Variety.

Once their cruise was finally done, Donghyuck felt a lot better, and the heavy feelings clouding his heart almost entirely evaporated. Also, he felt hungry. But so did everyone else - Lucas stepped to the front again, like the tour guide that he was, and led them to the streets.

Busy as ever, even on a weekday night. Their group was… chaotic, to say the least, as they moved between the people and tried not to get lost. 

“Oh, and that’s me”, Lucas pointed at a building and it took a moment from Donghyuck to realize that… the man in the huge advertisement placard was, indeed, Lucas.

“Yo man what the hell?” Yangyang screamed, his eyes glowing. 

“I told you, he has good relationships here”, Yuqi laughed and Lucas threw an arm on her shoulders, pulling her close.

“I made some good deals”, he grinned. “And that ad paid my parties for a year”

Donghyuck looked back up. He couldn’t read the hanzi but it looked like it was an ad for a luxury watch or something. Lucas was wearing a light grey suit and he was posing with the watch, the ads moved around and he was in another picture as well, posing with two other guys.

He looked hot as fuck. If one liked his type.

“This is getting crazier and crazier”, Mark said from next to him and Donghyuck smiled as he took his hand, trying not to think too deeply of it.

“What did you expect from this trip?” he asked. Mark shook his head, smiling, as they followed the group without any idea of where they might end up.

“I don’t know”, he said. “Maybe it’s better not to expect anything at all”

“Maybe”

“Yo, guys, hurry up!” Yangyang yelled and Mark and Donghyuck sped up. Lucas was leading them with a destination in mind. Donghyuck squeezed Mark’s hand tighter and they ran to the others.

Lucas finally found them a restaurant and led them to a private area at the very back of the place. They ordered crazy amounts of food and champagne, Lucas was more than happy to provide for his new friends and Donghyuck, although he felt a bit bad at first, enjoyed it to the fullest. After a couple of glasses of champagne, he forgot all about his bad feelings as well.

When most of the food had been devoured, Mark excused himself to answer a phone call. The others were moving a bit too, and Donghyuck wondered where their night would be headed next. The waitresses were constantly hovering around their table, probably hoping to get good tips from the oh so generous Wong Lucas. Donghyuck didn’t blame them.

“Let’s drink shots!” Lucas waved his credit card in the air as the waiters took the last of their plates. Mark had yet to return and so did Yuqi and Renjun who had gone to the bathroom not too long ago so… there wasn't a single responsible person at the table anymore. So of course, they ordered shots. It didn’t take long before they were served a huge plate filled with shot glasses, full of mostly clear liquid. 

Everyone reached to take a glass. Donghyuck smelled the liquid - for what he knew, it could be anything. But oh well, what was the worst that could happen? Renjun returned and sat next to him, and Donghyuck slid a glass in front of him too.

“This is where the party starts, boys”, he grinned at Renjun’s unsure expression.

“I don’t know...”

“Come on, try it!” Donghyuck gave him the glass. Some of the liquid spilled on the older’s fingers and he cursed but still, as Lucas counted down, he downed it as well as the others did. Renjun wasn’t a complete rookie to drinking, they had drunk some beer a few times after coming of age, but strong liquor was a different thing. Renjun grimaced after downing his shot but he wasn’t going to die.

Donghyuck hit him to the back, hard.

“Attaboy!”

“I don’t know what you see in this, seriously”, Renjun shook his head and drank some water. “It tastes so bad”

“Of course it tastes bad, that’s not the point at all... or, well, it kinda is”

Dejun said something to Renjun on his other side and the other turned to him, ignoring Donghyuck completely. Right, there was that now. Donghyuck could technically continue bullying Renjun, even about Dejun because they didn’t share a language but he wasn’t a total asshole. Instead, he scanned the table. 

Guanheng was downing a big glass of beer not far from him.

“Hey, Guanheng”, he mispronounced his name with confidence, just like he did every time. “You know what’s going on?”

Guanheng raised his eyebrows at first, but when he realized what Donghyuck was pointing at, he smiled.

“Oh, yeah”, he eyed the two and drank some more. “Dejun found another victim”

“Victim?”

“He has so much to say and no one who listens. Renjun fell into an easy trap”

Donghyuck was just about to ask him more but Lucas’s enthusiastic scream interrupted him.

“Another round!” He stood up to get them another waitress. Donghyuck gulped - they were moving pretty fast. He was bad at saying no to free alcohol and he knew it. When another tray of shots was placed in front of him on the table, he could see dozens of glasses, each of them with 30ml worth of possible trouble. But he couldn’t turn away.

“Yo, dude, you can’t just drink shots like this!” Guanheng elbowed Lucas as he reached out. “We need to play some games! Come on, guys, each of you take one!”

Drinking games? Uh, okay, Donghyuck had played them often with Jaemin, it was alright, he knew most of them and wouldn’t lose right away. Mark chose that moment as his time to return, Donghyuck moved closer to Renjun to make space for him. He took them both glasses from the tray and Mark raised his brows but didn’t comment.

Even Renjun followed easier now, he didn’t bat an eye at the glass that Donghyuck placed in front of him too. 

“What should we play?” Lucas asked.

“Hey, what did I miss?” Mark asked quietly, his breath tickling Donghyuck's skin as he leaned closer. 

“We’re about to play something”; Donghyuck shrugged and pointed at Mark's phone. “Who was it?”

“Oh, just Johnny”, Mark eyed the shot and smelled it as well. He grimaced. “Uh, he bought Baijiu? This is strong”

“I figured”, Donghyuck shrugged. “Is everything okay? With Johnny?”

“What? Oh, yeah, he just called me to ask if Sasha Fierce is supposed to look a bit gray”

He _what_ now?

“... who is Sasha Fierce?”

“Oh, that’s Kevin’s bonsai tree", Mark said and slid the phone into his back pocket. "Johnny promised to look after our dorm room for us since we’re both away for a few weeks and he is scared that he killed the tree”

“Oh”

“Let’s play _Never have I ever!”_ Yangyang yelled and ended the conversation that Donghyuck had had no idea how to continue anyway. Mark’s roommate was a... an interesting character and the more Donghyuck heard about him, the less he understood. But anyway.

“Okay, give us your hands!” Yuqi smiled and everyone raised one hand. Oh, right, they did it with five fingers instead of ‘one _I have_ and a shot’. Good. Donghyuck had chances.

“Put your finger down if...", Lucas stopped to think. 

"If you've ever had a threesome!" Yangyang yelled and Donghyuck rolled his eyes. That was such a boring question, it came up every single time. So, he put his finger down. 

And realized that... No one else had. Right, he wasn’t playing with Jaemin now.

"Donghyuck!", Guanheng yelled and pointed at him. Everyone who hadn't looked his way yet - not many - did now with wide eyes. 

"Who was it?" Yangyang asked. Everyone seemed to be interested, even though most of them wouldn't even know who the people behind the names were. Even Mark's brows shot up. Donghyuck felt himself blush. 

"Uh, it was with Jaemin and... and Haknyeon, a beta guy from a year above us" 

“Oh my god”, Guanheng’s jaw dropped. “HIM??”

Right. Haknyeon was the same age as him, they might have crossed paths, as they had gone to the same school. 

“How did that happen?” Yuqi tilted her head. “A whim of the moment or a planned one?”

“Oh yeah, definitely not planned”, Donghyuck glanced at Mark quickly and tried to seem nonchalant. “We were partying and a friend of mine, Jaemin, wanted to try, the two of them were seeing each other at the time. Not all that interesting, wouldn’t recommend, let’s move on”

Talking about his past endeavors while his current partner was right there next to him was not a good idea, and Yuqi was smart enough to know that too. She nodded, her curiosity fed, and changed the subject.

“My turn: Never have I ever… kissed someone of the same sub gender”

Oh, that was a lighter one. Donghyuck naturally put his finger down, and Yangyang and Lucas did the same. Yuqi and Lucas shared a look that indicated a story behind that one but nothing was said.

“Okay”, Lucas said, still staring deep into Yuqi’s eyes. “Never have I ever given a lap dance?”

Yuqi put her finger down, as the only person in the room, and made a wry face at him.

“You said that just to make me lose”

“Oh exactly, I want to see you get tipsy”

“Never have I ever been arrested!” Guanheng cut the lovey-dovey atmosphere and made Lucas put his finger down. That wasn’t a surprise.

And so it went. Donghyuck threw a couple of questions in but it was mostly the others being noisy. The conversation flowed onwards without Donghyuck’s help too, it was… nice to see? Different. Every now and then the Chinese group switched into Mandarin (or, apparently Cantonese too, Donghyuck couldn’t tell the difference) but Yuqi always brought them back. Renjun kept translating to Dejun next to him, as well as cutting the atmosphere with his weird-ass questions.

“Never have I ever seen someone die!”

Everyone turned to look at the alpha who still had two fingers up from his first hand. Donghyuck had had to drink twice already and even he was holding just one.

“Dude, are you alright?” Guanheng chuckled and Renjun just shrugged.

“I don’t know, you might have seen one”

“Okay”, Yangyang wasn’t having any of Renjun’s shit. “Never have I ever... Had sex in a public place!" 

Gosh, Sunwoo. Donghyuck put his finger down but thankfully the attention wasn't directed at him this time. Instead, it was Lucas who had to explain himself as he and Yuqi put their fingers down at the same time. 

Mark did glance at him, but Donghyuck stayed quiet. Some stories were better left untold. He felt like he had exposed way too much of his past already by quietly putting fingers down. 

"Never have I ever regretted sleeping with someone!" Dejun asked, and Renjun translated.

Had he..? Nah, Donghyuck preferred not to think of his past in a negative light. He had never been used, he had always given his consent. Maybe now and then he hadn't had a good time, but regret? No. 

Even when he had... No. He had never had real sex and regretted it. 

From his peripheral view, he could see Mark putting a finger down next to him. His heart sunk… until he remembered that yeah, Mark had lost his virginity at a college party. Donghyuck didn’t know the details though, just like Mark hadn’t really known of his colorful history. With Jaemin, or any other partners that he had had. They had never talked about the past like that.

Maybe they should have. This game had definitely exposed too much too quickly.

_“Duìbùqǐ”_

Donghyuck turned around to see a waiter standing there next to their table, looking a bit uneasy. Once she had their attention, she said something to Lucas and the alpha nodded. Then, she left.

“Alright, they’re closing”, he said and stood up. “I’ll go to the front desk to pay, you all drink all of this and follow me. Let’s switch places”

Oh. Oh, they were going somewhere after this too? Someone shoved a shot glass in front of him and Donghyuck downed it without a second thought. He was well past tipsy already and seriously, it would be a shame to waste such precious alcohol. 

“I didn’t know you and Jaemin were… so close”, Mark tried too hard to sound casual, Donghyuck’s ears picked up the change in his tone immediately.

“What do you mean? I told you that we… fooled around”

“Yeah, you did”, Mark started. “I just… okay, nothing, just forget it”

Donghyuck did forget about it for the rest of the night. But the bad feeling in his chest was there to stay. He downed another shot of baijiu and that was it for that discussion.

When he stood up, he lost his balance but Mark caught his arm. 

Shit. Shit shit shit that was not good. 

Uh

Maybe the night air would clear his head a little? 

Nah, they weren't outside long enough. Lucas talked them into a crowded nightclub only a block away from the restaurant. Mark excused himself to the bathroom and gave Donghyuck over to Renjun. Nice, he had wanted to bully the elder for a while now.

“So”, Donghyuck leaned closer, to yell at his ear. “What’s going on? Did you hit on Dejun?”

"Gosh", Renjun pushed him further and rubbed his ear. "I'm going to go deaf. You're being way too nosy, just leave it Donghyuck, there’s nothing there!”

"But you got along so well! " Donghyuck argued." You NEVER get along with people!"

"Gee thanks Dong"

"But that's the TRUTH" 

"I GET IT just STOP SCREAMING ALREADY" Renjun screamed and Donghyuck lost his balance again, but this time Renjun wasn’t quick enough to pull him back nor shake him off. So, down they went.

“Shit, Dong, get up or we’ll get thrown out”, Renjun tried to get up but Donghyuck wasn’t letting him go. The whole room was spinning - wait, did all nightclubs have lights in the ceiling? Uh, what a silly thought, every room had a light in the ceiling. Wait, did Donghyuck’s room have a light in the ceiling? Yeah, but it wasn’t blue. Or purple. Or red. Wait, now they were green. Green was bad, Donghyuck didn’t like green. Green was poison, green was jealousy, was jealousy poisonous? Could a feeling be poisonous? 

“For fuck’s sake”, Renjun muttered loudly enough and pulled Donghyuck up. His feet felt like spaghetti, so he wasn’t much help there - luckily, Renjun managed to get them to a sofa of some kind, and Donghyuck leaned his head on the glass table set in front of it.

“Uhh, I feel drunk”, he said, and he could hear Renjun’s eye roll from his voice.

“Oh really”, he said. “Wouldn’t have guessed”

“Why are you being so mean?”

“I’m not mean”, Renjun defended himself. “I’m being… I’m being… uh”

“Being mean is your defense tactic”, Donghyuck stumbled over the words but he knew what he was talking about. “What is it, baby?”

“Never call me baby again you freak”, Renjun shook his head.

“You talk to him a lot”, Donghyuck continued, determined. “Dejun’s eyes, like, sparkle all the time, what exactly are you talking about?”

Renjun looked away, and Donghyuck followed his gaze. And of course, at the end of his line of sight was Dejun, who else, dancing with Guanheng. Yangyang was there too, swaying along to the angry music as he kept drinking from his multicolored drink. He had a long, colorful straw and his lips never left it. He looked so funny in the middle of the dancing people.

The space was tight. Guanheng made sure to keep Yangyang close so that no one would doubt that they were a pair. Which made Dejun a third wheel. Renjun’s eyes had a dreamy look in them.

“About a castle”, Renjun answered, and Donghyuck had a hard time remembering what he had even asked.

“A what?”

“A castle”, Renjun kept his eyes at the dancing omega. “He… He thinks in such weird ways, but it’s all so… so beautiful, Donghyuck, you have no idea! His voice is incredible and he looks at the world from such a weird angle, they always say that artists are depressed and stuff but he… he sees everything as something so beautiful, he makes everything so pretty”

Donghyuck blinked once. Twice. Thrice and then once more.

“Woah, dude you alright?” He asked. Castles? Art? When had Renjun ever cared about that?

Renjun’s grim expression returned and he snapped.

“You’re an asshole, Donghyuck, you really are”

“No, I mean, genuinely!”, he tried to defend himself. Why was he being attacked all the time? He was just trying to be nice! “You never care about people like this! Or, you never talk to me about them!”

“I don’t”, Renjun nodded and took a long swing of his drink. “I wonder why that is”

And what did _that_ mean? 

“I’m your friend too you know”, Donghyuck pouted, because Renjun was seriously making him feel sad now. “You never tell me anything important! Do you think so lowly of me, that… that I would make fun of something important to you? About something personal? When did it turn this way, mmh, why do we always fight now? I... I can’t meet Jaemin and I can’t talk to you, I feel so fucking lonely nowadays and I know that it’s partially my fault but I don’t know, I don’t know how to change and I don’t know what to do and do you hate me Junnie? I’m sorry, you have the right to hate me because I am always so mean but, like, who am I if I don't tease you when, like, that's all we've ever done! And now you're gone too, just like everyone else”

Donghyuck lost his thought multiple times but Renjun listened to his whole monologue without a single interruption. Donghyuck surprised himself with the word flow coming out of his mouth - had he really thought like that? He had never put it down to words like that before, so, yeah, maybe he had. Kind of. He was an asshole, he knew that and didn’t hold back when he had something to say but… but maybe… just maybe he should change.

He had been lonely in the spring. His friends had gone to different schools and hadn't had time for him anymore, his partner was on the other side of the world, he… he couldn’t deal with being so far away from people. It hurt.

Oh god, it hurt.

“Oh shit, don’t cry”, Renjun said, but it was too late. The headmaster in Donghyuck land had opened the gates of tears and then gone for a lunch break. There was nothing they could do, the chief treasured his breaks above anything else. Oh no, oh no, Renjun offered him his sleeve - a move that verified that the alpha was drunk too - but it didn’t help, the tears just kept coming.

“I don’t hate you, you asshole, stop crying”, Renjun whined. “Where’s Mark when you need him?”

“He has left us, he is gone, he knows and now he is gone and I’m all alone in the universe”, Donghyuck sobbed and hit his forehead painfully to the glass table. Again.

"No, he is not", Renjun tried to reason with him. "He is not gone. Just like I'm not gone, Donghyuck, what the hell."

The lights of the club blurred in Donghyuck's eyes. What was that color now? Purple?

Renjun liked purple. Donghyuck had always associated that color with him. This summer, the purple had been so sad.

If a feeling could be poisonous, could a color be sad too? Wait, what? Donghyuck couldn't even read his own thoughts anymore. It was all blurred. 

"Remember", he wanted to form these feelings into a coherent sentence. "Remember when, before middle school started, we used to... like... on Fridays we sometimes went to the oriental market to spend all of our allowance on candy? Jeno was there too. We ate so much, of those... white toffees and then your mom was sad because you used your money and yelled at you"

"yeah", Renjun's voice sounded like he was somewhere deep underwater.

"Well good, because I remember. I was so happy back then", Donghyuck's eyes watered again and th e n

h e closed his e y e s for just a l i t z zzz z zzzzz

The next thing he knew, was someone lifting him.

“Alright, I think it’s time we head out”, Mark’s sweet voice filled his whole being. He pulled Donghyuck up and the moment he could, Donghyuck wrapped his arms around him.

“You didn’t go!”

“Are you sober enough to take him home?” He heard Renjun’s voice somewhere close to them.

“Could be better”, Mark answered. “But yeah, don’t worry. Just let the others know that we’re gone”

"Will do"

“Let’s get you out of here”, Mark said and took a better grip of Donghyuck. Yeah sure whatever, he was tired.

…

Out to the street, into a taxi, out to the street again and into the hotel and the hotel room. During the way, Donghyuck sobered a lot, so much so that he started to reflect on what he had done and felt a bit embarrassed. Renjun was his arch-enemy, kinda, they had always bickered and fought. Now, he had tried to talk about feelings with him.

How stupid of him. Hopefully, Guanheng and the others made him drink enough that he would forget. Because Donghyuck really only felt ashamed for talking. Everything else - Nah, whatever, created by alcohol and gone by the wind. But feelings… were something else.

Mark helped Donghyuck remove his shoes and walked him to the bed. His ears were ringing but he felt better. Mark, however, didn’t look very well. He didn’t even take his shoes off, and the second he placed Donghyuck on the soft covers, he made a run to the bathroom. And… threw up loudly.

Oof. 

Donghyuck fell on the bed and listened as the older kept going. He had drunk way more than necessary too, and still, he had been the one to get them back to the hotel. Such an alpha. Poor alpha.

The orange light of the foot lamp (this one didn’t change colors, thank god) highlighted the uneven patterns everywhere in the room. Donghyuck followed the lines in the old ceiling with his eyes until...

Until… his phone rang?

Donghyuck found it from his phone but couldn’t read the called ID, since his vision was way too blurred by the alcohol. But he could make out an emoji, and that told him enough.

“Heyyy daaaad”, Donghyuck answered the call and smiled. “What’s up?”

 _“Oh, you’re drunk”_ , Baekhyun said, sounding a bit surprised. Donghyuck watched his hand against the light-colored ceiling - his hands looked super dark. The lighting was so weird, he could cast a huge shadow on the wall. Could he make shadow animals? Nah, nevermind, he could only use one hand. 

“Mmh”

_“Then maybe it’s better if I call you tomorrow”_

“I’m gonna be sooo sick tomorrow lol please call in the afternoon”, Donghyuck chuckled as he listened to Mark throwing up again. For some reason, he didn’t feel sick now. Instead, he looked at his hand. He was trying to make a simple bird shadow creature out of it but for some reason, it didn’t look like one. 

_“Oh... oh no”_ , Baekhyun hummed. “ _Are you at least having fun now?”_

“Now?” His bird looked so ugly, but otherwise, he was okay? Right? “Yeah, we went to see the river and then we ate and drank soooo much and then I talked to Renjun about how sad I was and now I regret it and Mark carried me home because he is so awesome and now he is throwing up omg do you think I should do something?”

Donghyuck started to feel tired as he kept blabbering, so he put his hand down. 

_“Make sure he doesn’t choke”,_ Baekhyun said, trying his best to stay calm. Maybe, if Donghyuck wasn’t so drunk, he would hear something else in his voice as well. _“And check that you have your wallets and valuables still with you, don’t leave each other alone. Go, I’ll call you tomorrow!”_

“Okie Dokie love you bye”, Donghyuck threw the phone on the bed and stumbled into the bathroom to make sure that Mark didn’t die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I know, another drunk party chapter ehhh how original. But there’s a reason for all of this so please hang on, I promise that this will be the last party for a long time. (Also, sorry for making the chapter so long, I didn’t know how to cut it)
> 
> I hope you have a great day everyone, stay safe! <3<3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hihihii hello, I went to the party, worked a few more days, and took a big Chinese history exam. And now I’m back with another chapter, yayy!
> 
> Important: The first scene of this chapter is a flashback, surprise surprise. However, it is a little… Uh, try not to think too deeply of it, I felt a bit weird writing it but it was a necessary scene for this story so I tried to make it accurate, still. The only issue here is that the characters are really young in it - basically 14 (almost 15, but still, just kids) I’ve been 14, you’ve been 14, we all know what it’s like to be 14 so I hope you understand the way that I portrayed it. I don’t want to sexualize 14-year-olds, gosh no. Just think of it as adults reminiscing their past, nothing more. God, please forgive me.

**_March 2015_ **

_“Make sure to get your own description for something better, this can’t be a permanent solution“_

_“Yeah”, Donghyuck nodded. “I’m sorry, I won’t bother you again”_

_“That’s not what I meant, silly”, Jungwoo smiled and playfully squeezed Donghyuck’s cheek. “You can come to me whenever you need something. I’m just worried about you, I can’t be sure if what works for me is healthy for you ”_

_Donghyuck nodded again and Jungwoo jumped back on the table where he had been sitting earlier. He threw his left foot on the right one and sucked on a lollipop. It made his already dark lips even fuller of the bright pink/red shade, his legs looked so long and slim in his knee-high boots. He exuded confidence, everyone always turned to look at him when he walked into the room and his bright blonde highlights weren’t even the main reason._

_Jungwoo was gorgeous. Always had been and always would be._

_“Or you could just have sex”, Jaemin said from where he was sitting by the table, looking pretty too. They were both early bloomers, glowing up to the max. Donghyuck felt like an ugly duckling next to them, with his acne and weirdly formed face._

_But Jungwoo always said that he was beautiful so… if the master himself said that he was pretty then he must be right and Donghyuck was just too critical of himself. Or, it could just be out of politeness and compassion… no, he didn’t want to think that way. He was awesome enough to be their friend, that was enough._

_“Uh, maybe not”, Donghyuck shook his head. Even the thought of being with someone like that… made his cheeks blush aggressively._

_“Yeah, you are too young anyway”, Jungwoo said and pointed at Jaemin. “You, especially”_

_“You’re only two years older than me”, Jaemin rolled his eyes._

_“Two and a half. Stick to your suppressants, you two, you can fuck the pain away later”_

_“It’s easy for you to say”, Jaemin muttered and pouted as he looked at his hands on the table. He smelled pretty sweet too, but that must have been because he had just ended his heat a couple of days ago. Donghyuck was just entering his own, one that would hopefully be a bit less awful now that he had borrowed some suppressants from Jungwoo._

_“You shouldn’t have sex before you can take responsibility for a possible failure", Jungwoo said strictly. "If you’re too immature to care for a baby then don’t seek for momentary pleasure, it’s literally that simple”_

_Donghyuck nodded at his words. He agreed! The mere thought of risking something like that made him dizzy, he wouldn’t want that to happen so he’d rather just… make friends with his right hand. Even the thought of THAT made him redder, oh god he shouldn’t be thinking of that while he was with Jungwoo and Jaemin._

_“You don’t need to shag an alpha though”, Jaemin argued. “Like, there are options out there”_

_Donghyuck blinked. “But isn’t that… wrong?”_

_“No”, Jungwoo said loudly and pulled the lollipop out of his mouth. “Love is never wrong between consenting adults!”_

_“Oh”, Donghyuck nodded. He hadn’t thought of that before - he hadn’t even been a presented omega for very long so maybe it was alright. It didn’t make sense though… Omegas were supposed to be with alphas or betas because that was the only way to produce children._

_“Jungwoo used to date an omega”, Jaemin pointed out and pulled Donghyuck out of his head._

_“What, really?”_

_“Yup, really”, Jungwoo nodded like it was nothing._

_“But… Juyeon is an alpha, isn’t he?”_

_Juyeon was Jungwoo’s date, who was going to come to pick him up any minute now. Jungwoo was sitting on the table partly because that way he could see to the driveway the best. Juyeon was a rich son of a Chaebol family, and he had a shiny car. Of course, Jungwoo only dated the top class, that was how gorgeous he was._

_“You can like many different types, gosh Donghyuck you’re so ignorant!” Jaemin rolled his eyes again._

_“Shush, Jaemin, he didn’t know”, Jungwoo scolded his brother and got off the table. “This is a good time for you to find out who you like, or if you like anyone at all. But excuse me, boys, my lift has arrived!”_

_Donghyuck looked at the window - indeed, a shiny black car had driven in front of the house, and a well-dressed guy got off from the driver’s seat. Jungwoo had been seeing Juyeon for a while already, which explained the way that the omega ran out and kissed the alpha quickly before getting in. Juyeon always took Jungwoo to really expensive dates, but he also brought him back home before midnight. What a gentleman._

_Donghyuck could only dream of finding someone like that in the future. A caring alpha. Or a beta._

_Or… an omega?_

_“So, what now?” he turned away from the window and locked eyes with Jaemin who was staring at him with an unreadable expression on his face._

_“What?” Donghyuck chuckled awkwardly._

_“Did you seriously not know?” Jaemin asked. Donghyuck stared at him for a few beats._

_“What do you mean?”_

_“Did you… or, uh, do you really think that omegas being with other omegas is wrong?”_

_“I don’t know, okay, I haven’t exactly thought of that before”, Donghyuck sighed and hid his face in his hands. His head felt heavy and his feelings were a mess, Jungwoo had said that it would take a while for the suppressants to work._

_"Are you feeling horny?"_

_Donghyuck choked on his spit._

_"What?!"_

_Jaemin just stretched his arms over his head as though it was a normal thing to say._

_"I always am, it doesn't matter how much suppressants I take", he continued with his calm tone. "Or, whether I'm in heat or not"_

_Was he saying… No, it couldn't be that. Donghyuck couldn’t keep wondering about it for much longer, because that was when Jaemin stood up._

_“I’m bored, let’s go play video games or something”_

_And they went. To Jaemin’s room upstairs, and turned on his Xbox 360. Jaemin had all sorts of consoles, he got the newest model as a gift every Christmas, but this was his most beloved one because they could play Halo 3 on it. It was an old game already and they both knew all battlegrounds and enemies and so on by heart but that was why it was so nice - they could play it quite absentmindedly, they could chat or do other things while playing it._

_They weren’t doing that now though. They were both quiet as they ran through a field that they had explored very thoroughly before, multiple times. Donghyuck couldn’t help his mind wandering - they were sitting cross-legged on the floor, their knees brushed against each other now and then and Donghyuck glanced at Jaemin every few minutes just to… just to see him, to try to see something special on his face._

_The younger just stared at the screen intensely, as though he was hearing Cortana’s revelations for the first time. And as though they meant something to him personally. Jaemin had a sharp jawline and soft cheeks, a weird compilation of childish softness and adultness. He was such a weird person. Donghyuck had known him for almost a year and he still had no idea who he really was. There was so much behind those hazel eyes that he didn’t understand, but he couldn’t help but be drawn to him._

_“Take a picture, it’ll last longer”, Jaemin finally said, and Donghyuck felt the red color blow up and spread on his face._

_“I, uh”, Donghyuck didn’t know what to say to his defense, which was new. He always had something to say, always, except now. Jaemin’s poker face failed him as his lips curved into a grin. He put his controller down as the loading screen came to view and turned to Donghyuck._

_“Are you feeling any better?”, thank god he changed the subject._

_“A bit, maybe”, Donghyuck said, but he wasn’t sure. Jungwoo’s suppressants were a very mild version, he might need a stronger dose for them to even work. He didn’t feel much different from an hour ago when he had downed the pills, and he doubted it would change later either. He would have to suck it up and ask his mother to go to the doctor with him. His mother was an omega too so it shouldn’t be that bad but still, he felt embarrassed._

_Jaemin placed his hand on Donghyuck’s forehead._

_“You’re still warm”, he said._

_“Really?” Donghyuck bit the inside of his cheek. His whole face was probably red._

_“Mmh”_

_Donghyuck would have expected Jaemin to drop his hand but he didn’t. Instead, he let his hand wander, to fall from Donghyuck’s forehead to his cheek. Donghyuck felt hot all over._

_“Heats suck, don’t they”, Jaemin looked down._

_“Yeah”, Woah, Donghyuck was in a talkative mood today. But the heat on his face was boiling his brain, he didn’t know what to say._

_“What I hate the most is the loneliness”, Jaemin continued. “Everyone just leaves you behind when you need affection the most. Just because we’re young, we’re supposed to be alone, I hate that. I… in some weird way, I was glad that you presented as an omega. Because now I have someone who understands”_

_“I’m glad too”, Donghyuck heard himself say. He had never thought of it as a positive thing (well, he had only been an omega for a handful of months but still) but now it felt like it. Because he and Jaemin were the same, they could understand each other in ways that no one else could. “I… I’m not going to leave you alone like everyone else does”_

_“Do you mean it?” Jaemin asked and Donghyuck nodded. Some redness was dancing on Jaemin’s cheeks too and oh god he looked so pretty and attractive and Donghyuck’s heart was going 200 km per hour on a forest trail, he was weirdly scared and weirdly excited at the same time._

_Jaemin brushed Donghyuck’s lower lip with his thumb. Donghyuck didn’t even dare to breathe, instead he stared at Jaemin’s eyes that were currently looking at his lips. He let his hand fall - no, Donghyuck caught it, and kept it on his face. And Jaemin finally looked at him in the eyes._

_“Have you ever kissed someone, Donghyuck?” He asked softly. Donghyuck had never heard him talk like that, just like he had never seen him looking at him like that. His eyes were burning, this dark and overwhelmingly hot fire that he had never seen before._

_“Yeah”, Donghyuck answered, and he almost regretted that being the truth. Jaemin was so close, he smelled so good, oh god. He was… he was so beautiful._

_“Then, have you ever made out with someone? Or gone… further?” Jaemin asked again, and maybe it was just Donghyuck but it almost felt like he was closer. He had Donghyuck’s soul in his grip, whatever he asked Donghyuck would answer, he would give him everything._

_Wait, what?_

_“No”, Donghyuck breathed out, it was more like a whisper than anything else. He suddenly felt nervous - What was Jaemin implying? What did he want Donghyuck to say? What did he expect from him? Donghyuck felt the horniness of his heat fill his whole body and although Jaemin was sweet, not the alpha darkness that his body would have wanted the most, he still wanted him. Jaemin’s hand on his cheek burned, it burned so bad._

_Donghyuck wanted to burn until nothing was left._

_“Then would you like to try? We’re omegas, there’s no risk” Jaemin asked so quietly that Donghyuck could barely hear it over his heart beating in his ears. He felt Jaemin’s breath on his lips, that was how close he was. And all he could do was nod._

_“Yeah”, he nodded again. “Definitely, let’s… yeah”_

_Jaemin pulled him into a kiss and they forgot everything else._

  
  


…

  
  


Donghyuck woke up. 

Unfortunately. 

"No", his voice was raw and weak. "No, no, no" 

“Yeah, I know”, Mark didn’t sound any better next to him. “Oh god, I feel sick”

“When did we even return?” Donghyuck held his eyes shut. The light pushing inside the room was so bright, he felt like it was trying to burn him alive. “ _How_ did we return? I don’t remember”

“It’s hazy for me too”, Mark answered. “I’m never drinking Baijiu again”

They laid on the bed, side by side, and Donghyuck tried his best to keep whatever he had eaten the night before inside himself. It had been a while since he had felt this nauseous after a night out - he usually just had a headache but this was something else. He was scared that if he moved even a little bit, everything would come back up again.

“I can’t live like this anymore”, Donghyuck whined. “I’m never going to drink again”

“That’s a lie and you know it”

“Aaaarghh”, Donghyuck turned to his side, but that was a mistake. Because indeed, the slightest movement sent his last night’s drinks and everything else on the _move._

He barely made it to the bathroom in time, to throw up.

Disgusting.

While he kept emptying his stomach, he seriously pondered his life choices. Mainly: _What the fuck was wrong with him._ It wasn’t even that much fun anymore, he was supposed to be an adult now but why was he still acting like a stupid teenager? He was in China, goddammit, in a place that he didn’t know at all, and he had risked so many things just because he wanted to party???

He flushed the toilet but didn’t bother moving. He could throw up again at any moment. Whatever Lucas had bought them the day before was something that he wasn’t familiar with, and shouldn’t try again. Even if he got it for free - _especially_ if he got it for free.

He heard a soft knock on the door frame behind himself.

“Don’t come in”, he said with a broken voice. “I don’t want you to see me like this”

“Don’t be silly”, Mark said as he walked in anyway. “I don’t care how you look. Besides, you helped me last night”

“I did?” Donghyuck had no memories of that whatsoever. Mark kneeled next to him and placed a bottle of water there too. Donghyuck eyed it, but before he could do anything else, another wave of nausea hit him full force and he threw up again. Mark rubbed his back and Donghyuck couldn’t figure out whether he liked his presence or not. He felt humiliated but at the same time, the closeness felt kind of good. Did the good outweigh the bad? It was 50/50, Donghyuck kept throwing up and flushing the toilet until there was nothing left in his stomach to puke.

He took a couple of sips of water and prayed for them to stay down. His faith wasn’t very strong though, so he stayed on the bathroom floor.

“For what I remember”, Mark said from the other room where he had gone to look for both of their phones. “We went to some nightclub and we lost each other for a short while. I think… right, I went to the bathroom and then Lucas dragged me to meet someone, that was how it went. Anyway, sometime later I found you half-asleep in Rejun’s arms, he said that you had cried and everything.”

“I have no memories of that”, Donghyuck said and accepted the phone offered to him. It had a new, huge crack in the corner of the screen. “None”

“Yeah, well, I wouldn’t have expected you to have”, Mark leaned on the doorframe. 

Donghyuck unlocked his phone. It was nine-thirty am, so still pretty early. He looked at the group chat where he had sent multiple incoherent messages last night, the latest one at two o’clock. He deleted them - the others had gotten their notifications and Chenle had already laughed at them but he didn’t want to see them. It was embarrassing.

“Do you know what happened to the others?”

Mark shrugged.

“No”, he said. “But Lucas sent me memes in the morning so I’m quite sure that they’ll alright. He would know”

“Oh, he sent you memes, huh?” Donghyuck’s smile found him again. “Did you alpha boys bond last night or something?”

“You could say so”, Mark completely ignored Donghyuck’s teasing tone. “Lucas knows quite a lot about music and rapping, coincidentally, so we talked about that with him and his friends”

“Well, that’s good”, so even the last fragments of tension were gone from between them. 90% of it had evaporated since Yuqi had appeared so there hadn't been much left at all. Good. Donghyuck started to feel slightly better so he stood up and decided to brush his teeth.

Twice.

And then he took a shower that Mark may or may not have participated in. The hotel conditioner wasn’t the best for colored hair but Donghyuck managed, he didn’t care for as long as he got to wash away the last night’s sweat and the smell of the nightclub and bad decisions. The overall feeling of a hangover, the constantly lingering nausea, ache, and tiredness didn’t leave but he felt slightly better. Slightly.

Once he laid on the bed in his bathrobe afterward, he started to feel a bit more like a human again. They found some salt crackers from Donghyuck’s suitcase and cheese sticks from Mark’s - snacks that they had bought on one of their many stops on their drive two days ago - and shared them while watching some Cantonese drama on the hotel room TV.

Yeah, it was mostly just background noise.

“Arghh, I still feel nauseous”, Donghyuck whined as he turned to lay on his back. Mark eyed him worriedly.

“Do you want Advil?"

“I don’t think it works for this”, Donghyuck stretched his arms and legs and went limp on the soft cushion. “I don’t think anything works for this, I just have to suffer”

“Mmh, I remember reading somewhere”, Mark took a long sip of his water. “That sex is a good cure for a hangover. Or, maybe not a cure but it should at least ease the symptoms”

“Oh”, Donghyuck raised his brows. “Really, now?”

“Yeah”, Mark nodded. “I haven’t tried it, but, if you feel up to that...”

Mark was rarely the one to initiate sex. Well, they hadn’t been physically close and romantically in a relationship for a long time yet, but they had had plenty of sex in those few weeks spent together. And Donghyuck couldn’t remember a single time when the older had been the one to take the initiative move. It had always been Donghyuck. 

This dynamic had worked well until now. Mark might write dirty lyrics but a seducer wasn’t what he was. This… Donghyuck took it, it was good enough.

And he totally felt up to some hangover sex.

He sat up just enough so that he could press his lips against Mark’s. The other, having expected that, opened his lips for him and Donghyuck pulled him on top of himself. They made out sloppily, Mark tasted of salt crackers and toothpaste and deliciously of himself, Donghyuck got excited immediately. The older positioned himself between Donghyuck’s legs and as their thighs came to contact, Donghyuck’s heart jumped up in his throat and-

Three sharp knocks broke the bubble. 

“Hey losers, are you awake?!!” It was Yangyang, undeniably. How was he there, that early? How had he even made it inside the hotel and found the right room? 

Honestly, with Mark between his legs, Donghyuck didn't care enough to find out. 

"Just ignore him", he whispered to the older and pulled him into another kiss. Mark complied, eager - whatever Yangyang had to say could wait, if it were important then he would have called.

The knocking continued. 

"Come on!" Yangyang yelled. "I know you're in there!" 

Mark sighed. 

"Seriously", he said. "We have to open the door or he'll never leave" 

"No we don't", Donghyuck argued as another set of knocks echoed in the room. 

"Yes, we do", Mark got off of him and that was the end of it. Donghyuck sulked but understood - the stupid, inpatient beta had ruined the mood. 

Mark crouched in front of his suitcase to look for some more decent clothes, but Donghyuck didn't bother. It was just Yangyang. So, he just straightened his bathrobe and walked to the door to finally end the knocking.

"What the hell is your problem?" was what he greeted the beta with. Yangyang had stopped, his fist still in the air to knock again but he lowered it at the sight of Donghyuck. Now, the beta eyed him up and down with raised brows. 

"Good morning to you too", he grinned. "I came to make sure that you're still alive, but, apparently" 

"Is that all", to say that Donghyuck was annoyed would be an understatement. "We were kind of in the middle of something" 

“Oh, were you having sex or something, you bunnies?”

“You’re the one to talk”, Donghyuck tied the belt tighter around his robe. “But in a matter of fact, yes we were”

“Damn”, Yangyang hissed. “Sorry to cock-block you, but we were going to eat and we thought you might want to come with us?”

Well, the atmosphere was gone already and Donghyuck _did_ feel hungry, so, maybe they could just go. He looked back to Mark who had gotten his pants on and was now without a shirt, looking for one from his suitcase. Donghyuck eyed his bare upper body and sighed - that would have to wait. But once he had him between his legs again, he would take everything out of that time.

Mmh.

Wait. 

"What are you doing here?" Donghyuck asked. "Shouldn't you be at Kun's?" 

"Oh, yeah, we reserved a room too, down the hall", Yangyang pointed somewhere right from him. "We… faced an obstacle last night and decided that coming here was our best option. Damn the beds are soft" 

If Guanheng and Yangyang were here then that meant-

"RENJUN”, Guanheng yelled somewhere in the hallway. “COME OUT, WE’RE GOING NOW!”

“He is here too?” Donghyuck asked as Mark appeared next to him, dressed. There was no escaping this anymore, Guanheng and Yangyang generally didn’t take no for an answer.

“Yeah”, Yangyang grinned, but there was a shadow on his face. “He is sulking. It was initially him who said that he can’t go back to Dejun’s, that’s why we’re all here”

“Why?”

Yangyang shrugged. “Dunno”

“He said that he is too nauseous”, Guanheng ran to the door, looking at least as hungover as Donghyuck felt - Yangyang was the only one who had avoided the pain, for some reason. It must be a biological advantage, the youngest had NOT been any smarter with his drinking than the others, Donghyuck knew that of him. “I guess it’ll just be us four now”

“Alright, where are we going?” Of course, Mark had heard the whole conversation, the hotel room wasn’t that small.

"There's a nice restaurant downstairs, that serves a great breakfast until noon. Let's go there", Guanheng smiled and just the sound of breakfast made Donghyuck’s stomach rumble. 

"Alright, I'll just put some clothes on," he said and turned around to find some. He had already blown up his suitcase all around the room. A week was a long time to keep digging stuff from his suitcase. 

Before he managed to find anything though, he heard his phone ring. He took it from the bedside table and checked the caller ID - it was Baekhyun.

He hadn’t talked to him in a while. A long while - in fact, he had barely texted him during their trip to China, which hadn’t lasted for more than a week and a half but still, it felt like a long time. He felt like there were many things he hadn’t updated him on properly, and would really like to do so. 

Also, there was a reason why he was calling. Donghyuck had to answer.

“How about you go without me?”, he said to the others. “I can follow you later, I just need to answer this call”

“Is everything alright?” Mark asked. “We can wait”

Donghyuck nodded. 

“I just need to talk to Baekhyun for a moment, now that he has the time. I’ll come right after you, just go”

…

  
  


_“I talked to you last night, remember?”_

“Uh, no”, Donghyuck stood in front of the big window and tried to dig his memory. He could only remember flashes here and there, he had no idea of what had happened. But he felt embarrassed - he must have said something stupid, he tended to talk too much while drunk. “I’m so sorry”

 _“It’s okay”_ , Baekhyun laughed good-heartedly. _“Been there done that. You didn’t say anything stupid, you just told me that you were going to have a hangover and that I should call you late. Oh, and also that Mark was feeling sick”_

Oh, well, that matched with Mark’s memories of him being present while he threw up, so, Donghyuck tried not to think further. He was alright, and it had just been Baekhyun who frankly, during his party years had probably done the same and more. That was why he liked talking to him so much - Baekhyun _got_ him.

 _“Anyways, how is it going between you two?”_ Baekhyun asked. _“Still as lovely as ever?”_

Donghyuck had only ever talked to him about how frustrated he was of their long-distance relationship. He had opened up to him a lot - more than he had to his mother. And it felt good because Baekhyun understood him better than anyone else.

“It’s going well”, he sat on the bed. He had put on pants while he had gone through the mundane everyday news with him - how the search was going and so on - and could now confidently open the curtains, and sit his legs spread without fearing that someone could see too much. There was a high building next to the hotel and dozens of windows way too close - if the curtains were forgotten open, people in the offices across the road could see _everything._

 _“Mmh, details please”_ , Baekhyun was curious.

“Well”, Donghyuck crossed his legs. “Everything is going smoothly between us - physically, emotionally, he takes good care of me and there have been no clashes at all. Well, he was a bit jealous but we figured that out soon so it’s not a problem anymore, it was my fault anyway. So, you could say it’s going almost too well”

 _“Oh, the honeymoon phase is often like that”_ , Baekhyun sounded understanding. _“Enjoy it while it lasts. I remember when I met your father, we were perfect together and I don’t think we fought once during the five months that we spent together”_

Donghyuck nodded. Baekhyun hadn’t talked about that too much and he hadn’t asked. Of course, he had felt intrigued to do so, but, he didn’t know how to do it because he didn’t want to open old wounds. Well, in a way he was opening old wounds simply by being in touch with him, but, still. He waited for Baekhyun to bring it up himself.

“If everything was so perfect, then why did you never tell him?” Donghyuck felt brave enough to ask now. “I mean, I know that the communication devices were bad and all but if you worked so well together, why didn’t you tell him?”

“ _Mmh, there were many reasons for that back then_ ”; Baekhyun said. “I _was young and stupid, of course, but I knew that the honeymoon phase wouldn’t last forever. We didn’t fight, but I got some very good glimpses at his faults and I knew_ _that it wouldn’t work in the long run. I know what this sounds like - everyone has their pros and their cons, of course. But I believed that love meant choosing someone whose bad sides you can deal with, rather than whose good sides you like the most. I know, it’s silly, but I_ _still feel like there’s some truth to it. I couldn’t imagine spending a lifetime with him which, had we raised you together, would have happened_.”

Donghyuck thought of that for a moment. That thought sounded like it had been taken from a magazine or something - focus on the bad sides you can deal with, not the good ones that you like. That felt ridiculous. At the very least, it should be a balance of both. 

“What were his bad sides then?” He asked.

“ _Oh, he was jealous and possessive”,_ Baekhyun answered right away. “ _He couldn’t stand my alpha or beta friends and tried to even keep me apart from his. He used to think very conservatively too which, for me, was a no-no. As I said, for a five-month-old romance it was okay because I could overlook that, but for a lifetime partner who_ I _was supposed to raise a child with… eh, no. Our values didn’t match”_

_Does that sound familiar… No, it does NOT._

_“I know that I’m not perfect”,_ Baekhyun continued. _“But I just had this feeling, and I trusted it. And I know that people can change but… but I didn’t want to have to make him change. So, I thought I was doing him a favor, not telling him. I wanted to raise you alone”_

Donghyuck nodded, although he knew that Baekhyun couldn’t see it. What he told Donghyuck kind of made sense - Baekhyun wasn’t a conservative, not even close. He wasn’t morally dubious either, since he had obviously wanted to have a family and a partner for life, but in most cases, he was very liberal. A free soul, open for anything.

 _“Anyway, I don’t want to paint a negative picture of him when you haven’t even met him yet. My memories of him are mostly positive”,_ Baekhyun laughed a bit. _“Anyways, how are you and Mark in terms of… your future? Any resolutions?”_

“I don’t know”, Donghyuck answered honestly. “We haven’t talked about it yet. There hasn’t been… time”

 _“Really, now”,_ of course, Baekhyun saw through that excuse. Anyone could. _“But you have to talk, eventually”_

“I know”, Donghyuck sighed. “I’m just afraid that this will end”

_“Do you feel like it might?”_

“I don’t know”, Donghyuck sighed, again. “I… Mark is just perfect for me, too perfect, I don’t want to lose him but I don’t know if I can deal with another spring like this. I could, for him, but I don’t know how long and… I’m afraid”

 _“Oh, baby_ ”, Baekhyun said affectionately. _“There is no such thing as a perfect person”_

Long after the phone call had ended, Donghyuck still found it difficult to move from where he was. It had started to rain, and the grayness spread over the city just like it had in January, in New York. The gray jungle of tarmac always looked the same, no matter where he went.

And he kept thinking. 

Of this growing lump of anxiety in his chest.

Everything was going way too well. And Mark… he couldn’t point out his bad sides. What even were they? The alpha was calm and understanding, he knew how to party when asked for it and he seemed to always agree with Donghyuck, and look after him first. He claimed to be a Christian, which Donghyuck was not, but still, they never seemed to have hit a wall with anything. They agreed on most things. And when they didn’t, they still understood each other.

It was too good to be true. It had to be.

And it had to end. Because everything that was good always ended. 

“Hey”, Mark came back a bit later.“You never came”

“Yeah, sorry about that”; Donghyuck felt a bit bad since he _had_ promised. He hadn’t moved at all, he was still sitting on the bed, in the same place as he had during the phone call. He glanced at the phone in question - it was nearing eleven-thirty. 

“Are you okay?” Mark asked, and sat next to him. Screw him for being so caring.

“Yeah”, Donghyuck said. “I just felt a bit under the weather”

“Is it because of Baekhyun?”

Partially.

“No”, Donghyuck shook his head.

“Are you sure? Why did he call?”

“Oh, he just called me to inform that Chanyeol is here”

Chanyeol was Baekhyun’s partner. His childhood friend, his accompanist, and also, they were dating and had been for a few years. Chanyeol was working on multiple projects, as he was both a musician and a model and apparently a sound engineer too, and he had gotten a job at the Shanghai fashion week.

But he had flown to China beforehand, just to travel around Hong Kong and Guangzhou too. What a coincidence, right?

MMH, an interesting one. Anyways, Baekhyun had given Chanyeol something to give Donghyuck, so now Donghyuck would have to include meeting him into his schedule. Well, that wouldn’t be difficult considering that most of his time in China he had just partied and lazed around.

Mark nodded, but absentmindedly as he dug something out of the small bag that he had taken with him.

“I brought you croissants and some jam”, Mark said. “There were strawberry and apple - I didn’t know which one you’d like so I brought both”

“Thanks, it’s perfect”, Donghyuck smiled and kissed him. 

Perfect. Almost too perfect.

...

The rest of the day was surprisingly uneventful. Even in a hotel that they now shared with Yangyang and Guanheng - plus Renjun, apparently, though Donghyuck had yet to see him. No one came to bother them - they ordered some more food (Or, Mark did with his poor Chinese. It arrived and that was all that mattered), cuddled and took a long nap and watched half of some random Chinese game show from the old tv in their room and made love.

Yeah. On the white sheets of the twin bed, the sunlight creeping in between the vanilla-colored hotel room curtains, they took their time exploring each other’s bodies and making the most out of their time together. In the bright light where nothing could be hidden, they had some lazy sex. 

Now that was exactly what Donghyuck had pictured in his mind, whenever he had thought of this trip. Being this close to Mark, sharing a bed, just the two of them. 

They would have had a perfect opportunity to talk but they didn’t. Having sex was much more fun, satisfying, and really, Donghyuck didn’t want to talk unless they had to. Like, really had to. They would figure everything out before they left, they would be alright. 

When the day started to turn into night, Guanheng and Yangyang finally got bored and came to hang out in their room. Donghyuck was satisfied and well-fed, so he was up to some hanging out as well. Lucas and Yuqi joined them, and so did Kun - Dejun was nowhere to be seen and so was Renjun, despite Yangyang and Guanheng’s attempts at breaking through his door and forcing him out.

They did what all kids their age do (yes, they were kids) - they wasted time in the hotel room. None of them could drink alcohol, not even Lucas this time, so they played all sorts of party games, watched Youtube (normally blocked there, but Lucas found a way, of course) and just talked shit about everything.

When it became too late to have a party in their room without the other customers of the hotel getting suspicious, Lucas, Yuqi, and Kun decided to go to a nearby chicken restaurant. Guanheng and Yangyang went to their room (they promised to follow the others but who knew what obstacles they might face on the way) and Mark and Donghyuck were left on their own.

“Do you want to go?” Mark asked Donghyuck. The others had invited them along too but left before they had gotten a proper answer (which wasn’t unusual at all). Donghyuck shrugged.

“I don’t know, it might be fun”

The momentary quietness was, again, broken by a soft knock on the door. Donghyuck sighed and fell on the bed - what was their room, a train station? A mall, for people to meet upp at any time they wanted to? Mark stood up to open the door because that was what he just did, while Donghyuck laid on the bed.

“Hi”, the voice he heard from the hallway was a fresh one though.

Or, one of those he had heard almost every day for the past fifteen years.

“Uh, Donghyuck?” Renjun’s small voice reached him from the door. The older looked like he hadn’t slept at all, but he still had a small (fake) smile on his face. And Donghyuck knew exactly what Renjun wanted.

He spoke to Mark. “Wanna give us a moment?”

“Yeah, sure”, Mark’s eyes shifted between Renjun and Donghyuck a few times. “I guess I’ll go down beforehand, then”

Mark walked back in to grab his wallet and then walked to the hallway when Renjun walked in. Mark closed the door after himself, but not before throwing one last glance at Donghyuck. 

He had been wary of Renjun a bit - Donghyuck had noticed, no matter how the older had tried to hide it. Maybe it was just the alpha instinct, because Renjun was an unmated alpha and thus, a competitor. Haha. There was no reason for his wariness. Donghyuck had grown up with Renjun, nothing was going on between them - had never been and would never be. Yeah, Mark knew now exactly what kind of a _friendship_ Donghyuck had had with Jaemin before. Maybe he had a reason to be wary. But, it was different - Donghyuck and Jaemin had only been fooling around when neither of them had been in a relationship. It was different now.

Renjun jumped on the bed and stole Donghyuck’s pillow to hug it. He and Renjun had chilled in Donghyuck’s bed for years without any sexual contact, Renjun just wanted closeness and comfort, and omegas naturally gave it well. Their friendship worked that way - although, Donghyuck usually was Renjun’s last choice after Jeno and Jaemin. Yangyang was a wild card but apparently, now he was occupied.

No, Donghyuck _knew_ he was occupied. Guanheng was probably in the process of fucking him into next year since they only had a few weeks to do that before they would be separated, no one knew for how long. Maybe forever - Donghyuck didn’t exactly know how deep their relationship was. 

Anyways, Renjun hugged the pillow and his expression looked extremely uncomfortable. Donghyuck waited for him to start talking, and that was exactly what he did.

“Remember what you said last night?” Renjun asked. And no matter how hard Donghyuck tried to remember, he couldn’t. He knew that he had cried, apparently, and clung to Renjun’s arm but that was all.

“Uh"

“You don’t? Okay, well”, Renjun hugged the pillow tighter. “You said that I haven’t talked to you about personal stuff in a while and you said that if I did, you wouldn’t make fun of me, so… so, you better listen now”

“Okay, sure,'' Donghyuck answered. It didn’t sound like the whole story, but that was enough context. “What’s up?”

Renjun squeezed the pillow against his face and screamed. His voice was high and smooth normally, but now it was broken and filled with rage. Then, he went limp.

“Oh god I hate my life so much”, he mumbled, still against the pillow so it was hard to hear.

“That’s nothing new”, Donghyuck hummed and earned a surprisingly well-coordinated kick from the alpha. “Ouch, what’s the matter?”

“Everything”, Renjun continued talking to the pillow. “I’m an idiot, a fool, I hate myself and I hate _everything!!”_

“What in particular sucks now?” Donghyuck tried. “Does it have something to do with Dejun?”

“You bet it does!”

“Okay, tell me what happened so I can understand”

"I got drunk and kissed him!” He groaned and Donghyuck raised his brows. Oh. it didn’t sound like Renjun at all. Donghyuck felt a bit bad for making him drink the night before - although Renjun could have said no and he was responsible over himself, the kick of the alcohol and sudden loss of restrictions might have come as a surprise to him.

Alcohol and being drunk shouldn’t be used as an excuse. But Donghyuck knew well what it could do, especially for someone as inexperienced as Renjun. A couple of beers now and then were nothing compared to strong liquor that they consumed quite a lot the night before. Each and every one of them.

“Oh, but it’s not that bad”, Donghyuck said, but when Renjun looked at him again, a thought hit him. “Was that your first kiss?”

Renjun’s cheeks got blushed even redder as he hid a part of his face in the pillow. 

“Of course not, I’m not a child!”

Donghyuck stared at him as he furrowed his brows even more.

“Hey”, he said carefully, trying to hide the amusement in his voice. Normally he would tease Renjun but he felt different now, Donghyuck didn’t want to make him feel any worse than he already felt. Also, he had promised that he wouldn’t - maybe he couldn’t remember, but a promise was always a promise. “It’s okay”

Renjun screamed into the pillow again.

“I feel so dirty”, he groaned. “I… I feel like a slut!”

“For kissing someone?”

“For… for doing that so lightly! And for… for stealing someone else’s first kiss like that, too!”

Renjun was reacting so strongly to something so small to Donghyuck, he didn’t know what to say. How to treat Renjun when he was like this. 

“Hey, really, they’re not that big of a deal, trust me”, Donghyuck tried his best to reason with Renjun - something he never thought he would have to do. “It’s been romanticized way too much and it’s, like, always bad. It’s okay”

Renjun still hugged the pillow but he seemed a bit less tense. Renjun was always a bit tense.

“I just…”, he started, and Donghyuck listened without interrupting as the alpha opened his heart to him. “I feel so stupid. I'm older than you all and I'm still an inexperienced virgin. I'm an alpha for God's sake!”

Oh. So that was what it was all about.

“Hey, you're in Yonsei”, Donghyuck said. “You studied when we slept around, that’s so much cooler than any of our ‘adventures’”

“It doesn't feel that great, really, it's just another institution and everyone is so cocky”, Renjun finally calmed down a bit and revealed his red face. “Like, K.U. Is just as good as us, and they do some things even better”

Donghyuck gasped theatrically. Renjun hit him with his pillow. 

“Stop! You're just feeding the useless fight!”

Okay, he was back to normal. Good. But still, Donghyuck felt like they still had to talk about it - he didn't want Renjun to keep feeling bad about something this small. So, he decided to bring another angle to the game. 

"Do you know who my first kiss was?" He asked Renjun. The older didn't take long to start throwing candidates out there. 

"Sunwoo?" 

"Nah" 

"Jaemin?" 

"Nope"

Renjun tilted his head to the side like a puppy.

"Then who?" 

Donghyuck grinned at the memory. 

"Jeno" 

"Jeno?" Renjun’s high pitched voice came out as he shook his head. "No way, not in a million years!" 

“Yeah, well, neither of us would like to remember it either. At all. It was before middle school, we were having a sleepover and you had gone to sleep already, and we were both really scared - like, we were losers, going to middle school without having kissed anyone before? So we did it, quickly, and you know, too much tongue and spit and-”

“Gosh stop I don't want to imagine it!”

Renjun shook his head in disgust and Donghyuck laughed.

“But you see what I mean?” He said. “It meant nothing, I don't think it holds any real value at all. Because it doesn't - it's just us humans who have put a huge value on flapping parts of our bodies together for the first time. Like, think about it, isn't it absurd!”

“You surely make it sound disgusting”, Renjun sighed. “But now that I think about it… I think it was kind of nice. Not, like, ideal, but still. Dejun is a cute omega”

Donghyuck grinned.

“Ohhhhh tell me more! Who initiated it? Did you use tongue - did _he_ use tongue? He seemed like a shy guy - was he aggressive? Was there touching involved?”

"Pervert!" Renjun threw his pillow at him again and Donghyuck could see how red his face was. "Those things are PRIVATE" 

"You're no fun" Donghyuck complained as he laughed. Renjun hit him again, and again, and again until Donghyuck was begging for mercy in a headlock, losing breath from laughing so hard and being choked by the alpha. 

Nothing had changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I'LL PROOFREAD THIS TOMORROW I'm too tired now)
> 
> I was determined to post this yesterday but then I just couldn’t - too much work. Actually, I’ve surpassed Found Ya! in raw writing already, so just know that this story is going to be longer than the first part - quite a lot longer, actually. So… yay? I promise to try my best to update weekly from now on. The chapters are going to be longer so I guess it’s somewhat justified, also, I’m going back to school so that will keep me busy in front of my laptop too. I hope you have a great day, see you buy!
> 
> (Funfact: sometime in May, when I started to plan a sequel, Dejun/Renjun was the first thing that I came up with. And in fact, this rant scene right here, as well as the one when they meet for the first time, were some of the first ones that I wrote for the story. Idk why, I just like the idea of Junjun brothers so much. It’s so hard to imagine what their dynamic would be like in real like - I hope we get to see some interactions at some point, right now we just have that one group picture)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know, I was supposed to upload this yesterday but I just couldn’t get it done in time - sorry. 
> 
> I was in a party / small gathering the other day (The C disease is somewhat under control in the city I’m in right now so it’s okay) and I met this guy who was, like, perfect. 100% my type, everything he did was so damn charming and attractive and arghhh I didn’t get the chance to talk to him much but still, I can’t stop thinking about him. I’ve never felt this way about a person that I just briefly met and I’m so damn confused and frustrated.
> 
> I hate this feeling, I HATE this. Because a guy like him would NEVER like someone like me. So, instead of doing anything about it I just came back home to sulk and couldn’t write anything coherent for a while. But here it is, sorry for taking so long!

**_August 2001_ **

_“So, going to Kyungsoo’s again? Running from your problems like a child?”_

_“Fuck off, hyung”_

_“What? I’m just stating the obvious. It’s not like you could survive on your own, you saw what happened last time”_

_Baekhyun threw what he had closest to him - a thick ethics book, one from his father’s collection - at his brother with full force but he dodged it and the book hit the wall. It hit it with such force that the wall was left with a mark, a hole even. Well, whatever, it wasn’t like Baekhyun cared. It wasn’t his home anymore and it hadn’t been for a long time._

_“Hyun, what the hell?!”_

_“Get OFF MY FACE”, Baekhyun threw the final papers into his backpack and stomped out of the room, not bothering to pass his brother properly and their shoulders hit. It was kind of painful but he couldn’t care less, it just fed his fire that was already burning over its limits. He only had a few more things to do before he could leave, Junmyeon had come home at the worst possible moment but he wasn’t going to stop him._

_“I’m going to tell dad”_

_“See if I care”_

_Baekhyun walked into his room to get his suitcase. He only had a backpack and a suitcase - that was all he was leaving with, and he was not coming back to get anything else. He was done. There were so many things that he couldn’t fit in that he would have wanted to, but there was nothing he could do about it. He could buy new stuff one day, now he just needed enough to survive. There were a couple of notebooks still on his table, Baekhyun grabbed them and shoved them into the already full backpack. The zipper was just about to give up, but he managed to close it and throw it on his back._

_“You’re being ridiculous”_

_“SHUT UP”, Baekhyun turned around to finally face his brother. Junmyeon was leaning against the doorframe looking unbothered, wearing a tracksuit as he had only just returned from his jog. He had his own house now, he had no reason to come back here. Even less so than Baekhyun would, once he would be out of the door. And still._

_“You’re behaving like a child. One would have thought that your… episode would have woken you up but of course not”_

_“What is your problem?” Baekhyun grabbed his suitcase and stopped in front of his brother on his way out. Face to face, they were the same height although it didn’t often look like it because Baekhyun had bad posture. He had bad everything, according to his family - bad attitude, bad personality, bad thoughts, ever since he had been very little he had been convinced of his inferiority towards his older brother._

_There had been times when Baekhyun had thought that maybe if his parents hadn’t been such assholes and raised them in such a toxic way, he and Junmyeon could have been friends. And then, there were times like these when he knew that there was no way he could have gotten along with him - Junmyeon didn’t even try to understand anyone who he thought was below him._

_He was one of the reasons why Baekhyun’s childhood had been so miserable. Why he had always been the last of his friends to leave their playing sessions because he didn’t want to go home to just be downgraded and bullied. The house he had grown up in was like a cage, when he got out he felt so happy but it was always there, waiting for him because a caged bird couldn’t survive in the wild on its own._

_But now he would have to learn._

_“You are my problem”, Junmyeon huffed. Of course, he had even inherited the superior sub gender, alpha, and he had no trouble using his alpha voice on his brother too. Baekhyun had grown so used to the cold, fearful feeling it left in his heart, he was numb for it now. “Why is it so hard for you to live an ethical life? We don’t ask much of you and still, you always fail”_

_“That was a rhetorical question”, Baekhyun looked down and stepped away. He felt mad but in all honesty, fighting with Junmyeon always ended in him losing. It didn’t matter what it was about, or who started it, he always lost._

_And he was so tired of losing._

_Junmyeon grabbed his arm, because of course, he did. Baekhyun tried to pull his arm free but Junmyeon’s grip was stronger than usual this time. So, Baekhyun turned to face him._

_“What?”_

_“Do you really think that you can just leave like this?”_

_“Yeah”, Baekhyun said. “It’s none of your business”_

_“Oh, that’s where you’re wrong. I’m not letting you take an easy way out - leave the stuff so generously bought for you by our parents and give me the money that I saw you take from dad’s closet"_

_“No”, Baekhyun pulled harder. “It’s not even yours, just let me go”_

_“No”, Junmyeon echoed. “Take some responsibility for yourself for once, and stop exploiting our parents”_

_“Exploiting?” Baekhyun pulled his arm free with so much force, it hurt. But he didn’t care about that for as long as he got free. “I nearly died last summer, because mom wouldn’t help me get to the hospital. And you keep calling them generous? How fucking delusional are you?”_

_“Mom wouldn’t do that”, Junmyeon tsk-ed. “You can’t blame her for not wanting a bastard child of that communist trash to get anywhere near her”_

_Baekhyun spit on his face. It was a spur of the moment kind of decision, but definitely something that he had wanted to do for a while. How could Junmyeon be so racist, how could he be so mean? Anger burned in Baekhyun’s chest and when Junmyeon blinked, for a split second he thought that he had won._

_Oh, no._

_Baekhyun didn’t react quickly enough. Maybe he expected too much dignity from Junmyeon - oh, for an outsider he surely acted like this big man with manners and intelligence. But he didn’t have any trouble punching his omega brother across the face._

_Junmyeon had always been toxic and mean. But he had never hit him, ever. Baekhyun felt his lip split from the force used, he almost lost his balance too but he caught himself. He touched his mouth - were all of his teeth still there? His fingers came out bloody, he couldn’t say for sure._

_“Don’t ever disrespect me again”, Junmyeon said with his alpha voice, and Baekhyun was done. So done. He didn’t even look his way anymore, he just took his bags and walked out of the door._

_For some reason, Junmyeon finally let him go - maybe he had surprised himself too, with the violence. Whatever, Baekhyun didn’t care. Not at all. He spit some blood on the freshly cut grass, and that was the last trace he left in his past home._

_Because he was never returning. Ever._

_..._

_Too perfect to be real…_

_Or just too perfect for you?_

_There isn’t such a thing as a perfect person._

_Why do you keep looking for faults in him? Maybe to balance out your own?_

_Yeah, maybe._

_Maybe to balance out what you’ve done..._

_No… No!_

The fight in Donghyuck’s head went on and on and on. It was like the voices didn’t know how to stop. Donghyuck tried to reduce it to mere background noise, but it was hard when everything was otherwise so quiet around him.

It was early in the morning. The traffic was wild outside, he could hear the familiar humming of the living, active city through the walls. But it was still too quiet.

It was unusual for him to be up this early. But for some reason, he couldn’t sleep anymore. So instead, he kept thinking of everything and staring at Mark who was sleeping soundly next to him.

The older looked kind of funny. Donghyuck knew that everyone looked funny when they slept, but still, it was amusing, seeing him like this. Usually, Mark was always up before him. But now, Donghyuck could watch him breathe slowly, his cheek squeezed against the pillow. 

And he thought of seeing him like this for years to come, hopefully. And feelings of nervousness swirled in his stomach.

Today. Today, they would talk. They had pushed it back way too much already, so, today they would have to figure everything out. Although Donghyuck was scared that it might ruin everything, he knew that it was inevitable. Whatever they decided to do, he wanted to know now.

He wanted to know whether he was living an ending or a start of something.

Donghyuck got up. Carefully, so that he didn’t wake up Mark too, he wore his clothes from the day before and walked out.

The morning air hit differently, even in Guangzhou. It was warm already, Donghyuck walked with his phone held high, looking for something in particular. 

...

“Hey”, Donghyuck said softly. “Wakey wakey”

Mark stirred, and blinked his eyes open. His eyes were unfocused and the coordination was a bit lost as he got up. He rubbed his eyes.

“What’s that?”

“I brought chicken”, Donghyuck pointed at the take-away meals on the table. “And bubble tea. So wake up, we should eat before it gets cold”

Mark eyed the take-away bags placed on the bedside table. He reached for his round glasses (Donghyuck’s favorites, he liked seeing Mark without his contacts) and got up to put a shirt on. Before he got to do that though, Donghyuck grabbed his arm and yanked him back to kiss him.

“Ew, I haven’t even brushed my teeth yet”, Mark murmured. 

Donghyuck smiled a little. “I don’t care”

Mark looked at him weirdly and then reached for a regular dark green t-shirt on the floor. They were both a bit messy, and throwing clothes on the floor had become a habit for both of them. Oh, well, it was a hotel room. It was clean, it was okay, maybe they would both learn to behave once they went back home...

“What’s the occasion?” Mark asked as he sat back down. Donghyuck moved the blankets and placed the bags between them, on the bed. Yeah, eating on the bed was maybe not the cleanest thing either but they didn’t have a proper table in the room since it was so small. But these were fresh sheets, they hadn’t had any sex on these yet so… it was somewhat hygienic. They could always eat on top of the bags and stuff okay Donghyuck didn’t care.

“Why does it have to be an occasion?” He asked instead.

“I don’t know”, Mark shrugged. “You just never…”

_You never do anything for me._

Oh, Donghyuck was aware. That had been one of the things that he had kept thinking of. Mark seemed to be doing everything right - he took such good care of Donghyuck, physically, mentally, emotionally, and Donghyuck felt like he needed to step up his game. He had never had a proper romantic relationship earlier either. Just some… _something_ , with some alphas and betas and then, of course, Jaemin, but nothing real. He didn’t know how to treat people. Or, he had never really thought about it. But he wanted to be better. 

“I just felt like it”, he answered Mark. “You always treat me so well, I wanna do that too. I feel like I haven’t been the best possible boyfriend lately, so, just eat the damn chicken and don’t ask me stupid questions”

Mark laughed at that a bit, and that eased Donghyuck’s heart. The older reached for the bags, to open the containers, and Donghyuck took out the soft drinks and the sweet tea.

“Thank you”, Mark said. “And I don’t think you’re a bad boyfriend, not at all. You just have a lot on your mind”

_Oh, if he only knew._

“Yeah, well”, Donghyuck took the opened container of chicken. It was still hot, he placed it in front of him. “Actually, I wanted to talk about that”

“Oh, so there was an occasion after all”, Mark took a whiff of his container of chicken and placed it down as well. He looked at Donghyuck in the eyes. “What’s on your heart?”

“Um”, Donghyuck looked down. “Nothing too awful, let’s eat first, okay?”

It was difficult to talk, for some reason, that was why he had been pushing it back for so long. They ate in silence, and although usually, they had no trouble being silent and comfortable together, he didn’t know what to think now. Of course, it was a bit tense, since they were both troubled now. But it wasn’t too bad. 

When Donghyuck had a couple of chicken legs left, he finally started talking.

“I’m sorry”

Mark looked up, but Donghyuck didn’t. He kept staring at the chicken as though it was the most interesting thing in the whole world. Chinese fried chicken tended to be a bit lighter in color than Korean. That was just his personal observation though. His sampling wasn’t huge.

“For what?” Mark chuckled awkwardly at the end. Of course, he didn’t have a clue.

“For not being considerate”, Donghyuck kept his eyes on the chicken. “For repeating my stupid mistakes, for not being able to read you well yet, for thinking too much but about the wrong things, you name it. I’m sorry”

“What are you on about?” Mark placed his finished container down next to him. “Did I say something to make you feel bad? You’re doing alright, there’s no need for you to be saying sorry”

“Yeah, maybe not but can you still accept it?” Donghyuck felt uncomfortable. 

“Okay, I forgive you for being a human being. Now, is this what’s been bothering you?”

So, he had noticed. 

“Partly, yeah”, Donghyuck admitted. “You keep being so good to me and taking care of me when I don’t give you even a half of that back. I just wonder… I guess I just wonder why you still put up with me”

Mark eyed him for a while. He seemed truly speechless. Finding the right words was difficult for Donghyuck as well, and he at least knew that he was on about. What was going on. And...

Then, Mark finally spoke.

“You’ve changed”, he said. “You doubt yourself so much. Why is that? Did something happen?”

“N- no”, Donghyuck shook his head. The conversation wasn’t at all going to the way he had initially wanted to take it. He wasn’t even sure why he had started it the way he had. He just… 

Maybe it was the chicken but Donghyuck felt nauseous again. He closed his eyes.

“I just”, he started. “I’m just worried about us. I don’t want you to give too much so that you start hating me in the end"

“That would never happen”, Mark said, but Donghyuck couldn’t read his emotions through his voice alone. “I’ve told you before - I’ve always been the one that others have taken care of. My big brother, then Johnny, Jaehyun, even Kevin. I’ve always been the ‘little brother’, so I grew up selfish and self-centered. And I… I don’t want to be that anymore. I care about you, I want to do this right. Don't think too much of it, okay?”

Donghyuck opened his eyes. How could he not overthink? “So… are you still repaying that debt? By doing good things for me?”

“No”, Mark shook his head. “What do you- that’s not it! I just… I’ve never been with anyone before, okay? I don’t know what you expect of me, I’m not like… like those dozens of others that you’ve been with”

“I haven’t been with _dozens_ of others”, Donghyuck couldn’t explain it but he almost felt… mad by the way that Mark said it. “Does it bother you? The number of partners that I’ve had?”

“No”, Mark said again. “Or, it did come as a surprise but no, not really, because it doesn’t change you. It’s… it’s just something that I, generally, would think differently of due to, you know, my faith”

Donghyuck blinked once. Twice. While trying to understand what Mark was saying. They were both being unnecessarily complicated, yet, Donghyuck didn't know how to break away from that. 

“Oh, right, you’re a Christian”, _yet you had no trouble sleeping with me when I asked._ A thought popped into Donghyuck’s head and before he could stop himself, it was out in the air.

“Is it because you slept with me that now you feel like you have to be with me?”

Donghyuck knew that he had screwed up the moment Mark opened his mouth. 

“How can you say that?” Mark looked hurt, and for a reason. “How can you… What are you trying to say?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it”, Donghyuck shook his head but the harm had been done already.

“Is my religion a problem to you? If it is then just say it, but how can you think so lowly of me? Do you think that I’m with you because I _have to_?”

“I’m sorry” Donghyuck repeated, his heart sinking. “I’m just… I’m just so stressed and scared, okay?”

“Why are you so unsure? Do you think I haven’t noticed - it’s written all over you, something’s been bothering you for a while now. What is it, why can’t you talk to me?”

“I-” Donghyuck felt tears piling into his eyes but there was nothing he could do about them. Mark offered him a napkin - see, why did he even care, they were fighting, weren’t they? “Why are you being so good to me? I don’t deserve it, even now you should be mad and not comforting me like… like-”

“Don’t tell me what I should and shouldn’t do. I’m too confused to be mad - why should I be mad? I’m frustrated, sure, because I feel like you don’t trust me enough to tell me these things that obviously mean a lot to you”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you”, Donghyuck shook his head. “I have a past, okay? I’ve done some awful things, and I don’t feel like I deserve you when I… I don’t know, okay, I’m overwhelmed and scared and I want to be good to you but I don’t know how."

“What are you so afraid of?”

Mark looked hurt. He looked so hurt. Donghyuck would prefer it if he were mad - he had fought with alphas before, he knew what to say when they got mad but when they were… disappointed and hurt, he didn’t know what to do. 

What are you so afraid of?

_That I will lose you._

_That we’ll just say goodbye at the airport and everything will end. That you will realize that I’m not good enough. Because I’m not._

Under Mark’s intense stare, Donghyuck felt so small. The nervousness twisted his insides and before long, a wave of nausea hit him. He always got nauseous when he cried, but this time it was so intense, he just couldn’t hold it in anymore.

He ran to the bathroom to throw up.

“Shit, Donghyuck?!” Mark yelled after him and followed him. “Are you okay?”

“No”, it was even more disgusting than his hangover puking, since he had just eaten chicken. Some fucking expensive chicken. Mark crouched down next to him and rubbed his back - Donghyuck could sense his distress and hurt, but he still looked after him. Like the perfect alpha that he was.

“Fighting makes me nauseous”, Donghyuck said quietly when he finally stopped puking and flushed the toilet. “Sorry”

“Stop saying sorry”, Mark rubbed his temples. “Let’s just… yeah, I’m sure we can figure this out without fighting too. We… We should be more open. Let’s not pile things inside ourselves, okay?”

“Okay”, Donghyuck sniffed pathetically.

 _That_ didn’t go according to the plan.

...

  
  


“Hey, Donghyuck!” 

Donghyuck turned around to see someone waving at him from their car. From a _ridiculously expensive-looking_ open car. Chanyeol took off his sunglasses as Donghyuck walked closer.

“Good afternoon, Chanyeol-ssi”, Donghyuck bowed a little, not even daring to touch the said car. It was shiny black and looked brand new. The engine was running quietly, it reminded him of a purring cat more than an actual car. 

“Oh, come on Donghyuck, didn’t we agree that you can call me hyung?” Chanyeol smiled brightly. “Are you in a hurry?”

“Uh, no, hyung, I’m not”, because technically he wasn’t. Mark had gone out for a jog after their talk, to clear his head. And Donghyuck could always text him where he was.

“Then hop on”, Chanyeol gestured towards the empty seat next to him. “Let’s go for a little drive”

They drove near the river and then pulled to a highway where there were a bit fewer people. One couldn't drive very freely in Guangzhou since there were so many cars everywhere, but Chanyeol seemed to know where to go. 

“Do you have anything that you’d like to ask?” Chanyeol asked casually after a short while of driving. “About me, about Baekhyun, anything”

“Uh, where did you steal this car?” That was the first thing in Donghyuck’s mind. 

Chanyeol laughed loudly, way more loudly than necessary.

“Oh, from the modeling company that I work for, or rather, its sister company here in Guangzhou”

_He didn’t deny stealing it._

“Uh, okay”

“Yeah, they have multiple of these, they won’t even realize that I borrowed one”, Chanyeol explained and played with the engine. It roared like a tiger when he wanted it to - wait, since when had Donghyuck related felines to cars? He didn’t know anything about cars, but he did know that horses were the animals often used when talking about cars. Did it roar like a horse?

Mmh, why did that sound so much less cool? Anyway, it was nice to hear that Chanyeol hadn’t actually stolen it (probably) and that they wouldn’t get the police after them… probably. It sounded about as safe as everything else that Donghyuck had done during his trip.

“How is Baekhyun?” He asked Chanyeol. “I heard that he has been talking to his past friends more.”

“Oh, yeah, that”, Chanyeol nodded. “We both have. We… left many things unfixed, and just escaped. Had you never appeared, they would have probably been left unfixed for the rest of our lives"

Donghyuck thought about it for a moment. He knew that he had caused something to happen within Baekhyun’s relationships, by appearing, but he couldn’t be too sure about the extent of it all. _He_ hadn’t necessarily done anything, but he had worked as a link of some sort. But for Chanyeol, as well?

Oh, well, there must have been a reason why both of them had been so hard to reach, by their once closest of friends.

“You did so much more than just find your father”, Chanyel said. Their hair running wild in the wind, Chanyeol looked like a model, and Donghyuck felt like he was a troll. From the Dreamworks movie. “You helped us rebuild some very important relationships and find our way back to our home country. We’d both been away for too long to do it without prompting”

Oh, he had? How ironic. Donghyuck looked down at his hands.

He had tried to talk to Mark openly, but they had only ended up fighting. Things between him and Jeno were a bit tense now, and he and Jaemin… it was getting difficult too. He hadn’t been in contact with Jisung and Chenle much since graduating. He and Renjun might be getting closer again but then again, they had only had one good conversation. It had felt like a bonding moment almost, after such a long time, but in reality, he didn’t know what was going to happen.

He was losing, his most important relationships seemed to be falling apart. So, yeah, ironic.

“But I didn’t do anything”, he answered Chanyeol. Because on that front, he hadn’t.

They stopped at a traffic light. 

“Maybe not like that, but you did start something. And me and your father both needed this. Our stupidity cost us many friendships, lots of love and support. People we used to know.”

“Like Do Kyungsoo?” Donghyuck spoke without thinking first. He had been curious, but he hadn’t asked because it seemed like a touchy subject to Baekhyun. Chanyeol turned his way with raised brows and Donghyuck curled into himself a bit more on the seat.

“Exactly, like Kyungsoo”, Chanyeol didn't seem like he deemed it too personal. Quite the opposite actually, since he started to talk. And he talked a lot. 

“I’ve known Kyungsoo longer than anyone else”, he said. “Longer than even Baekhyun. And still, a few fights cut our contact for years, a few secrets tore us apart. We used to be an unbreakable group, me, your father, Kyungsoo, Jongin, and Sehun. And the moment we started to have separate secrets and lies, we fell apart.

“Friendships are fragile, just like any other relationships are. Many say that they last forever, that real friendships last through the most difficult of times but… those are extremely rare. Everyone likes to think that they are an exception but more often than not, they aren’t. Just like any other relationship, friendships have to be treated. Friend groups are the most fragile but at the same time, the most wonderful type of relationship.”

Chanyeol was a talkative guy - that was what Baekhyun had told Donghyuck and so it seemed. He had also told Donghyuck that Chanyeol liked giving advice. He was the typical alpha with a desire to fix everything, from broken machines to relationships, and although he didn’t sound like that much of a pro in that field, Donghyuck still believed in his wiseness. The man had taken a crazy leap to the unknown too - and succeeded in making multiple dreams of his come true. 

Maybe Donghyuck should learn something from him, now that he was there. Also, Chanyeol was someone very precious to his father - wouldn’t having a good relationship with him be the least he could do? Baekhyun would probably be happy knowing that, so. 

“How do you fix something like that, though?” Donghyuck asked carefully, making the discussion personal on his end too. “I mean, I feel like my group of friends is slowly breaking apart too. Now that you’ve learned through the trouble, what would you do differently? Or what kind of advice would you give someone who is struggling”

“Mmh, that’s a hard one”, Chanyeol thought for a moment. He didn’t look at all bothered by questions - rather, he seemed to enjoy giving advice, just like Baekhyun had said he would.

“Be open, about everything, so that not a single trace of resentment lingers around. Because resentment, annoyance, disappointment, it all grows over time and ruins everything. Let it all out if you have to, fight if you have to, scream if you have to but make sure that you don’t hurt them in ways that can’t be fixed. Make sure you fix everything soon, treat the wounds, be careful to not make any in the first place. It’s hard work but if they’re your friends… then they are worth it.”

As well as advice, Chanyeol gave him two things - first, a handwritten letter by Baekhyun, to Kris. Chanyeol didn’t know what was in there and neither would Donghyuck know, it was meant for the Chinese alpha’s eyes only. Donghyuck understood the need that Baekhyun probably felt, to explain. So, he took it and promised to bring it to the alpha. 

There was another envelope there too, thicker, and it had Donghyuck’s name on it - it also said Haechan on it. Baekhyun had sometimes called him Haechan when they had talked and Donghyuck had told him to keep doing it if he felt like it. It was like his cool extra name now, the fact that it wasn’t “official” didn’t make it any less important. It felt special. And Donghyuck liked it. He eyed Baekhyun’s sloppy handwriting on the envelope.

“I have no idea what that is either”, Chanyeol said and nodded towards the thicker envelope in Donghyuck’s hands. “He kept fussing about how important it was that you only open it after you’ve met your alpha father, so please, even if you open it before that, tell him that you didn’t. You know how he can get”

“Sure”, Donghyuck was going to honor the rules, if they were so important. “I will”

Chanyeol stopped in front of the hotel and Donghyuck got off.

“Thank you”, he said and lifted the package - in truth, he was thanking for so much more as well. For his advice, his kindness.

“No problem”, Chanyeol smiled. He leaned on the passenger seat a little and raised his sunglasses. “Listen, if you ever need anything, you can call me. Anything at all. I know that this must be… weird, our dynamics are all over the place, but I want you to be happy, just like Baekhyun does.”

“Thank you”, Donghyuck said again. “I have many caretakers”

“I’m sure you do”, Chanyeol smiled one last time and straightened on his seat. “Alright, take care of yourself kiddo!”

“I will!”

And with that, Park Chanyeol drove off.

Donghyuck watched him disappear into the traffic and sighed. Yeah, he had many people looking after him, many who cared about him.

And yet... He wondered if they would truly care about him if they knew what he had done.

…

Mark eyed him worried as he answered the phone.

“Good afternoon”

 _“I spoke with you alpha father, Lee Donghyuck” ah_ , Lu Han, he went straight to the topic as always. _“Come to my office tomorrow at twelve-thirty, you’re going to meet him there”_

“I am?” That sounded too easy. 

_“Yes, of course”,_ Lu Han answered, sounding as busy as usual. _“You have forty-five minutes, to talk, and Mr. Wu will be the one to decide whether he wants to continue seeing you or not. Come alone, we cannot take any risks, the company image is highly important to us”_

“Why do I have to come alone?” He asked quickly. Donghyuck wasn't satisfied with Lu Han's vague answers, he wanted explanations. 

_“It’s Kris’s personal wish. We want to avoid all possible trouble, matters like these are extremely sensitive. Again, I ask for your understanding and cooperation in this matter”_

Oh god, the man talked like a machine.

“Sure thing”

When the phone call ended, Donghyuck locked eyes with Mark.

“I’m meeting my father tomorrow”, he said, with so much enthusiasm growing in his chest, he felt like he could burst. “We found him!”

He tackled the older into a hug and they fell on the bed. It reminded him of the way he had hugged Mark in New York after Baekhyun’s call - back then there had been just a little bit of awkwardness in the air since they had spent a heat together but their relationship had not been established yet. There hadn’t even been a relationship to talk about - Donghyuck had kissed him on the cheek and flirted with him at dinner and over text carefully but that had been it. 

Now, he had no trouble wrapping his arms around the older’s neck and pressing a kiss on his lips. Although they had fought. Still.

“I’m so happy”, he sighed. 

“I’m happy for you”, Mark answered. “I guess we’re a good team after all”

“Were you doubting that, silly”, Donghyuck smiled and kissed him again. And again. And Mark cupped his face and took the lead. They fell on the covers, their feet tangled together and Donghyuck felt ready to let go again, to fall into his arms and forget about everything else.

But they had to talk. Now, more than ever. Their small fight in the morning hadn't been ideal and it had left something to be discussed - most importantly, their future together (or apart, however it was going to go). They had made up afterward and forgiven each other but still, they had to go through it all properly.

“You know that I love you, right?” Donghyuck said quietly when he pulled away. He kept the palms of his hands on Mark's chest and felt the heavy hearbeat under his ribcage. 

“I do”, Mark answered and covered Donghyuck's hands with his own. “We have to figure out what we’re going to do now”

Oh. Right, of course, Mark had thought of that as well. Mark… was not the typical alpha. The way that Donghyuck had gotten used to thinking about alphas still crept into his way of thinking about Mark and that was toxic and wrong and he knew it. And he hated himself for it. He had fallen for him partly because he was different - and fully because of the person that he was. 

Donghyuck would change for him, he would do it happily. If only they could find a way to make it work. 

“Yeah”, Donghyuck pulled further away so that he could see his face properly. “We do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If something felt confusing in this chapter, then don't worry, everything will be cleared very soon. Tell me what you thought about the chapter down in the comments, and I hope that each and every one of you have a wonderful week! See you <3<3
> 
> (Also, Junmyeon, Suho, I'm so sorry for making you this way)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m hungover. Oh my god. But it was either this or my business administration course, so here I am. This day is going to be hell. I’m listening to Tiger Inside and wondering what the everloving fruck is wrong with me.
> 
> Your support means a lot to me, thanks for liking the story <3 As always, if you have anything to say at all, feel free to write a comment. This chapter especially might... I would love to hear your interpretations.
> 
> Enjoy!

**_November 2004_ **

_“I just… I don’t know, Soo, it’s a huge step”_

_“Well, yeah, but isn’t this what you’ve always wanted?”_

_Jongin’s hand crept closer to the freshly baked cookies but this time Kyungsoo was ready - he swatted the younger’s hand away with his spatula and continued the phone call as though nothing had happened_

_“Yeah”, Chanyeol sounded unsure at the other end of the line. It was no wonder - he had been offered a huge opportunity but at the same time, it was a huge change. Chanyeol had never been one to enjoy traveling that much. Maybe everything could be learned?_

_“You can do it, hyung!” Jongin yelled helpfully. Kyungsoo ssh-ed and hit him with his spatula again, but the harm had been done already._

_“Is Jongin there?” Chanyeol asked. “He told me that he was meeting so- oh”_

_“Don’t worry about him”, Kyungsoo shot the alpha a murderous look and exited the room. Jongin pouted, but put his hands into his pockets and stayed put. Honestly, Kyungsoo didn’t even care that much about the sweets but it was more about playing with Jongin than anything else. (not that he would admit that out loud)_

_But now, Chanyeol had to be his priority. Chanyeol, who had not been supposed to know that Jongin was spending time in his house._

_“Jongin and you?” Chanyeol still went on about it as Kyungsoo made his way to the balcony. “Well, I guess the signs were there…”_

_“Yeah, well”, Kyungsoo felt a blush spread on his face but he tried to force it down. He hated the feeling. And he didn’t want to talk about it with Chanyeol. “It’s not anything much yet, he just… hangs out with me a lot. But let’s not talk about us, let’s talk about you”_

_“What is there to talk about?” He asked, like the idiot that he was._

_“Did you call them back and accept the offer yet?”_

_“No”, he said. “I… I feel like I might be needed here more”_

_“No”, Kyungsoo shook his head. “Everything is fine here. Just go, Chanyeol, it’s New York City and after that, who knows how many other amazing places? This is once in a lifetime opportunity, you have to take it or you will regret forever”_

_Chanyeol groaned and Kyungsoo leaned against the railing. He knew full well what the older was thinking - he was thinking of Baekhyun. Whether he would need him or not. Chanyeol still had a soft spot for the omega, even after all these years of the other running away from him. Baekhyun got kicked out of work every other day, it seemed, and his landlords always seemed to be assholes who threw him out all of a sudden and the other had to seek shelter from wherever he could._

_He used to come to Kyungsoo a lot until the beta had gotten angry and yelled at him to get his life together - he didn’t mind Baekhyun sleeping on his sofa every now and then, but he was worried. Baekhyun wasn’t happy like this and everyone knew it. After that, the omega had gone to Sehun and Jongin and now, apparently, he lived with whatever boyfriend he currently had. If someone needed help, it was Baekhyun._

_Chanyeol didn’t even know the whole truth, having lived outside of Seoul because of college for three years now. Kyungsoo had purposefully not called him and made the others do so too - God knew the alpha would take the first train to Seoul if he knew what was going on with Baekhyun. It was for his own good, that he was being kept oblivious. But still, the alpha had his doubts. He knew how Baekhyun could be._

_“I know”, Chanyeol sighed. “I know that this is a dream opportunity”_

_“Then, you should follow this dream!” Kyungsoo encouraged him. “Once we end this call, you will call them and accept the offer. If Baekhyun ever calls me, I’ll tell him what's going on, so you don’t have to worry about it at all. I’m sure that he’d be happy for you, he always said that you’d be the one who hits it big”_

_“Yeah, well”, Chanyeol was still doubting. “If I only had his number… I guess a part of me just fears that one day, he’ll finally come to my door and once he realizes that I’m not there-”_

_“- he will come to one of us and we will explain everything”, Kyungsoo ended his sentence for him. “If something big happens, I promise that I’ll tell you right away. You will always be a part of the gang, I’ll keep you updated. Now, go, and I’ll talk to you after you’ve become an official student/trainee / whatever the name of the program was. Okay?”_

_“Okay”, Chanyeol sounded like he was smiling. “Thank you, Soo, I really mean it”_

_“Yeah Yeah”, Kyungsoo brushed it off and swallowed the lump in his throat. “Just go already”_

_The line went dead and Kyungsoo took the phone from his ear slowly. Had he done the right thing? He looked at his contacts - Baekhyun’s was right below Chanyeol’s in his phone, Kyungsoo had texted him this morning. The less the two older friends of his were in contact, the better. He was so sick and tired of seeing Chanyeol sulk._

_“It comes so easily for you”, he heard Jongin’s voice from behind himself and jumped. The other was standing at the door, looking kind of moody._

_“What?”_

_“You do it so easily. Lie”, he said, but his tone wasn’t accusing. It was just sad. Jongin was one of the most honest and compassionate people that Kyungsoo knew, and lying hurt him deeply. Whereas Kyungsoo had no problem lying with a straight face anymore._

_Opposites attract?_

_Kyungsoo wasn’t sure whether he liked this trait in himself or not. But it surely was useful._

_“It’s for his own best”, he sighed and put the phone back into his pocket. “You know that Baekhyun would keep calling him all the time, and his feelings would never die down. This is the best for both of them”_

_“It doesn’t seem like they’re dying down this way either”_

_Jongin was right._

_“But now Chanyeol is going to America”, Kyungsoo said. “Now, they have to. And I doubt he would go if he knew”_

_“Mmh”, Jongin leaned his cheek against the doorframe. “It really sucks, all this. Chanyeol hyung would do everything for him and he… Baekhyun hyung just doesn’t see it. Or then he doesn’t care. Either way, it sucks”_

_“You can’t force your feelings”, Kyungsoo sighed. “Baekhyun is Chanyeol’s first love. Of course, he’ll always have a weak spot for him. In a way, he is always going to wait for him. Sometimes it just isn’t worth it”_

_“Sometimes, yeah”, Jongin said quietly. “Sometimes”_

_It was getting pretty chilly outside so Kyungsoo stepped in. But not before getting on his tiptoes and pressing a kiss in the corner of Jongin’s mouth._

_“Sometimes it works out”, he whispered and smiled as Jongin wrapped his arm around him and pulled him in for a proper kiss. Kyungsoo tried so hard not to smile. Yeah, sometimes waiting was indeed a good thing. He had been lucky._

_Then, he noticed something. Or rather, tasted something._

_“Is that chocolate?” He asked as he leaned away and the red on Jongin’s face got even deeper._

_“What, was I supposed to just let them cool down without a single taste?” Oh, he knew how to form an argument when he had to. “I just ate one”_

_“One?” Kyungsoo raised a brow. “You know that I can just go back and count them, right? And I’ll know that you lied.”_

_“Okay, I ate THREE, but it’s YOUR FAULT for baking so well!”_

_“Is it, now?”_

_“It is”, Jongin pouted. “Now, come inside and let’s actually go eat them!”_

_Kyungsoo laughed. Jongin was so good at distracting him._

_Amongst other things._

_..._

“No final goodbyes at the airport?” Donghyuck looked up at Mark. “Do you mean that?”

“Yeah”, the alpha answered. He was drawing lazy circles on Donghyuck’s side as they laid on the bed. Donghyuck laid his head against the alpha’s chest again. “I don’t want that. We are going to have to come up with a way to go on, I’m not going to let you go”

Ah, how touching. Really. Donghyuck blinked his eyes quickly.

“Me neither”, he said. “But what are we going to do? I have my studies in Korea and you have yours in New York”

“Well, I am ethically Korean, remember? I have relatives in Korea, lots of them”

Yeah, they had talked about it. Mark had grandparents in Korea, as well as cousins and aunts and basically, only his parents had “escaped” the country but his whole extended family was still there. Mark would have plenty of reasons to visit South Korea. Plenty of people to meet.

They had talked about him visiting South Korea a lot. Mark hadn’t traveled there in years but would want to, now that he had an even bigger reason to. They had even talked about the possibility of him maybe following Donghyuck to Korea on this very trip if they didn’t take too long in China. It hadn’t even been two weeks yet so yeah, it could still happen. But they hadn’t talked about that yet.

Because their future hadn’t been very clear before. It wasn’t clear now either, but it was clear _er._

During the spring, Donghyuck had been so excited thinking of maybe taking Mark home. Introducing him to his parents and friends, showing him the neighborhood that he had grown up in, and so on. Now… it didn’t feel the same, because his friendships were getting colder and everything was messy but still. He would like that.

Okay, so, they were not going to break up. Great. Awesome. Perfect. But Donghyuck still felt uneasy.

“So, you’d just visit me on holidays?” Donghyuck asked. “Or, you’d visit once a year and I’d visit you once a year?”

“Something like that”, Mark said. “Like, I know that it’s not a perfect plan, but actually, I-”

_“YO LOSERS”_

It was Yangyang. Donghyuck groaned and hid his face in Mark’s shirt. Not again.

_“COME OUT, WE’RE GOING SHOPPING”_

“We’re in the middle of something here!”, Mark answered and he sounded as annoyed as he could. But that didn’t matter to Yangyang.

_“Then for the love of GOD learn to cum quickly, we’re leaving in ten minutes!”_

“Go bother Renjun or something!” Donghyuck yelled in turn. Yangyang was always talking about sex. (and no, that wasn’t because almost every time he knocked at their door they were having sex. No, he was the bunny there, not them)

_“Oh, Rennie is out with Dejun”_

“What?” That perked Donghyuck’s interest. “He is?”

 _“Yeah”,_ Yangyang yelled. “ _Now could you please suck each other off so we can go?”_

Donghyuck turned to Mark. The other was looking at him, but Donghyuck had no idea of what he was thinking. Yangyang quieted down, Donghyuck heard him stomping away from the door.

“Do you want to go?” Mark asked. “We are in Guangzhou, after all. We can talk about this later”

And they went. Donghyuck, Mark, Yangyang, Guanheng, Lucas, and Yuqi. 

Yangyang had been weirdly insistent on getting them to spend time with the others during the whole trip. It was kind of nice, kind of annoying, Donghyuck wondered why that was. Yangyang was getting along with Guanheng’s friends well, and he had always been good at befriending anyone and everyone. But maybe he felt awkward too, at times? And that was why he wanted Donghyuck to join their trips, as he was one of his closer friends?

Yangyang jumped on his back the moment they got out of the metro.

“Ugh, you’ve put on weight”, Donghyuck complained and tried to drop the beta from his back. Yangyang had been expecting that though, so he wrapped his limbs around him tightly. Yangyang was like a human backpack.

“Or you’ve just become weak”, he laughed. “Does your alpha keep you up all night?”

“Not as much as yours”, Donghyuck chuckled. “Speaking of alphas, where exactly is Renjun? Should we go stalk him or something?”

“Ohh, do you really think he’d tell me?”, Yangyang was so loud, heavy, and bony, oh god. Donghyuck glanced at the others, but they were of no help. Mark, Lucas, and Guanheng were enthusiastically talking together and Yuqi stared at her phone. 

“Okay, maybe not”, it was so interesting though, to hear that Renjun had finally gotten his shit together and taken the omega out. Who knew, maybe he would get a boyfriend too, and then the three of them would all be in an unhappy long-distance relationship.

Or, unhappy maybe wasn’t the right word. Just inconvenient. Annoying. Maddening. But not quite as infuriating as Yangyang on his back.

“Go bother your alpha!” Donghyuck jumped and wiggled until Yangyang finally lost his grip and fell on the ground. “Make most of the time you still have, you can be clingy with me all you want later”

“Yeah”, Yangyang looked uneasy but it was most likely because he had just fallen on the concrete. “Yeah, right”

“Boys, boys”, Yuqi stopped next to them as Donghyuck offered Yangyang his hand and pulled him up. She was wearing eyeliner and pretty french braids. “Try to behave. We’re going to a mall, not a barn”

Once they hit the mall, Donghyuck realized why Yangyang had wanted them to join the shopping trip. Because the alphas bought coffee, sat down, and wouldn’t move anywhere afterward.

“I always buy my clothes from the internet, it’s much easier that way”, Guanheng said and leaned closer to Mark to say something to him about… rapping? Producing? That was what the three of them were talking about and the two omegas and beta weren’t really interested.

“Me too”, Lucas said and leaned closer as well. “You can go without us”

“Oh, that was exactly what we were planning to do", Yuqi finished her latte and stood up. “Ready?”

“Sure”, Yangyang followed, not even slightly disappointed at his partner’s lack of interest. “Donghyuck, you’re coming with us, right?”

Why not?

“I’ll see you later”, he kissed Mark’s cheek and joined the others.

And what a fun night it was. The mall was open very late, there were so many young people doing all kinds of things around them. The three of them went from one shop to another, tried on clothes, and posed in front of fitting room mirrors. Maybe they took some mirror selfies too, maybe. 

Yangyang and Yuqi were fun, Donghyuck got his mind off of his fears for a short while. He didn’t think about his scary alpha father nor him and Mark. They bought bubble tea and went to play some arcade games while they were at it. And the alphas discussed in the cafe and were made to carry their shopping bags once they were done.

Donghyuck didn’t buy anything, he just joined the fun. But, it wasn’t nice to leave Mark as the only one with nothing to carry. So, Donghyuck jumped on his back and Mark carried him all the way to the metro station.

They were a happy crowd, in the summer night. Donghyuck didn’t even miss his old group of friends - this one was fun too, for now.

…

  
  


Donghyuck wasn’t sure if he could compare the nervousness of meeting Baekhyun for the first time, to this. Hanging out in the lobby, waiting to be picked up to meet a potentially powerful and dangerous man, Donghyuck kept playing with his phone and looking at the clock. He had been there way early, and now he regretted it. It left him more time to panic beforehand.

He kept eyeing his reflection on the shiny walls - did he stick out? He wasn’t wearing a suit because he hadn’t brought one, but he had put on straight pants and a collared shirt (borrowed from Mark, because Donghyuck obviously hadn’t brought clothes like that either). Mark’s shoulders were broader so the shirt was slightly too big, but at least the dress code was more appropriate. Donghyuck hoped no one would pay attention to his converse shoes.

“Lee-ssi”, he heard a voice and stood up from the fancy leather sofas that he had been sitting on while waiting. It was Lu Han himself, instead of one of his assistants. 

“Yeah?”, was he supposed to bow? He did, 45 degrees quickly, and straightened up. Lu Han’s expression didn’t change - he looked tired but otherwise exactly the same as he had last time.

“Follow me”

And Donghyuck did. Lu Han led him to his office on the 32nd floor. Although this was Donghyuck’s second time there, he was almost sure that if he had to go there by himself, he would get lost at least once. The hallways all looked the same and they had to take many turns to get to the right room. The hanzi at Lu Han’s door didn’t say anything to Donghyuck - it was just pictures to him.

“Please, close your phone”, Lu Han said as he stopped in front of the door. Donghyuck put his hand to his pocket where his phone was.

“Why?”

“So that no one can track you, or listen to you”

That… made sense in some way. Donghyuck didn’t want to be difficult so he did as asked, under Lu Han’s intense stare. Once he was done, he slid the phone back into his pocket and Lu Han opened the door.

_“Yifan”_

A man was sitting behind the table. He looked like the typical CEOs in KDramas, except that this wasn’t a drama, He was wearing a suit, just like Lu Han, but instead of gray, it was dark blue. His black hair had been brushed back with gel and the look on his face was very serious. 

Lu Han used his Chinese name, of course, he did. He said something to him in Chinese as he pushed Donghyuck forward. There was no light coming from the big windows because they had been covered with blinds. Where had he come? Everything was so…serious.

Kris looked scary in his suit. Even scarier than he had in his colored hair and piercings. Now, he looked like a mafia boss who could order Donghyuck to get slaughtered by his dogs at any time. Donghyuck tried his very best to stay calm, and walk to the table as a normal person would. He had not been sent to his boss’s office after screwing up a million-dollar drug deal, he had come to meet his biological father. 

Once Donghyuck got closer, he heard Lu Han slam the door shut. His heart jumped to his throat, but he tried not to let it show. It wasn’t like Kris was an animal who would attack the moment he smelled his fear, but… he wanted to be careful.

“Good morning, Mr. Wu”, Donghyuck said and bowed a clear 90 degrees. 

“Hello”, Kris answered, and his accent was harsh and very Chinese. Oh, right, Donghyuck hadn’t even realized that they could face problems with the language. Baekhyun had said that Kris had never been very good at Korean, and even that had been true twenty years ago. Everything else had worked out so well until now, so, Donghyuck had forgotten to worry about it.

Okay, it was just an accent, maybe Kris’s skills would be alright otherwise. Who knew?

“I’m Lee Donghyuck, the son of Byun Baekhyun and… you”, why was he introducing himself like that o _h my god how embarrassing arghhh._ But how was he supposed to behave around this guy? 

“Yeah, it’s nice to meet you Donghyuck”, the more Kris talked, the more evident his accent became. Uh oh. “Please, take a seat. I’m sure we have a lot to talk about”

Donghyuck straightened up but before he sat down, he took something out of his back pocket - the letter from Baekhyun. He placed it on the table and then took his seat.

“That’s from Baekhyun”, he said as Kris eyed the letter. “I don’t know what’s in it. He told me to give it to you”

Kris opened the envelope carefully and took out a paper. He eyed it so quickly, Donghyuck doubted he even read it, because that's how fast he was. He put it back down quickly, and his expression didn’t give anything away.

“When were you born, Donghyuck?” Kris asked as he put the letter into the chest pocket of his suit jacket. Good, one thing done. Check.

“Sixth of June 2000”, Donghyuck answered and realized that he hadn’t shared his official information with anyone in China. Not Lu Han, not Yixing, no one. The reason why he had come this far was that Lu Han had smelled him and just known. Just like that.

What a crazy man. What a crazy company.

Kris did the math in his head and nodded. It must have been a big revelation to him, Donghyuck couldn’t even pretend that he knew what Kris must be feeling. 

“And you were adopted?” the alpha continued with his questions.

“Yes”, was it a job interview or something? Donghyuck tried to speak clearly and simply. Kris nodded and thought for a while and Donghyuck just waited patiently for the other to say something. They... eyed each other. Kris looked like he was looking for something in particular from Donghyuck's face - maybe some traits of himself? Donghyuck had only seen a couple of pictures of him before, so now seeing him in person gave him many more answers. The dark shade of his skin had definitely come from Kris. Donghyuck also realized that they both had a dark mole under their left eye. Other things... maybe their noses were kind of similar?

Argh, how would he know, he was bad at things like these. 

“Okay, uh”, Kris said after a silence that had dragged on for way too long. “My father died of lung cancer. So, don’t smoke”

Donghyuck nodded. That was good to know. It wasn’t like he was a smoker but… okay, he might become one if he wasn’t careful. So, no smoking for him. Good. Great. 

“And, um, there’s a lot of peanut allergy in my family too. So, be careful with that”

“Sure. I will be”

Donghyuck had greatly belittled Baekhyun’s social skills - it was so awkward with Kris, someone could come and cut the atmosphere with a knife. Donghyuck played with his fingers, while staring at the clock ticking on the wall. Time was moving so slowly, maybe he just imagined the awkward silences? Maybe not. Maybe? Maybe not. Maybe? Tick. Tock. Tick.

“Here”

Something fell in front of him on the table. It looked like, um, Donghyuck took the small bundle of papers into his hands and examined it. He took the rubber band off from around them and realized that he was holding cash. 2,000,000 Won in cash.

“Oh no, I can’t take this”, Donghyuck dropped the money on the table as though it had burned him. “I was raised in a middle-class family. I’m… There is no reason for you to be giving me money”

“You are my son”, Kris said matter of factly. “I want you to have it. Please.”

 _Son._ It was... weird. This scary man in a tight suit was his alpha father. Donghyuck knew that it had to be true but... but it still didn't feel quite like it.

He wondered why Kris didn't doubt it at all. 

The alpha nudged the money closer, and that was when Donghyuck realized that there was a ring in his left ring finger. Oh, right. _Of course,_ he was married. Did his wife, or husband, know about Donghyuck? Did he or she know that their husband was now giving cash to him, his bastard child? If so, what were they thinking? 

“It would make me happy”, Kris said, again, and Donghyuck took his eyes off the ring and looked at the money instead. Oh god, 2,000,000 won would make him very happy as well. But it felt wrong. He hadn’t come for money, that was what he had told Lu Han. And that was true. Donghyuck still lived with his adoptive parents, he had no real problems with money. It wasn’t his to take.

Donghyuck didn’t make a move, and neither did Kris. 

“Alright, then”, the alpha leaned back on his seat and took a deep breath. Once he breathed out, Donghyuck felt like he could relax. He had sweated so much it was disgusting, he didn’t know what to do in the presence of such a strong alpha. Even if he was his biological father.

“I’m sorry that we have to meet this way”, Kris said. “Had I known, back then, I would have taken responsibility for this. How is Buo Xian? I mean, _Baekhyun_ , your omega father?”

Baekhyun had probably explained everything in the letter, but Donghyuck didn’t mind telling him as well. Thank god they were speaking now.

“He is happy”, Donghyuck answered, because wasn’t that the most important thing? “He lives in New York currently, and sings for a job”

Kris smiled a little at the thought. Very little. 

“I always wondered how he was”, Kris said quietly. “I’m sure he has told you everything already, about us, about… about the past. But still, I’m sure you have questions”

Oh, he was right. Donghyuck had questions, even more of them now that the alpha had started to talk. If he had thought about Baekhyun, why had he never contacted him? Yes, he wore a wedding ring so that was one explanation, but, it couldn't have always been there.

Kris stood up and walked to the window. He pulled up one of the many narrow blinds and looked at the bright city spreading under them. Rays of light hit the room that Donghyuck hadn’t even realized had been quite dark.

“There are things that I never told Baekhyun”, he said, and Donghyuck straightened in his seat. “When I went to Korea back then… those were my final moments as a free boy. Baekhyun taught me what it meant to truly live and letting go of him was hard"

“Why did you leave him, then?” Donghyuck asked carefully. Shit, him and his lousy mouth. Although Kris was now looking out with a misty look in his eyes, he was still the scary businessman that he had been a minute ago, he could still order his dogs to kill Donghyuck.

“Because I had my duties here”, Kris sighed. “This place that you’re at right now, is the base of the Wu corporations. One of the biggest software companies in Cantonese China. This is… this is a family corporation, first and foremost, and I was lucky, or unlucky enough to be born in the right family”

Oh. So, it really was a classic _inherited company_ story?

“Are you… are you the CEO?” Donghyuck asked and suddenly felt so small again. Kris didn’t even look that old, he looked barely 30. But he did look powerful - he had that strong main alpha aura that people generally feared. That Donghyuck generally feared.

“In a way, yes”, Kris walked back to the table. “I was one of the possible heirs, and I was definitely raised and schooled to be one. But there were multiple families starting the company, my family was just one of them. You met Lu Han, he was on the line to lead this too. But he decided to not take the big role. So I took it”

“Could you have declined?” Donghyuck got invested in the story quickly. Kris was much more open than Lu Han. “If there were other people on the line too?”

“Yes, I could have”, he said. “And I… after meeting Baekhyun, I thought about it a lot. When I came back from my semester in Korea - where my father had sent me initially to learn the language - I wanted to finish my school quickly and go back. But… but, life came in the way”

That phrase could mean many things. Donghyuck looked at the man who had seemingly lost all rebellion he had once held. All sparks of color that Baekhyun had described in him. The holes in his ears looked like they were mostly gone, healed, and there was no color in his hair, no makeup in his eyes, nothing.

Maybe it was just his work-look. But still. Being born and raised to become an heir for a rich company… didn’t sound like something Donghyuck would have wanted.

But he couldn’t help but think about it. If Baekhyun had contacted Kris in time and they had gotten married… Donghyuck might have become an heir to the company. Right now, he could speak four languages fluently and be studying in a business university for a double major. Or something. 

Or maybe he would just be a major disappointment. Or maybe Kris would have gone back to Korea and they would have lived there. Or maybe… maybe…

What ifs didn’t matter. Donghyuck’s life was okay as it was.

Looking out from the tall skyscraper now, the world he could have lived in sounded quite great. But not like something he would have wanted. And definitely not like something Baekhyun would have enjoyed. Everything… maybe everything happened for a reason. 

Kris took out his wallet and dug something from there. Be put something in front of Donghyuck on the table, next to the cash. This was something much less exciting - it looked like a school ID picture.

“This is your brother”, Kris said and instantly made the picture much more interesting. “Or, half brother, but still”

Donghyuck didn’t dare touch the picture, but he took a very close look at it. The boy in the picture didn’t look much like Kris at all, but then again, Donghyuck didn’t either. But at least they had the skin color thing in common, which, this pale boy didn't. Anyway, the boy in the picture was obviously in his teens, but Donghyuck couldn’t say for sure. He was so bad at these things.

“How old is he?” he asked and looked back at Kris. 

“Seventeen”, he answered. “Justin was born in February of 2002”

Oh. But that meant… That was less than two years of age difference! Donghyuck didn’t know exactly what to think of it. So, Kris had planned to go back to Korea but… but instead, he had gotten a son in China? Was this boy the thing that had ‘come in the way’? Oh, but that was a rude way to think about him, Donghyuck wouldn’t go there.

Revelation after revelation, and still, Donghyuck felt like he had more questions than answers in his head, once the 45 minutes had passed.

 _“Yifan”,_ Lu Han opened the door a little. “Time”

“Okay”, Kris nodded and the other alpha closed the door again. Had it already been 45 minutes? _Time surely flies when you’re having fun._

“Um”, Donghyuck started. What was going to happen? Was it just over now? Okay, they had met, and that was it. Donghyuck didn’t know what to say, how to ask, but luckily, Kris spoke first.

“Would you like to visit my house?” He asked. “What are you doing tomorrow? My omega husband could make supper for us, it would be much more comfortable than this”

“Uh, sure!” Donghyuck answered. That wasn’t what he had expected but he was glad that Kris wanted to meet him again. Even if the first meeting hadn’t been ideal, maybe the second one could be better? Maybe Kris was introverted or shy or something and he needed time to warm up.

But then again, _he ran a multi-million dollar business._ He couldn't possibly be shy.

“Great”, Kris smiled genuinely and looked immediately a lot less scary. He reached for the money, put it in Donghyuck’s open palm, and closed the fingers around it. “I’ll send a car to pick you up tomorrow”

…

When Donghyuck got out to the open air, he felt like he had just returned from a long adventure. Company stories, heirs, stepbrothers, huh. Crazy. But no mafias and no flesh-eating dogs so, he considered himself a winner. The money was now burning in his pocket, replacing the letter - he should get it to safety asap. Ohh he had so many things that he wanted to talk to his friends about now.

When he turned his phone on again, he was greeted with tons of notifications from various social media platforms, mainly Kakaotalk. There were a few in there that caught his eye, and not in a good sense.

Three unanswered calls from Jeno.

And a single text from Jaemin that stopped his heart.

**_Nana 12:38  
_ ** _Jeno knows_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmmmmmmmmm


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You’re all going to hate me for this.  
> But it had to be done.  
> This chapter is not a happy one.  
> Sorry.

**_June 2019_ **

_Donghyuck woke up to his phone ringing. It took him a few seconds to understand where he was and what was going on, but he managed to find his phone from where he had dropped it, next to the bed._

_“Mmh hello?”_

_“Donghyuck?”, the voice at the other end woke him up immediately. He rubbed his eyes clean to wake his body up as well, and he sat up. “Are you home?”_

_“Yeah, I am. What’s wrong?”_

_“I-”, Jaemin was crying, that much was clear. Worry filled Donghyuck’s heart immediately. “I fought with Jeno. I- I couldn’t stay there so I just left, and now I don’t know what to do, where to go”_

_“Where are you?” Donghyuck asked. Jeno’s family lived fairly close to Donghyuck, so Jaemin couldn’t be far away. Jaemin’s parents lived much further, getting there by foot in the middle of the night was a bad idea, and would take over an hour. Donghyuck glanced at the clock - it was nearing 1 am._

_“I’m nearby. Can I come to spend the night with you? I don’t know what else to do”_

_“Of course”_

_Donghyuck waited by the window. It didn’t take long from Jaemin to appear behind it, and Donghyuck opened the window to let him in. Jaemin looked exactly like he had sounded on the phone - like he had cried, and like he had left Jeno’s house very suddenly, basically in the clothes he would sleep in, only a jacket pulled over them._

_“Do you want to talk about it?”_

_“No.”_

_Jaemin removed his shoes and Donghyuck closed the window. Jaemin brought with him a small breath of the summer night - it was barely 13 degrees out despite the days being hot. Jaemin undressed the jacket and threw it on the chair in the corner of the room like he always did._

_No words were exchanged, Donghyuck pulled him closer and hugged him. Jaemin wasn’t sobbing anymore but his posture and movements indicated how sad he was. Donghyuck didn’t need to know exactly what had happened. He could still give his closeness to make him feel a bit better._

_“You smell of preheat”, Jaemin mumbled to his hair._

_“You do, too”, Donghyuck answered. Despite spending a lot of time apart (they only really met at the omega gatherings once a week now) they had started to get more in sync with their heats. Donghyuck had gotten himself a new prescription for blockers and birth control, but his schedule remained irregular, and Jaemin was on the pill, and his heat was about to strike at the end of the month._

_Once they pulled away from the hug, Donghyuck took Jaemin’s hand and led him to the bed. It usually did the trick - Jaemin had a lot on his heart, it was easier to talk under the covers, close. And just like he had predicted, once they were both lying on the mattress, Jaemin started telling what had happened._

_“I… We just, you know, we were making out on his bed, the usual, and then we got handsy and then… I don’t know, I just freaked out and told him that I didn’t want to have sex because I was afraid. I know, I should have worded it better but that’s what I felt. Scared. Because my heat is almost here and I forgot another pill again and I… I…”_

_As Jaemin was searching for words, Donghyuck brushed his hair with his fingers, massaging his scalp gently. He knew what Jaemin was going through - he understood his thoughts completely. During heats, even regular birth control couldn’t be trusted because the fertility was so high. Jungwoo, the new school and the new relationship were causing so much stress for Jaemin that he just became forgetful. And that was a very bad thing considering he was eating contraception that was supposed to be taken at the same time each day. When he missed his timing, he started to stress about that too, and boom, a vicious circle was formed._

_Sleeping with alphas and betas during heats was dangerous because the possibility of pregnancy was so high. It was nearly impossible not to get pregnant during them if one had unprotected sex - even with birth control one couldn’t be sure, it was never 100% effective. Donghyuck had felt the same kind of stress during and after spending his heat with Mark._

_He couldn’t help but compare it to the times he had spent with Jaemin. It had been so easy. Donghyuck actually missed him a lot. That didn’t sound good at all, considering he was in a relationship with Mark now, but he knew that Jaemin felt the same. He missed the safety of their intimate relationship._

_“I just don’t know what to do", Jaemin sniffed. "We slept together during my last heat in April and I was so… I was so scared afterward, I don’t know what I should do now. I mean, I’m so stressed that I can’t even cum, and my whole body aches because of that already and I’m only in pre heat now!”_

_Donghyuck remembered that heat. It had been nerve-wracking, to say the least. For not only Jaemin and Jeno but for some reason, to Donghyuck as well._

_When it had been done, Jaemin had come to Donghyuck for moral support. He had come to him crying, after having taken one of those disgusting plan B pills that wrecked his hormones for weeks, asking if his scent had changed. Donghyuck had cuddled him in his bed and always said no. He didn’t really know - Jeno’s scent had mixed with his so well and the plan B pill messed up everything so of course, it had changed. But if Jaemin truly was pregnant then there would be nothing they could do anyway so, he just said no and hoped for the best._

_Jaemin loved kids but he wasn’t ready for them yet. He was absolutely terrified of pregnancy. But Jeno couldn’t understand his fear - Donghyuck knew it because they had talked about it before. They had been drinking in his room, Jaemin, Jeno, Renjun, and him, and for some reason in the late hours of the night, the topic of ‘accidents’ had come up._

_“I mean, if it happens, then we’ll just abort it", Jeno had shrugged and taken another sip of beer. "It’s not a big deal really, getting rid of a small clot of cells is a piece of cake nowadays”_

_Jaemin had been visibly uneasy after Jeno’s comment, but Donghyuck hadn’t wanted to point that out when they were all there. So, they had just dropped the topic. But now, he remembered it again._

_Jeno and Jaemin believed in different things. Jaemin might have been openly happy to experiment with his sexuality when Jeno had been more preserved. But the mere thought of abortion pained Jaemin when to Jeno it was nothing. They believed in different things regarding many important topics. And that was starting to strain their relationship._

_It had been so easy before. Before any of this. When it had been just could-bes, when none of them were doing anything seriously, when they were playing and dancing around each other and only figuring out who they were and what they wanted. Now, they were trying to have serious relationships and they had made serious decisions for their lives and they had to start leading them. There was no more ‘hanging out after school and avoiding homework, killing time’. There was no time to be killed, life was right there, right now._

_Sometimes Donghyuck felt like he just wanted to let go for a while. To return to the simplicity of their past, to the time when everything had been easier. He missed so many things._

_He missed Jaemin._

_“I understand”, Donghyuck said, because that was the truth. “This sucks”_

_“It really does”, Jaemin muttered. “Who would have thought. This… all of this was supposed to make me happier. But instead, I’m more miserable and restless than ever before”_

_“That sounds familiar”, Donghyuck answered quietly. “Everything has changed, I feel like everything is heavier now. More difficult, more complicated”_

_“It used to be so much easier”, Jaemin sighed._

_“Yeah”_

_Their eyes locked and for a while, Donghyuck only saw a simple answer in front of himself. He loved Mark, Jaemin loved Jeno, but._

_But._

_He was so deprived of touch. Of closeness. Of safety, where he could escape his heavy responsibility for a short while and just let go._

_Jaemin touched his cheek gently, and Donghyuck saw a reflection of his own thoughts in his dark eyes. Donghyuck grabbed his hand, but… But he didn’t move it away, didn’t let go. Instead, as Jaemin pressed his lips against his, he laced their fingers and pulled him closer._

_The pre heat was messing with his head, Jaemin’s sweetness filled his mouth and his smell, that overly sweet smell of another omega entering their heat had always been present when he had gone into heat before. Jaemin had almost always been there. Donghyuck's body knew Jaemin, his body yearned for him to do what he always did. To drive the heat away._

_It was wrong. It was so wrong. Whatever Donghyuck had had with Jaemin had never meant anything more than convenient, safe sex. They had agreed on it, they knew it, Jaemin was just an exception and because he was an omega as well, Donghyuck couldn’t possibly be attracted to him. Of course not._

_So, in that case, it should be easy to push him away, right?_

_But he couldn’t stop. Jaemin climbed on top of him and deepened their kiss, he straddled Donghyuck with his thighs and pressed against him. Donghyuck’s fingers sunk in his hair, his impossibly soft locks that had become just a bit rougher due to intense bleaching. He opened his mouth and Jaemin found his way in, and for a short while, they made out without any other thoughts in their heads. Blood rushed south intensely, Donghyuck felt the heat start to boil his blood and drive him mad, and Jaemin's gasps against his lips were not making it easier for him._

_They kissed softly, roughly, and it seemed like in the end they were just desperately trying to gasp for air against each other, chasing for something that shouldn't exist anymore. Jaemin moved from Donghyuck's lips to his cheeks and finally, the kisses faded into nothingness and left the both of them panting._

_Slowly, reality started falling back into their bubble. But before Donghyuck could grasp it as it was, he felt something wet fall on his closed eyelids._

_“Jaemin?”_

_Donghyuck pushed him further gently so that he could see his face. The younger took a quick breath but it cut the air from Donghyuck’s lungs and filled them with ice. The tears started falling harder, and Jaemin sobbed once, twice, and an uneasy feeling fell into Donghyuck’s stomach. And that feeling was there to stay._

_Oh god._

_What had he done?_

_“It’s j- just so h- hard”, Jaemin said in between his sobs, and Donghyuck hugged him so that the younger could bury his face in his shirt. “It hurts, Donghyuck. I’m scared, and I feel so… so weak”_

_“I know”, he stroked the younger’s hair as tears filled his own eyes as well. “I know, baby, I know.”_

_..._

“What do you mean _Jeno knows?"_

Donghyuck called Jaemin the moment he got out on the street. The traffic was loud and Donghyuck had to raise the volume to the max so that he could hear, but he couldn’t wait.

Not a second longer.

_“I’m sorry, I just, I couldn’t keep it from him! He said I’ve been acting weirdly and he demanded to know what was going on”_

“You promised you wouldn’t tell him!” Donghyuck screamed, not caring at all that some random passerby could hear. He was in China, no one would care nor understand. “We agreed that it was just a stupid mistake that meant nothing! 

_“I know, but I couldn’t keep lying to him! I couldn’t keep going on knowing that I’ve che-”_

“Don’t say that word!”, Donghyuck yelled. “That’s not what happened! We did not- you did not-”

_“Cheat? It was cheating, whether you like it or not! And I had to admit it to him, I was dying inside, keeping that a secret!”_

“Well, how did that work out?” Donghyuck’s tone was vicious, he never used this kind of venomous voice with Jaemin but he felt betrayed. “Why are you crying?”

 _“Because he dumped me!”_ it was Jaemin’s turn to yell. His scream stayed ringing painfully in Donghyuck’s ear as it was so loud, but maybe he deserved it. Donghyuck knew that he deserved many things, many bad things. Maybe this was just the first of many that would fall down now.

“Really?” he asked, but he couldn’t get any sympathy into his voice.

_“Yeah. He wanted to hear your side as well at first, but I guess he came to his senses when you didn’t answer and just left me. He said it was over, it’s all over.”_

“Yeah, what did you expect?” _Stop, Donghyuck, you don’t have to be this cruel._ “You’ve ruined everything!” 

Donghyuck closed the call and just. Just. All strength left his body. He saw a park bench, conveniently placed next to the sidewalk he was on and he just fell on it. 

And started to cry.

He had known that what they had done was wrong. The moment he had seen Jaemin cry, he had known. Even if there was no sex, even if it had just been two omegas, it was cheating and nothing could change that.

He had cheated on Mark after being together for five months. With Jaemin, of all people.

Jaemin had slept in his bed for the night and left in the morning. Donghyuck had felt disgusting as he had stepped in the shower, Jaemin's smell was sticky and couldn't be washed away that easily. The water washed away his tears, but nothing could wash away the shame.

They had both gone to heat almost simultaneously, and Donghyuck had spent his alone in his room just like the previous one, but he did not just jack off - he cried as well. He sobbed. He was being pathetic and he knew it, but he just didn’t know what to do. 

He had seen Jaemin in the omega gatherings a couple of times, and both times they had acted as though nothing had happened. It had just been a heat dream, yeah, even when they had colored his hair and their eyes had met in the mirror - no, he couldn’t see anything in Jaemin’s eyes, because there was nothing there. Nothing at all. They were two omegas, there was nothing between them. They couldn’t possibly...

Donghyuck didn’t have feelings for the other omega. He missed having him as a friend but he did not love him romantically. He couldn’t see a future with Jaemin, like he did with Mark. He _loved_ Mark, so much, every month he spent away from him it became clearer. What had happened with Jaemin didn’t change his feelings - in some twisted way he felt like they had become stronger. He couldn’t imagine what would happen if Mark found out and left him. The mere thought made him want to throw up.

The whole time Donghyuck was awake, he had felt like falling. He felt like crushing down, he felt like crying, he hated himself and felt like he had been dumped in ink that left permanent marks on his skin - _cheater, cheater, cheater._ He wanted it to just fade away, the memory to disappear, he prayed to be forgiven. But he never was.

Because he didn’t ask for forgiveness from the right person.

He and Jaemin hadn’t mentioned the night once after the younger had left through his window the next morning. It had felt like just a dream.

But it wasn’t. It wasn’t a dream. It hadn’t been a dream. 

He was going to have to pay for what he had done.

Jeno was going to make sure of it. Because he was a petty bastard who couldn’t keep anything to himself.

**_Jen 13:21  
_ ** _I fucking hate you Donghyuck  
_ _Don’t ever speak to me again_

 **_Yangx2 13:21  
_ ** _????_

 **_Chenle_the_dolphin 13:22  
_ ** _What the hell?  
_ _What did you do Dong?_

 **_Jen 13:23  
_ ** _Cheater  
_ _You’re both fucking cheaters_

 **_Jen_ ** _has left the chat_

 **_Nana_ ** _has left the chat_

 **_SungieBaby 13:26  
_ ** _What is this hyung?_

 **_Chenle_the_dolphin 13:26  
_ ** _Don’t tell me  
_ _Don't fucking tell me_

Donghyuck closed his eyes and took a deep breath before taking a look at the other messages that he had received. He tried to call Jeno but the other just hung up and finally blocked his number. The group chat got filled with confused questions, but only one person sent him a message privately.

**_Renjun 13:31  
_ ** _Where are you? Send me your location_

What other choice did he have? 

Not even half an hour later he heard someone sit down next to him. He didn’t look up - he knew who it was and he knew that after crying so much he looked awful. Not like Donghyuck gave a shit about that. But he was embarrassed too, he didn’t know what to say, he needed Renjun to say something first.

“Is it true?” Renjun finally asked. He spoke with his usual “disappointed but not surprised” tone. That was good. Kind of expected. Renjun had a temper, but he was good at keeping calm when something actually serious happened.

It was serious, although it didn’t affect him directly. Donghyuck had not just cheated on Mark - he had wrecked lots of relationships with his idiocy, beyond repair. 

“Is what true?”

“Do you want me to spell it out for you? Did you have sex with Jaemin?”

“No”

“Then why is Jeno so angry?”

“Because… because we did _something_ ”

Renjun touched his thigh and Donghyuck finally looked up. 

“Will you tell me what happened? Everything?”

Renjun didn’t look like he was judging him - no, instead, he looked worried. Renjun was rarely the one to judge before proper evidence. He was giving Donghyuck a chance to explain, something that he didn’t feel like he deserved anymore.

So, he explained.

Honestly. As honestly as he could, he spilled his heart to Renjun who rubbed his thigh for comfort and listened without interrupting. He told him about the night he had spent with Jaemin, but he opened up about everything else too. About the loneliness that he had felt during his spring, the painful heats, and Jaemin’s troubles with Jeno that he was pretty sure Renjun knew about already. He tried not to give any excuses for his behavior, but he was honest about his pain. More honest than he had ever been, to anyone.

When he was done, Renjun looked thoughtful. They eyed at the busy people passing by and shared a feeling of emptiness together. Donghyuck felt like he had said it all, and felt vulnerable and ashamed. However, as Renjun had not condemned him right away, his heart felt just a bit lighter. A bit. But as the quietness continued, he started to lose hope.

“I know what you’re thinking”, he said quietly.

“No, I don’t think you do”

Donghyuck turned to look at Renjun. The older had always been hard to read and now, once again, Donghyuck cursed him for that. But he didn’t look angry or disappointed.

“You did wrong, you don’t need me to emphasize that. Jeno has every right to be angry and to break up with Jaemin if he feels like he can’t trust him anymore. However-” Renjun put a hand up before Donghyuck managed to say something. “I don’t think it’s the end of the world. I mean, you and Jaemin have always been a special case, and your relationship is something that we as a beta and an alpha could never understand. From what I’ve heard I understand why you… slipped. I kind of get it, why it happened, and seeing you like this convinces me that you regret it.”

Donghyuck wiped his cheeks dry again, but they didn’t stay dry for very long.

“What am I going to do?” He asked, as though Renjun would know better. “Mark will never forgive me”

“I don’t know about that”, Renjun answered. “But you have to tell him. He has the right to know and decide and honestly, I think you’d need that as well. You need his forgiveness and even if he decides to leave you, I think it’s better than living in a relationship built on lies.”

Donghyuck hid his face in his hands again.

“I know. I just… I love him so much, I don’t want to lose him”

“Then tell him that too”, Renjun said. “And pray that he gives you a chance to explain”

...

Mark had promised that he would wait at the hotel today. Or, not necessarily just wait - he, Lucas and Guanheng had hit it off well the night before, and they had decided to work on something together. Donghyuck had kissed him goodbye in the hotel restaurant this morning, around two hours ago.

Kissed goodbye. Maybe literally.

Renjun grabbed his arm and pulled him in when he hesitated.

When they entered the restaurant… Donghyuck felt like throwing up again. The others were there, gathered around a big round table, with cups of coffee and some treats in front of them. Yangyang saw the two of them enter first, and by the look in his eyes, Donghyuck knew that he knew.

Of course, he knew. They were in the same group chat and Jeno had been quite straightforward about it. The expression on Yangyang’s face was more like… like he was troubled. Incredulous. Guanheng noticed them too and he looked very similar - like he didn’t know what to believe.

Lucas and Yuqi were there too, and they glanced at them too. Donghyuck couldn’t say for sure but to him, they looked angry, despising. Did everyone know? It surely felt like it. It was as though Donghyuck was in primary school again - during lunch hour, when his bullies had kept whispering in the hallway and glanced at him as he passed them, with similar disgust in their eyes.

Only this time Donghyuck knew that he deserved those reactions. He _was_ disgusting. Mark hadn't seen them yet as his back was towards the door - did... did he know already, as well?

“Yo, Dong!” Yangyang stood up and Donghyuck’s heart stopped. What did he want? Donghyuck did not want to fight with Yangyang, he didn’t want to talk about this any more than he had to, no.

“I’ll tell Mark that you want to talk to him”, Renjun said and patted Donghyuck’s back before going. Donghyuck nodded - yeah, good, alright, the sooner it happened, the better. Yangyang stopped in front of Donghyuck as Renjun left, and Donghyuck looked down. He couldn’t face the beta now, he felt too ashamed.

“Yo man what the hell?” Yangyang asked in his usual tone. “Why did you have to do that?”

“It’s not like I planned it”, Donghyuck said through his teeth. He would never hurt Mark deliberately, if he could turn back the clock, he knew that he would never do it again. No matter how sad, lonely and in pain he was. “I was going in heat”

“Oh don’t give me excuses”, Yangyang rolled his eyes. “It’s not like you were defenseless”

“You don’t know anything!”, Donghyuck snapped and finally faced him. He knew that he looked pathetic, teary-eyed, and sweaty but seriously, he didn’t care. “You have no clue about what happened or how heats even work. Shut up, Yangyang, for once in your life”

“Woah”, Yangyang raised his eyebrows. He looked quite unphased, but that was typical Yangyang. Donghyuck glenced his fists and looked at the ground “I didn’t know you could be such an asshole”

“Likewise”

“Still, I didn’t take you for a cheater”

“What?”

No. _No, no no no that couldn’t be true, no no no no._

Donghyuck looked back up to see Mark there. Way too close. Way too… Looking way too confused. No, no no _no no no._

“Oh”, Yangyang turned around, to see the alpha. “Good luck with figuring this shit out”

Mark followed him with his eyes as he went, and so did Donghyuck. Seconds that felt like minutes, passed them, but he couldn’t get a word out. He didn’t know what to say. The little anger he had felt towards Yangyang and even Jaemin melted away and left him even more empty.

“Is… is that what you wanted to talk to me about?” Mark finally asked him, and his tone was unreadable. And that was when Donghyuck knew that he had been driven against a wall.

“Let’s talk about this privately”, he said and turned around, to at least walk behind a corner to sort things out. He didn’t want the whole group to learn about his fuck-ups. His heart was beating like crazy, he didn’t know what to do. What to say. The black mass in his stomach had only grown and now it was in his throat, suffocating him. He had to escape, he didn’t want everyone to know what he had done. 

Mark grabbed him by the wrist, ending that hope right there.

“Did you cheat on me, Donghyuck?” His voice was strained, and when Donghyuck turned around to look at him, he couldn’t hold eye contact. The older looked so _hurt._

“No”, he answered and tried to pull his hand free. Mark’s grip was strong.

“Then what is this about? Tell me the truth, Donghyuck!”

“You’re hurting me”

Mark let go immediately and Donghyuck stepped back. Mark looked angry and disappointed and Donghyuck knew that there was no way he could escape it anymore. Mark could read it on him, his reactions gave it all away but he had to explain.

“I made a mistake”, he said. “I regret it with my whole being, I never meant it to happen but I… I… I did something with Jaemin. Right before my last heat, he… he came over, sad and torn and panicked and I tried to comfort him and he… we... “

He could see it, every single word pulled him further down and added to the swirling storm in Mark’s eyes. He couldn’t read half the emotions there, and Mark erased all feelings from his voice as he spoke.

“What exactly did you do with him?” Mark asked. His face didn’t change, it stayed stone hard and emotionless but at least he listened. 

“I don’t want to say it here”, Donghyuck stuttered and looked around. Renjun had led their friends further away but these discussions were not meant to be had in an open restaurant. The place was fairly empty but they were not alone. “What would you do with details anyway?”

“I want to know if another person has been _inside of you_ ”, Mark said. And there was something in the way that he worded it that made Donghyuck feel disgusting. Like a whore. 

The worthless whore that he was.

Even if he hadn't spread his legs, he felt like he had. 

“Okay”, Mark nodded, his eyes flaming with anger. “That’s all I needed to know.”

“No!”, Donghyuck yelled before the alpha managed to turn away from him. “No, that didn't happen, I- You don’t understand, I- I- I’ve known Jaemin for so many years and we have always been physical. There were no romantic feelings, just closeness between omegas that you will never understand. I tried to change it all, for you, just like Jaemin did and we kept the distance. I stayed all alone for both of my heats for you, with no help whatsoever - it was the first time in my entire life that I did that. You can’t even imagine the amount of pain I went through, just because I knew that you would be upset. But… the first one was so hard and a second time was coming and I was scared, and Jaemin had fought with Jeno and he came to visit me and then he just… then we just…”

“I get it”, Mark put a hand up. “Don’t strain yourself, I don’t want to hear any more”

“Wait! Please, you don’t under-”

“What do I not understand? You went and cheated on me behind my back and told me everything is normal and fine - you _lied_ to me, Donghyuck. You cheated and lied and _humiliated_ me! I’m supposed to be your alpha - you’re supposed to be my omega and yet everyone knows that you slept with Jaemin except for me. You made me look like a total fool!”

“That’s not true! That is not how it is!”

“How is it then, mmh? Renjun knows. Yangyang and Guanheng know - I heard the whispers, I'm not that stupid. And Jeno knows as well, I believe. What did he do when he found out?”

The memory still burned in Donghyuck’s heart like an open wound.

“He and Jaemin broke up”

“Mmh, they broke up”

Mark took another step back but Donghyuck followed.

“Are you going to dump me too?” He asked, feeling all the wounds in his heart, new and old, tear open and start to bleed, making him heavy and unstable. He didn’t know what answer he wanted to even hear anymore honestly. He felt ashamed and he hated himself more than ever. He hadn’t known it was even possible.

“I really don’t know, Donghyuck”, he said. “I… I thought we were more than that. I knew you suffered, you could have talked to me and we would have figured something out. Or you could have asked. But you went and slept with someone else like it was nothing”

“It wasn't like that! And it was not just anyone, it was Jaemin!”, Donghyuck felt like he was being suffocated, he didn’t know how to defend himself. “I would never disrespect you with another alpha or beta, never ever ever, you know I wouldn’t!”

“Do I?” Ouch, that went straight through his heart. “So, is this the reason why you’ve been so… so tense? All those times that I asked what was wrong and kept worrying about you, you just… you just kept lying?”

“I’m so sor-”

Mark raised his hand again, to silence him.

“Don’t. Leave me alone. Honestly, I’m so angry I don’t know what I’ll say if we keep this going so please, let me clear my head for a while. I… I’ll talk to you later”

And then he just left. He hadn’t broken up with Donghyuck but he might as well have.

The downfall that he had been fearing? 

Oh, it came after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you think that cheating should never be forgiven?
> 
> This is not really the human world, so it’s not exactly the same - heats and sub genders, and so on make it very different. Still, though. Knowing everything that you do now - what do you think would be the right thing to do at this point?
> 
> See ya later, stay safe everyone!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhh you were NOT happy with me after reading the latest chapter. Thank you, everyone, for expressing your opinions, I read them all carefully and thought of this issue very deeply. The raw version of this story is already done, and I’m not going to change what I’ve planned but… every now and then, I read comments that make me question my plans and whether I’ve been clear enough or not. This chapter is a difficult one again, so, welcome back to the angst land. As always, let me know what you think down in the comments!
> 
> On another note… NCT2020 IS COMING AFTER ALL!!!! AHHHH I watched the year party with my cat and we were both soooo happy. Welcome to the family Shotaro and Sungchan!

**_December 2009_ **

_“I’m home!” Kyungsoo yelled as he closed the door after himself. He didn’t hear an answer but Baekhyun’s shoes were in the hallway so he must have been home. Or, he could have just gone out wearing a pair of Kyungsoo’s, because everything that belonged to Kyungsoo, belonged to him too - according to Baekhyun logic, that was. Kyungsoo made his way to the living room where the older was, sitting on the couch, eating noodles, and watching TV. His expression was blank and he was munching slowly. The colors of the screen reflected from his eyes but Kyungsoo doubted he saw any of them._

_“Hellooo?”, Kyungsoo waved his hand in front of him, and only then did Baekhyun blink and realize that he was there. He swallowed the noodles he had in his mouth and smiled. It was a fake smile if Kyungsoo had ever seen one._

_“Hi, Soo. What’s up?”_

_“What have you been up to?” Kyungsoo reached for a tissue on the living room table to wipe Baekhyun’s mouth clean from the black bean paste, as well as dry his tears that had almost entirely dried away already, but it was more of a gesture to show him that he had noticed them._

_“Nothing”; Baekhyun answered, but kept staring at the TV without seeing anything. His emotions had been going up and down for the whole time he had lived with Kyungsoo - three weeks already. Kyungsoo didn’t think anything would surprise him anymore. Or, rather, Baekhyun surprising him on a daily basis had become the new normal, it didn’t feel like much anymore._

_Kyungsoo grabbed his phone from the table - it wasn’t odd for him to forget it at home when he went to work, but he usually left it on his bedside table instead of the living room one. Oh well, he was scatterbrained as well, they both were. Their bad habits kept feeding each other._

_“I’m going to America”, Baekhyun said, and Kyungsoo paused halfway putting his phone in his pocket._

_“You what now?”_

_“I’m flying to New York next week. Chanyeol said I could stay at his place, to get a new start”_

_Kyungsoo couldn’t help but stare at the older, who still kept his eyes on the TV. Again, Baekhyun had managed to do it again - make decisions that were even more stupid than Kyungsoo thought he was capable of making._

_“You can’t even speak English”, he argued, because that was the first proper sentence that came to his mind as he tried to understand what exactly had happened. Chanyeol and Baekhyun had talked again, which was… it wasn’t a bad thing per se, but he was going to America, to the alpha’s place?_

_No. No, he was not._

_“Chanyeol promised to help me”, Baekhyun said, a little bit of hope in his voice. “We can spend more time together again! I’ve missed him so much..:”_

_“You are NOT going to go to America to play with his heart”, Kyungsoo said strictly. “Do you have any idea how much you’ve hurt him already? He is finally getting over you and living his life happily”_

_“I wouldn’t play with his heart, I’m not stupid!” Baekhyun argued. “It has been years since I’ve met him last, I’ve missed him! I- oh, right, I was going to ask you something - Why did you tell him that you don’t know where I am?”_

_“Did you read my messages?” Kyungsoo finally hid his phone from sight. “That's an invasion of privacy!”_

_“Oh, now you care about what’s right and what isn’t?” Baekhyun asked, this annoying venom dripping into his voice. “Is it because of you that I have barely heard of him over the years?”_

_“You don’t know how lost he was!” Kyungsoo had always tried to do the right thing, he was tired of being blamed for everything. “All I’ve ever done is take care of you two, of everyone here. He has been so happy in New York, he would have never gone had he told you”_

_Baekhyun gasped._

_“You knew? All this time?!”_

_“Of course I knew!” Kyungsoo shook his head. What exactly had Baekhyun read? His texts with Chanyeol had been quite vague, he was jumping to conclusions pretty quickly. “It’s impossible to do anything right with you two! You were clubbing and sleeping with a new alpha every night, and still, he worried about you!”_

_“I didn't know! Why did you never tell me?"_

_“I couldn’t! You would have jumped right back into his life again and torn open all those wounds, you know you would”_

_Baekhyun stood up._

_“You’re unbelievable”_

_“I’m not doing this to be mean”, Kyungsoo stood up as well. Baekhyun had that infuriating three centimeters of height difference on his side, but Kyungsoo wasn’t going to look up at him. “We can figure something out for you here, leaving is not the right decision for you”_

_“You don’t know anything”, Baekhyun said and walked past him. “I can’t believe you lied to me. Us. This whole time”_

_Kyungsoo grabbed his arm but Baekhyun yanked himself free immediately._

_“Take some responsibility for once”, Kyungsoo spat the words from his mouth as though they burned. Baekhyun was still unable to see the bigger picture. He was 27, he should grow up and fast if he ever wanted to get his life together._

_“Fuck you Kyungsoo”, Baekhyun yelled from the hallway, like the grown man that he was._

_Kyungsoo heard the front door slam shut and cringed - his neighbors were not going to be very happy, whenever Baekhyun graced them with his presence, the noise of the apartment doubled._

_When Kyungsoo walked to the hallway, he noticed that Baekhyun had taken his shoes once again._

  
  


…

“Breathe, Donghyuck, breathe”

Why should he? He didn’t deserve air anymore, he was a disgusting piece of trash.

“Please, stop crying, soon you won’t be able to open your eyes at all”

Oh, wouldn’t that just be great? Exactly what he deserved. Ohh he deserved so much more pain. So, so much more.

How ironic. His tiny attempt to escape it had brought him so much more of it. 

Donghyuck threw up some more. The bathroom floor had become very familiar to him during this trip, because of his hangovers and fight nausea. _Fight nausea,_ huh, such a weird term. Donghyuck’s stomach reacted strongly to his emotional state, and right now, nothing in his body felt okay.

“Aigoo”, Renjun rubbed his back. “That can’t be good”

Whatever. He might as well just die there, on the bathroom floor in some random Guangzhou hotel. That would match his life well. Pathetic and unnecessary. 

So many people would be so much happier if he didn’t exist.

“Shouldn’t you be out with Dejun?” He managed to get out. His voice sounded so bad, as though his vocal cords had been ripped out, driven over by a concrete machine and beaten by a sled-hammer, then thrown back in. “Leave me, I don’t deserve your help”

“Shut up. You’re my friend, and thus a priority. It was an asshole move from Mark, to leave you like this when he knows how you can get. This is worrying, Donghyuck, seriously”

He vomited again. The taste of bile in his mouth was strong, Donghyuck had only ever felt like this when he had thrown up while being extremely hungover. Yeah, he tasted of bile and tears now. That was all that he was. Not sweet, just bitter and unpleasant.

Mark had left. Donghyuck didn’t know where, but he hadn’t come back, not even for the night. Donghyuck had cried himself to sleep. Renjun had spent the day with him, but Donghyuck had gone to sleep alone. He hated everything, the bed smelled like Mark but he was nowhere to be seen. Where could he be? Where had he gone?

Donghyuck had kept waking up every fifteen minutes, still, he felt like he had been trapped in a nightmare that he could never wake up from.

When the morning had finally come, it hadn't been much better. Donghyuck had lost all his appetite, but still, once he got up properly and tried to start living his life again, he could do nothing but throw up and weep. His eyes were already swollen almost shut, he felt disgusting. Renjun had come to look for him when he hadn't exited the hotel room, and he was now holding Donghyuck's overly grown hair off his face.

“Mark did the right thing”, he croaked. He doubted he would be able to cry for long anymore, his body was dry and acrid as a raisin.

“No, he did not”, Renjun snapped. “You’re here together. He should be able to talk about this like an adult, and not just scream and disappear like a fucking teenager. This is ridiculous”

“Typical alpha”, Yangyang commented from the other room. 

“Yeah, such a typical alpha”, Renjun snorted. “It’s because of people like him that we have a bad reputation. Like, I know that it might be tempting to be all alpha when you get mad, but come on”

“At least he drew the line there and left”, Yangyang hummed. “It could have gotten much worse”

“It could have”, Renjun rubbed Donghyuck’s back again. “Still”

The only reason why they said that was because they were his friends. Donghyuck knew that he was the one who had done wrong, no one was denying that. But still, they were there, because they cared about him. He was stained but they still took his side - because, that was where they had started from. They didn’t know Mark like he did. 

He didn't know about Renjun but Yangyang hadn't even really forgiven him. 

"D _on't get the wrong idea",_ he had said when he had appeared at the door moments after Renjun. _"I'm still pissed. But you don't deserve to die here so, I brought you some stomach medicine"_

Some of which Donghyuck had already thrown up again. But he was still there, only in the other room because he couldn’t watch him vomit without feeling ill as well. Renjun was a hero, he didn’t mind at all. 

Donghyuck wondered what he would do without him. Die, probably.

“Do you think you could stand up?” Renjun asked after a while of silence. “The tiles are cold, I don’t want you to get sick”

Donghyuck nodded. He was done. He was so sick and tired of crying and throwing up. Renjun put a hand on his forehead once he was up, but never let go of his arm. Donghyuck needed that support, so thank god he didn’t.

“You feel a bit warm. Not worryingly, but a bit”, Renjun muttered. “This… this reaction is not healthy”

Of course, it wasn’t. It was worrying, his continuing nausea. He usually felt nauseous before his heat started, but it hadn’t even been a month since his last heat. Could he be going into… He didn’t know. It was impossible to say for sure. He had been very close with Mark who had gone through a suppressed rut less than a week ago. His body might be reacting to that, who knew.

He prayed that it wasn’t the case. Anything but that. It would be the biggest _fuck you_ from mother nature if he went into heat now, like this.

They walked to the room and Donghyuck sat on the bed. Yangyang was sitting on the small sofa next to the wall, typing on his phone. He looked up quickly but then went back to typing.

“Jisung says hi”, he said quietly. “And, good luck”

Ah, Jisung. Of course, Jisung would understand, somewhat. He was way more mature than he let on. Jisung had also always been Jaemin’s pet, hearing that he was willing to somewhat be in touch with Donghyuck, even though it was through Yangyang, was calming.

Yangyang had been the one to take care of communication inside their friend group. Because whether they wanted or not, this affected all of them.

Because it wasn’t just Donghyuck and Mark’s fight. It affected Jaemin, obviously, and Jeno, and thus, the whole group. Everyone knew at this point, everyone’s dynamics had been stumbled on. They were smart enough to not openly take sides but… it couldn’t really be avoided. According to Yangyang, Chenle was somewhat neutral and Guanheng too, since he had claimed that it wasn't his business which, it wasn't. Yuqi and Lucas had also said that they weren't going to take sides based on rumors that had nothing to do with them. But his closest friends...

Had he known back then that all of their friendships would take a hit… He just hadn’t been thinking. His body had once again taken control and all rationality had been thrown out of the window. He had been so deprived of human touch that he had felt depressed, although that was no excuse. 

No matter what he thought, it wouldn’t get easier for him. He had tried to pretend that what he had done didn’t exist but it had been eating him from the inside, just like it had been eating Jaemin. Now that it was out in the open, it burned his skin and poisoned him.

A phone started ringing. Yangyang answered it - it was the table phone on the nightstand, connected to the hotel’s inner system. Donghyuck heard him speak in Chinese, so it couldn’t be Mark. Good. Bad. Whatever. Just, where was he?

Mark couldn’t have… he couldn’t have gone out and gotten hit by a car or something, right? He had been angry, sure, and alphas had the tendency to get blinded by sudden bursts of rage but… but not Mark, right? He wouldn’t be careless. He couldn’t get hurt.

But he had been gone for a while. A long while.

“Psst, Dong”, Yangyang put the phone against his chest. “There’s someone waiting for you downstairs”

“Me?” Donghyuck had no idea who it could be. “Did they give a name?” 

Yangyang shook his head but put the phone back to his ear, to ask. The simple sentences of Chinese had become very familiar to Donghyuck, stuff like - _where are you, what’s this, yes, no, what the fuck, fuck you, it’s your turn._ Also, _what’s your name,_ was a simple sentence that Donghyuck had learned.

“Nah, it’s someone from the Wu company”; Yangyang said. “A driver? Mr. driver?”

FUCK it was the supper offer. Donghyuck glanced at the clock - it wasn’t even two pm yet. Kris had said that he would pick up Donghyuck for dinner. It wasn’t dinner time, not even close. He hadn’t thought of the whole invitation at all, for obvious reasons.

“Why is he this early?” Donghyuck wondered out loud. Yangyang forwarded the message.

“Orders”, he answered. 

“Well, tell him that I’m sick and can't come”, Donghyuck laid on the bed again. He was ready to sleep his whole life away. Although he knew that the world wouldn't be that nice to him, to grant him even the shortest while of oblivion. 

“Uh, he says that he is not leaving without you”, Yangyang answered after a discussion on the phone. “Orders from his boss, he was told to come to get you and that is what he is doing. I don’t know anything about your dad but apparently, this man will get fired if he loses you”

Donghyuck closed his eyes and counted to ten. Was Kris a scary CEO who fired people that easily? He didn’t know, but it wasn’t too hard to imagine. Kris was scary, he had a scary aura and a scary voice even when he didn't order anyone around. Even his face and eyes were… scary. Yeah. Donghyuck wasn’t good at adjectives, not after having slept maybe two hours in total.

“Okay”, he said, and Renjun and Yangyang looked at him with wide eyes. “Tell him that I’ll be down in 30 minutes.”

…

“This is crazy. You shouldn’t go, don’t you see it yourself? You look dead!”

“Thanks, Rennie”, Donghyuck spread another layer of concealer under his eyes, but it wasn’t going to cover the eyebags. Whatever, he couldn’t make miracles. Renjun was currently, as well as complaining, drying his hair with the hotel room blow dryer. They were tight on time, but Donghyuck couldn’t have imagined going out without showering first.

“No, but really. Even if it’s a huge CEO, can’t he understand that people get sick? Stuff happens?”

“I don’t want the driver to get fired”, Donghyuck answered. At least he could stand on his own feet now and really, he had been the one to cheat and ruin everything - he had no right to stay in the hotel room and cry. Life had to go on. He was here to meet his alpha father, so that was what he was going to do.

“Couldn’t you write him a message or something?”

“Maybe. Whatever, I’m going. Makes it easier for Mark to come back and get his stuff”

Renjun lowered the dryer and their eyes met in the mirror. 

“Do you really think that he’d do that? Just get his stuff and leave?”

“I don’t know, okay?” Donghyuck was constantly on edge, now he just felt frustrated and angry on top of his sadness. Mark could have screamed at him and left him right away, that would have been easier than leaving him clueless and making the break up longer and more humiliating than it had to be. He had been gone for over 24 hours. Where could he be? 

Maybe he just wanted to leave quietly, secretly. Maybe that was his style, maybe he’d text Donghyuck at the airport to tell him that they were through. He had every right to do that now. It would be a shitty thing to do, but still. He had the right to do that. 

“I thought he was more mature than that”, Renjun mumbled over the humming of the dryer and returned to work. Donghyuck sighed. _Me too._

But he had stripped himself of every right that he had had when he had kissed Jaemin.

…

The man waiting outside was easy to spot. He had a new-looking black car and a suit, as well as sunglasses. Was Donghyuck in an American spy movie or something? 

The man, upon seeing him, opened the door and handed him a piece of paper. Donghyuck took it and stepped in. Had he known how to speak Korean, he probably would have. Donghyuck sat down and opened the paper as the driver sat behind the wheel.

_Donghyuck, hello,  
_ _I have a very difficult stakeholder meeting tonight, something that came unplanned but that I couldn’t avoid. Thus, the changing of the time. I hope I didn’t disturb your plans._ _The driver’s name is Jiaheng. He doesn’t speak Korean but he is good at English.  
_ _吳亦凡_

_“Ready?”_ the driver asked and Donghyuck looked up.

_“Yeah”_

It had been a while since he had spoken English. Every time he had to… Mark had taken care of it for him.

Okay, Mark was gone now. Donghyuck was going to meet his father quickly and then come back and figure everything out. Yeah. That was what he was going to do. First, he had to behave and have a good supper with his father. His business CEO father. And possibly his family too.

Oh no. Was his husband going to be there? Most likely. But what about his son? He would be at school, right? Oh, right, it was summertime so maybe not. But… he was, like, 17 - he would have something more important to do than have supper with his family, right?

The drive took 45 minutes. Donghyuck looked out from the darkened windows and tried not to think about anything. It felt wrong, how could he be on his way to eat brunch with his alpha father when his life was crumbling down? But what was he supposed to do? Wait in silence for something inevitable? 

“Good morning, Donghyuck”, Kris greeted him warmly at the door. “I hope I didn’t disturb your plans”

“No, it’s okay”, big CEOs rarely cared about anyone else’s plans, he got it, they were above others, super important. But he was fine with that. Someone else came to the door too, and Kris turned towards him.

“This is my omega husband, Tao”

The man was wearing a traditional Chinese silk robe, a very fancy one with gold and platinum embroidery, and his eyes were sharp. It was as though he could see right through Donghyuck and was judging him already. Donghyuck bowed 90 degrees under his intense stare - Donghyuck knew what he looked like, but he could try to compensate his dead look with good manners.

“It’s very nice to meet you”, he said in the most honorable way possible. He didn’t hear an answer, and when he looked up, the man was still looking at him with a tight fake smile. He nodded at Donghyuck.

“Tao doesn’t remember Korean. But he is happy to meet you”, Kris said as the omega turned around and walked inside. His robe was long in the back, it flew behind him elegantly as he walked inside with big but quiet steps. Donghyuck nodded, understanding. He wasn’t expecting that fr-

Wait. Tao? Zitao? Huang Zitao? The man _had_ looked familiar - was he one of Kris’s exchange buddies? From the picture? Uh… Donghyuck had all but forgotten about the man when they had found Lu Han. Oh, well. Maybe some friends really stayed together.

_Some. Some friends didn’t lie and hide stuff from each other and cheat on their partners with each other and backstab each other._

“Tao made some beef, it’s just about done”, Kris smiled as Donghyuck removed his shoes. The house looked expensive and fancy as hell, he feared his shoes would scratch the floor if he took one more step. The walls were dark, empty, despite being lighted warmly. Donghyuck felt like he had walked into an old European mansion instead of a Chinese CEO’s home.

Oh, well, he had never actually been to either so, how would he know.

The dining room was huge, the dark wooden table was long and filled with food. Someone was standing by the door - Justin, Kris’s son.

“And this is Justin”, Kris introduced them. The boy was very serious, he was wearing… not a formal attire but definitely a fancier set of clothes than he would for a normal weekday. Or, how would Donghyuck know - these people were rich and highly educated, maybe they just dressed nicely every single day?

Justin bowed deeply and Donghyuck followed. Justin was slightly taller than him but he was an alpha. Alphas were usually always taller.

“Hello, it’s nice to meet you”, Justin said in accented Korean. Donghyuck appreciated the effort and felt suddenly very embarrassed about his lack of language skills. He had three Chinese born friends and still, all he could say was-

“Uh, _ni hao_ ”

“Let’s eat, before it gets cold”, Kris put a hand on Donghyuck’s back and he straightened. 

The dinner was awkward, to say the least. Zitao was trying to be a good host omega, asking him questions through Kris, but Donghyuck got a feeling that he didn’t really like him. And it was understandable - Donghyuck was a bastard, born out of a fling, even though it had happened before the two were married, he was an outsider. A possibly dangerous outsider, as Lu Han had let him believe.

He could stump on the company image. He didn’t know why it was so important, to begin with, big CEOs did stupid shit all the time, but this company dealt with their image differently. Apparently. Donghyuck didn’t know, and he didn’t care.

Donghyuck had left on his journey to find out what had happened. But now… he felt discouraged. He didn’t want to get familiar with the big mess that was company communication politics and such. Most of his energy was gone, he didn’t know what he was supposed to feel. Okay, he had met his alpha father, his genetic parent… so what?

So what? He couldn't bring himself to care enough.

Justin was quiet the whole time, focusing on his food but not eating much. No one did, Donghyuck was too nauseous and anxious to fill his stomach, but he tried to eat for politeness’s sake. He praised the food and Zitao thanked him with a tight smile. Both Zitao and Justin were stiff, even more so than Kris. Donghyuck eyed his half brother every now and then and tried to wrap the idea of their shared blood around his head. Justin looked very different from him, but then again, so did Kris. The boy definitely had Zitao's eyes, and maybe Kris's height? Agh, Donghyuck was so bad at these things.

“Would you like some tea?” Kris asked him once they were done with the main course. Donghyuck felt nauseous again, but tea might help with that.

“Sounds good”

“Ahem, Justin?” 

The boy stood up and served the tea. Donghyuck felt so uncomfortable watching that. Justin was the youngest, and in Korea, the youngest had to be the one to serve the others as well, but… the boy’s face was so emotionless as he did it, quiet, Donghyuck thanked him but he didn’t answer. Or, he did - with a tight smile that resembled Zitao’s.

The tea was really good. It seemed to last a million hours.

“Come with me”, Kris told him when they finally finished. “I’ll show you around the house”

Zitao and Justin started cleaning the table and Donghyuck handed them his plates but was ushered away by Kris.

“They’ll handle it. Come on, this way”

It felt a bit wrong but he did it. The two worked like robots, quietly. Kris had no problem leaving them behind so Donghyuck tried to follow his example. 

Kris showed him around the house. He had a wonderful, expensive house and a beautiful garden - Donghyuck wondered if he even had the time to enjoy it. He seemed like a busy man. Then he took Donghyuck to his study. One that looked like it could have been taken straight from an American spy movie.

“I… I have something here, that I wanted to show you”, Kris told him and opened a drawer. He pulled something out - a small wooden box that had a lock on it. Oh, secrecy. Donghyuck stayed put and waited, as Kris fetched a key from another drawer and opened it.

He took something out of the box and handed it to Donghyuck. 

“Here”

It was a picture. An old photo. Donghyuck took it and eyed it - it was a picture of Kris and Baekhyun, from nearly twenty years ago. 

“Your father was the first and only omega I’ve ever loved”, Kris said. Maybe it was just the language barrier, he couldn’t really be saying what Donghyuck thought he was. He had a husband, a kid, and a beautiful house. Donghyuck didn’t know what other things he kept in this secret box of his - maybe just memories, something like this.

Donghyuck didn’t dare walk around a lot, but he looked at the picture more carefully. Both Kris and Baekhyun looked so young in it. So happy. It had been taken late autumn, the trees were colorful and partially leafless already so, maybe November? October? In that case, Donghyuck technically was in the picture too, in his omega father’s belly.

The way that they looked at each other, there was something so happy and content in it. So… so youthful and innocent. Loving. Naive and immature love but still, love. Donghyuck had thought he knew what that felt like as well. He… he had. 

And it was all gone now.

Donghyuck felt tears fill his eyes and he tried to blink them away but he couldn’t. 

“Donghyuck?” Kris had sensed his mood swing. Donghyuck handed the picture back and wiped away his tears. How could he even cry anymore? It hurt so much, physically, his eyes hurt so damn much. But still. He leaned his forehead against Kris who was standing right there. The alpha was stiff but he softened a bit.

“There, there”, Kris patted his back and although it was unsure and awkward, his smell was still comforting.

Because he smelled like belonging. Because he was his father. Biology didn’t lie.

Sometimes, Donghyuck would have liked to say FUCK BIOLOGY but then again, what would that change. He just cried against his alpha father's chest, pathetucally and helplessly. 

…

  
  


Donghyuck didn’t stay for dessert.

“Are you sure?” Kris asked him. “I could at least call you a car, so you don’t have to walk”

“It’s okay”, Donghyuck nodded. “I need to… I need to sort my thoughts”

“Are you alright?” Kris asked once more. “Did something serious happen?”

“No”, _yes,_ he didn’t want to talk about it, nor did he want to come up with a lie. “Just… just relationship trouble”

Kris walked him to the front door and Donghyuck bowed to him, as though he was an ancient Chinese traveler leaving an ancient Chinese palace. Or something. He had skipped his Chinese history lessons at school. He didn’t know much about anything.

“Would you like to meet me again?” Kris asked, smiling a little. Donghyuck felt like he had started to know him just a bit more, but at the same time, he wasn’t sure. Kris was… trying to be warm towards him, but he seemed so cold towards his family. Donghyuck heard Zitao’s voice deep in the apartment, it sounded as though he was yelling at Justin. Could it be? The boy had seemed so… introverted? Maybe? Donghyuck could see some similarities between him and Jisung, the way they stayed quiet and out of the center of attention.

But there was something more in Justin. Something sad, was it anxiety, maybe? Fuck, Donghyuck was so bad at reading these things in strangers. Kris had been so warm towards him but to Justin… oh, well, it wasn’t his place to say anything. Maybe he was just reading it all wrong.

“Sure”, he still said, because that was the least he could do. If his father wanted to meet him again, then, sure. That was why he was there in the first place.

Getting through Guangzhou without any Chinese skills wasn’t the easiest task in the world, but his translator apps were useful and showed him the way. He wasn’t in a hurry, he stepped into the wrong subway train once but realized early enough and got another one back.

Donghyuck took a look at his contacts. There was a text from his mom, as well as Baekhyun, asking how his meeting with Kris had been. They didn’t even know that he had met him twice already. As he walked, he made sure to write answers for the both of them - something that didn’t give away his actual feelings but was a good explanation for why it had taken him so long to get back to them.

One of them could have given him advice. Maybe. Donghyuck would have needed it. But he wasn’t going to tell them what he had done. He was going to have to figure this out by himself - he had tried to be an adult, he had done an idiotic mistake, but he was going to fix everything and get up as an adult should.

He sneaked back into his hotel room, making sure that no one saw him return. He kicked the shoes from his feet and walked into the bathroom. Nothing had changed in the room, so Mark hadn't come back yet. Donghyuck washed his face under the cold water and stared at his reflection in the mirror. 

Pathetic.

But wallowing in self-pity wasn't going to change anything. He had a headache from the lack of sleep and he felt fatigued from the meal but he wasn't going to cry himself back to sleep again. 

He had fucked up. 

And he should start fixing things. 

Donghyuck took the phone out of his pocket and walked back into the room.

It was nearing six o’clock already. Donghyuck sat on the bed and looked at the view. It didn’t look nearly as nice anymore. If it ever had. The walk/ metro ride from Kris’s apartment to the hotel had taken him a long time, but he had spent that whole time thinking. And thinking. And thinking, trying to come up with a decent plan.

He stared at his contacts again - the first step was probably the hardest. 

He pressed call and waited until it went to voicemail. It was a cold, robot voice that answered - Mark hadn’t bothered changing the voicemail message and this time, Donghyuck felt thankful for it. When the line beeped, he started to talk.

"Hey, Mark, it's me", Donghyuck started, suddenly feeling a bit awkward, talking to himself. "Please don't hang up, please, I need to... Or you know what, I don't need anything anymore. But you need to hear something. I'm worried about you, where are you? I... I hurt you, I know that, and I will never forgive myself. I always thought that you were something amazing, something that I didn't deserve and I knew that I would fuck up at some point. Because... Because that's what I always seem to do. I always lose everything that's beautiful. And I, I'm not saying this to gather sympathy or anything, I don't deserve any of that anymore, but I just... I just want you to know that you did everything perfectly and I fucked up because I'm, you know, me"

Donghyuck took a deep breath. He only had a limited time to tell him everything.

"I've been wallowing in self-pity, hating myself for what I did yet still trying to hope that it all just goes away, that it all gets forgotten and just... That it wouldn't be real. I've been trying to find flaws in other people, to justify the crushing weight of the quilt wrecking my heart. I've been a selfish asshole, hiding behind the pain that I caused for myself. 

I may never be able to set this right. The ink of my mistakes will never disappear and heal. But I'll try my best to pay back, double the amount that I've taken. Even if you never forgive me, even if you leave me behind. Even if... Even if I never see you again. I'm ready to… I’m ready to accept that. 

You know why?

One of the reasons is that I love you. I always knew that you were too good for me. And I know that thinking of someone too highly is technically toxic so, it’s not necessarily that but I… I saw a future in you. I saw happiness in you. I just, I wanted to be a better person, for you, but I couldn't show it to you. I'm sorry, I really am. For making you think that I'm something different, for wasting your time I guess, I-"

The voice mail cut off. Maybe it was good, Donghyuck didn't know what else to say anyway. Or, he could have rambled for the whole night, but that wouldn't have changed anything. 

He dried his tears one last time, and got to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [CuriousCat](https://curiouscat.me/YingCas)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just deleted t*nder to fit Vlive into my phone. This is peak #foreveralone behavior, gosh.  
> The amount of content that we got this week… crazy, oh god, I could write a whole essay on how I feel about everything. And today, we got to see the '99 line finally all together?!?! I love the 99s, seeing them together in the Sun & Moon show made me so goddamn happy I can’t even explain it. Asdfghjkl (Also, Happy Birthday Hendery, our '99 prince! Welcome to the 21 club, it's totally downwards from here)
> 
> Also, about this story: I realized that there was some confusion about Justin, most of all his name - Some Chinese people have English names, and as I used Kris before, I also wanted to use Justin. He isn’t an OC, Justin is actually a Chinese idol from the group 9 Percent (I chose him because his age fit perfectly, as that was an important detail. This is fanfic and the rules are open but I try to avoid creating OCs) so yeah. Here’s the Wu family flashback that I promised - feel free to tell me your thoughts on it down below.
> 
> Let’s GOOOOOO

**July 2019**

_**"** Good evening, Mr. Han, looking mediocre as ever in your second class suit" _

_"Good evening, Mr. Huang, you look as innocent and fertile as ever"_

_Tao crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe, a troubled look on his face._

_"What are you doing here?" He asked. "Kris is still at work, you should know that"_

_"I do", Luhan nodded. "That’s why I’m here - I needed to talk to you, specifically"_

_"And what about?" Tao couldn't help but be doubtful. "We shouldn't have anything to talk about anymore"_

_"This isn't… About us", Luhan spoke quietly, softly against the night. No one should be able to hear, but one could never be too careful. "It's about what happened in Korea"_

_The tiny flash in Tao's eyes showed Luhan that the other had understood._

_"Come in"_

_Once Tao had managed to lock the door after Luhan, he turned to the older with visible fear and confusion in his eyes._

_"What's going on?" he asked impatiently. “Did you talk to someone from there? I thought you cut ties to Korea years ago!”_

_“I did, but it’s not like that’s enough”, Luhan shook his head and walked deeper into the house, into Kris's study where he knew he would find some booze. Tao followed him._

_“What do you mean? It must be something bad if it made you come here!”, he sounded strained and anxious and Luhan didn’t blame him. Luhan reached for a wooden box on the highest shelf of the glass cabinet. He placed it on the table and opened it - there was a bottle of whiskey inside, easily worth a thousand Yuan. "What is it? Did you hear something about Buo Xian?”_

_“You’re getting closer”, Luhan reached for two glasses as well and started serving the liquor. "Turns out that the bastard son is alive”_

_Tao froze. Luhan poured a bit too much whiskey into the glass - well, he didn’t care about the serving recommendations now, he just needed the burning feeling into his throat as soon as possible. He raised the glass to his lips, took a sip and swallowed as Tao kept quiet. The darkness of the room, only lighted by the small table lamp, drew deep shadows into the omega’s face._

_“Sehun said...”, he said quietly with a shaky voice. “Remember? Sehun said that it was dead”_

_“Sehun thought that it was dead because that was the only logical explanation that he could come up with. And we wanted it to be the truth so badly that we went with it”, Luhan sat down in the chair placed in front of the dark mahogany desk. He had been running for the whole day, even if Tao was tense as a brand new bow next to him, he couldn’t feel the anxiety anymore. His head hurt. He was tired._

_“How do you know?”, Tao asked. “How do you know that it’s alive?”_

_“I met him this morning”, Luhan took another sip and loosened his tie._

_“YOU WHAT”_

_"The boy found me through Yixing. As far as I know, he grew up as an adopted child and now he is here, in Guangzhou, and he wants to meet his alpha father”_

_“Are you sure that it’s him?” Tao was reaching for anything to comfort himself. “Maybe it’s just one of those-”_

_“I’m sure”, Luhan cut him short. “I MET him, Tao. I saw him, I smelled him - I know that it has to be him”_

_Tao’s face fell as he sat on the side of the table and took the glass that Luhan had prepared for him._

_"Please tell me that you told him to fuck off", he muttered._

_Luhan was quiet for a short moment. He saw it in Tao’s face, the same thoughts were swirling through his head as they had in Luhan’s, over twelve hours ago. What was going to happen now? There was a child, after all, that had been born of Kris’s short romance in Korea._

_Both Luhan and Tao had heavy burdens on their hearts that had been growing for years now - secrets, lies, selfish acts that had led to this moment. It would be better to keep that knowledge from Kris, tell the child that he couldn’t meet him and that would be it._

_Then everything would proceed as normal. Then the child would be as nonexistent as they had always wanted it to be. Out of sight, out of mind._

_However,_

_“The boy has the right to meet him”_

_Tao downed his whiskey as though it was a vodka shot or something. His glass clunked as it hit the table hard._

_“I think it’s too late to talk about anyone’s ‘rights’ now”_

_He had a point. But still._

_“This could be a good moment to clear your conscience”, Luhan said and downed his drink as well, before placing the glass next to Tao’s. “I know that you have a lot on your heart”_

_“It’s too late now. Besides, We can’t get caught”, Tao brought another argument on the table. Luhan looked up at him, and their eyes met. The worry and anxiety in Tao’s eyes shouldn’t belong there._

_Yet, they had been present for almost twenty years now, more or less powerful but never leaving._

_“We won’t”, Luhan said strictly and took Tao’s hand in his own. “No one knows about this, Yixing was in Korea again when everything went down and I bet Sehun has forgotten. Even if he hasn’t, we can always say that we wanted to protect Kris as we knew how he would have been”_

_“Because we knew that he would have gone back right away”, Tao muttered. He looked hurt when the old memories filled his mind again. “It was obvious, he would have been gone”_

_“Because Kris would never turn away from his duties as an alpha, no matter what it meant for him”, Luhan said quietly. “Or anyone else”_

_They had never directly talked about this. But they both knew. Luhan had always known, even if Tao tried to hide it, it was obvious that he had planned everything. A part of Luhan’s burden came from the fact that he had never said anything, never done anything to stop what was happening._

_Even if… Even if…_

_“Don’t look at me like that”, Tao said and looked away. “It doesn’t matter anymore. We’re married, have been for a long time now. What ifs don’t matter anymore”_

_“They don’t?” Luhan asked. “Then why are you so afraid? What’s just another bastard child? Kris definitely has more than one”_

_Tao didn’t answer. Instead, his shoulders sunk and the look in his eyes turned darker. But not the kind of dark when he planned to do something selfish and take what he believed belonged to him - this was sadness. Regret._

_“You know”, he finally said, after the quietness had dragged on for eons. “There were times when I thought that I deserved better. I was a good partner, I knew the etiquette and I took care of him and I always put him first and still, he was always gone. But I… Deep inside I know that this is all that I deserve”_

_Luhan didn’t know what to answer. Back in the day, nearly twenty years ago, he had shared many moments like these with Tao - when the younger had opened his heart to him and Luhan had just listened. Right after coming back from Korea and right before…_

_He looked down at their hands. And something caught his eye._

_“You’re not wearing your wedding ring”, he said. Tao looked down as well._

_“Why should I? I’m at home” He muttered. “There’s nothing holy about this marriage anymore, hasn't been for a long time. I doubt that he ever even truly loved me and that’s my fault”_

_“Then why don’t you leave? Why did you never leave?” Luhan asked quietly, although he already knew the answer. He had always just known things, without asking, but talking openly felt good too. This was Tao, after all. Tao was still the youngest, the cutest, even though he was all grown up now, and he had done some awful things. Luhan had done some awful things too. They were stained by the same black ink, and some things could never be forgiven._

_“Because I felt guilty”, Tao said and looked at Luhan in the eyes again. “But you did, too, didn’t you? You were always smarter than Kris, you could have become so much more than just Kris’s right hand. You could have had it all, had you just stepped on him once. But you couldn’t do it”_

_“I couldn’t do it”, Luhan echoed. They looked at each other, and their eyes contained so much burden, it almost hurt to see._

_Luhan moved to fill their glasses again. The younger didn’t move - he was already a bit too close for it to be appropriate. His knees were almost touching Luhan. The old grandfather clock kept ticking, and Luhan glanced at it. It was nearing eleven o’clock, Kris would be gone for a while. Hours, if he was even coming home at all._

_He probably wasn’t._

_Luhan offered the filled glass to Tao who took it without a word. They stayed close in the dark room and thought. Luhan’s senses had always been really good, almost extraordinary. He could smell even the slightest shifts in people’s emotions, and now… Tao smelled of more than just regret. He smelled of yearning, aching yearning._

_“Justin turns 18 next year”, Tao said more to his glass than Luhan. “Maybe then I could leave, I always thought of that being my escape but now… I don’t have anything of my own. No education, no money or career, I only have Justin and Kris. Maybe I should be thankful that he has kept me, that he hasn’t thrown me to the wolves. Then again, that would ruin his reputation forever”_

_“This company is yours as much as it is his”, Luhan answered. “We would have never gotten this far without you, you're much more than just his stay-at-home spouse”_

_Tao chuckled with no joy in his voice and took another sip._

_“Business spouse, then”, he said. “This is what it’s always been. I was so stupid, thinking that if I just… that he would love me. I used to think that love was everything, I used to think that I could never love anyone other than him. I believed we were soulmates or something, and that he would love me as the omega parent of his children, at least”_

_Luhan’s eyes caught something on the table - a family portrait, taken over five years ago. No one was smiling in that picture. He laid his hand on Tao’s thigh, and the younger didn’t move an inch._

_“You know”, he said, feeling weirdly encouraged to talk about everything. “Justin has always been very pale, considering that he is the son of you two”_

_Tao’s expression hardened, and Luhan knew. Just like he had always known._

_“Don’t”, Tao said. “Justin is the one and only heir to the company. Kris’s first and only legal child”_

_“Still”, Luhan spoke so quietly, he could barely hear himself. “It was bold of you, to just assume… When the possibility was there…”_

_“You and I slept together ONCE”, Tao snapped. “Me and Kris… we spent the whole spring together. It’s impossible”_

_“You should know by now, nothing in this world is impossible”, Luhan moved his hand up Tao’s thigh. He had missed the omega. When they had been just teenagers, he hadn’t particularly liked the omega. Mainly, because Tao liked Kris too much. But, when he had started putting in the effort and acting like the tenacious omega Luhan always knew he could be…_

_Luhan still regarded that night as one of the best nights of his life. Although Tao had cried out the wrong name while cumming, even if they both had been drunk out of their minds. Even if… even if the only reason the omega had winded up in his arms had been because he had been so frustrated with Kris._

_When their marriage had started to get cold, Luhan had been there for the omega first. A shoulder to cry on, a friend to open up to, and someone to get his frustration out on. Someone to take care of his needs, when his alpha husband just didn’t bother. It had ended way too quickly for his liking, but Tao had indeed become an omega with his own will. His wants._

_Luhan was pretty sure that Kris knew about what they had done, during their marriage. Still, they saw eye to eye. Luhan bowed at him every day at work, he took care of Kris’s schedule, as well as his spouse. And the alpha thanked him._

_It was all about reputation at this point. About image. The prettiest of images were always ugly on the other side. He and Tao were both ugly and stained, they shared a similar burden. Guilt. Lies._

_A door was closed on the other side of the house. The steps that followed were light but quick._

_Luhan pulled his hand away - not today, not anymore._

_“Um, dad?” They both turned to look at the door where a young boy appeared. “Could you help me with- oh, uncle Han?”_

_Perfect timing._

_“Yes, of course. Uncle Han was just leaving”, Tao turned to him with a straight face, but his eyes were still stormy. “Weren’t you?”_

_“Yes, I think we’re done here”, Luhan stood up. Two glasses of whiskey weren’t nearly enough to shake a grown man but his headache was even worse now. He walked to the door and past the young boy who was almost exactly his height. The young boy whose smell had always been very interesting to him. But of course, he wouldn’t say that to anyone else._

_He almost reached out to pat his hair but decided against it._

_Some secrets, he would have to take to the grave. And this was definitely one of them._

_One of way too many._

  
  


…

  
  


Later that night, when Donghyuck returned to the room, he realized that someone was already there.

“Hi”, Mark said softly, from where he was, sitting on the bed. Donghyuck closed the door behind himself quietly but didn’t exactly walk in.

“Hey”, he answered. Mark had changed clothes from yesterday and his hair looked a bit wet. He had probably just taken a shower. Donghyuck looked at the luggage at his feet. It was still spread, even more so than it had been. Still, he had to ask. “Did you come to get your stuff?”

“No”, Mark answered and looked at the open suitcase too. He was twiddling his phone in his hands - it was his nervous habit, one of many.

“Then why are you here?”

“To talk”

Okay. That… that was a good thing. Talking. He seemed to have calmed down, and Donghyuck had too. He didn’t know if he would be able to cry anymore, no matter what Mark said to him. Every new tear hurt so much, he just couldn’t do it anymore. He took off his shoes and walked inside, and Mark moved a bit to make space for him on the bed. Donghyuck sat down. 

It was way too far, way too close. Donghyuck tried to sense what Mark was feeling, but he came back with nothing solid. Was it awkwardness that he felt? Something uneasy. But Mark was mostly calm, and Donghyuck was bad at reading emotions unless they were very strong. He looked at his hands on his lap and waited for the condemnation.

“I… I listened to your voicemail”, Mark said. Donghyuck nodded. Good. “And I wanted to apologize”

Donghyuck looked up.

“What for?”

“For leaving you behind like that. We should have talked right away, properly and privately, but I was… I was just so overwhelmed, I needed to think for a while”

“It’s okay, you were angry. And for a good reason”

“Yeah”, Mark wasn’t denying it. “But still. I should have treated you better”

“Where were you?” 

“I stayed with Lucas, at Dejun’s place. I felt embarrassed, I didn’t know what to do, how to act”

Okay. Good. Donghyuck didn’t know how to feel - he still could have texted him. Even if he was angry, he could have let him know that he was okay. Donghyuck tried to keep his anger inside. It wasn’t like he had the right-

No. They were talking now. So, he should talk. Say it all.

“You could have texted me”, he mumbled. “I was worried about you”

“I know”, Mark sighed, a troubled look on his face. “I’m so sorry”

Those words didn’t belong on Mark’s lips nearly as much as they did on Donghyuck’s.

“I am sorry too”, he said quietly.

“I know”, Mark answered. “And I forgive you”

Donghyuck raised his brows.

He... he did?

“You do?”

Mark nodded. 

“I don’t like what you did but I… I talked to Renjun. And I thought, a lot. I tried to picture my life without you and I… I just couldn’t. I can’t. I already made plans for us and I don’t think I could ever make them come true with someone else. That has to mean that I love you more than this”

 _Oh here we go again,_ tears started forming into Donghyuck’s eyes as though he could never run out. These were a different kind of tears though - they still contained some shame but most of all, relief.

“What’s happening now?” He asked. “Aren’t you going to punish me or-”

“No”, Mark said right away. “I don't think I have any right to punish or judge you, that right is only on someone above us. And I feel like you've been punished enough. Renjun shined a light on the part of your past that I have never really understood, I feel like we didn’t talk enough - which, I know, sounds absurd to me too but we have a lot to learn. And I want to learn, with you”

Donghyuck nodded. He wanted to learn too, with Mark and no one else. But… Mark had talked with Renjun, and Renjun knew everything. He and Jaemin had always been close, and Donghyuck and Jaemin had always been open about their endeavors with their little group of friends (sans maybe Chenle and Jisung who were babies). If Mark truly knew everything now...

“But… Don’t you think that I’m a whore or-”

“No”, again, Mark cut him off. “I admit that I expected something else of you but yet again, that was my fault, not yours. And you’re not a whore. As you said earlier, you enjoyed experimenting and although my biblical upbringing might say that it’s wrong, _I_ don’t care. I like you for who you are, not for what you’ve done. And I’m… sorry, for talking to Renjun behind your back too. I know I should have talked to you directly but I was too mad to do so. I get blinded by my rage sometimes, like a typical alpha”

“And I get blinded by my hormones, like a typical omega”, Donghyuck sighed. “Although, I can’t only blame them. I make my decisions on my own and I… chose wrong”

Mark eyed him.

“You know, weirdly enough, my biggest problem wasn’t even the fact that you were… with Jaemin”, he said. “Of course, I didn’t like it, but I’ve seen you in heat. I suffer from ruts myself, and they’re awful as they are. I don’t even know how I would deal with them if I was in pain on top of all else”

Donghyuck didn’t know what to think so he didn’t say anything. He looked at his feet and waited. Mark seemed like he had really been thinking about everything. And way he said it all, trying to sound as proper and thorough and polite as possible was kind of, well, Mark-like. So Mark-like. It was as though he had pictured the conversation in his head and had practiced some lines for it and to be perfectly honest, Donghyuck didn't mind that. It made it easier to read his emotions.

“I… honestly, last spring, I was worried about you", Mark continued. "and I started thinking that maybe… maybe I should let you do something with someone because I couldn’t be the proper alpha and take care of you myself”

The pain of that thought filled Donghyuck’s heart with poison. He tried to imagine it the other way around, Mark being in a rut that wrecked him as much as Donghyuck’s heat wrecked him. Mark, being in pain on the other side of the world, for days on end. He… might have thought similarly. Donghyuck could have considered… maybe telling him to...

But Mark wasn’t him. Mark was different. Mark was easily hurt. Mark wore his heart on his sleeve and he was so sweet and unselfish, he would rather double the pain on himself than share it with anyone else.

“I know that you blamed yourself", Donghyuck said quietly. "I know how it hurt you. You're not... you're not blaming yourself for this, are you? That's not right, it was my fault and my fault _only,_ okay?”

“I know”, Mark said. “It's different now. It's just what I thought back then, and I almost suggested that for you too”

“I would have never said yes, I’m not like that, I-”, _oh, right._ He _had_ been. He had been exactly what he had feared, what he hated the most. Donghyuck grimaced at his own thoughts.

“I know that too”, Mark said and put a hand on his knee. The warmth of the alpha felt good, although Donghyuck had trouble feeling it through his thick cover of shame and guilt. “Because you knew that it would have hurt me. And that’s why… I know that you didn’t do this to hurt me. You were in heat. Once I got over my anger, I understood it.”

“But I was not in heat”, why was he saying that? There was an easier way out right there in front of him, but still, why. “I was going in one, it was close, but I wasn’t in the delirious state yet.”

“I know”, Mark answered. “You told me that too. And you told me about Jaemin, about you and Jaemin, and you’re right, I didn’t understand it. And, I can’t say that I know Jaemin, but I’ve seen him. I’ve seen him with you. I remember thinking, back in New York when I started to gain feelings for you… I remember thinking, how could I come in-between something like that? You worked so well together, you looked happy with him. But still, you wanted me. And when you told me about… about Jeno, about his possessiveness and jealousy and all… I felt bad for Jaemin too. I know that he is a very close friend to you, an omega friend”

Donghyuck remained quiet for a moment. Maybe it had been a good thing that both of them had had the time to think over everything and now, they could talk without overwhelming bursts of any kinds of feelings getting in the way. Donghyuck couldn’t help the few tears escaping but he didn’t feel like suffocating anymore.

“What did you have a big problem with, then?” he asked, just to make sure that he understood everything too. “If it wasn’t just… just what I did in June, what did you have a problem with?”

“The lies”, Mark said bluntly. “The fact that you didn’t tell me what was going on”

Donghyuck nodded. A tear, a stubborn tear that had ran along his nose bridge, let go at the tip and fell on his thigh. Donghyuck wiped his nose to his sleeve, yeah, disgusting.

“I’m sorry”, he said quietly. “For that, too. I was scared that I would lose you and I became selfish”

“Can you promise me that in the future, no matter what it is, you will tell me the truth? I want to trust you again. I’m ready to work to overcome this, if you are”

Donghyuck nodded. Once, twice, again, and as Mark pulled him into a hug, he felt better again. Less nauseous, less lonely, less sad. He felt… he felt like he had come home again.

The tears still burned in Donghyuck’s eyes, they kept flowing and rolling down his cheeks. They just had to fall. Staining, salty, and painful, but Mark calmed Donghyuck’s heart by being there and that was the most important thing. 

“I promise”

…

In the morning, they met Yangyang, Guanheng, and Renjun downstairs, having breakfast in the hotel restaurant.

“Hey”, Guanheng greeted them carefully, not knowing whether he should smile or not. Mark and Donghyuck probably looked like they hadn’t slept much, which was kind of true. They had talked until the early hours of the morning, just about everything, again and again until Donghyuck had just fallen asleep without meaning to. He may have slept just a few hours, but those hours had been amazing.

He slept better with Mark next to him, his body was calmer. They were going to continue doing just that soon, but they wanted to have breakfast first. Also, they had kind of hoped that they would catch the others there. 

“Morning”, Mark said as he sat down at their table, and Donghyuck followed. Renjun patted his shoulder, and Donghyuck smiled at him - he was alright now, or, the closest to alright that he could be.

“We’re sorry for involving you into our mess”, Donghyuck was the one who spoke. Guanheng looked so uncomfortable, not knowing how to act. “We… We figured everything out”

“Sorry for getting involved”, Guanheng answered, seemingly a bit - no, a lot - relieved that Donghyuck had been the one to start talking about this. “It’s not, it wasn’t, our business”

“Oh you’re okay, you didn’t even do anything”, Donghyuck brushed him off. “We’re fine, it’s okay, everything is okay now”

That wasn’t the best possible explanation and it wasn’t 100% the truth either but that was what he wanted to say. That was all that he was willing to say. They had some responsibility and duties over the other people who had been mixed into their mess, but there were limits to everything.

Had their relationship been normal, they would have had much more time to deal with... well, everything. To get used to each other again, to properly get over everything. But they knew that the end of their trip was coming closer all the time. They had found Kris, their mission was done. They were in no hurry to leave China but leaving was right there in front of them, it was bound to happen soon. 

Still, Donghyuck gave Mark the time that the older needed. He tried to be less clingy (he didn’t even feel like doing it now that he still felt ashamed) but Mark talked to him about it and he started touching the older again. Holding his hand, sleeping in his arms, being near him. Taking care of him, making sure that their relationship was in balance.

It felt like a new beginning, again. It was as though they kept finding each other again and again all the time anyway. Everything felt new again in a way that he couldn’t explain. But it felt good to have him near. 

They also returned to their travel friend group. Humbly, they apologized for causing a scene but they were forgiven right away.

“Everyone fights, it’s cool”, Lucas shrugged as they met again outside, in a hot pot restaurant where they had been invited to. “Like, we don’t know what happened but, if you’re cool then we’re cool. Glad that you figured everything out”

“Yeah”, Yuqi smiled and started putting dumplings into the pot. “Stuff happens” 

Lucas and Yuqi were going to leave soon. Apparently, staying put in one place for over a week was insufferable for them, they needed to get on the road again. Where? They were planning to head north apparently, but they hadn’t made any steady plans yet if they were even going to. 

Mark and Guanheng met with Lucas a couple more times to brainstorm ideas and Yuqi and Yangyang dragged Donghyuck to the mall again. Donghyuck texted with Kris, trying to come up with new plans, but overall he wasn’t as enthusiastic about spending time with him than he had been about Baekhyun. 

With Baekhyun, he felt like he had gotten back a part of himself that he had always missed. A missing member of his family, and the writings for the first chapters of his life. Kris… just seemed like a mess he was happy he had avoided. It was just a feeling, but still, Donghyuck wasn’t overly enthusiastic about the whole family-business-fragile-reputation-situation.

And he didn’t have to be.

“Where did I put it”, Mark fussed, walking around the room, drying his hair at the same time. He was going to meet up with Lucas and some of his _friends_ one last time before the motorcycle couple left the town. Donghyuck spotted the alpha’s phone halfway under his pillow and walked to him, to slide it in his back pocket.

“If I didn’t know you, I’d think you were going on a first date or something”; Donghyuck chuckled and hooked his thumbs into his belt loops. Mark smiled and shook his head, but didn’t manage to drop his nervousness.

“Lucas knows communication experts here”, he said, for the millionth time, but Donghyuck still listened. “These are, like, actually important people. I can’t screw up, even if it’s just a light-hearted dinner”

“You won’t”, Donghyuck was so thankful for Lucas for getting some of his old workmates together to eat and getting Mark there as well. Mark deserved all chances he could get, even if it was just a light-hearted dinner, as he had said. That was the best way to form networks. “You’re charming, they will love you”

“You are biased, I shouldn’t listen to you”, Mark rolled his eyes.

“Then don’t”, Donghyuck let go of him to sit on the bed again. “Listen to Lucas then, and believe him. He wouldn’t go through such an effort for nothing”

“Thanks, as though I wasn’t an anxious wreck already”, Mark muttered and checked his phone while he walked back into the bathroom to probably get rid of the towel. Donghyuck sighed and gathered Mark’s stuff - his wallet, passport, keys, everything together, and when the alpha walked out of the bathroom, he handed them to him.

“I believe in you”, Donghyuck said and meant it, truly. “Just have fun. If something is meant to happen, it will, you just have to do your best”

“You’re starting to sound like me”, Mark muttered and took his things, putting them in his bag. Donghyuck couldn’t contain a smile.

“Is that a bad thing?”

“Maybe not”, he sighed. “It just reminds me of how annoying I can get”

“People who are annoying are often right”

“I wouldn’t really say so-”

“MARK”, Donghyuck took his face to his hands so that the older finally looked at him properly. “Relax. You’re amazing, and if they can’t see it, then fuck them, there are millions of others out there who would love to hear your stuff and your ideas.”

“Okay”, Mark took a deep breath and Donghyuck let go. “Okay, I’ll… yeah, I’ll be okay”

“You will”, Donghyuck glanced at the clock. “Now, go, charm them, my fierce alpha!”

Mark laughed, genuinely, and right before leaving, he placed a quick peck on Donghyuck's lips. It felt like a second first kiss, and in a way, it was. The first kiss after a new start. After a new beginning for both of them. Donghyuck smiled as he watched him leave, and then returned to what he had been doing.

Mark had dinner with Lucas’s ‘important friends’ of the city, while Donghyuck spent some time with Yuqi, Renjun, and Dejun as well. It was the best entertainment ever, drinking bubble tea and watching Renjun and Dejun dance around each other. Also, Renjun had taught Dejun some simple Korean phrases that the other kept throwing around all the time. It was cute.

Everything was alright. Back to normal? Maybe not, but what even was normal? He and Mark learned to be close again, and that was amazing.

**_Baekhyun (dad #2) 18:28  
_ ** _So, how are things with Mark?  
_ _Is he still too perfect for you?_

 **_Me 18:30  
_ ** _Maybe_

_But I’ll work hard to become the one who deserves it._

At night, once they had showered and were getting ready for bed, Mark kissed him again. Against the pillows, he cupped Donghyuck’s face carefully and kissed him fully on the mouth. It sent a million butterflies on a rampage in Donghyuck’s stomach, he felt so light again, so happy, it was as though they did it the very first time. 

The feelings that he had developed for Mark only kept deepening, it was good for them, to take it slow for a while. Donghyuck wrapped his arms around Mark’s neck and filled his lungs with the alpha’s scent. How could he ever live without him again?

And that was how Donghyuck discovered one of the best feelings in the whole wide world - forgiveness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I knooooow it's so cliche and disgusting but I really wanted some nice things for a change pls forgive me there's plenty to come still so look forward to it aaaaaaaaahhh


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I was supposed to update this yesterday but I had a really bad week and couldn’t get it done in time - also, I had an exam today that went, again, badly but whatEVER at least it’s over now, a new week has come. I’m sorry I didn’t answer all of the comments, this goes for my other stories as well - I’ll get it done after this. 
> 
> It’s ridiculous, how this story keeps getting longer and longer and longer and… the first part was 14 chapters and, like 60,000 words and this one is definitely going to surpass 100,000 and it will have 21/22 chapters. Omg but I just can’t help myself. I love writing this. So, here’s another long chapter for you, enjoy….

**_September 2016_ **

_When Jaemin pulled away from the kiss, Jeno’s whole being was singing, the world was more colorful and everything was wonderful. Most of all, the sweet taste of Jaemin lingered on his lips and Jeno knew that it was everything he had ever wanted and more._

_Jaemin licked his lips and seemed to be deep in thought. Jeno swallowed, insecure - what was he thinking? Did he regret it? It had been Jaemin who had kissed him first, so maybe not, but had Jeno been so disappointing that he took it back? Could someone take a kiss back? Uh, no, right?_

_“What are you thinking?” He had to ask, the uncertainty was driving him crazy._

_“You’re cute”, Jaemin smirked and touched Jeno’s nose. He rubbed it, another wave of blush covering his face. “Just… just your taste?”_

_“Oh”, taste? Right, because Jaemin tasted sweet because he was an omega, just like Donghyuck did (although, Jeno didn’t really want to reminisce about that experience) then he must taste like something as well! Jeno had never really thought about it before, but now he was curious!_

_“It’s interesting”, Jaemin bit his lip. “You don’t taste sweet. You don’t taste spicy. You’re just…”_

_“What am I?_

_“You’re just you, I guess. You’re mild, I don’t know”_

_“Wh-”_

_“GUYS!” It was Renjun’s voice that made them both turn around. Hiding from their gym teacher was easy, but Renjun knew where to find them. Stupid Renjun who cared about gym class when Jaemin had finally kissed Jeno behind the equipment storage. Well, the only reason Jaemin had kissed him in the first place had been because he had complained that he had never kissed a beta before and Jeno had kind of volunteered for his experiment... yeah well, he got to kiss his crush so it had been a win-win._

_"COACH LEE SAID THAT IF YOU DON’T JOIN THE LAST GROUP OF COOPER RUNNERS RIGHT NOW, YOU WILL FAIL THE CLASS”_

_“Shit”, Jaemin took his hand and before Jeno got a single word out, they were running._

_Jeno ran 2900 for his cooper that day. But even the burning of his muscles couldn’t distract him from his swirling thoughts._

_Mild? What did that even mean?_

**_January 2019_ **

_“The recent studies show that beta is the supreme sub-gender”_

_“Oh, really? In what universe?”_

_Jeno knew that Renjun was just bringing this piece news up to cheer him up. But whenever it came to sub-genders, Jeno just couldn’t find any pride or joy in his own. Betas weren’t rare, they were as common as alphas or omegas (the only exception being male omegas) but in his group of friends, he felt like the odd one out. Chenle and Yangyang were betas too but they embraced that part of themselves differently._

_Jeno… just couldn’t find anything good in it._

_Renjun looked at him with a pitying look on his face but wiped it away quickly. Whatever, Jeno had already seen it._

_“Right here, look”, the alpha slammed a science magazine in front of him. Oh, that one, Jeno had seen it being on display in his nearest convenience store. It was a monthly published magazine, this month’s big headline had been the new worldwide sub-gender study revelations._

_Jeno had never been a science nerd like Renjun. But chances were, the alpha could have bought the magazine just to show it to Jeno. That was how unselfish and good a friend he was._

_“Look”, Renjun pointed at the right corner of the brightly colored opening in the middle of the magazine. It was another proof that he hadn’t bought the magazine for himself - when Renjun read science, he preferred to look into the hard data and unchewed research texts, not these 'big pictures, little text' publications targeted at the general public. Jeno eyed the summary._

_“It says”, Renjun read out loud for him. “The researches spread over several hundreds of years in Europe, Asia and Oceania have found correlations between the lessening amount of omega males and the increasing amount of beta males. The research has also found that, contrary to popular belief, the past empires of China with the most betas in the office have been the most successful, and similar patterns can be found from around the world. ‘It might be just the level-headedness and the calculating nature of the betas that have gotten us this far’, says the head researcher Minatozaki from the University of Osaka. ‘The desperation of our species has manifested itself into the heats and ruts of our omegas and alphas, so betas have become the ones to lead us from the shadows. The most successful empires known to man had alpha leads, but their right hands and advisers were, with little variation, betas”_

_“Mmh”, Jeno couldn’t bring himself to care, but he listened for Renjun’s sake. The alpha would notice his disinterest if he acted too obvious, so he expressed his feelings. “I don’t know what that even means”_

_“Listen”, Renjun continued. “Although the emperor was the head of state, he could, from time to time, be blinded by mundane things such as mating season and the concubine omegas. This is where the betas step in. When comparing old writings by scholars and advisors in the emperor’s big regime, we’ve discovered that many decisions namely done by emperors might have been made and put to effect by his beta scholars. The lack of 'mating madness', so to say, in the beta members of the court, might have saved several kingdoms in the past”_

_“Oh, so they’re comparing male betas to eunuchs now”, Jeno rolled his eyes. “Great”_

_“You’re misunderstanding”, Renjun insisted. “The point here is that not having a mating season is the original, natural state for our species. So in a way, if evolution has its way, betas will become the norm. They should be the norm”_

_Jeno knew that the mating season was draining and awful. Jaemin and Donghyuck never shut up about it when they were either going to heat or had just gotten over one which was, honestly, most of the time. Renjun and Jisung kept a lower profile about their ruts but still, whenever the topic came up, they made sure to assure Jeno that he did not want to go through it. Being horny out of his mind, being in pain for days, being in other people’s mercy, and out of control?_

_Of course, he didn’t want to go through that. But he felt like he missed out on something. Something that brought the alphas and omegas closer because it was something they all went through. It was selfish to wish that he could have something like that when there were people suffering, praying that they wouldn’t have to suffer from their cycles. But still, selfishly, he wished that he could suffer with them. Understand them. He felt like an outsider all the damn time because of something he couldn’t change._

_And then there was the thing about scents and tastes and whatever. Jeno’s sense of smell was as good as anyone else’s, but everyone always said that he was bland._

_He hated it. He hated it so much._

_"That's really cool", he faked a smile at Renjun. "I might look deeper into it later. Of course, it would be the betas who save the day for everyone"_

_"Oh, don't grow an ego", Renjun joined him, but Jeno had a feeling that his acting didn't exactly go through him. "The world as it is wouldn't work without all of the different sub-genders. But it's interesting to think about what could be"_

_"Yeah", Jeno hummed and looked at the opening. The old Chinese characters, presented on an ancient mural, looked so sad._

_Kind of like him._

**_April 2019_ **

_“You’re still hot”, he muttered, worried, as he held his hand on Jaemin’s forehead. The omega was still out of breath, but he pushed his hand away gently._

_“It’s because I wasn’t knotted”, Jaemin answered matter of factly, while trying to catch his breath. “It’s okay, this helped me a lot already, thank you”_

_“You’ve spent your heats with Donghyuck before, haven’t you?” Jeno asked, and tilted his head. He didn’t want to think of his friend while taking care of Jaemin’s heat, but he needed to understand. “Have you done something differently then?”_

_Jaemin eyed him, seemingly wondering what he should say._

_“Getting knotted is the only thing that gets rid of the fever”, he said. “Anything else just eases the - ah - symptoms”_

_Jaemin’s small yelp of pain was way too loud in the quietness of his room. Jeno hadn’t done anything but move a bit, and the omega grimaced._

_“Did I hurt you?” he asked immediately. Not when he had moved, but earlier - Jaemin had been quite out of it, whining, and Jeno had done the best he could. They had slept together multiple times before, the heat in January had been… trying it out very carefully, mostly just with hands and such since Jeno had been a virgin and Jaemin hadn’t wanted to take him like that. And now they went all the way and still, something didn’t add up. Something wasn’t working, Jaemin was still hot and in pain._

_“No”, Jaemin shook his head and tried to smile but failed miserably. “And me and Hyuck, we just… we didn’t do anything special”_

_“You’re pondering”, Jeno said. “Just tell me, I won’t take it the wrong way. I just want to know”_

_The short silence between them was heavy, but Jeno was not going to lift the weights before he had the answer._

_“It’s the hormones, and… and slick”, Jaemin said quietly. “Another omega’s slick relaxes you in heat. It’s… we call it ‘nature's forgiveness’. No one knows why that is but, it works. And… with an omega, I can do it raw.”_

_Jeno swallowed. Of course. Even Donghyuck knew how to satisfy his omega better than him, and he was a lower rank._

_No, Jeno, not lower rank. Just different._

_It might have been toxic but Jeno had tried to convince himself that hey, at least he wasn’t the lowest in rank, he was okay! But no, of course, a beta could only be with another beta, he could never take care of an omega properly, he could never take care of Jaemin._

_“Don’t think too much of it, okay?” Jaemin had noticed, of course, he had. He cupped Jeno’s face and pulled him down for a small kiss. “I love you, okay? I wouldn’t want to spend my heat with anything else.”_

_“But I can’t satisfy you”, Jeno felt mad but he didn’t know who it was targeted to. “I can’t even take the pain away”_

_“I can eat meds for that”, Jaemin whispered against his lips. “Jeno, baby, you know that you’re all that I want”_

_All that you want now. Maybe._

_Jeno, no!_

**_May 2019_ **

_“What is this?” Jeno lifted Jaemin’s phone. “You’re texting with Haknyeon again?”_

_“Did you read my texts?” Jaemin sounded outraged and Jeno almost felt guilty, but anger replaced that quickly. So, he had been hiding something? The omega grabbed the phone from his hands and Jeno did nothing to stop him._

_“I wasn’t going to”, he said in his defense. “But notifications just kept popping up. From Haknyeon, Hyunjoon, even Chanhee - why are you still talking to all of them, you broke up ages ago!”_

_“They’re my friends!” Jaemin stared at him in disbelief. “What, are you dictating my friendships now?”_

_“What, am I not allowed to feel jealousy because I’m just a beta?” Jeno retorted. “They’re your exes!”_

_“So what, I told you that we’re just friends”, Jaemin huffed. “Stop bringing the beta up in every freaking argument, this has nothing to do with it!”_

_"Oh, it doesn't?" Jeno tried to keep his voice down but he was angry. Jealous and angry. "I saw some texts from Donghyuck as well"_

_"You had no right to-", Jaemin started, and then shook his head. Probably because he remembered what the texts had been about. "You're misunderstanding"_

_"What am I misunderstanding?" Jeno asked. He had seen it all: them, talking about their heats, their sexual frustration, the times they had spent together, everything was right there for him to see and fucking hate seeing._

_“We were just talking about our past”, Jaemin couldn’t see the problem, not at all. “I get it that you don’t trust the others but how can you not trust Donghyuck? He is in a relationship!”_

_“Oh, yeah, Donghyuck is known for his purity", everyone knew that he had let an alpha finger him in the back of a bus. Jeno had been so ashamed about being his friend back then. But since when had he been jealous of Donghyuck? Oh, right, ever since he had started banging Jaemin even though he knew that Jeno liked him. Bro code where? Oh, right, he was an omega now, not a bro. A freak. The one who spread his legs for anyone with a knot or even just slick. Disgusting._

_Yeah, Jeno, that’s right, just keep thinking of him as a freak, that will make you feel so much better about yourself, for sure._

_You’re forgetting that you’re dating one of those freaks._

_“You’re impossible when you’re like this”, Jaemin snapped and started putting on his shoes._

_“Where are you going? Are you running to Donghyuck again?” Typical omega behavior, so fucking typical._

_“Oh I have other friends too”_

_“Yeah and you fucked all of them, didn’t you”_

_Jeno regretted it the moment the sentence left his mouth._

_Jaemin’s mouth was hanging open like he couldn’t believe the absurdity of the situation. Then, his face hardened for the last time, and without a single word, he grabbed his backpack and left._

_The slamming of the door echoed in Jeno’s head, but he couldn’t bring himself to feel sorry._

…  
  


_Forgiven… but not necessarily forgotten._

_Stop, he promised me that it’s okay now._

_Oh, but it’s not only up to him alone. You know how they say that cheating should never be forgiven._

_But it wasn’t like that! I didn’t… It was a mistake! Why am I never forgiven for the mistakes that I make?_

_Maybe because your mistakes are always the worst._

Donghyuck hated waking up before Mark. Because every time that he did, he couldn’t get up but instead, he laid in bed deep in his thoughts until the other stirred too. And lately, his thoughts hadn’t been kind to him. Of course not. 

Mark had told him to work on it, to forgive himself - if he didn’t, he might forever live thinking that he owed the alpha something, and that couldn’t happen if he wanted to have a healthy relationship with him. Mark took the healing process very seriously, so Donghyuck wanted to do that too. But forgiving himself… was hard. So, so hard. 

He got up. He needed to give himself something else to think, no forgiveness and understanding were happening in his mind today. It wasn’t that early anymore, Mark would probably wake up soon, but even twenty or so minutes lying next to him with nothing but the war in his head as his company felt too long. And he didn’t want to wake him up when they didn’t have to get up early. Mark looked so peaceful, as he drooled on the pillow, deep in his dreamland.

So, Donghyuck washed his face under cold water and stared at himself in the bathroom mirror. Giving himself a pep-talk in his head, before he headed into the day, had always been a part of his routine. His skin was breaking again - great, what else? His cheeks looked a tiny bit chubbier than usual too. Of course, they had eaten a lot in China so it wasn’t a surprise. He tried to smile at his reflection and then, he walked back into their shared room.

Donghyuck and Mark had bought some fruits from a nearby market the night before. They had also bought a couple of knives to make eating easier - they liked to order takeout, but the restaurants rarely sent knives with meat, so they needed their own. And now it came particularly handy since Donghyuck decided to peel and cut some fruits for them to eat for breakfast.

Like a good omega partner. Okay, he wasn’t really a spouse-material kind of omega but he might as well do something nice for a change. He peeled the apples like his mother had taught him to - well, not _exactly_ like she had taught him since they ended up looking more angular than round but whatever, they were edible. Mark was a deep sleeper, Donghyuck could make quite a lot of noise without waking him up.

Donghyuck was working quite well. Chopping apples wasn’t mentally demanding enough to drown all of his uncomfortable thoughts, but it was better than nothing. He felt proud of himself until, of course, he wasn’t paying enough attention and he cut his finger.

“Fuck”, he hissed and bit his lip to not make any more noise. He saw blood forming in the cut right away, as expected, and he stood up to go to the bathroom. Washing blood off a light-colored hotel room sofa was not an easy task, it wasn’t like he was bleeding a lot but even a drop would be too much.

Should he wash it under running water? He opened the tap but immediately regretted it when his finger started to sting. Ah, fuck, what was he supposed to do? It wasn’t like the cut was super dirty, he had just been cutting apples. He wrapped his finger in toilet paper and returned to work and that was it.

“Hey”, Mark woke up less than five minutes later. Donghyuck was almost done with his chopping, so he brought the plate to the bed for him.

“Morning, you sloth”, he smiled and placed the food in front of him. “I made us breakfast. Or, like, I chopped fruits but you know”

“Oh, how nice of you”, Mark rubbed the tiredness off his eyes and took a look at the apples. And like the good alpha that he was, he noticed Donghyuck’s packed finger immediately, “What happened? Did you cut yourself?”

“Kinda”, Donghyuck shrugged. “It’s okay though, it’s just a regular cut”

“You shouldn’t wrap it like that, you’ll get an infection”, Mark muttered and touched the poor excuse of a bandage that Donghyuck had made. He huffed - well, maybe, he wasn’t a master of self-care. In any way.

Mark opened the cloth and immediately, Donghyuck’s stomach twisted. The paper inside was soaked in blood, and the stink of iron hit his nose. And immediately, he felt nauseous again.

Donghyuck didn’t see blood well, generally, but the smell was the thing that sent him off. He grimaced and Mark looked at him.

“You okay?”

“I’m bad with blood”, he said and closed his eyes. “Like, really bad”

“Oh. Uh. Nauseous?”

“A bit”, Donghyuck hated how weak he was, but at least he had a reason for it. “It’s worse now that I’m going in heat”

“You _what?_ ”

Oh, if that didn’t remind him of their first time. Donghyuck chuckled unhappily and decided to only breathe through his mouth for now. 

“You know how I’ve been emotionally and physically weak lately. My heat is early again, probably because of your rut hormones or something, don’t look at me like that it’s not my fault”

“I didn’t say it was”, Mark shook his head. “Your omega is something else”

“It just likes you too much, I can’t help it”, Donghyuck almost squeezed Mark’s cheek but remembered that oh, right, his hand was bloody and disgusting.

“We have to treat that”, Mark said strictly, and let go of his hand to get up. “And then we’ll talk about this more. Go wash that, I’ll ask Renjun for band-aids”

“Why’d you think he-”

Mark shot him one look, and Donghyuck nodded. 

“Right. He probably packed some”

...

So, after Donghyuck had been patched up, they ate their light breakfast. 

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” Mark asked. He wasn’t accusing, but Donghyuck felt accused.

“I _did_ tell you about the symptoms”, Donghyuck muttered and turned the piece of apple in his hands. He didn’t feel like eating at all, nausea weighing heavy in his stomach. It was so annoying, he could scream. “I don’t read my body well. I know that it’s stupid”

“It’s not stupid, it’s… inconvenient”, Mark sighed. “So, how long do we have? Days?”

“Something like that I guess”, Donghyuck hated the uncertainty as well. “The symptoms are mild so we might have more than that. Or, this might just be a strong… middle period in the cycle, you know, it’s sometimes called the _phantom heat_ because the symptoms match preheat but the heat doesn’t come”

“Ah, right, there’s that”, Mark nodded. “Do you get phantom heats often?”

“No, I’ve never had one”, Donghyuck put the apple back - he was not going to eat it. “But considering our situation, how I’m suddenly around you all the time and you just had your rut - it’s possible”

Omegas were often sensitive to changes. Very, very sensitive. He and Mark weren’t official mates, they hadn’t formed a bond, but he knew that his omega was especially sensitive to Mark’s alpha. 

Donghyuck had never been good at psychology, but he knew the general view of sub-genders and the idea of self. People often thought that the human being was composed of two selves that, in an ideal situation, worked in harmony - the human consciousness and the animalistic yet deeper, feeling spirit of the sub gender. The sub gender was awakened later because it was never a child - it might be young, but it was mature, the desires and wants, the instincts needed for bearing and caring for children and reading emotions through scents and “auras” all were things that the sub-gender took care of.

Some called it rubbish and just said that humans had wisdom and humans had sexual urges and that was that. A human had many sides: it ate, it had sex, it solved mathematical problems and raised children, and so on. The separation between what the flesh and the mind wanted wasn’t needed.

Those two major schools of thought battled all the time, there wasn’t a child who hadn’t had to have a debate in school about it. Or, who hadn’t written essays about it. Donghyuck had mostly copied his from Jeno and Renjun but he had thought about it too.

Donghyuck wasn’t entirely sure of what he believed in. As an omega who spent a couple of weeks each year at the mercy of (as the slave of) his own body’s desires, he was torn. But every now and then he felt like he had to take a step back and listen to his omega, what it wanted, what it was trying to tell him. 

Right now, his omega was telling him to spread his legs, as well as to eat some cake but at the same time, he couldn’t imagine stomaching any of that. His body was in a state of confusion, or then it was just speaking in the language that Donghyuck had never mastered. So, he shut his ears and waited for clearer instructions.

“Could you, like, ask Baekhyun about this?” Mark asked as he munched on a piece of pear. “Stuff like this hereditary, isn’t it?”

“Do you ask your father about ruts?” Donghyuck asked and took a sip of water to calm his stomach. He could ask Baekhyun, he knew that the omega wouldn’t mind, but… but he just didn’t want to keep asking everyone else. Why was it so difficult for him to know his own body? No one else seemed to be having it as difficult as him - Renjun and Jaemin could tell weeks before when their mating time was going to come, and the betas were in perfect harmony already! Why was he such a mess?

“No, my parents are betas”, Mark shrugged. 

“Oh”, Donghyuck nodded. Mark had told him before, he remembered now. “Well, I could. But I don’t think it’d help this particular situation”

“Maybe not, you’re right”, Mark wiped his hands to his pants, as he was done with eating. Donghyuck was too, he would be alright for a few hours. “So, we’re just going to have to wait and see?”

“Wait and see”, the words tasted like bile in his mouth. “Yeah”

“Hey, it’ll be okay”, Mark assured him and placed a kiss on his forehead. “I’m sorry that my alpha drives your omega so crazy”

“Oh, you should be”, Donghyuck muttered. “Damn you young alphas, causing havoc everywhere you go”

They cleaned up their food and moved on to clean the rest of the room as well. It was about time, they had been there for so long and their clothes and other belongings were everywhere. They would have to do some laundry soon - Donghyuck wasn’t fond of washing laundry by hand but, they didn't have a choice in Guangzhou.

Also, while they went through their stuff, they found something interesting.

“Isn’t this the letter that Baekhyun wrote to you?” Mark asked as he lifted an envelope from behind the bed. It must have fallen there at some point. “Weren’t you supposed to open it after you had met Kris?”

“Oh, right”, good, a distraction. “I completely forgot about it”

“What do you think is in it?” Mark asked and gave him the letter. Donghyuck turned it in front of his eyes but it was just a white envelope, nothing interesting there. Or, that was exactly what made it so interesting.

“I have no idea”, he said. “Let’s check”

...

Many, many hours later Donghyuck still kept twiddling with the letter in his hands. The previously straight paper had now been folded from several places and the paper had suffered but it still didn’t change the weight of the words written on it. Or the seriousness of them. 

Now, Donghyuck was the kind of person who always wanted to know the truth, no matter how much it might hurt him. But this time, he wasn’t sure whether he was better off knowing it or not.

_To Haechannie,_

_I didn’t want you to know this before you met him. I wanted you to meet your alpha father with an open heart, I couldn’t possibly take that from you. However, things are happening in the Wu family that I think you should know about, that I know you wouldn’t hear from anywhere else..._

Well, it wasn’t 100% the raw truth, but combining the speculations of Baekhyun’s childhood friend Sehun (who had kept in touch with the Chinese exchange students behind everyone’s backs. That was a weird revelation on its own but the things he had found out had been even weirder) with what Donghyuck had seen himself, he couldn’t help but believe that what he had read was the truth. There was some serious shit going down in the Wu family.

It was ridiculous, how highly he had thought of them without knowing anything about them.

“Yeah, but you know that they’re just rumors, right?” Renjun’s voice echoed on the tiles as he gossiped with Donghyuck across his hotel room.

“Yeah, but you didn’t meet the family”, Donghyuck looked at the words that wouldn’t change no matter how much he stared at them. “I felt right away that something was wrong with that place”

“Oh, really? How come you only talk about this _mystical feeling_ now?”

“HOw CoMe YoU oNLy TaLk AbOuT It NoW”, Donghyuck imitated his voice in a not very flattering way. “Gosh, you’re annoying”

Renjun showed him his tongue and walked back into the bathroom. Donghyuck groaned and fell on the alpha’s bed. Mark had gone for a little jog around the neighborhood - yeah, he exercised regularly, and the break for the few weeks that they had been in China had been quite long for him. 

Donghyuck had NOT joined him. He hated jogging above everything else. 

Maybe he could consider doing it in the future since it was important to Mark. But he needed a lot of time to mentally AND physically prepare. He would be a sweating pig in no time and he didn’t want Mark to see him like that.

Not in that setting.

So, he had come to annoy Renjun because he couldn’t live a second without attention. He would drop his feathers like a parrot.

“What am I gonna do nowww”, he whined. “How am I going to look him in the eye, knowing that his omega partner freaking got himself pregnant just to get him to marry him?”

“Mmh, there is a saying in Chinese”, Renjun was putting on a face mask, Donghyuck could hear him patting his face. “j _iājiā yǒu běn nánniàn de jīnɡ._ That roughly translates to _Every family has its secrets._ This is a Chinese business family we’re talking about - _of course,_ there are skeletons hidden there, multiple of them. And counting”

“Well I never expected something like that”, Donghyuck answered and hugged Renjun’s pillow. He didn’t mind Renjun’s smell but the alpha would probably be annoyed smelling him when he went to sleep. Ha. “jiajia you ben… I’m not sure about that”

“Watch your tones when you speak Chinese”, Renjun scolded him lightly like he would a child, and moved from his face to his hair. Donghyuck had never seen him take so much care of his appearance. Oh well, he had a crush now. “And besides, there is no pure family in existence. Has your mother never spilled the beans about your father’s old side hoes after a few glasses of red wine?”

“Um, no?” Donghyuck looked up and then hugged the pillow closer again. “Agh, what the hell is this, even. I left to find some sort of stability, balance, and order in my life but noooooo”

“Mmh, the truth hurts. Ignorance is bliss”, Renjun answered. “But isn’t it better like this? Now, you know what you could have been a part of, and you can leave the doubts behind and live a lighter life. I know how much all these mysteries have bothered you. Now, you’re free”

Well, it kind of felt like he had only found more questions rather than answers. But the newest questions weren’t that important for him personally. Whatever happened in the Wu family wasn’t his business.

“I guess”, Donghyuck tucked the pillow under his chin and pouted. “It might be childish but… I kinda hoped that this would help me find who I am, you know? Like finding my omega and alpha fathers would somehow tell me who I should be or where I should go. But… I don’t know, I’m not any wiser”

He was still as lost as he had been. And he couldn't excuse it with anything anymore.

He wasn’t like Mark who was dead set on wanting to make music, had been since his early teens. Or like Jaemin who had always wanted to study psychology. Or Renjun who had always known that he wanted to get to Yonsei - his jacket in the hanger, the possession he was the proudest of, was a clear indicator of his determination. Donghyuck… he didn’t really know.

He had gotten mediocre grades and gone to a mediocre university, he was going to get a mediocre job and probably live a mediocre life. And he was fine with that if he found a way to still be happy living it. But… was that all that life was going to give him? Or, well, could that be enough?

Baekhyun had never reached skies and he was alright. That calmed Donghyuck’s mind - maybe he wouldn’t have to be overly determined and achieve big things either. However, Baekhyun hadn’t always been happy and alright, far from it. Kris had been successful with his career but was he happy? Eh, Donghyuck couldn’t say for sure but he doubted it. 

What exactly was he supposed to do?

“I never imagined that I would have to say this to _you,_ but”, Renjun walked to the door. “Stop overthinking. No one knows who they are or what they are going to do at 20”

“Uh”, had that been an insult? Anyway. “At least you know what you want!”

“No, I don’t”, Renjun shook his head and walked in, to sit on the bed as well. He was wearing one of those black face masks, he looked so funny. “I mean it, I really know I don’t”

“You always wanted to get to Yonsei. And boom, in you are”, Donghyuck felt discouraged, he didn't even feel like bullying Renjun now.

“It’s way more complicated than that”, Renjun sighed. “Career is just one thing. Life is much more than that. Like, I don’t know if I want a family or not or whether I should stay in Korea or move back to China at some point. And not everything is up to me to decide either, it’s all about adapting to the things thrown your way”

Donghyuck hadn’t known that he had been thinking like that. These heart-to-hearts with Renjun were quite new to him - or rather, he hadn’t had them in such a long while that they felt new. Well, when they had been in primary school, during their sleepovers they had mainly talked about aliens or something. But life?

Maybe it was their opposite natures, they were always at each other’s throats so moments like these hadn’t happened naturally between them. Oh well, even if their trip to China hadn’t been perfect, Donghyuck was happy that he could bring something valuable home with him - a big stack of cash from his dad!

Oh, and a deeper connection to Huang Renjun.

“What?” Renjun chuckled when Donghyuck didn’t answer, and just stared at him. 

“When did you grow up?” Donghyuck muttered, not thinking before saying it. Renjun looked at him with an unbelieving smile playing on his lips and then grabbed his neck.

“Aish, no cheesiness here”

“Sorry, sorry”, Donghyuck giggled uncharacteristically as Renjun pulled his hair.

It was a loving pull, though. Renjun could be vicious if he wanted to, but that didn’t even really hurt. 

They laid on his bed and talked, which was nice (except that Donghyuck had to keep his eyes elsewhere not to get distracted by the hideous face mask) Donghyuck stole a glance at the clock - it was nine-thirty, and Mark had promised to be back around this time. He would come to pick him up, _as though he was picking up his child from daycare,_ Renjun had said. Well… kinda? They would hopefully do something fun once Mark had showered. Maybe they could shower together?

Once Renjun’s time was up, he went back to the bathroom to remove the mask. Donghyuck laid in his bed and waited, deep in thought, until a loud ringing of Renjun’s phone woke him up from his slumber.

“Could you answer that for me?” Renjun yelled.

Donghyuck glanced at the phone on the bedside table. And of course, it read Na Jaemin on the screen, _of course._

Donghyuck hadn’t been in contact with Jaemin at all. His initial anger towards him had worn off but he didn’t know how to contact him now, what to think or what to say, so he had just… not. Mature, yeah, but he had thought that he could just talk to him once they got back or something.

“It’s Jaemin”

He was mad at the omega for ruining his relationship with Jeno. Okay, he had kind of ruined it himself too but right now, since he couldn’t do anything about it, he resulted in blaming Jaemin. It was easier that way.

There was such a mess waiting for him in Korea.

“What are you waiting for?" Renjun yelled at him from the bathroom. "Don’t be a baby, _answer it_ , I’ll be there in a minute”

Donghyuck sighed and took the phone.

“What?” not in the most polite way but at least he had answered it. It was a step in the right direction.

_“D- Donghyuck?”_

Oh no. Jaemin’s voice sounded broken. He sounded like he couldn’t breathe and like he had been crying again. And all anger that Donghyuck had had towards him evaporated just like that and was replaced by worry.

“What is it?” He asked. Renjun must have heard the drastic change in his voice because he entered the room with the towel in his hand, and got closer to hear as well. “What’s going on?”

 _“J- Jungwoo hyung is in t- the h- hospital”,_ Jaemin gasped in between his crying. _“I- I don’t k- know what ha- happened but h- he was in s- s- so much pain… And I d- don’t know- he’s- he’s- he’s going to die, Donghyuck, h- he’s going to die!”_

“Breathe”, Donghyuck said. “Breathe, calm down. It’s going to be okay”

 _“NO IT’S FUCKING NOT”,_ he kept crying and Donghyuck’s heart broke. _“I- I’ve never seen him li- like that”_

“Where are you?” Renjun jumped in. “Are you in the hospital?”

_“N- no, the ambulance could only t- take one so I- I- I-”_

“Where are you?” Renjun asked again. “Jaemin, answer me”

_“I- I was on m- my way to the hospital b- but I”_

“Are you alone?”, Renjun was aggressive, maybe a bit too much so. But they needed answers. 

_“Yeah”,_ Jaemin said. _“I- I was going to drive b- but I didn’t even make it to the road. I- I crashed the car”_

“Are you injured?” Donghyuck asked. 

_“N- not much. But I- I have to go and I don’t know what to do”_

“I’ll call my mom”, Renjun said quietly and Donghyuck handed him his own phone - Renjun remembered some phone numbers by heart, he was weird that way. Jaemin’s parents were out of the country for July, since Jungwoo’s due date was supposed to be in late August, possibly earlier since he was carrying twins, and they wanted one short holiday before everything would change. Who could blame them? Dongyoung had been taking care of his spouse so it had been fine…

Until it hadn’t. Donghyuck’s heart fell but he couldn’t panic for Jungwoo now. Jaemin wasn’t thinking straight, someone had to go and make sure that he was alright.

But all of his close friends were out of town. As were his parents. Everyone who could help, apparently. Renjun was already speaking to his mom on the phone - that was good, Renjun’s mom was awesome, he would get there in no time. 

But Donghyuck didn’t know what to focus on. Jaemin had crashed the car. But Jungwoo-

Oh no. Not Jungwoo. Not now, not like this. He had been unstable the whole pregnancy, as male omegas often were especially with twin pregnancies, but he couldn’t… he wouldn’t…

_He’s going to die, Donghyuck, he’s going to die-_

“Jungwoo hyung is not going to die, okay?!”,! Donghyuck said and cursed at himself. He didn’t have that ordering tone that the alphas had, nor did he have the skills to calm anyone down. Fuck, where were his smart friends when he - Jaemin - needed them? Where was Jeno??? Jeno was in Korea right now, wasn’t he?? 

_“You didn’t see him”,_ Jaemin gasped for air - was he having a panic attack? Jaemin had the tendency for them so, no wonder. “ _He- he- oh god”_

“You need to take care of yourself now. Jungwoo is getting treatment and he’ll be fine, I’m sure”, it would help him a lot to know what had happened but he needed to take care of Jaemin first. “Where are you hurt? Are you bleeding?”

_“No, or, not much. I hit my head”_

Fuck. Donghyuck looked up at Renjun who was still on the phone. 

“Rennie’s mom is coming so, stay put, okay? Do you know your location?”

_“Yeah, I’m near Dongyoung and hyung’s apartment, in the b- basement parking lot”_

“Basement parking lot”, Donghyuck said out loud for Renjun to hear. The alpha nodded and delivered the message. He spoke Chinese with his mom so Donghyuck couldn’t say for sure what was going on, but hopefully, she was already on her way.

 _“I’m so scared”,_ Jaemin said a bit more quietly. _“Why has everything gone to hell?”_

“I don’t know”; Donghyuck was the worst person to comfort anyone. “But it’ll be okay. You’re not alone, Jungwoo is not alone, it’ll be alright”

Both still connected to their respected calls, Renjun and Donghyuck shared a look that didn’t need words to be understood.

_They would have to go home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a great day everyone! BBBBBBBBYEEEEE


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah, am I dreaming? Hendery/Jisung vlive and the new tracks, I looooooove love love Deja Vu, I've been playing it on loop and still I can't get enough of it. Also, the year party behind the scenes video was uploaded just when I was editing this chapter and damnnnnn it was lovely, we got to see so many interactions ahhhh
> 
> Warning!!!!!!! In the flashback scene, there's non-consensual ish intimacy. It's not graphic but it's there, if you feel like you can't handle reading any at all then skip the rest of the flashback from *** onwards!
> 
> Also, please forgive me, I did research but I'm not a doctor so some medical stuff might be inaccurate. Remember, this isn't the human world so the rules are different~
> 
> Now, onto the chapter!

**_June 2015_ **

_"Hey, omega!"_

_Someone whistled after him and Baekhyun just rolled his eyes and sped up. When had he not been cat-called after finishing a gig? He knew pretty well that he caught attention with his bright white hair and people could see that he was Asian from a mile away, because of the way he did his eyes. He should have washed away the makeup at least - well, it was just whatever now, Brandon’s place wasn’t far anymore_

_“Wait! What’s the hurry?”_

_It was starting to get old, though. Baekhyun himself was starting to get old - well, he had only just turned 33 in the west, but in Korea, he would be 34. He couldn't deal with pulling all-nighters and partying like he had when he had been in his early twenties. The bartenders had poured them multiple mint shots after tonight's gig and although Baekhyun wasn't a rookie with backstage drinking, he could feel the effects despite having drunk just a few._

_Maybe it was because he hadn't eaten anything. Brandon had told him to lose some weight and fasting was the best way to do it. He was indeed getting a bit fat - he had crossed 70 kilograms only once before in his life, and that had been-_

_NO, DON'T THINK ABOUT IT_

_He swallowed and turned another corner. He was almost at home. All steps that had first started to follow him had faded as he had lost them into the night._

_Baekhyun might be an omega, but he was a male omega. He had physical power, his stamina was generally good and he wasn't that short. The men were probably looking for quick and easy partners (victims) and Baekhyun didn't fall into that category. He had to be chased._

_Some people liked that too. But not these alphas tonight, thank goodness._

_Baekhyun reached Brandon’s apartment complex and got into the staircase. He leaned against the door once it was closed, and took a deep breath - no one had followed him, thank god. The world was a bit distorted in his eyes but not too much, he climbed the stairs with barely any noise at all._

_He got into the apartment quietly as well. Brandon was supposed to be sleeping, his long days in the recording studio really wore him out. It was the same one that Chanyeol was working at, or had been since Chanyeol had switched labels some time back._

_Baekhyun missed Chanyeol. He missed many things from his past. But he tried to not think about them - getting too attached to the past would glue him in place and keep him from moving forward with his life. Baekhyun took off his shoes and tiptoed to the kitchen to fetch himself a glass of water before going to bed._

_"Where were you?"_

_Baekhyun turned around so quickly that he hit his head to the cabinet and spilled his water._

_"Oh god, you scared me", he put a hand on his chest where his heart had just skipped a beat. Brandon was standing at the door in his underwear, how had Baekhyun not heard him? Maybe he was drunker than he thought, it had been a while since he had drunk mint shots last._

_"Where. Were. You?"_

_"At work, geez Brandon", Baekhyun rubbed his head and tried to walk past him. He didn’t feel like fighting with him now, he was tired and dizzy and he had an early shift at the diner tomorrow. Brandon let him go past him but he followed him, to the bathroom._

_During times like these, he could be a bit scary. Caucasian alphas always raised that feeling in Baekhyun’s chest, he didn't know why that was._

_Jongdae had told him many times to just break up with him. But Baekhyun disagreed - maybe Brandon was a bit… stereotypical, traditional in a sense that he thought that omegas belonged below him and such but he was a good partner otherwise. Brandon also lived near the city center and made good money. So, even if he had wanted to, Baekhyun couldn't leave as long as he was out of money. And as long as Baekhyun was submissive around him, everything was alright. A good relationship always demanded compromises._

_“You smell like an alpha”, Brandon said and Baekhyun stopped on his heels. Shit._

_“Jong- I mean, Chen brought his fiancee”, he turned to him and tried his best to smile. Brandon was already in a bad mood, he had to try his best to soothe him. He didn’t want to fight, not now, it was late._

_“I don’t smell a bond”, Brandon almost growled and Baekhyun’s heart started beating fast. He kept smiling and turned to the sink to wash his hands, acting as nonchalant as possible._

_“Oh, they just got engaged, so there isn-”_

_A hit. It was so unexpected that it threw Baekhyun from his feet and his body slammed against the wall._

_"Don't EVER lie to me again!" Brandon screamed and Baekhyun tried to pick himself off the floor. "_ _How dare you be around other alphas when I’m not there? I’m your alpha, how dare you disrespect me like this!”_

_Where had he been hurt? His head? Baekhyun tasted blood in his mouth - he had, only once in his life before, been hit like this. The overwhelming memories still couldn’t drag him away from the reality that was about to become even worse._ **_***_ **

_Brandon grabbed his arm and pulled him up, but before Baekhyun could manage to stabilize his footing, they were already moving._

_“What are you doing?” He asked. “I- I’m sorry, baby, I never intended to disrespect you!”_

_“Of course not”, Brandon sounded like he was rolling his eyes. He dragged Baekhyun to the bedroom and threw him on the bed. “But your apologies are not going to get rid of the smell”_

_Oh. Oh, right. Brandon had done it before, pulled him aside, and scented him. This time, however, as he attacked Baekhyun’s neck with teeth and spit, he realized that just scenting wasn’t what Brandon had in his mind._

_“Baby”, Baekhyun tried to talk while being pushed against the sheets. “I- Can’t we do this in the morning? I’m-”_

_“I’m the one who decides about that, not you”, Brandon almost growled and the look on his face, once he pulled away so that Baekhyun could see it, was scary. He was just like one of those alphas his mother used to warn him about when he had still been a kid._

_When he had still been a good kid. When his mother had still read bedtime stories for him, about fairytales and wonderful, magical lands behind seas, glimmering blue oceans. Dragons and princes and princesses who found love. When Baekhyun had fallen asleep next to his brother and life had been fair and full of hope._

_Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. The clock on the wall counted the time as Baekhyun felt like he was being ripped in half. No one could hear his cries, but that wasn’t new - wait, no, people always heard them, but they did nothing to soothe him. No one was going to help him. The people who could, Baekhyun had pushed too far away, and no one else cared._

_It had been years since his mother had dried his tears. And still, Baekhyun flew back into those days and wondered why he had had to be so difficult. Why had he always done things differently, it was like he had been asking for it this whole time. Asking to be ruined, destroyed. Hurt._

_He was an omega, once a parent, but a part of his heart had been ripped away from him. He was an adult without self-worth, without any direction or love in his life, and whose fault was that?_

_Silent tears fell down his cheeks._

_His. His alone._

_…_

“But how am I going to tell him that we need to get back RIGHT NOW because the omega I cheated with is having a breakdown?”

“You need to change your mindset right fucking now”, Renjun snapped at him and threw his phone on the bed. “Jaemin is our friend, who was in a car accident because his brother, a very pregnant and sick omega brother, hurt himself and had to be taken to hospital. Tell him that”

Donghyuck still didn’t know how to. Renjun took out his laptop and turned it on, to look for tickets. Just ten minutes ago everything had been okay, and now, they were going to pack their bags and go back home to see… what? Donghyuck was honestly scared and he didn’t know what to do.

“You worked this shit out, didn’t you?” Renjun groaned as he typed furiously on the laptop. “Now, be a responsible adult and get him here so I’ll tell him if you can’t do it yourself”

Someone knocked on the door. Of course, Mark was going to be back soon. But this felt like it was a bit too soon.

They might have to part ways now, because of this. How was he going to explain that to him?

“Open it”, Renjun said. “DO IT, get yourself together”

And Donghyuck was moving. Renjun rarely used his alpha voice - some thought it was a myth anyway but alpha nature made it possible for them to command people easier - but now that he did, Donghyuck couldn’t say no. So, he followed the order and opened the door to a sweaty, out of breath alpha.

“Hey”, Mark smiled but that smile dropped quickly. “What’s with that face?”

“I- We- Jaemin called. He… he crashed the car, his brother is in the hospital, we need to go back home”

There, he had said it. 

Mark blinked.

“Is it serious?”

“We don’t know exactly but Jaemin was scared his brother might die”, the words fell from his mouth easily, maybe Renjun really had a bigger influence on him than Donghyuck had expected him to have. Crazy, then why did he never use that power when they argued? Ah, Donghyuck would have to think of that later, they had more pressing matters at hand.

“Alright”, Mark nodded, determination in his eyes. “So, we need to get plane tickets”

“I’m on it”, Renjun yelled from the room. Mark placed a kiss on Donghyuck’s cheek and walked past him into the room as well.

“Good, what did you find?” he asked Renjun and Donghyuck rubbed his cheek while trying to wrap his head around Mark's reaction.

“Nothing solid yet. I’m looking for straight flights right now”

“Alright, which airport?" Mark sat next to him. "It might be quicker to travel a bit with a train if we don’t get a flight from here right away”

“Ah, good thinking. Type in Hong Kong, I’ll check Guangzhou”

Donghyuck finally snapped out of it.

“You’re coming too?” he asked. Renjun didn’t look up from his laptop but Mark did.

“If I’m still welcome?”

“Of course, you are”, Donghyuck nodded. Renjun pointed at something on the screen and Mark leaned closer to look. Donghyuck smiled a little. The two important alphas in his life, working together - how nice.

…

  
  


Yeah, Donghyuck dreaded the two so much. As they stayed in Renjun’s room to look for affordable plane tickets, Donghyuck had been sent out to work as a messenger to the rest of their group. As he made his way to the end of the hallway, where Yangyang’s and Guanheng’s room was, the reality started becoming clearer and clearer to him and he felt anxious. But he tried to keep those thoughts at bay. Not yet, worrying now wouldn’t change anything. 

When he reached room 4400 he took a deep breath and knocked.

“Guanheng? Yangyang?”, he prayed to whatever Gods there could be, that he wouldn’t get in the middle of anything. “We need to talk, something… something happened”

Not even five seconds later the door opened - that was a good sign - and Yangyang peeked out. He was fully clothed, although his hair was a little wet.

“Hey, Donghyuck!” His everlasting smile withered quickly. It had been the same with Mark - oh god, Donghyuck hated being the one to take it away. “Is something wrong?”

“Kind of”, Donghyuck answered. “Can I come in? I need to talk to you”

“Sure”, Yangyang stepped aside to let him in. “Guanheng is showering right now, we can… yeah, let’s talk, over here”

Their room was a mirrored version of Donghyuck and Mark’s. Yangyang moved a couple of empty pizza boxes from the sofa and swiped away some crumbs before sitting down.

“What’s up?”

“Jaemin called”, Donghyuck went straight to the subject. “Jungwoo is in the hospital. I don’t know exactly what happened but Jaemin is hysterical and we thought it’s best if we went back home”

Yangyang took the news well. He kept nodding as Donghyuck talked, saving his comments and questions to the end.

“Renjun and Mark are looking for plane tickets right now. I just wanted to know, what do you want to do? I know that it’s different for you since Guanheng will stay here anyway, but, if you want to come with us, you’re welcome to”

“Is Jaemin hurt?”

“Not fatally, he crashed the car but physically he is okay. We just thought that he, the whole Na family, needs support now and since our task in China is done, we could head back now”

Yangyang nodded once more. Donghyuck gave him his time to think, but he kept stealing glances at his phone. No texts, from anyone, but anything could happen at any time. 

“I don’t think you’ll really need me”, Yangyang finally said. “I mean, don’t misunderstand, if you would then I’d come right away but… you two are so much closer to Jaemin than I am, I’m sure it will be fine without me. So, I guess I’m staying”

“Okay”, Donghyuck nodded. That was perfectly reasonable, Jaemin could manage with two friends supporting him and really, Yangyang was right - he and Jaemin had never been the closest. However, Donghyuck would have felt bad if he hadn’t asked. “For how long? Will I see you in August or are you staying until September?”

“Yeah, uh, about that”, Yangyang rubbed the back of his neck. “I might not come back, like… at all”

Wait. 

Had he heard right?

“What?”

“Yeah, well”, Yangyang avoided Donghyuck’s eyes. “I applied for Hong Kong business university and… and I got in. I’m starting my studies September first so, I’m staying here”

Yangyang looked a bit embarrassed, _AS HE SHOULD BE_ , for keeping something like that a secret.

Donghyuck needed a minute to understand what he had heard - so, Yangyang was going to go to college in Hong Kong? So he was never coming back? And he was telling Donghyuck now when he was (hopefully) flying away in less than 24 hours??

“What the hell, Yangyang?” Was all he could get out at first. “You… how could you keep that a secret from us? 

Yangyang just shrugged.

“I was _going_ to tell you”, he didn’t even sound defensive. “I told Jeno before we left, and I wanted to let you all know here, but then I never… the right time never came. I’m sorry for being so rude towards you lately, I was just kinda mad that you ruined our final trip with your drama. I know that it sucks since how could you have known but I just… I… yeah I don’t know, I was stressed”

“It’s okay, I forgive you”, Donghyuck shook his head, trying to clear it. “But… but why?”

“What why?”

“Why would you come here to study?” Donghyuck asked. “You already had a place in Korea!”

“Yeah, well”, Yangyang exhaled, and it seemed as though he was almost… almost nervous? When had Liu Yangyang ever been nervous with anyone? “I… This is something that I’ve been thinking for a while, about coming back to China”

Yangyang took a quick look at Donghyuck’s reaction - which wasn’t much yet - and continued with quick words. Yangyang’s accent always pushed through when he spoke fast, so Donghyuck got an even harder piece of evidence that the younger was indeed unsure.

“Like, don’t take this the wrong way, but I’ve been feeling out of place for a while. You, your group, have always been so close and in a way I… you’ve never left me out but I felt like something was missing. But then came Guanheng and through him, I finally found a bunch of people with whom I feel like I belong. I found a place that feels like home. I love Guanheng, and it was either we found a way to be together or we broke up because it wouldn’t work out otherwise. So, this is what I’m going to do”

Donghyuck didn’t know what to say. So, he just did what he did best. 

No, he didn’t bully him.

He pulled Yangyang into a hug.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” He asked. 

Yangyang just shrugged but wrapped his arms around Donghyuck as well. 

“I don’t know, I didn’t want to be a bother I guess”

“I was so sure that we would still have a few years with you before we’d lose you to the world”, Donghyuck exclaimed. Yangyang had come to their group as a true cosmopolitan, having lived in several countries in Europe and Asia and knowing how to speak five languages and eager to see and learn more. Yangyang had always been the one who was going to travel across the world as soon as he could.

So, now he was leaving. It had been expected. But still, it seemed to have come too quickly.

“Well, I can come to visit?”

Donghyuck could have been wrong, but he felt like Yangyang’s voice was a bit weaker, a bit shaky.

“You’d better” 

…

Against all odds, they got a flight. A flight that left at five o’clock in the morning, which meant that they had to leave the hotel at two to make it so no one slept that night.

The reality of the situation fell on them and Donghyuck felt the anxiety all around his body. It was bearable when they fussed with buying the flights and packing their bags and checking out but when they didn’t… He fell. He couldn’t eat anything, he couldn’t sleep despite being tired, he kept texting Jaemin, who only sent him vague answers.

**_Nana 22:05  
_ ** _Hyung is in pain  
_ _I don’t know what’s going on_

 **_Nana 23:33  
_ ** _They moved hyung to another room  
_ _The babies are in danger_

 **_Nana 00:01  
_ ** _They won’t let me in  
_ _Hyung might go into labor  
but it's too early, he won't make it  
Oh God_

 **_Nana 00:28  
_ ** _No one tells me anything  
I'm so scared_

Renjun was the one to call Jaemin and talk to him, but he didn’t get much more out. The alpha just tried to soothe him. But it was hard, they were all anxious. Mark petted Donghyuck’s neck as they sat on the sofa in Renjun’s room and waited.

Guanheng drove them to the airport. They had to stop twice so that Donghyuck could throw up, and ruin some pretty plantings around the city. It did not make him feel any better, but anxiousness just punished him with all sorts of physical things. He also got a headache, which was nice.

They said goodbye to Yangyang and Guanheng at the parking lot - Donghyuck was too anxious to cry but Renjun wasn’t, losing one of his few Chinese friends hurt and he cursed at the younger because they couldn’t even say goodbye properly. The chilly night did nothing to clear their minds, Renjun bawled his eyes out and Donghyuck tasted bile in his mouth.

 _What a way to leave,_ he thought as they checked in their bags. He sent Kris a quick text but didn’t expect an answer, it was the middle of the goddamn night, so late that not even the business people would work anymore.

The flight took four hours. Renjun slept a little and so did Mark, Donghyuck petted the alpha’s hair and tried to even out his breathing so that he wouldn’t have to run to the bathroom again. He tried to rationalize with himself - worrying and ruining his health wouldn’t suddenly heal Jungwoo. Everything was moving painfully slowly, he felt like screaming.

At ten o’clock in the morning, Donghyuck threw himself on the hospital info desk like a Wipeout contestant would on a buzzer at the end of a trick track. Renjun and Mark weren’t far behind him, but he was the one who had run in before them to ask for Jungwoo. He had left his luggage behind for them to deal with, like a brat.

“And who are you?” The nurse behind the desk asked, in a perfectly polite manner, just doing her job but Donghyuck had to bite his lip not to snap at her. 

“Lee Donghyuck. A friend”

“Hmm”, she took an awfully long time to type in his initials, and Donghyuck contained a groan. Mark put a hand on his shoulder to calm him down once he arrived, but it didn’t work very well. They had lost a lot of time, Donghyuck didn’t know what they would face once they got there so he wanted to move as fast as possible. Jaemin had stopped answering a bit before they had boarded, and there had been no messages waiting once they had landed either. That couldn’t be good.

“Oh, here”, the secretary said after what felt like two hours of waiting. “They told us you would come. So, it’s the third floor, turn right after the elevators, the room number is 219-”

Donghyuck was on his way before she managed to finish her sentence. That was all info that he needed, so he went and Mark and Renjun followed.

Jungwoo’s room was at the end of the last possible hallway. A few nurses and doctors walking on the hallways shot him sharp glares as he half-walked-half-ran on them, but he didn’t care. Jungwoo was like his own brother, Donghyuck’s heart was crushing with anxiety and he needed to get to him, as soon as possible.

And once he did, he didn’t know what to do.

Jungwoo was in a room with windows to the hallway, the kinds that had blinds in them just in case he wanted privacy. Those blinds had been left open, probably for a reason, so once Donghyuck got close, he saw inside right away.

Jungwoo was lying on a hospital bed, his eyes closed, connected to a heart monitor as well as IV, or that was what Donghyuck could see at least. He looked pale, paler than Donghyuck had ever seen him. He wasn’t alone though - Jaemin was there with him, on a chair next to the bed, but lying on his arms against the sheets. Donghyuck could only see his messy hair, but since he wasn’t moving, he concluded that he must be sleeping.

Jungwoo’s hand was still in his hair, and it looked like he had been petting him before falling asleep. How typical of Jungwoo - he had been comforting Jaemin although he was the one in pain. In danger. He looked ill but not deadly so if he could get a calm moment like this.

But one thing especially caught Donghyuck's eye - how small his stomach was now. Donghyuck swallowed. He didn't see any baby beds in the room, everything looked dangerously empty and calm. Could it be...

There was one more person in the room. Dongyoung stood up upon seeing their arrival as though he had been waiting for them.

The poor alpha looked exhausted, the dark circles around his eyes deeper than ever before. He walked out and closed the door quietly, to not wake neither Jaemin nor Jungwoo, but Donghyuck couldn’t rip his eyes off of them. It looked so wrong. Jungwoo had been so lively, glowing when he had left. What had gone wrong?

“Hi”, the alpha said when the door was finally closed. “Thank you for coming so fast, you must be exhausted”

“It was nothing”, Donghyuck shook his head. The tiredness would catch up to him eventually, but that wasn’t now. “What happened here?”

Renjun and Mark arrived just in time too, panting from carrying the heavy luggage. Mark introduced himself to Dongyoung quickly and Renjun greeted him in his usual manner, but all of them were the most curious about the state his mate was in right now.

“Jungwoo… has been sick for a few weeks”, Dongyoung looked back at the room. It must have hurt him so much, seeing his mate in that state. “Yesterday, he suddenly got worse, he blacked out and hit his head, we had to call an ambulance because he started spasming. He has, or had, eclampsia”

Renjun gasped but Donghyuck and Mark were both too confused to react. Mark because he had probably never learned what the word _eclampsia_ meant as he was a foreigner, and Donghyuck because he had skipped biology at school and was generally dumb. But Dongyoung continued nevertheless.

“It got very serious. It had gone unnoticed because his symptoms had been mild until then and could signal to other things as well. But by the time he lost his consciousness… it had developed too far. We could have lost him. So, the doctors had to perform a cesarean on him.”

Donghyuck needed time to digest what he had heard. It was too early, wasn’t it? Way too early. The pregnancy was always more dangerous for a male omega, it was as though their physiology was against them in every possible way, and now Jungwoo… He...

“So, how is everything now?” Renjun was brave enough to ask. “Did the babies make it?”

Dongyoung’s firm expression told everything and more.

“They came out too early. They were already very small because there were two of them, and being born prematurely… didn’t exactly raise their chances. But considering eclampsia, a cesarean section was the best option for all three. The babies are now under care in incubators, we didn’t even get a chance to hold them but if they don’t make it, it might be better that way.”

Dongyoung sounded depressed, and for a good reason, but Donghyuck saw a little, tiny spark of light in the darkness.

They were alive. They were still alive. All three of them. Donghyuck hugged Mark who was standing next to him, just to get some comfort, and the alpha answered his request right away, wrapping his arms around him. Donghyuck didn’t know how to feel, but knowing that as of right now, they were all alive, he felt lighter. He had been fearing that they would lose Jungwoo. 

“But will Jungwoo hyung recover?” Renjun kept the conversation moving.

“He should”, Dongyoung said. “Now that his body doesn’t have to take care of the babies, he should be able to recover, though it will take a while. Recovering from a cesarean section itself will take longer since they had to do it quickly and he is a male omega. There are risks for infection and other complications, but Woo is a fighter.”

He was. Jungwoo was a fighter, he was gorgeous and wonderful and strong. He would make it.

And so would his offspring. Donghyuck wanted to believe.

“So, what do you want us to do?” Donghyuck asked. They couldn’t exactly go see Jungwoo now since they had just ran from another country and through airports, sweeping millions of germs and bacteria with them, and it wasn’t like that would have been of help either. But they couldn’t just stand in the hallway empty-handed either. They had come to be of help, and that was what they would do. 

“I think it’s the best if you keep company to Jaemin now”, Dongyoung said. “Jungwoo is okay here, I’ll stay with him, but I think it would be better if Jaemin could go back home to rest. He is very empathetic, the night was stressful to him”

“Will you be alright? You should rest too!” Donghyuck said and Dongyoung smiled.

“I will. My parents will visit me, and once Jungwoo gets some of his strength back, he will be alright with me being gone every once in a while. But right now, he needs me, or rather, his omega needs me and will want me close. He is so weak, his omega will notice that I’m gone just about-”, Dongyoung turned to the window. “Now”

Donghyuck looked behind him where Jungwoo had indeed opened his eyes. Nothing else had changed. The omega noticed Donghyuck and tried to smile a little. He still had that reassuring smile on his face that he always wore. Always taking care of others first.

He nudged Jaemin weakly and said something. The younger woke up right away and turned around.

He wasn’t smiling. He looked like one would expect, puffy eyes and all tiredness in his every move. 

“Take him home”, Dongyoung said. “Feed him, put him to bed. I’ll call if something changes”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, Markhyuck has been in the background for a few chapters but I have something very special planned for the next chapter (something that will also grant me a ticket straight to the deepest pits of hell, yayy) so, look forward to it I guess?
> 
> Happy mental health day everyone! Take care of yourself and others, IN THAT ORDER, be patient and understanding, better days will come. <3
> 
> Thanks for reading! <3<3


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a great couple of days so here's an early update!
> 
> First things first, how did you like the resonance album? If I’m completely honest, besides maybe Deja Vu and Misfit, I couldn’t bring myself to like any of the songs - To me, the melodies just sounded bland, the raps a bit awkward and overall, the arrangements were just… not to my liking at all. I’ll give it a few more listens before I completely give up though, and I know that our boys have worked very hard on it so I’ll support all of their activities with passion!
> 
> I know that we’re kind of supposed to like everything they do but since they're never going to read this, I wanted to be honest. I’m extremely picky with my music but less so with the groups I follow. Anyways, here’s another chapter, and SPOILER ALERT there’s smut in it. Yeah. If that’s not your cup of tea then again, stop reading from *** onwards and come back for the next chapter!

**_May 2018_ **

_Kyungsoo glanced at the date as he turned off his alarm. He still had that same old notification pop up, he dismissed it but didn’t delete it. He remembered the date by heart but the notification would still remind him next year, of the person he had sworn to forget but hadn’t. He never would, and really, there was no actual reason to._

_Even though Kyungsoo had fought with him and yelled some awful things at him._

_Even though he had told Kyungsoo to never contact him again._

_Kyungsoo stood up and stretched. His back was killing him again - crouching over his computer for 10 hours a day was starting to ruin his health, maybe he should invest in making his work station a bit more comfortable. Buy a new chair or something._

_Back in the day, Jongin had given him massages. They were great and solved all of his back problems. But he had been younger then too. Kyungsoo hadn’t heard of Jongin in months, the last time being on his birthday. The alpha was busy with his studio, it was understandable. They weren't together anymore, he wasn't obliged to keep in touch with Kyungsoo._

_Kyungsoo shuffled into the bathroom, to wash his face. He felt so tired, despite having slept for almost six hours. He couldn’t really afford to sleep too much, since they were dragging behind with their newest development. Kyungsoo was leading the project, he was carrying a heavy responsibility._

_But this was what he had always dreamed of doing. How could he complain?_

_“I don’t get it”, Baekhyun had said years ago, hanging from the tree by his feet while Kyungsoo had tried to study under it. “You study now so that you can get into a university where you have to study, even more, to get a job where you have to work a million hours a week until you die? What’s the point of that? I would never want to live like that”_

_Kyungsoo might have been more successful than any of his friends during his life._

_But… but happiness?_

_That was such a foreign concept to him._

_Kyungsoo walked to the kitchen and clicked the coffee maker on. He took a pen and marked a big X on his cute penguin wall calendar. It was actually a gift from Jongin, a gag gift, but Kyungsoo had still hung it on his wall. It reminded him of the old days, when Kyungsoo had been called a penguin by his friends._

_Now, he was lucky if they called him at all. But it wasn’t their fault, it was his. Kyungsoo had always been too busy to keep in touch, too busy for a relationship of any kind, friendly, or romantic. Because of his work._

_He eyed the date - 6th of May. Every year, on that particular day (as well as a couple of others), all those memories filled his mind again. From years back, happy ones and sad ones and everything colorful and wild in-between._

_Maybe he could try to reach out for him again, for all of his friends. He had thought about it, but every time he had stared at either of their phone numbers, he had just…_

_He had to go to work. He didn’t have time._

_Maybe someday._

_A miracle would have to happen, to bring them all together again. Kyungsoo knew it. And he wasn’t a believer._

_He was a Yonsei graduate._

…

“Do you not have any food here?” Renjun checked through the cupboards at a rapid pace. “What have you eaten for the whole week?”

“Delivery. And I was a parasite at hyung’s”, Jaemin shrugged and sat by the kitchen table. “I haven’t felt like cooking”

Persuading Jaemin to leave the hospital and to come with them had been surprisingly easy. Donghyuck had expected a small fight at least, Jaemin wouldn’t leave his brother just like that when he was all caught up in his own emotions. But, he had just nodded sadly and followed them out. 

That was unnerving, the withdrawing way Jaemin was behaving. He also seemed to be avoiding Donghyuck's eyes and it was... expected, but he still didn't like it.

“Okay, well, we’ll make do with what we have”, Renjun huffed and pulled out cups of ramen. “You’ll eat, then you will sleep properly, and then, we can go back to the hospital if you want”

“Are you staying?” Jaemin asked. “You don’t have to do that for me”

“Sorry, the plan is already set”, Renjun smiled and took the kettle under the tap. “You won’t have to be alone. I’ll stay with you at first, and Mark and Donghyuck will keep you company later”

What plan? Oh, right, they had briefly discussed someone staying with Jaemin at his place when Dongyoung had gone back inside Jungwoo’s room to get him. Renjun had volunteered - Mark and Donghyuck could take their luggage and rest at Donghyuck’s parents’ place first, and come back later to help. It was easier for Renjun to stay over than it would be for them.

There was another reason for this proposition too. It didn’t need to be said, but Donghyuck knew what Renjun was thinking. And the alpha was right. Renjun’s idea was the best, for all of them.

“Yeah!”, Donghyuck tried to get some of his cheer back, for Jaemin’s sake. “We came here to help you all, so, that’s what you’re going to get!”

Jaemin just stared at the table in front of him. He was smiling a little, but the tears in his eyes grew bigger and bigger. Donghyuck rubbed his back and Renjun fetched him a napkin. No one made a big deal out of it, but they gave him their closeness.

“You’re too nice to me”, Jaemin sniffed and blew his nose. “I don’t deserve your niceness”

“Yes, you do”, Renjun put the kettle down and sat by the table too. “Don’t think so lowly of yourself”

It felt like a deja vu. Kind of. And Donghyuck felt bad. Because Jaemin had every right to feel sad and anxious about everything that had just happened, but his guilt kept him from accepting the help he was offered with an open heart.

The guilt was familiar to Donghyuck, but he was slowly getting over it. Jaemin wasn’t. And that was not fair. Because Donghyuck had been exactly as guilty of their kiss and the destruction of their small group as Jaemin had. But it had been Jaemin who had faced the truth and admitted his mistake. 

And what had he gotten out of it? Jeno had dumped him, Donghyuck had screamed at him, and the omega had been left all alone, to dwell on his misery, and then Jungwoo had gotten ill. Donghyuck had had to face his mistake and get punished for it too but at the end of the day, Mark had forgiven him and he was okay.

If someone deserved to feel okay again and be forgiven, it was Jaemin. He could have lost his brother, he might not hold his title of an uncle for very long. At least something in his life should be stable.

Donghyuck kept rubbing the omega’s back as Jaemin kept drying his eyes on the tissue. He heard Mark’s steps from the door and looked up - the older had excused himself, to use the bathroom. Donghyuck felt like he was staying in the back for a reason. Mark had met Jaemin before, in New York, but the situation was different now.

There was tension.

And Donghyuck had to get rid of it.

Renjun fed Jaemin ramen - well, not literally (although the omega probably wouldn’t have minded if he did) and the rest of them just… hung around. Donghyuck couldn’t say whether it was awkward or were they all just tired and quiet because of that. Maybe it was a mix of both.

Once Jaemin was done, he was the one to speak first.

“Donghyuck”, he said quietly, as Renjun cleaned the table. “Can we talk? Just the two of us?”

Donghyuck felt dead tired. But Jaemin’s well-being came before anything else. Talking would help, and the sooner they did it, the better.

“Of course”, Donghyuck took a quick look at Mark who just shot him an encouraging smile. “Let’s go outside, shall we?”

...

  
  


“Jeno doesn’t answer my calls”

That was the first thing that Jaemin said. His voice was still a bit raw, and it would probably stay that way for a while. They sat outside on the patio, it was warm and sunny but not nearly as suffocating as in Southern China. “Like, I get why he does it. But still, we were friends before all this. I… I needed him”

“Well, you don’t anymore”, Donghyuck rubbed his back. “We are here, and we came to stay”

“I’m sorry for… for breaking our promise. And then calling out of the blue. And ruining your trip”

“We were about to come home soon anyway. And I’m not angry anymore”, Donghyuck said. “I shouldn’t have been in the first place. You did the right thing, by telling the truth. I should have been honest from the start as well”

“How did it go, between you two?” Jaemin asked. He played with the ball of tissue in his hands and didn’t look up. “I guess quite well since he is here”

“We made up”, Donghyuck answered. “Of course, he was angry and upset with me. But it had more to do with me lying to him about it than what we actually did. We were two omegas whose heads were wrecked with heat hormones. Not to use that as an excuse but, honestly, what could you expect”

Jaemin chuckled. It wasn’t a happy chuckle and his smile disappeared as soon as it had come, but it was something. It was a reaction. He had been so quiet and expressionless in the car, Donghyuck had been worried. So, this one little thing meant a lot.

That small thing gave Donghyuck encouragement to talk more.

“The kiss, in June”, Donghyuck said quietly. “I think we should talk it over. I talked about it with Mark but I have yet to settle things with you. Throwing anything under the rock is… is generally not good”

“You’re right”, Jaemin nodded. “What’s on your mind?”

“Why did you kiss me, back then?” Donghyuck asked, letting out the still burning question that he had tried to forget about but couldn’t. “Be completely honest with me”

“I’ve been thinking about it too”, Jaemin admitted. “But, I think that I did it because I missed you. I missed what we used to have, and I missed you. So.”

During the whole spring, they had met weekly. But that had been a drastic change from before, when they had met each other every day, and spent most of their heats together. For two very physical people, the sudden change had taken a toll, even if it had been because they were both in a relationship now.

“What about you?” Jaemin asked. “Why did you kiss me back?”

“Because”, Donghyuck sighed. “I was lonely. And I missed you ”

They were omegas. They didn’t need to explain to each other the power of a heat, even an upcoming one. They didn’t need to emphasize the fact that it stripped them from their rationality and only left them with the wants of the flesh, or the wants of their omegas. 

What they _did_ need to talk about was why their omegas still seemed to yearn for each other. In heat, omegas yearned for alphas, the ones who could impregnate them. Simple nature couldn’t explain why Donghyuck’s omega wanted Jaemin. Yes, there was _nature’s forgiveness,_ but that was a bandaid when an alpha would be a cure. An omega in heat should never settle for less.

So, why?

“It was long overdue, wasn’t it”, Jaemin said, and smiled sadly, not looking up. “We were living with rules that didn’t match the real world at all”

“You were always an exception for me”, Donghyuck muttered. “We were kind of messed up, weren’t we?”

Jaemin didn’t answer right away. Instead, he looked up, at the trees arching over them, the birds singing in them and jumping, making the branches wobble. The day was so bright, a typical one in late July. 

“Honestly, I’m quite sure that I had a crush on you back then”, Jaemin finally said quietly. The doors and windows to the house were closed, they were alone on the patio, but he still didn’t want to take a risk. These matters weren’t meant for anyone else to hear. “When we were teenagers”

“And I totally liked you”, it didn’t even feel bad to admit it. Donghyuck felt better letting it all out. “ _No strings attached_ my ass, I slept with you because I liked you”

“I guess this _‘simple arrangement’_ between us grew much more complicated than it should have”, Jaemin smiled a little at the thought and, knowing that it was behind them now, Donghyuck did too. It had indeed been a mess. Them sharing heats, but still going out with others and claiming that what they were doing was easy and fun - laughable. Donghyuck had never particularly liked Jaemin’s new boyfriends and Jaemin had never gotten to know Donghyuck’s, despite them being close.

Oh, Na Jaemin. The one special case in Donghyuck’s heart that had been supposed to be the easiest to handle but oh how _wrong_ had he been. He loved Jaemin. They said that the friendships and love between two omegas were the most complicated but yet, the best. And they couldn’t be more right.

“I wonder why it never went anywhere”, Jaemin muttered. “If we both really felt the same”

“We knew that we wanted something different out of our lives”, Donghyuck answered. It was clear as day to him now, finally, after all those years. “You wanted to get married and have children of your own. And you couldn’t have done that with me”

“Technically, I could have”, Jaemin argued, his eyes still on the poor tissue. “But it wouldn’t have been the same. We grew up, we grew out of those feelings”

“And then you fell for Jeno”

“And then you fell for Mark”

They finally looked at each other in the eyes. And there was nothing but understanding and relief to be seen. Jaemin was still heartbroken over Jeno and would be for a while, but now, the omegas had united in a way that was healthy and sustainable. The kind of friendship that could actually last forever.

Donghyuck should have known. The moment you spread your legs, the relationship would get complicated. And in the end, no matter how secured you thought your heart was, someone would get hurt. What did he know, maybe there were open relationships or friends-with-benefits in the world that were perfect from start to finish but… Donghyuck didn’t believe in them anymore. There was no sex without feelings.

Donghyuck hugged Jaemin again and he knew that they were over now. But it didn’t make him sad - their tree of friendship would now grow stronger and healthier when the rotten branch of sexual contact was cut off. Donghyuck was optimistic, he believed that their relationship would only grow stronger from now on. And when he looked deep into Jaemin’s eyes, he knew that the other thought the same.

…

Renjun stayed with Jaemin. Donghyuck and Mark offered, once more, to do that too but they were brushed off.

“Go home, to sleep”, it was Jaemin who said that. “You look dead. I’m fine, we can meet again tomorrow, I’ll have fun with Injun”

“You’ll have fun in your dreams next”, Renjun rolled his eyes but didn’t push the clingy omega away. Donghyuck’s heart was so much lighter, he fell asleep in the taxi and Mark had to shake him awake when they got to his house.

“Hey baby”, his mother greeted him first with a hug and a kiss on his forehead, when she opened the door. Donghyuck’s mom was taller than him, it was kind of… nice since he still felt small in her arms. “You must be exhausted”

“Oh, we are”, he sighed and dropped his bag. “I’ll never travel like this again, I may be young but I’m weak too. Hi, dad”

“Hi, son”, his dad was leaning against the wall, his arms crossed. 

Thanks to the telephone network, Donghyuck had been able to update his parents on Jungwoo’s condition, so they didn’t ask further. But they eyed Mark with interest - ah, right, Donghyuck was supposed to introduce them to each other. His brain was not functioning exactly as quickly as it should. 

“Alright, mom, dad”, he took Mark’s hand and the older shot him a nervous smile. Aww. “This is Mark. Mark Lee”

“Nice to meet you”, Mark bowed 90 degrees but Donghyuck’s mom just waited for him to straighten up and pulled him into a hug. Mark had spoken about his worries regarding the possible meeting of Donghyuck’s parents since his own parents were very “Americanized”. He had been raised speaking Korean but not necessarily to act like a Korean. But Donghyuck’s parents weren’t very traditional anyway, and they would look at all kinds of slips through their fingers.

Even though his father was leaning against the wall and trying to appear all alpha. Of course, he would have to seem like a scary in-law alpha, just in case. Donghyuck had never introduced his past boyfriends to his parents but his sisters had, he recognized the pattern.

“It’s so nice to meet you”, Donghyuck’s mom fussed, pulled Mark into a hug and patted his arms like she often did to Donghyuck. “Thank you, for taking such good care of our Donghyuckie, I’m sure he would have been in great trouble without you”

“Mom”, Donghyuck tried. “Please”

“Oh, it was no problem”, Mark spoke such overly polite Korean, it felt awkward. Of course, Mark would be awkward. But it was cute too, how he smiled at his mother but still avoided her eyes because that was a workbook example of how to show respect. “It was my pleasure, to take care of him”

“I’m sure”, Donghyuck’s mom sighed. “Ah, you’re so cute. Donghyuck chose well”

“I heard you study music in New York, Mark Lee”, Donghyuck’s father said out loud, as his greeting. “That’s very competitive. It takes guts to take such a risk”

“Uh, thank you, sir”, Mark bowed again and failed to see how Donghyuck’s mom hit his dad’s arm and rolled her eyes.

“I hope it’s worth it. Donghyuck shouldn’t marry a man who can’t financially support him”

“Dad, stop, please”

“I know what I’m doing, sir, you don’t need to worry about it at all”, Mark sounded confident. It was kind of hot. Although Donghyuck knew that his father was just acting stricter than he actually was - these things were still important to him. Donghyuck’s dad was an old school alpha who wished that Donghyuck would marry someone like that too.

“Oh, he’s just kidding”, Donghyuck’s mother snorted and hit her husband again lightly. “You’re welcome here, we’re happy to have you as our guest. But if you two excuse us, our lunch hour is almost over, we should head back to work. We just wanted to make sure that you get home safely”

Ah, right. It was a weekday, of course, his parents would have work to do. It was only at that moment that Donghyuck paid attention to what they were wearing - office attire. His mother usually wore pink flip flops and a housecoat when she was at home, so Donghyuck should have noticed. He was tired, okay?

So, so tired.

“There’s ddeokbokki in the fridge, warm it up”, his mom said and Donghyuck nodded tiredly. It was funny, how introducing his parents to Mark had gone so easily. Quickly. They watched as the couple left and stayed quiet for a while after the door had closed.

They were home. The trip was over.

Donghyuck was dead tired.

“That went well”, he said but his sentence was cut by a yawn. Mark yawned too, such a chain reaction.

“I guess so”, he said. “Your parents are nice”

“Oh, they are nicer than that”, Donghyuck huffed. “My dad just wants to play macho in case you turn out to be an asshole and he has to chase you across the town with a shotgun”

“That sounds so... American”

“My dad watches Hollywood movies. He is easily influenced”, Donghyuck grabbed Mark’s arm. “Come on, let’s eat something and get to bed”

  
  


…

  
  


Donghyuck woke up from Mark’s arms, on the living room couch. 

“What time is it?” he mumbled, trying to get a hang on where he was and how his body worked.

“Seven o’clock”, Mark answered and yawned. “Our sleep schedules are ruined for a while, and so is my back”

“Ah, sorry”, Donghyuck kissed his cheek and climbed from on top of him to look for his phone. They had eaten and then chilled on the couch, they hadn’t really been meaning to fall asleep but they had both been too tired. Donghyuck walked back to the kitchen where he had forgotten it - next to it was a note, written in his mom’s neat handwriting.

_We didn’t want to wake you up, so we went to grandma’s for dinner  
_ _We’ll be back late, heat the chicken from the freezer, there’s some bean paste in the closet_  
 _Love you, Mom_

Donghyuck felt… slightly embarrassed knowing that his parents had come home from work, seen him sleeping with his alpha on the sofa, and just decided to escape to Bucheon. Oh well, they visited his mom’s mom quite often. 

Donghyuck checked through his messages - Jaemin had texted him a few hours ago, informing him that Jungwoo and the babies were doing alright. No changes in anyone’s condition, but no news meant good news in a situation like that. Donghyuck also checked through his other messages. There weren’t many, some from Baekhyun and some from Kris.

Ha. If someone had told him a year ago that in summer he would be texting both of his biological parents, he wouldn’t have believed it. Even less so, if the person telling him had told him that first, he would have to go find his omega father from New York and the alpha from Guangzhou.

He heard steps behind himself, but instead of turning around, he waited until the alpha had wrapped his arms around his waist and leaned his chin on his shoulder.

“How’s everything?”

“Good”, Donghyuck answered. “I texted Jaemin that we’ll meet them tomorrow morning. My parents and sisters are in Bucheon, so we have a few hours of alone time”

“Mmh sounds good”, Mark smelled his neck. “You smell so good”

“So I’ve heard”, Donghyuck smiled. They were both still a bit out of it, the past day had been a mess and they had indeed ruined their sleep schedules for a while. They were nocturnal now, waking up when the sun sets, living in an upside-down world. 

“We still have all of our stuff in the hallway”, Donghyuck pointed out. “How about we eat something and then drag them to my room? You have yet to see it”

“Sounds good”, Mark placed a kiss on the side of Donghyuck’s neck and let go.

So, that was what they did. It felt surreal, eating chicken with Mark in his kitchen. It shouldn’t really, it was just something mundane and everyday-like, but Mark hadn’t exactly been a part of his everyday life before. Not like this. He had been a voice in his cellphone, a face on his laptop screen. And now he shared chicken with Donghyuck as though he had always been there.

“I can’t believe that I’ve met three of your parents now”, Mark mumbled, thinking out loud. “And it... it went kind of well?”

“Do you tend to screw up with in-laws?” Donghyuck asked, and froze. They were just dating, he shouldn’t call his parents Mark’s in-laws yet. But… he just had. And Mark just shrugged, like it was nothing.

“Nah, haven’t gone through this before”, he said. “I just… Johnny hyung shared some awful stories with me. So, I thought it would be worse”

“Oh, nice to hear that you think so lowly of my parents”

“No, that’s not what I-”, Mark got all defensive but dropped it soon when he saw Donghyuck smirking behind his chicken leg. “Gosh, you’re impossible”

Donghyuck laughed at his expression.

“Don’t get too comfortable yet, babe”, he said. “You have yet to meet my sisters”

“Oh they can’t be worse than you”, Mark rolled his eyes, but he still smiled. “I feel like I’m well prepared”

“Whatever you say”, Donghyuck hummed. “Whatever you say”

…

They did the dishes - maybe threw some soap water around too and nudged each other in the process like some teenagers - and decided to spend the rest of the night in Donghyuck’s room. It was getting darker outside, as the evening slowly started to turn into night.

When Donghyuck closed the door behind himself he felt so much better - it had been nearly 24 hours since they had heard the bad news, but the storm had calmed down a lot. 

It was going to be okay. 

“Oh, so this is how your room looks like”, Mark said quietly. “It’s bigger than I thought”

“It’s basically a shoebox”, Donghyuck said and sat down on the bed. Mark looked at his wall that had been filled with polaroids and postcards and a world map, a very typical teenager omega’s room. Sohyun had done most of the arranging - she had some sort of a phobia towards blank white walls, so she had taken the liberty to terrorize Donghyuck’s room. He liked the way it looked now, but to her, he only said that he was too lazy to take everything down.

Mark had seen everything in the room through his computer screen. When it had gotten boring, Donghyuck had shown him everything there was to show. So really, it was nothing new. Mark touched the dreamcatcher hanging from Donghyuck’s curtains - a gift from one of his aunts.

“But it’s your own shoebox”, Mark said. “I’ve always had to share a room with someone. It must be nice, having your own space”

“Yeah, it is”, Donghyuck admitted. “This has its perks”

“I’m sure it does”

It did. Juhyun and Sohyun fought all the time because they had to share. They seemed to fight over the stupidest of things, but Donghyuck understood them - if he had to share a room with his siblings, it would be awful. Even if it was a sibling of the same sex/sub-gender combo, it would be awful. His sisters were both betas which was a big plus for them since they didn’t have to deal with heats. Donghyuck… yeah, he had been very happy that he had his own room ever since he had been 14.

“I used to sit by the window whenever our calls ended”, Donghyuck said and sat on the bed. Mark looked out of the said window. Donghyuck had often imagined Mark there with him. He had imagined… lots of things. He tried to brush those thoughts away but it was difficult. Today had been particularly stressful and tiring and Donghyuck felt like letting out some steam would be great. But he and Mark hadn’t slept together since the whole mess started, which would be around a week now, and he didn’t want to bluntly ask for it. 

There had been some tension, some lingering touches and looks thrown late at night. But none of them had taken that final step, to make it come true. Donghyuck had enjoyed being close to him without sex too but he was a young, very physical omega sleeping in the arms of an alpha. Closeness alone… wouldn’t be enough in the long run.

“And sometimes I looked out from the window and wondered what you were doing. It rained a lot this spring”, Donghyuck chuckled. “Can you imagine, I listened to _Beast_ and looked out like some teen-drama protagonist”

 _“On rainy days you come and find me_ ”, Mark hummed the chorus of Beast’s _On Rainy Days_ , which may or may not have been on Donghyuck’s playlist during the spring.

 _“Torturing me through the night"_ , Donghyuck continued, but his voice faded away as he kept looking at Mark. The alpha ran his hand against the table, the window frame, and the wall, carefully, as though he was mapping the room with his touch. 

“I often wondered what you were doing as well”, Mark said quietly. “And came up with different scenarios…”

The streetlights were drawing stripes on his face through the blinds. It still felt weird seeing him there, in his room. During their times apart Mark had sometimes felt like just a dream, unreal. Like something that Donghyuck had only come up with in his dreams. An untouchable idol on the computer screen. 

But now he was real. He was standing right there, less than a meter away from him, in the safety of his room. 

“What kind of scenarios?” Donghyuck asked, and caressed the soft blanket he was sitting on, to give his hands something to do. 

“Just you”, Mark said and touched the blinds, staring somewhere far away. “You, missing be so badly”

Donghyuck didn’t know exactly what it was, but the air definitely changed with that. Mark was not looking at him, but Donghyuck could sense some tension in the air. The kind of tension that enveloped them into the darkness. The tension he liked the most. Donghyuck’s heart was burning hot, and he felt daring. He wanted something… He wanted something more. _******* _

“I did. I missed you badly”, he said softly. They were all alone so there was no reason to be that quiet, but Donghyuck wanted to pull the older closer with his voice. “Sometimes I missed… I missed your _body_ too. So much that I _ached._ ”

Mark still didn’t look at him in the eyes. His eyes moved from the floor to him - not his eyes, but to _him_. And for some reason, this time, that was exactly what Donghyuck wanted.

“What did you do then?” Mark’s voice changed. It was thick and dark, it ran straight through Donghyuck’s body and made him weak in his knees - thank god he was already sitting down. It filled his blood and made him heavy, he leaned further back on the covers.

“I closed my eyes”, he said and did so. Mark’s scent was all around him, and when he closed his eyes, the feeling got even more intense. Donghyuck’s heart sped up but he moved slowly, savoring the moment. There was no need for rushing, even if his body would have wanted that. Donghyuck had Mark right there, but he took a trip back into his memories, into the particularly lonely nights when he had missed more than just Mark’s warmth and his thoughts.

“And I reminisced”

“What did you reminisce about?”

Donghyuck smiled a little. 

“I reminisced about the time you kissed me for the first time”, Donghyuck licked his lips. He ran his hand across them, imagining, as though he was all alone. As though Mark weren’t there at all, and had never been. “I reminisced about the time when you touched me, for the very first time”

“Yeah?” Mark sounded… he didn’t know how to interpret it. Impatient? Curious? It was his scent that gave away his want. Still, he stayed in his spot. Donghyuck got even more courage from that, from the reaction he managed to get out of the alpha. The level-headed, calm alpha. 

Mark’s alpha was moments away from just devouring him but still, he was staying at his place because Donghyuck wanted him to. He had him around his finger, and the realization burned him even more.

“Yeah”, Donghyuck ran his hand to his neck, where Mark had kissed and bitten him. To his chest where the older had placed his lips before, down to his stomach and on the waistband of his pants. Now, his memories of Mark touching him were much more colorful than in the spring since they had slept together more often, but whatever. They had gotten better since New York.

“What did you do, then? When you missed me?” Mark asked. Donghyuck fought the urge to open his eyes. His face was burning under the alpha’s intense stare, but he enjoyed the burn. He enjoyed the excitement. It was like the sweaty nights in Hong Kong where they had found each other again. The sweaty nights in June when Donghyuck had missed him. When he had missed the time when they had been inseparable. Of the time when they had been _one._

Donghyuck slid his hand inside the waistband of his pants.

“Then, I”, he wrapped his hand around himself. He was half-hard already, only the thought of the alpha had made it happen. And okay, a little touching. He could smell Mark’s excitement and he knew that the older wasn’t far behind. “Then I imagined you here with me”

“And then?” Mark sounded like he was a bit closer. Donghyuck stroked his member just a bit, and he knew that he was driving Mark crazy by doing that. He was driving _himself_ crazy.

“And then”, Donghyuck stroked himself again. “I thought of the time we’d meet again”

“And then?”

“And then” Donghyuck had to force his eyes shut. “A- and then”

“Show me”, Mark was so close to him, Donghyuck could feel his breath against his ear. Still. The older hadn’t sat on the bed next to him. Donghyuck could imagine it being spring again, him being all alone in his room and just imagining him there. Imagining Mark fucking, touching him, until he would be wrecked, sweaty, unable to move. Oh god, he had wanted that to happen so much. Donghyuck squeezed his hard member, and the feeling was so intense, he almost moaned.

“Good”, Mark said from next to him. “I want to see. I want to hear”

“Oh _God_ ”, Donghyuck moaned a bit too loudly. Before, he would have been much quieter. If it were spring, his family would be right behind the wall, minding their own business, and Donghyuck wouldn’t have wanted them to hear. But now, it was just the two of them. The two of them, in the same place, in the darkness. “Mark - _ah”_

“What would you have wanted me to do?” Mark whispered and Donghyuck felt like he could blow up right there. No, he didn’t want to. Not yet. 

“I would have, _ah"_ , Donghyuck eased his grip on himself but Mark slid his own hand in his pants, and continued instead. And thus the illusion of him being alone was broken, but fuck that. He didn’t care. “I would have wanted you to come. Quick. And take me, like you did the very first time”

When Mark pressed his lips against Donghyuck’s, he was ready. Donghyuck ran his hands against his chest and opened the buttons of his shirt, all while Mark kept pumping him slowly, steadily, keeping up his high tension. Mark only let go so that they could remove their clothes - a frustratingly long period of 12 seconds, but he soon had his hand back in place. And it was better because there was no fabric on the way anymore.

Donghyuck sat on his lap. He reached for Mark too, and the moment he grabbed the alpha’s swollen member, the other let out a moan so beautiful, Donghyuck wondered how he had been able to go without it for so long.

“I missed you so fucking much”, Donghyuck leaned against him while pumping him. “Please, never leave me again”

“I won’t”, at that moment, it was the truth. “Never again, I’m never leaving again”

Donghyuck’s body was demanding to get filled. He didn’t usually produce much slick outside of his heat but now, his body was going crazy. Crazy with want and excitement, crazy with lust for the alpha under him. He knew that Mark could feel it too, his wetness against his thighs, and the thought of that made Donghyuck even more desperate. If it was even possible. And suddenly, the alpha’s hand around his dick didn’t feel like enough anymore.

“Want me to fuck you?” Mark whispered to his ear. Mark wasn’t one to use vulgar language often, nor did he ask that directly very often but oh man did that make Donghyuck weak for him.

“Do it”

“How should I do it?”

“Just”, Donghyuck whispered. He had ridden the alpha plenty during the last few weeks, he wanted something else now. “Take me, like you did when I was in heat. Take control”

Mark pressed Donghyuck against the covers, his lips never leaving him, and slid a finger inside of him. Donghyuck was so wet, he wasn’t met with any friction and soon he slid in another one and started scissoring him open. Donghyuck moaned and bit Mark’s neck as the other hit the right spot inside of him. He was a bit rougher, a bit more rushing than normal but they were both impatient. Why had they been separated for so long? Why?

“Are you ready?” The alpha asked, and Donghyuck nodded, pressing a kiss on the place he had just bitten. Mark slid inside easily, and Donghyuck felt like he could cry. He was making love to his alpha on the very same bed that he had lied on the whole spring, touching himself and missing him. Mark filled him perfectly, he moved painfully slowly but it was so good, Donghyck wanted it to last forever.

Donghyuck stroked himself at the same pace as the alpha pushed inside of him. Mark’s low grunts were so hot, Donghyuck made sure to tell him that while he kissed his collar bones and sucked on the skin. His alpha, _his_ , and no one else’s. His his _his his his._

Finally, he could feel the end getting nearer. Donghyuck bit his skin as they both reached the edge and just accelerated over it with full speed. Donghyuck saw stars as Mark hit the good spot one more time and the warmth in his stomach and between his legs spread everywhere.

Mark’s knot swelled inside of him and soon, the alpha was coming as well, in waves. Such a good alpha, _his alpha_. Mark was even more out of breath than he was, his arms were shaking a little from trying to hold his weight over him. Donghyuck pulled him down, and the alpha breathed heavily against his neck, as he came down from his orgasm.

Mark’s knot tied them together and they were left a panting mess in the darkness. Donghyuck looked behind the alpha and realized that the blinds were still open - anyone could have just walked near the window and seen. But he didn’t care at all. If someone saw him having the time of his life, then they did and Donghyuck couldn’t even feel embarrassed. He was so happy and satisfied, tied to his alpha in the most beautiful way possible.

The endorphins, the satisfaction, little fireworks in his brain, and all across his body made him feel all light and happy, and he never wanted the moment to come to an end. It took Mark quite a while to come down, more than usual, but Donghyuck didn’t mind. They were a bit sticky with sweat and cum but for a moment, he pushed that out of his mind and focused on enjoying the blissful moment of being connected to his alpha.

Mark placed a small kiss on his neck and pulled away a little, to see Donghyuck's face. Donghyuck cupped his face and kissed him again - he would never get tired of kissing him, ever. Donghyuck absolutely loved this aftertaste of Mark’s, when he was so satisfied and content because of Donghyuck. His alpha was happy because of _him_. Ah, how wonderful. He was so happy.

“I love you”, he whispered when they finally broke the wet kiss. “I love you so much”

“I love you too”, Mark answered. “More than anything”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every very now and then, I take a step back and look at the stuff I write and I just… oh god what’s WRONG with me. 
> 
> (also, On Rainy Days by Beast is an amazing song. It’s sorrowful and beautiful, a perfect guitar song, I listen to it whenever it rains and it’s just… ahh, it’s so good.)


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It snowed here yesterday. Hrrr the winter is late this year, but that doesn’t mean that I’m ready for it now. I can’t believe that this year is slowly coming to an end now - I feel like this one went to waste, completely, but for the first time in my life, it wasn’t actually my fault. 
> 
> I’ve decided to stop watching those “motivational, life-changing” videos on Youtube. It’s so easy for an old person to tell others what they should do, to share their own regrets. I find it easy to hate my past self and blame them on my misery - how could they have known how things would turn out? Even if the struggles from my past feel ridiculous now, they were big back then and I just want to pat my younger self on the back and say, hey, you did your best. You did what you thought was right. That’s enough.
> 
> Also, WHAT THE HELL NCTZENS WHAT ARE THESE NEW RECORDS WE’RE MAKING????? We’re superior alright! The boys are going to be so proud of us, good job! And now, onto the chapter!

**_November 2018_ **

_The rain kept hitting the windows, keeping him awake._

_Chanyeol had used to hate rain. As a child, he hadn't despised anything as much as rainy days - because that was when he couldn’t go out to play! If he did, he got a cold that kept him inside even longer, and Chanyeol hated loneliness above anything else._

_However, the past few years had taught him to like it. Of course, it was because of Baekhyun._

_When he had driven to JFK to pick him up, it had rained. In December of 2009, the omega had been standing in the rain, smiling brightly, and he had run to Chanyeol’s arms as though he belonged in them. It had been bright and sunny when he had moved to his own apartment, and they had drifted apart again, slowly. And on a sunny day in summer, Chanyeol had realized that Baekhyun’s old phone number no longer worked and he couldn’t find him anymore._

_Chanyeol’s phone started ringing, and it pulled him from his thoughts. After what had happened with Brandon, Chanyeol had also become wary. So, as he didn’t recognize the number, he just blocked it and turned his phone upside down on the nightstand._

_"mmh what issit?" A sleepy voice asked from next to him on the bed. Chanyeol laid back down._

_"Nothing", he said but the omega was already snoring again so Chanyeol just wrapped his arms around him and hugged him close. He placed a kiss on the scar on the back of his shoulder, like he often did, and closed his eyes. That particular scar was the one that Baekhyun seemed to hate the most and for a good reason._

_Baekhyun had lots of scars. His knees and elbows were scarred with dozens of marks on top of each other, which had come from falling from trees and bikes as a child and teen. His stomach and thighs had stretch marks carved into them from his growth into an omega, and a parent, though they now only remained as a bitter reminder. Still, Baekhyun treated them with care and didn't hide them anymore._

_The most heartbreaking ones were the lines on his wrists, from the years he had been so lost he hadn't known which way to go or whether to do that at all. Baekhyun spread foundation on them or wore long sleeves, and although he didn't feel much towards them anymore, he didn't want everyone to see. But, the scar on his back was still fresh, maybe more on his mind than his skin._

_It was a battle scar, so to say. A mark that meant that he had to change his life. Chanyeol didn't know the details, but it was the moment this deep scar had been carved into his skin that Baekhyun had truly woken up. And he had hidden, from everyone, until…_

_Until just a year ago when Chanyeol had found him again, standing in the rain, just like he had all those years ago. Baekhyun was like an enigma, he disappeared and appeared again as he pleased. When Chanyeol had picked him up from JFK airport, Baekhyun had filled his life with a light so bright that once he was gone again, the rays still lingered. But Chanyeol had wanted to see him again, his sun, not just the fading light. And suddenly, he had appeared next to him, after Chanyeol had lost all hope._

_“Baekhyun?” Chanyeol had asked. He couldn’t see his face, as he had hidden under his hood. But the way he was standing, his body, Chanyeol just knew that it had to be him. He was standing so close to the road, the cars passing by splashed water on his shoes but he didn’t care._

_But he moved, once he heard his name._

_“Cha- Chanyeol?”_

_Chanyeol pulled him into a hug. The pedestrian light turned green but neither of them made a move to cross the road._

_“Where have you been?” he asked, feeling close to tears._

_“Around”, Baekhyun sounded close to tears too. Chanyeol still remembered everything about him, all tones of his voice and all of his tiny movements. “So many bad things happened”_

_“Come with me”, Chanyeol had said. “Tell me. And never leave again”_

_And it had also rained heavily a few months ago when Baekhyun had finally given himself to him._

_“I’m getting old, Chanyeollie”, Baekhyun had said. The rain had been falling on his face, so even if he was crying, Chanyeol wouldn’t be able to tell. Why they were talking about that outside a gas station in the pouring rain, he couldn't remember. He just remembered hugging the omega, trying to shelter him from the rain when he looked up at him, brushing the wet locks of hair from his face, and smiling sadly._ _“I can’t give you children anymore”_

_“I don’t care”, Chanyeol answered and looked at him deep in the eyes. Baekhyun had such beautiful eyes, light brown, almost hazel, shining._

_When Chanyeol had been younger, he had dreamed of having a family with him. Marrying young, maybe having children of their own. But life had not gone according to plan. They were both 37 now and although it wasn’t late for Chanyeol to have children, it was starting to get late for Baekhyun. It was so weird to think that he was getting old, Baekhyun still looked as lively and beautiful as he had all those years ago when Chanyeol had fallen for him for the first time._

_Chanyeol could have gotten a family with someone else. But he hadn’t wanted to. He knew that all he would want was Baekhyun. And now that he had returned to him, he didn’t care about anything else. They could always raise dogs or something. So he said that he didn’t care about having children - because he didn’t, not at all._

_Baekhyun looked up to him and although Chanyeol couldn’t tell for sure because of the rain, it looked like Baekhyun’s eyes filled with tears._

_"All I care about is that you returned to me"_

_"I've missed you so much. I always did", Baekhyun sighed and Chanyeol cupped his face and kissed him slowly, softly. And it was everything he had ever dreamed of and more._

_Baekhyun set fire to the rain, he was the light of Chanyeol's flames, and together, they would get through everything._

_So, hugging him late at night, when the rain kept hitting the window, Chanyeol felt somewhat happy. Baekhyun still had a long way to go until he was completely healed, and looking back, Chanyeol knew that many things might never heal at all. But rain hid them from the painful world for a while._

_He had all he could ask for and more, in his arms. Chanyeol pressed another kiss on Baekhyun's neck and drifted off to sleep._

…

  
  


The next morning, by the time Donghyuck woke up, Mark was already awake. He eyed the alpha who was sitting his back towards him, his upper body completely bare, the rays of light hitting him from between the blinds. They had stayed awake for most of the night, now the day was definitely long past its high point.

It was as though Mark could sense him waking up. He turned to look at him and smiled. It was such a beautiful smile, it was such a beautiful _scene_ to wake up to.

_One that wouldn’t last._

But one that would happen again, if Donghyuck just held on to him.

“Morning, sleeping beauty”, Mark said and Donghyuck just mumbled something incoherent and pulled him back down with him. He didn’t feel like getting up yet, although he knew he should. He just wanted some more closeness from his alpha, it always made him feel better. Mark just laughed softly but wrapped his arms around him.

“What time is it?” Donghyuck asked against his chest. Mark was a bit sweaty but that didn’t feel too disgusting. Donghyuck knew why that was after all.

“It’s nearing two pm”, he said. “We should get up. Like, _really,_ get up.”

“Mmmmh”, Donghyuck disagreed. Why should they? He felt content right there.

Of course, they had come to Korea with a purpose. With a mission. He had stuff to do. He had texted Renjun at night and they had set some plans for the afternoon but that was hours away! He could cuddle for a while.

“I got some news from America and, around”, Mark said and Donghyuck couldn’t read his tone. He wasn’t nervous or anything but he didn’t sound overjoyed either.

“What is it?” Donghyuck asked and looked up at his face. Mark didn’t look too troubled, but Donghyuck still feared for the worst. The past happenings had proved that to be a good tactic. 

“Well, there is bad news and… just gray, kind of neutral news”, Mark said. “Which one do you want to hear first?”

“The messy, indescribable news”, Donghyuck answered and grimaced to himself. “I don’t like the way that sounds”

“Alright”, Mark took a long whiff of Donghyuck’s hair - the alpha enjoyed his scent more than ever now, the way he had kept saying how good he smelled the night before had almost been overwhelming. But Donghyuck liked it. He was an omega, he liked to be adored. “My… my aunt knows that I’m here”

“Aunt? Aunt Yoona from Seoul?” Donghyuck asked. They had talked about Mark’s relatives in Korea before, but the only one that Donghyuck could remember well was Yoona. Mark had talked about her the most, probably because she was fairly young and he liked her the most out of all his relatives. “How?”

“She called me. She mainly just wanted to ask me about my birthday plans but, once I kind of let it slip that I’m here, she decided that she wants to meet me”

Oh, right. There wasn't that much time before Mark's birthday.

“Okay”, Donghyuck said. “Well, isn’t that a good thing?”

“Kinda”, Mark shrugged. “But she’s only going to be around for a few days before going to Busan to her husband’s family house, so she wanted to meet me right away. As in, today”

“Oh, but that’s okay. I’ll just meet up with Renjun and Jaemin after going to the hospital, we don’t need to be attached to the hip all the time”, Donghyuck placed a kiss under his chin. “Although, it will be… painful, being away from you”

“Don’t”, Mark said kind of strictly but it lacked his commanding tone. “I won’t be able to go if you’re like this”

“Like what?” Donghyuck kissed him again, harder, he sucked on the skin and Mark gasped.

“I told you that we have to get up”, Mark almost whined. “I can’t, with you, you’re impossible”

“Mmh, so I’ve heard”, Donghyuck let go of his skin and laid his head against his chest instead. Mark’s heartbeat was calming down, but not much. And he remembered that Mark had mentioned something else too.

“And the bad news?” he muttered. 

“Oh”, Mark said. “Sasha Fierce is dead”

Donghyuck’s heart skipped a beat. 

“Who?”

“Sasha Fierce”, Mark sounded like he was smiling. “Kevin’s bonsai tree. He returned to the dorms yesterday and turns out that Johnny had indeed killed it during his time away”

Donghyuck had vague memories of maybe having talked about the tree with Mark before. 

“Mmh”, he wasn’t sure of what he was supposed to say. But at least it wasn't something _actually_ serious, thank God. “That’s… too bad?”

“That plant was like a pet to Kevin”, Mark brushed Donghyuck’s hair absentmindedly so Donghyuck listened to him, enjoying the petting. “He was so sad, but he acknowledged that giving the plant such a name might have been negative foreshadowing in itself. Oh well, he said that he’ll bury the plant in Jacob's backyard and I just can’t help thinking about it. About the two of them singing a sad song and then twerking over the grave or something”

“Your friends are very… unusual”, was all that Donghyuck managed to say. 

Mark just hummed.

“They are”, he said. “Extraordinary”

… 

Mark went to meet his impatient aunt. He apologized many times and asked if Donghyuck wanted him to join him in the hospital after all. Donghyuck kept assuring him that it was okay, that he could join him later, but the alpha felt bad. Donghyuck kissed him and pushed him into the taxi and laughed as the alpha looked back at him through the window like a puppy trapped in.

It would be good for both of them, to spend a little time apart. Mark should meet those relatives, now that he finally was there. So.

Donghyuck took a taxi to the hospital. 

At the hospital lobby, Donghyuck met some familiar faces.

“Taeil hyung? Taeyong hyung? What are you doing here?”

The two omegas in question turned around. Taeyong was holding a huge bouquet, most of the flowers pink but also purple and yellow and red and… the rainbow blow-up that reminded Donghyuck of a very certain person.

“Oh, Donghyuck”, Taeyong smiled warmly. They hadn’t seen each other in over a month, the older’s white hair had changed to light brown but even then, his roots were already quite visible. “You came back from China! Did you find your father?”

“Yeah, he was some rich CEO who gave me 2,000,000 won in cash and told me to stop smoking”

“Woah, that’s crazy”, Taeyong, despite being 24 already, was so gullible that he believed it right away even though it sounded like it had been taken straight from a drama. Oh, well, good. Donghyuck didn’t know how he would have proved it. Lu Han’s words echoed in his mind: _this is not a game, you can’t tell anyone!_

Oops.

“What are you doing here, Donghyuck?” Taeil asked as he eyed the hospital map on the wall, the lines in his forehead deepening with each passing second. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, I’m here to meet a friend”, Donghyuck answered, killing two birds (questions?) with one stone. “What about you two?”

“Oh, we’re visiting an old friend as well”, Taeyong smiled. “A poor omega who recently became a parent for twins”

“It’s not… Jungwoo, is it?”

Taeyong’s eyebrows shot up under his fringe. 

“You know him too?”

“I’m sure Jungwoo knows all male omegas from a 50km radius”, Taeil sounded bored and turned to Donghyuck. “Do you know where his room is? I’m getting a headache staring at this stupid map”

Jungwoo knew a lot of people. And a lot of male omegas specifically. It really wasn’t that big of a surprise - the only surprise was that it had never come up during their dance lessons since Jaemin was Jungwoo’s brother. But oh well. It happened. Apparently, from what Donghyuck could gather during their walk to the third floor, Taeyong and Taeil had been Jungwoo’s party friends from a couple of years back and now kept in touch mainly through the internet’s omega forums.

Jungwoo was so touched by the flowers that he cried, the third time that day according to Dongyoung. The color was slowly returning to his cheeks and he had enough energy to hug the omegas, it seemed like he was healing nicely, although he still had a long way to go. The dark circles under his eyes, as well as the dryness of his lips and his slow movements, still indicated that he was weak and in need of medical attention.

Jungwoo was in the best hospital in Seoul. He would be fine. And so would his children - Dongyoung was optimistic and believed that they would be able to go see them soon if Jungwoo gathered enough strength to get in a wheelchair. Their babies were taken care of on the floor below in a special department for newborn babies. 

Donghyuck left the fussing omegas behind and went to meet Jaemin, like they had agreed on, on the phone. When the clock hit five, they gathered in the living room of Dongyoung and Jungwoo’s apartment.

“You ready?” Jaemin asked as he pulled the rubber gloves on. Donghyuck’s fringe had grown so long, to get it out of his face he tied it into a very small ponytail on top of his head. It looked ridiculous but at least it didn’t hit his eyes every five seconds. Renjun hid his hair under a cap.

“Any guidelines?” Donghyuck asked. He knew that the Na family was very close, even for a family, but this wasn’t just Na family property. This was a Kim household. The humble home of Kim Dongyoung and now, Kim Jungwoo.

“Just don’t open the bedroom cupboards”, Jaemin said. “That’s it. Jungwoo has never known the term privacy and Dongyoung has long stopped caring with us”

Today’s task was cleaning their apartment. Dongyoung had been so busy with work, taking extra shifts to gather money for their family. And Jungwoo… had been sick. Very sick. So, both of them had somewhat abandoned housekeeping and their shared apartment was a mess, to say the least.

When Donghyuck and Renjun had arrived, the first thing they had wanted to do was to find ways to be of help. Practical help. God knew the busy people needed it. It had been Renjun’s idea, to maybe arrange their apartment again. Jaemin had asked for permission and it had been granted so there they were, ready to clean.

It was just one evening of work for the three of them, but a huge help for the couple. Jaemin started with the kitchen, Donghyuck took the living room and Renjun won the bathroom and bedroom in an intense game of rock paper scissors. And so, with their dance songs playing loudly from Jaemin’s Bluetooth speakers, they cleaned diligently. They made sure to get rid of all extra dust, sort the baby products and gifts that the couple had received, and clean even the furthest corners.

By the time the clock hit nine they were somewhat done with the apartment, but the overall work to help the couple wasn’t even close to being done.

“How about going shopping tomorrow?” Jaemin asked as he scrolled through his phone. They had ordered some chicken and were now eating it with great hunger. “Hyung will give me his credit card”

“Sure”, Renjun stretched and sat down next to him, on the couch. “Where should we go?”

“I was thinking of maybe… maybe out of town? We could save money. But I hate the metro”

“We could take my mom’s car, Mark could drive us there”, Donghyuck suggested. “I mean, if it’s okay with you?”

Donghyuck wanted to blend Mark into his friends as soon as possible but Jaemin… He didn’t know what Jaemin thought of him yet. They had met before, but everything had been different then. Mark was fine with meeting Jaemin so, Donghyuck hoped that Jaemin would be okay with it too.

The omega looked at him for a few seconds and then turned back to his phone. 

“Sure”, he answered simply. “How about we meet at the hospital, at twelve? I need to check on hyung in the morning first”

“I’m fine with that”

“Me too”

Donghyuck smiled and texted the answer to his alpha.

Mark joined them the next day. And despite the initial awkwardness, slowly, he started to feel like a part of the team. Jaemin realized that he didn’t have to be ashamed anymore, he started talking to Mark like he had back in New York and they hit it off while shopping for baby products and arranging the bedroom for the children.

It became a routine of some sort. Mark’s aunt let the word out that he was in town, so every other moment someone was calling him and inviting him over - it was cute, to see how happy it made Mark. Despite not being so close with his immediate family, his relatives still wanted to see him and Mark went. Donghyuck gave a raincheck for meeting his relatives and instead focused on taking care of the Kim family’s household.

It was fine, spending some time apart. Mark always offered to help but Donghyuck brushed him off - he could enjoy the attention of his relatives for a change, Donghyuck, Jaemin, and Renjun managed together well. Whenever they did something, there was a hole though, a hole that could fit a person but it wasn’t Mark’s to fill.

Jeno answered no one. They stopped trying after a couple of days, but his absence still felt heavy in the air. Jaemin cried, every now and then. He was still anxious and sad. Renjun and Donghyuck tried their best to distract him, but it didn’t always work. They bought him ice cream and listened when he wept. And every time, his tears dried quicker.

Time. Time was the best cure.

But if the cut was deep and it needed stitches but didn't get any, it wouldn't heal properly.

Donghyuck made sure to visit Jungwoo every morning. Sometimes Mark accompanied him, sometimes he didn’t. And every time he got to the hospital, there were a bunch of confused people in the lobby who, without an exception, were on their way to meet the unlucky omega as well. They were easy to spot, from their over-the-top gifts and cluelessness.

“Oh, we met in pilates class”, smiled Younghoon, a tall beta guy holding a big teddy bear. 

“Yeah, Jungwoo is, like, the top of the class”, continued Sangyeon, who was holding a bouquet of pink flowers, Jungwoo’s favorites. Donghyuck just nodded slowly and showed them their way to Jungwoo’s room. The omega recognized them right away and cried. 

Dongyoung looked amused but welcomed every guest.

“I was his biology tutor”, explained an alpha named Hyunjae, while shaking the rain from his hair - summer rain had surprised them all on the 24th of July. 

“I didn’t know he had a biology tutor”

“Oh, that was just what he liked to call me”; Hyunjae grinned, and when Donghyuck looked taken aback, his smile withered. “Oh, it’s nothing like that! Just, I brought him some vodka, I heard it helps with the pain”

Dongyoung took the bottle and eyed the situation with a sharp eye, but didn’t reproach Donghyuck for letting this particular alpha in. Jungwoo smiled so brightly when he saw him, and Donghyuck knew that this guy was a good friend to him.

“Juyeon hyung!” 

The alpha that Donghyuck hadn’t seen in years turned around to see him. His face had matured a bit but otherwise, he was still the same, with jet black hair and feline kind of eyes, wearing luxury brands without making a big deal out of it. The most humble chaebol son that Donghyuck had ever met in his life.

Not like he had met many. But he was technically related to big business people so he was totally an expert now.

“Good morning, Donghyuck”, the alpha smiled. He was holding hands with someone, a skinny and non-threatening omega who was in turn holding a helium balloon. A huge helium balloon that looked like a unicorn. “Do you happen to know where Jungwoo is?”

“I’m on my way there, you can follow me”, what was he now, a tour guide or something? It felt a bit funny to see Juyeon there but knowing his nature and knowing Jungwoo’s, they had probably stayed friends after their breakup. It hadn’t been messy, just a difference in values and what they wanted. A mature, grown-up relationship from start to finish, despite their age at the time.

Some people just grew up earlier than others. 

“Super”, Juyeon smiled and gestured towards the omega beside him. “Uh, Changmin, this is Donghyuck, a friend of Jungwoo’s. And Donghyuck, meet Changmin, my fiancee”

“Hi”, the omega, Changmin, smiled and the balloon bounced happily as he waved at Donghyuck. Donghyuck saw a glimpse of his engagement ring as the light hit it just right. It was nice to see that Juyeon had found his other half too.

Jungwoo wasn’t in his room when they got there, but Donghyuck knew where to go. So, they headed to the NICU, and through the glass window, they could see into the room where babies were kept.

And at the very back, they could see Jungwoo and Dongyoung. Jungwoo was still in a wheelchair, he was holding something.

One of their children. Dongyoung had kneeled before him and they were looking down at the baby, their eyes shining. It was such a private moment, Donghyuck almost felt bad for looking, but he couldn't turn away.

And when Jungwoo finally spotted them behind the glass, he smiled so widely and held the baby a bit higher. It was as though to show - _look what we made. Isn’t he beautiful?_

Juyeon’s fiancee wiped a tear from his eye, and Donghyuck felt weirdly emotional as well. It was a huge step for them, to be able to hold their children. Donghyuck pretended he didn’t see Dongyoung’s tears. Although, the alpha was more than allowed to cry at the sight of his own children making it. He kissed Jungwoo’s forehead and waved at them to come in as well.

Looking as a tiny baby wrapped his hand around Donghyuck's finger and squeezed with all his might... Donghyuck was once again fascinated by the wonders of life. The tiny human, the helpless and tiny human that was so filled with potential and energy, so many years before it, so much time and chances in the future, so much love around it... It was a person born out of love, both of them were. Donghyuck just looked and didn't say a word for half an hour. And no one made fun of him because of it. 

And then, the last people that he ever needed to guide to Jungwoo’s room were perhaps the most interesting. Donghyuck entered the hospital as usual and looked at the stools in front of the left side windows where he had found the earlier wanderers. And there were a couple on that day too, so he headed there right away as he noticed the rainbow-colored flowers and the big _“Get well soon hyung”_ card the size of an activist cardboard sign.

“Hey, are you on your way to meet Jungwoo hyung?” he asked as he walked closer. The two today looked younger than the earlier ones, looking like lost puppies, struggling to hold all of their gifts in their hands. Jungwoo’s room was so filled with gifts, it was starting to become a problem.

“Yes, we are”, the shorter of the two said. He had a cute, bouncy accent, one of the least annoying ones to listen to.“They told us that someone would come to pick us up. Is that you?”

“Yeah”, the nurses couldn’t just reveal their patient’s room information to anyone that asked. Jungwoo got a lot of visitors, and he didn’t even know who to expect half the time, so Donghyuck had become the unofficial inspector of his visitors, and he led them to his room. Most of the time Donghyuck didn’t know who the people were but if they knew how to introduce themselves, he took them up.

That was true this time as well.

“And who are you, may I ask?”

“Oh, I’m Osaki Shotaro”, the Japanese name fell from his lips easily and explained his accent. “And this is Jung Sungchan. We are Jaemin’s classmates, from university”

Shotaro smiled with his eyes and Sungchan’s smile stayed strictly on his lips. He looked nervous.

“Right”, Donghyuck nodded. “What brings you here?”

“We heard that Jungwoo is unwell”, Shotaro explained. Why he had become the spokesperson when he wasn’t even a native speaker nor the higher status of the two was a bit odd, but maybe Sungchan was just shy. “We met him a few times and wanted to bring our co- concise- consu-”

“Consolations might not be the right word, Shotaro”, Sungchan spoke. He had that similar vibe of the emotional-support-Korean-boy that Jisung used to have with Chenle. “We just wanted to wish him well”

“Sure”, Donghyuck still felt like the reasoning was a bit funny but whatever, it wasn’t his business. If Jaemin’s friends wanted to say hi to his brother then who was he to judge? Technically, really, he was just one of Jaemin’s friends too. Was there even a thing called friend jealousy? Oh but if there were, he wasn’t feeling any, none, of course, Jaemin would get new friends at Uni because everyone did.

“Well, then, follow me”, he turned around like the unmotivated tour guide that he was. “It’s on the third floor”

“Yay”, Shotaro sounded excited and walked right next to him while Sungchan stayed back. “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name?”

“I’m Donghyuck”, Donghyuck answered. Shotaro was so cute. “I’m Jaemin’s childhood friend, he might have mentioned me before?”

He _should have_ , come on, they had had a wild childhood together. Or, teenage years at least.

“Oh, he has”, Shotaro nodded repeatedly and Donghyuck smiled. They walked to the stairway - the day was a bit colder and he felt a bit less lazy than normally, for reasons unknown. “You’re the one he went to New York with!”

“Yes, that’s me”

“Oh I really wanted to meet you, you sounded so cool!” Shotaro smiled so brightly. “Can I ask you something?”

“Uh, sure, go ahead”

“Why… I mean, Jaemin said that you were looking for your family, right? But why?”

“Um”, what exactly had Jaemin told him? “I’m adopted, that’s why”

“Oh”, Shotaro nodded slowly. “But, like, why?”

“Oh my god, Shotaro, you can’t just ask people why they’re adopted”

Sungchan grabbed Shotaro’s arm and Donghyuck just stopped walking, to watch the scene unfolding in front of him.

“But why?” 

“Please, just, try to behave, okay?” Sungchan said to the boy from between his teeth. “I don’t want Jaemin to hear anything weird about us”

“Oh, he already thinks that you’re weird”, Shotaro said, his smile not wavering at all. “What, are you afraid that I'll expose your plan of warming him u- _hmph!_ ”

 _“Shutupshutupshutup_ ”, Sungchan covered Shotaro’s mouth and turned to smile at Donghyuck innocently. His cheeks were bright red. “Um, so, where was his room exactly?"

“Two floors up”, Donghyuck stared at them, amused.

So, this Sungchan had the hots for Jaemin. Not unexpected, Jaemin gathered adorers everywhere he went. Maybe he could tell him that Jaemin’s heart wasn’t really in the state to welcome a new person there yet… or maybe he could just leave it since it wasn’t his business. Everyone had a crush on Jaemin at one point in their lives. _Everyone,_ except for maybe Renjun.

Jungwoo was very surprised but he welcomed the visitors warmly.

"I'm concerned"; Dongyoung whispered to Donghyuck while Jungwoo laughed at something Shotaro said. "I feel like half of the population has visited us and I have no idea who these people are"

"That's Jungwoo for you", Donghyuck leaned against the wall, his arms crossed. "You'd better Live stream your naming parties if you don't want the guest list to extend half a million people"

Their wedding had already been enormous, but babies brought in even more people. At least the children were going to get a lot of gifts and attention. Wasn't that the best thing that new parents could hope for?

When Jaemin came and saw his friends there... he was confused as well, but he thanked them with all of his heart. Donghyuck just followed from the side as Sungchan's cheeks turned redder and redder. Ah, to be young and have a crush again. A hopeless crush. How innocent, how fleeting.

And time went on.

Things were moving forward but not exactly in the way that Donghyuck would have wanted them to. Especially with Jeno - they were moving nowhere. And no one knew exactly what to do. Donghyuck kept thinking of the possibility of just going to his door and screaming at him until the beta got to his senses, but he didn’t truly feel like it would help anyone.

And besides, he had his own problems to worry about too.

One of the biggest ones being his health. 

Nausea kept bothering him. He had been nauseous in Guangzhou but it got worse, now, he felt it almost all the time. If he ate, he felt nauseous, if he didn’t, he felt weak. He couldn’t explain it with the heat and an unfamiliar environment anymore, so he felt more worried.

However, he tried to keep it to himself for most of the time. He complained to Renjun and Jaemin every now and then but that was it. Maybe he was still coming down from the trip, maybe he was stressed, maybe it was because he slept irregularly and too much at times. Maybe it was the hospital air that made him sick.

Maybe it was just his weak stomach. Maybe it was normal and it would go away. It had to go away at some point if he just tried not to throw up and make it a habit. Sometimes he couldn’t help it, but most of the time, if he just drank water and took deep breaths, he could keep it down.

See? No problem! 

He kept trying his best to ignore it. The Kim family needed strong friends now. Everything would fall into place with time, he didn’t have to do anything in particular, to Jeno or himself. It would be alright.

His life was stabilizing now, with Mark and with the rest of his friends. He had found his long lost family, he had figured out all of the questions that had bothered him. He was done with his past and ready to live for his future. He would get healthy again, Jeno would come around and everything would be alright. 

Everything.

...

Donghyuck collapsed on top of Mark after his third orgasm of the night. 

“You’re unbelievable”, he whispered. They were trying to be quiet as Donghyuck’s family was right behind the wall, trying to sleep. They had been going at it until the early hours of the morning, with dim light and whispers, under the covers, hidden from the world. Mark chuckled and pressed a kiss to his forehead. 

“I love you”, Mark whispered. “My sweet omega”

“I’m letting you speak to me like that just because you just orgasmed”, Donghyuck muttered while trying to catch his breath. “Keep those overly sweet statements to yourself”

“Sure”, Mark laughed and stroked Donghyuck’s hair. “You smell so good”

Mark had knotted him again. He often did, and Donghyuck usually didn’t mind. It didn’t hurt if he was properly prepped and aroused, it only felt a bit weird when he was coming down, like right now. But it was alright. It was Mark.

“So”, Mark whispered to his ear. “How was your day?”

“Are we doing small talk until your knot shrinks?” Donghyuck asked, amused. Mark shrugged.

“Might as well. You didn’t tell me yet”

“Okay”, Donghyuck smiled. “Well, in the morning I went to the Kim household to finish the arranging, then I took a quick stroll to the university to make a small adjustment to my course choices for next semester. Renjun and I also ate some BBQ and then I came home to fuck you”

Donghyuck was expecting a chuckle or something from the alpha, but none came.

“Oh”, Mark sounded surprised. “So you didn’t meet Jungwoo today?”

“No, not today”, the new parents had spent most of the day with their babies, and Jungwoo’s parents had finally returned too so he had let the family have their time together. 

“That’s odd”, the alpha muttered and kept stroking his hair. “His smell still lingers around you”

“It does?” That didn’t make any sense. Donghyuck felt confused, but “I met Jaemin briefly today. Maybe, I don’t know, I caught Jungwoo’s scent from him?”

“Yeah, it’s possible”

No. It wasn’t. That never happened.

When Mark had long fallen asleep, Donghyuck laid against his chest and couldn't stop thinking about it. He had seen Jungwoo the day before, indeed, but there was no reason why he would still smell like the older omega. A sweet smell was sticky, so they said, and especially when the older omega still had that strong smell of pregnancy around him. But still, it didn’t make sense.

Unless… It wasn't _his_ scent that remained, but rather, something that they both had _in common._

Donghyuck got up, carefully, making sure that Mark didn’t wake up. He took a small box out of his bedside table, something that Jaemin had left there during his visit after his first heat with Jeno. He tiptoed to the bathroom and took a long look at himself in the mirror.

He looked at his messy hair and bruised neck. His swollen lips and tired eyes. He thought back to the past weeks, and the feeling somewhere deep in his soul that had been bothering him for a while.

Donghyuck couldn't possibly be that unlucky now, could he? The world wouldn’t be that cruel.

But the two pink lines forming in front of his eyes begged to differ.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aight what the hell


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seeing Mark making eggs with Haechan's and Jaemin's support was definitely one of the highlights of this promotion period. I felt so warm watching that. Ah, man.
> 
> Alright, this chapter contains the final flashback of the series. I know, I've included one on every single chapter and I still have two left after this but, the story of the past came to a natural ending here. I hope you liked it! Tell me what you thought and if there's something that you're still wondering about, let me know! Now, let's dive in!

**_February 2019_ **

_Chanyeol wasn't exactly sure how he should react to him. Haechan glanced at him and his light brown eyes were exactly the same as Baekhyun's. Filled with determination and fire. Even though his features otherwise were very different from Baekhyun, the eyes gave it all away. He was the long lost son, the one that Chanyeol had only held once during the fateful summer._

_Chanyeol knew that it was against his alpha nature, to see the boy that wasn't his and still feel happy but, he resembled Baekhyun. And Chanyeol loved Baekhyun._

_Said omega was currently fussing with his son, like the parent Chanyeol had always known he would be. Chanyeol watched the scene play out, with affection spreading in his heart, but soon realized he wasn't the only one who did that._

_There was a young alpha there too, watching what was happening with furrowed brows. He looked a bit sad but still, with as much love in his eyes as Chanyeol felt. He looked oddly familiar - wasn't he one of Johnny's friends who came around every other day? What was his name, something American? Like, Mike or Michael or Matt or something? Mark?_

_Well, Chanyeol didn’t need to bother his head with that for long, since Baekhyun deemed himself done and walked to him._

_“So, to my place?” he asked as they started to walk. It was still quite cold, but Baekhyun’s hand in Chanyeol's warmed his whole body. He had this strange ability to do that - if Chanyeol was fire, Baekhyun was his light. Together they were the warmth in the darkest of times, coldest of nights._

_“Wherever you want to go”, Chanyeol smiled. Baekhyun smiled back and leaned his head against Chanyeol’s side as they walked, Chanyeol’s arm wrapped around Baekhyun's shoulders._

_“This feels unreal”, Baekhyun sighed. They walked slowly, because, why hurry? Their work for the day was done. “I never would have thought this would happen”_

_“Me neither”, Chanyeol agreed. “Haechan must have gone through so much trouble to find you. I know I wasn’t able to do it, back in the day"_

_“But you did, eventually”, Baekhyun wrapped his own arms around him too, his hips. “It’s funny, but I feel like I have to believe in fate now”_

_“When life shows you its brighter side, it’s easy to believe in something greater”_

_“There’s always been light”, Baekhyun said. “Sometimes it’s just harder to see”_

_They took a taxi to Baekhyun’s apartment. They spent more time there because Baekhyun felt more comfortable, safer there. The long, painful shadow of Brandon still spread over his life but he was slowly getting over it. With help, with love._

_Mongryong ran to meet them, and Baekhyun kneeled to pet it and blabber at it with his overly sweet voice. Baekhyun’s motherly instincts had bloomed even more now that he had gotten the dog, and with Haechan coming around. And Chanyeol was happy to see it._

_They made some tea, as neither could stomach coffee at such a late hour, and they sat on the sofa to cuddle. All three of them. Masterchef was playing on the TV, but Chanyeol focused more on petting Baekhyun’s hair. Baekhyun, in turn, petted Mongryong._

_“Did I tell you that Haechan talked to Kyungsoo?” Baekhyun asked. Chanyeol furrowed his brows._

_“No. How did he find him?”_

_“Kyungsoo still has the same phone number that he did ten years ago”, Baekhyun’s smile was evident in his voice but Chanyeol felt a bit uneasy. “That grumpy old man”_

_“Do you know what he said to Haechan? If he talked about us?” he asked._

_“No”, Baekhyun answered. “I didn’t pry. But judging by Haechan's reactions, he couldn’t have said anything bad. Without Kyungsoo, Haechan would have never found me, us. Can you imagine, after all these years, it was Kyungsoo who helped my son first”_

_“Kyungsoo has always done his best to help people”, Chanyeol sighed. “Even when he got nothing out of it himself.”_

_Even when he only got yelled at. Even when he only got blamed._

_“Don’t you think it’s about time we contacted him again?” Baekhyun asked. Chanyeol furrowed his brows even more._

_“I don’t have his number anymore. I haven’t had it in years”_

_“Me neither. But Haechan gave it to me”, Baekhyun said and sat up. Mongryong jumped down from his lap and followed curiously as his owner walked to the hallway, to dig his jacket pockets. Chanyeol just looked after him, his thoughts running wild but tired too. He felt nervous thinking of it._

_Ha. He must have messed up really badly if the mere thought of talking to Kyungsoo made him feel that way._

_He had._

_“Does he even want to talk to us?” Chanyeol asked. “We were pretty nasty”_

_“Haechan said that he had specifically asked for him to notify him if he found me”, Baekhyun answered as he returned to the sofa, with a piece of paper and his phone in his hand. “Jongdae had said the same, apparently, but I can take care of that later. But we both need to talk to Kyungsoo again and… why not do it now?”_

_“But what are we supposed to even say?” Chanyeol asked as he opened his arms for Baekhyun again. “It’s been so long. Years”_

_“We could start with an apology and work it out from there”, Baekhyun started typing the numbers from the paper to the phone. He could have saved the number to his phone in the first place - Baekhyun’s thought patterns were still late to the technology, he forgot his phone to the weirdest of places all the time. But it was cute, it didn't make his life too hard so it was okay._

_“Oh, you’re optimistic”_

_“How could I not be?”, he looked up to Chanyeol with a bright smile. The kind that he loved the most. The kind that was becoming more and more usual for him. It fit his face so well, the wrinkles in the corners of his eyes looked pretty on him. “Good brings forth more good. It’s about time I stopped fearing for the worst all the time - I got you back, I got my son back. Why not Kyungsoo?”_

_“I can’t say whether that’s healthy confidence or arrogance”_

_“It’s neither, silly. It’s faith. Hope."_

_Baekhyun placed a sweet kiss on the corner of Chanyeol's mouth and then turned towards his phone._

_“So, you ready?”_

_“When you are”_

_And he hit call._

...

“Jeno! Lee Jeno! Lee _Fucking_ Jeno open the window I KNOW you’re in there!!”

Donghyuck didn’t really know, not for sure. But he had quite a good idea of where the beta could be.

He knew all of Jeno’s friends, and none of them were hanging out with him now. The school was off, it was early in the morning, the only place where the beta could be was at the gym or home, and Donghyuck was willing to place his bets. Jeno had not just ignored his calls - he had hung up on him. So, he was most likely just at home, sulking, as he should be.

Donghyuck picked a few small rocks from the ground and threw them to the windowsill of Jeno’s room on the second floor. Call it old school, he couldn’t say he had done that a lot when they had been kids or anything, but Jeno didn’t leave him with a lot of options.

“Lee Jeno, answer me you coward!!”

Donghyuck was preparing to throw his fourth one, a rock a bit too big and thrown with a bit too much force but luckily, the beta came to his senses and opened the window.

“What the fuck Donghyuck?!” He yelled. It was weird seeing Jeno without his constant eye smile. He looked like the stubborn beta Jaemin had described - and Donghyuck got even madder.

“What’s your problem?” he yelled back. “Why are you not picking up my calls?!”

“I have nothing to say to you! Just leave”, Jeno shouted expressionlessly. His attitude was like water to Donghyuck’s grease fire - if he thought _that_ was going to kill it then he couldn’t be more wrong. Because he had just created a raging flame that was going to burn everything from its way.

“Are you out of your mind?” Donghyuck asked. Actually, maybe it was good that Jeno hadn’t just come down to meet him because shouting released at least some of his anger. “Jaemin is suffering! Do you not care at all?”

“It’s not like he does either, so, why should I?”

“Jungwoo is in the hospital”, Donghyuck yelled. “He had to give birth prematurely because he was so sick, Jaemin feared that he would die and he crashed the car because he was so panicked and you didn’t answer!”

A small crack was formed in Jeno’s mask of indifference. Small enough, that not everyone could see it. But Donghyuck had known Jeno before he had known himself - this wasn’t him. This cold, indifferent person was not him. This was like an eschar that had formed over his wounds. He had been so hurt, he had turned into this… this awful thing.

Jeno fixed that crack quickly, or rather, he didn’t care that Donghyuck had seen it.

“That’s too bad”

“Stop”, Donghyuck spat out. “I know that you care! What’s wrong with you?”

“My boyfriend cheated on me with you and you think you have a right to tell me anything?” Jeno tsk-ed, his face a little harder again, and shook his head. “Leave, I don’t want to have anything to do with you”

“So, is this how it’s all going to end?” Donghyuck screamed before the beta managed to close the window. “Because of a heat kiss? You’re not even going to let me explain?”

“It’s not only that!” Jeno argued. “You've always gotten everything you ever wanted, you selfish brick! I heard your father is a fucking millionaire, go back to your perfect family, and leave me alone!”

“You are the one who doesn’t know anything!” Donghyuck knew that what Jeno said was true. “It’s not what you think it is, not at all!”

Jeno had always been insecure, about his face, his wealth, his family, and his sub gender. He hadn’t said much but Donghyuck knew - of course, he knew, he knew better than anyone. And he should have been a friend who makes those worries disappear, makes him feel like it doesn’t matter that he was a beta or that his house was not big or that his family was broken. But he hadn’t. 

Donghyuck should have been a better friend. All of them could have done better, but Donghyuck could only fix himself

“What? No roses and rainbows for you, for the first time in your fucking life? Ohhhh too bad!”

Jeno grabbed the window, intending to close it and that was when Donghyuck felt a slight panic form in his chest. No. No, it couldn’t end like this. So, he let it all out.

“My biological family… it’s a mess of people not being able to speak their minds when it matters the most! A pack of idiots who lie and keep secrets, thinking they’re somehow better alone. But you know what, we are not! We are all shitty people, but only when we’re left alone, only when we _choose_ to be all alone and not swallow our pride for… for ONCE, do we become _INSUFFERABLE!”_

Donghyuck screamed. Where was he even going with that? He had tried to plan his words beforehand but his head was a mess and he hadn’t been able to predict Jeno’s reactions.

“My omega father lost years, not being with the people he cared about the most. My alpha father threw his whole life away for image, doing something he fucking hated in all parts of his life. A few poorly contemplated decisions sent both of them on a path that they were unable to turn away from on their own. I’m the offspring of those fools, and in a way I should be thankful for their idiocy because I wouldn’t have met any of you if they had been responsible but fuck, it must be in my genes to be a fucking idiot!

I left for this journey to find out who I really am. And this shit is not what I wanted to find! I found out who I was about to become - a worthless, pathetic piece of shit, someone who speaks all the time but doesn’t say anything, someone who turns away from the truth for comfort, someone who gives up! And I’m not going to do that, I’m NOT, that’s why I’m here, on your broken doorstep begging for you to listen to me this one fucking time when I have something to say!”

And Jeno slammed the window shut.

So Donghyuck just stood there, like an idiot. He felt out of breath, but he also had to wipe away some tears, fuck, he hated how hormonal-

No. He hated how _emotional_ he was. He waited, in the quietness, until he heard the door to the garden open.

“I was going to ask, _since when have you been this dramatic_ , but”, Jeno started. “I guess you’ve always been like this. Loud, and over the top”

Donghyuck spat to the ground. His sudden burst of energy tasted foul in his mouth, he felt a bit too weak to be pulling stunts like this. But it had made Jeno a bit softer, so it had been worth it.

“Of course”, he answered. “This is important”

“Speak, then”, Jeno answered, and his poor attempt at being very cold and alpha-like made Donghyuck feel warmer inside. Because it had just been like that, a poor attempt. Samoyed couldn’t look scary, no matter how much it growled.

“I’m sorry”, Donghyuck answered. “For doing something so stupid. I wasn’t thinking of anything other than my own pain and pleasure, I’m sorry for ruining our friendship like this. It was never my intention”

Jeno crossed his arms and still had an upset and firm expression on his face.

“Thinking with your dick. As usual”, a weak attempt to provoke him. 

“Yeah”, that was the truth. “That’s exactly what I did. And that’s exactly what Jaemin did too. He never meant to hurt you, he was scared”

“I never hurt him. He had no reason to be scared”

“Jaemin doesn’t exactly need a reason to be scared, you know how he can be”, Donghyuck shook his head. “He was afraid of pregnancy, uncertain of how to speak to you about it, afraid of losing you. And I know, he handled it poorly and crying to me about it and kissing me was stupid but what’s done is done.”

Donghyuck took a deep breath.

“Honestly”, he kept his eyes on the ground. “You can stay ‘separated’, I don’t know if you fit together romantically and I personally don’t care. But you’re happier around each other, you were best friends for so long. I just want the two of you to be alright. I want you to be happy. I want all of us to be happy, somewhat.”

Jeno grimaced and looked away. His hands were clenched into fists and his expression was tense. He was obviously fighting internally, so Donghyuck just waited. For once, he waited for him to resolve his thoughts first before yelling over him.

And finally, he spoke.

“I’m tired”

“What?” Donghyuck wasn’t sure if he had heard right.

“I’m tired, okay? I’m so tired of… okay you know what, forget it”

“No”, Donghyuck almost yelled and grabbed Jeno’s arm before the beta managed to move anywhere. “Tell me. Whatever it is. Please”

“I’m mad, okay”, Jeno stared at his hand with a firm expression but didn’t shake it off. “And I kind of want to stay mad, forever. I’m so tired of always being a wallflower, a spectator of your drama, and nojam. Like, I know that there’s not much in me but I have feelings too you know”

“I’m sorry”, Donghyuck squeezed his arm a little but that was when Jeno pulled free. “I’ve been a shitty friend”

Jeno rubbed his face violently and then, he sat down. On the doorstep, he dropped on it and stared at the ground. He looked tired, angry, messed up. And Donghyuck just stood there, watching him, not knowing what to do. Jeno thought for a while, his expression not softening. But the lines between his eyebrows finally disappeared.

“You’re not a shitty friend”, he finally sighed. “Or if you are then I am too. I know I am”

Jeno calmed down a lot. Donghyuck stepped closer and sat down next to him, now that he deemed it safe. Or, he had never felt unsafe with Jeno, but explaining that to his omega instincts now was difficult. Jeno didn’t move away from him, they just sat on the doorstep and watched the road in front of the house, the one with broken asphalt and vegetation pushing through from every possible crack on the ground.

“We’ve all made mistakes”, Donghyuck muttered. “I guess, in that sense, we’re no different from anyone else”

They had always sworn that they would be. Just like every group of friends did. But they had thought they would be different. Just like everyone else did. _We will not drift apart after high school ends, we’re better, we’re different._

Different, maybe. But not better.

“Maybe”, Jeno agreed. “What do you want me to do?”

Donghyuck picked up a rock from his feet and twiddled it in his hands. “I just wanted you to listen. To think about these things, to find some sort of closure, with yourself and us. I… I don’t want to lose you Jeno”

“I don’t… I don’t want that either”, Jeno admitted, slowly giving up this cold character. “I’m angry. I hate you for doing what you did. But I don’t… I hate how things have turned out, even more”

“Then let’s fix them”, Donghyuck tried. “Come with me to the hospital. Talk to Jaemin”

Jeno looked at him in the eyes again, and Donghyuck wasn’t sure what he saw. Frustration, maybe? Maybe anger. 

“I don’t know”, he said and stood up again. He kicked a rock from his way and put his hands into his pockets. Donghyuck didn’t stand up, instead, he watched him clear his head, walking in circles.

“What do you not know?”

“I don’t know what to say to him”, he answered. “I’ve been awful. I feel awful. My head is a mess and I’m embarrassed”

“You could tell him that you forgive him? Jaemin wants to talk to you, he is hurting when you’re away. Talk things through, properly, so that no resentment lingers around.”

Jeno kicked the rock again.

“It’s easy for you to say”

“I went through it too”, Donghyuck didn’t like his tone, not at all. “I fought with Mark, badly, we were on a brink of a breakup. It was probably the worst two days of my life, fighting with him and not knowing who of my friends were still left since you decided to make this a public thing”

He wasn’t even hiding the venom in his voice. Jeno grinded his teeth but, as he kept staring at Donghyuck, he bit his words back and instead, slowly, melted his hard stare. He looked away. 

“I’m sorry about that”

Donghyuck just shook his head.

“Just don’t do it again”

“Are you planning to drive me to a situation like that again?”

“That’s ridiculous, of course not”, Donghyuck huffed. 

Jeno walked some more. They were moving on very slowly, but the progress they had made in the past twenty minutes was so much more than before. Jeno was opening up slowly. Donghyuck should have done this the first day he arrived. 

But it was only last night that he had suddenly felt the drive to fix this. 

Maybe because he had bigger problems in his hands now. He wanted to fix things that were easier to fix, something that he had control over.

“Is Mark here now?” Jeno asked after thinking to himself for a while, and Donghyuck’s heart performed a weird circus act at the mention of Mark. 

“Yes, he is”

“Did he… just forgive you?”

“He didn’t _just_ _forgive me_ ”, Donghyuck didn’t like Jeno’s tone. “We fought. We talked. We spent some time apart. But we’re committed so we stayed together, he was able to forgive me.”

“How noble of him”, Jeno sighed from between his teeth. He ruffled his hair angrily and walked again. Jeno’s feelings were a roller coaster, it was so unlike what betas were supposed to-

No. Donghyuck knew that it was a sore subject to Jeno. Subgenders. No matter what he said, the beta would remain insecure. Mad. Donghyuck would have to change his attitude and the way he treated Jeno.

But that didn’t mean that he had to just sit there and ignore all of his feelings.

“If you have something to say then just spit it out”, he snapped. “I apologized, there’s no reason for you to go after my alpha”

“Oh, he is your alpha now?” Jeno raised his brows, his expression hardening immediately again. Donghyuck was so tired, he didn’t want to fight but he wasn’t a submissive omega who just ignored the vicious tone that Jeno used. “When did that change?”

“Seriously, I don’t get you”, Donghyuck rubbed his face. “Are you jealous or something? That I didn’t fuck up like you did, that I actually have something that holds through my mistakes? ”

“That’s obnoxious, coming from you”

“Oh sorry, aren’t you the mister perfect here with your prejudice and attitude”

“Me? I have an attitude? Life’s been kicking me in the head for years and when I get bitter, I’m the one who is wrong?”

“Everyone has their problems, you’re not special”, Donghyuck stood up, but his body had already reacted to his mood and he tasted bile in his mouth. Oh, how wonderful, it undermined his words, but only for himself. "Are you trying to pick a fight with me?"

"What, because I'm a beta I'm not supposed to feel anger or frustration?"

"That's not what I- or okay, maybe I've said that in the past but I'm not that much of an idiot anymore! Why do you have to drag the subgender to this?"

"Me? You guys are the ones who never talk about anything but! I'm nothing in that equation, zero, useless! I'm tired of always being that!"

If Donghyuck only stopped to think about it, he could have seen Jeno's side and understood him. But he wasn't about to do that now.

"All we've ever said to you was how envious we are of you!"

"Oh, because I don't have a mating period?! That's about the only thing, while everything else in me is just nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing. You don't know what it's like!"

"I... I'm in deep trouble because of my gender! It's not easy being an omega either!"

"On what front? Heats? Please, you always got what you wanted, attention and closeness, and people bowed to you if you as much as smiled and you never saw that! What kind of trouble could you possibly-"

“I’m pregnant, Jeno!”

Silence. 

It was such a cheap trick, but Donghyuck didn’t… he hadn’t been thinking. Or had he? Anyway, he couldn’t look Jeno in the face, he turned away from him and rubbed his eyes aggressively. No tears now, no tears _please_ , he wasn’t even that sad so why was he tearing up all the time, he...

Donghyuck had told no one, not even Mark but instead there he was, telling it to Jeno in the middle of an argument. He should have listened to Jeno, he really should have, but how could he when the beta just kept yelling at him and his instincts told him to escape because an angry beta was a _threat_ to his-

Hearing himself say it somehow made it feel more real. Still, he had trouble coming to terms with it.

That hadn’t been how he had expected things to go - nothing had really gone like he had hoped or thought that they would. However, Jeno was one of Donghyuck’s oldest friends. Whenever he had dreamed of his future, was it maybe finding a mate or getting engaged or pregnant or anything really, he had imagined telling his friends first. Especially Jeno, and Renjun, who had been there next to him since the very beginning. They had grown up together, found themselves together, experienced the biggest changes and if Jeno was erased from Donghyuck’s past, it would be incomplete. 

He was not going to let the older remove himself from his future either. He needed Jeno into his life, and something as small as hormones and bad timing, small mistakes, was not going to change it. Jeno was being mean because he was hurt. Donghyuck could forgive him if he just… if he just came back to his senses. And he understood him, now maybe better than ever.

But he… Why had everything gone so wrong?

Everything.

Jeno reached out to touch his shoulder.

“Shit, Donghyuck”, Jeno was searching for words. “You’re not serious, are you?”

“Why would I lie about something like this?” His voice broke as he turned around again. Jeno pulled his hand away - he looked confused, unbelieving. Of course. Oh how much Donghyuck wished that it would be a lie.

“I- uh”

Donghyuck looked at his feet again. 

“I'm sorry for treating you wrong. And I'm sorry for... only showing up now that I'm in trouble”, he squeezed his eyes shut to keep his mind clear. Sometimes it worked, he just focused on keeping his voice steady. “I know you’re hurt and it’s easy to hate me because believe me, I’ve hated myself. But I can’t lose you, I refuse. You’ve always been a part of my life and I hate the idea of you slipping away because… because…”

Before he managed to end his sentence, he felt arms around him. And that was when the rest of his words left him, they rode his tears and fell down. Jeno embraced him, surrounding him with his familiar smell and Donghyuck felt so sad, but at the same time, relieved. He hadn’t hugged Jeno in months - not like they did that a lot but, he hadn’t been around the beta nearly as much as in the past. He had missed him so much.

“Oh god, Hyuckie”, Jeno whispered. “I'm so sorry, I- It's nothing, okay? Do you know what you’re going to do?”

Donghyuck shook his head, as he didn’t trust his voice. He had stayed up the whole night, thinking, but he wasn’t any wiser. And Jeno's problems weren't _nothing_ , his feelings were valid and should be understood too. Donghyuck had been selfish for making this about himself again - how typical. 

“I’ve got you”, Jeno continued. “You won’t be left alone with this. I’m sorry for being an asshole. I’ll fix things with Jaemin and we’ll help you, alright?”

Oh, how people came around when things actually got serious.

Donghyuck couldn’t speak but he nodded and squeezed Jeno a little harder. He had expected the beta to snap at him, to roll his eyes at his problem since it was ridiculous. A baby at 19 years old, with an alpha he had basically just met? With someone who lived on the other side of the world? He had been irresponsible, he had been an idiot to let that happen. Everyone knew it.

But instead, Jeno promised to support him. He was indeed hugging his friend, the Jeno he had known before all this mess.

“Your alpha”, Jeno spoke again but didn’t let go of him. Donghyuck felt good hugging him, feeling his heartbeat, his warmth, and his voice vibrate against him. “He isn’t… hurting you, is he?”

Donghyuck shook his head violently. Now, he had to force himself to speak.

“Mark would never”, he said. “I slept with him willingly, it was the birth control that failed. Mark is not that kind of an alpha”

He took a break, to take a deep breath and calm himself down.

“You should meet him”, he continued. “You would really like him”

“Okay”, Jeno answered. “I sure hope that he is as good as you say. I don’t want to have to punch him.”

...

It wasn’t exactly that easy. He had to talk with Jeno some more, about Jaemin and his behavior and about everything that had been bothering them before, but at least they weren’t yelling anymore. They could talk more civilly. Donghyuck knew that a part of it was because Jeno now recognized his more ‘fragile’ state but, it was more mature to sit down and talk, properly. And it seemed to work.

Jeno drove them to the hospital. Donghyuck stayed quiet during the way, he had dried his tears and Jeno had made him drink a full glass of water before they could leave. Donghyuck texted Jaemin to make sure that he was indeed at the hospital, and the younger had said yes.

They were far from okay, still, but this was a huge leap in the right direction. Donghyuck wanted to feel optimistic. At least, regarding this subject.

Donghyuck went through his messages during their drive and, as this day seemed to be the one when he took care of all things that he should have ages ago, he checked through Kris’s messages.

There were many of them. And as he had answered very vaguely, the alpha had sent even more of them. 

_**Kris 2019/07/22  
** Donghyuck, are you coming back to China? _

_**Kris 2019/07/24**  
How are your grades? Are you sure that you want to study humanities?  
I could get you to a better school? _

_**Kris 2019/07/25**  
Could you give me Baekhyun’s number?  
I would love to talk to him again.  
Can you tell me when he’s in Korea? _

**_Kris 2019/07/26_ **   
_I could teach you to play golf_

**_Kris 2019/07/27_ **   
_Donghyuck?  
Are my messages coming through?_

He seemed… weirdly invested. So much so that Donghyuck got annoyed. This man had a son of his own - a legal son that he should treat better. Maybe Baekhyun had been his first love and Donghyuck resembled him and now he wanted to get to know him, but he could have done that all those years ago. He could have chosen a different way.

Maybe it was unfair for Donghyuck to think like that since he hadn’t lived in his shoes and he kept making stupid mistakes of his own but, if Kris had really loved Baekhyun, he could have come back. Stay in touch. It wasn’t the 1950s and even then, people wrote letters. He could have tried harder. It was too late now.

Yeah, maybe Donghyuck was also treating his omega and alpha dads differently. But so what? The thing was, that he actually liked Baekhyun. He wasn't that sure about Kris.

Kris should love his spouse and his son now. Donghyuck felt bad for Justin, really. And knowing the kind of plotting and lying happening in business families, especially in the Wu family, he honestly didn’t want anything to do with them.

He had met the guy. And that was enough. He didn’t regret going through all the effort to find him because if he hadn’t, he would have always wondered what he was missing. Now he knew. And now he could move on. He was an adult, he was allowed to make decisions on who he wanted to stay in touch with and who he didn’t. And especially now that he was about to become a-

No. He texted Kris politely, asking him to please stop bombing him with messages all the time.

He also answered Renjun - the alpha was planning on visiting the hospital in the afternoon and dealing with some school matters after that. Donghyuck wished him luck. Renjun had gotten his adventure, he had to return to his everyday life now. His studies didn’t wait.

As Jeno parked the car, he got out and took the beta to the third floor.

Luckily, they met Jaemin outside the room. The omega looked pained, anxious, but Donghyuck felt calm leaving the two of them together. There were lots of things for them to talk about.

Forcing them to stay as friends wasn’t right. But Donghyuck hoped that they could find a way to stay in touch. They had been so good together. 

Jeno had been a good guy. He could be that again. He could apologize and never do those things again. Jaemin could grow. They all could.

So, Donghyuck left them to it and went to meet Jungwoo instead.

“Hey, hyung”, Donghyuck closed the door quietly after himself. Jungwoo looked sleepy, his lips chapped and dark circles under his eyes but still, he looked beautiful. That was just something that Jungwoo was, would always be. Even though his body was wrecked and his recovery was taking up all of his energy - he was still gorgeous and beautiful. Because his beauty came from something so much more than just physical traits.

“Hey, Hyuckie”, Jungwoo smiled a little but he looked concerned. His voice was still weak, quiet. “Did I hear Jeno in the hallway?”

“You did”, Donghyuck walked to him, to sit next to him on the bed. Jungwoo played with the remote and lifted the bed into a better position so that he was sitting up a bit, and Donghyuck wrapped his arms around him. Jungwoo had always enjoyed the physical closeness, in that way they could sense each other better and not everything had to be explained by words. Now, Jungwoo wasn’t so fragile that Donghyuck had to fear being close to him anymore, but he still moved carefully. “He came to make up.”

“Oh”, Jungwoo sounded unsure. “Did you have to force him?”

“Jeno and Jaemin are both a mess”, Donghyuck sighed and petted Jungwoo’s hair. “They need time. And some kicking from the outside. They both have their… things they need to apologize for”

“Yeah, I know”, Jungsoo sighed. “It’s just hard to stay impartial when you only hear one side of the story”

“It is”, Donghyuck muttered. He hadn’t had the chance to talk to Jungwoo alone since his arrival, so he needed to use this chance to talk with him. “Are you mad at me? About… you know”

Jaemin always told Jungwoo everything. So, Jungwoo probably knew about their fight, as well as everything leading to it. Jaemin’s side.

“No”, Jungwoo answered and leaned to Donghyuck’s touch. “I said that it’s hard, not that I don’t have a brain. I understand why you fought, I feel like that was a long time coming for you two, all of that”

Donghyuck thought of his words.

“Yeah”, he leaned his cheek on Jungwoo’s head. “We are all a mess. God save us”

“I heard that you made up with Mark though?” Jungwoo said. “I don’t want to pry but, you know. Hyung is curious”

“Oh, right, I should keep you updated on these things”, Donghyuck nodded. “Yeah, he forgave me and we’re still together. He said that he wants to make a commitment, for me”

“Ohh, how romantic. That alpha is a keeper”, Jungwoo sounded like he could cry again. He was like a sponge of emotions now, Donghyuck didn’t comment on it. “Hold on to him”

“I will”, Donghyuck sighed and blinked a few too many times. “With all that I have”

The unicorn balloon was moving a little, following the soft wind blowing in from the window. All of the stuffed animals on Jungwoo’s nightstand, piled on the corner of the room, weren’t exactly meant for him. They were meant for his children. It was funny, holding him like this, Jungwoo didn’t feel any different. He was still the same hyung, the big brother who had placed others before himself.

But now, he had someone, a couple of someones, who were even more important than any of those people in the past could ever be. He had a new reason for his existence - Jungwoo was going to raise his babies now, as a parent. He was going to be called appa, dad, he was going to cook meals to his babies and kiss their foreheads and tuck them to bed and read them bedtime stories and help them with their homework and cry at their graduation and-

His whole life was going to be different. And he could never turn away. He could never return to what he used to be once, no matter how much he might want to.

“Do you have something on your heart, Donghyuck?” Jungwoo asked in his usual, kind of casual but still caring way, and Donghyuck hugged him a bit closer. Jungwoo’s smell was so strong, he doubted the other would be able to smell anything odd on Donghyuck. No one could, this early. Except for… for his mate, of course.

“Maybe”, that meant yes, but with a condition. “It’s nothing se- well, it would be a lie to say that it isn’t serious but, I’m alright. I’m going to take care of it soon”

“Good”, Jungwoo seemed satisfied with that. “Will you tell me about it afterwards?”

“I will”, Donghyuck breathed in his scent to calm himself. “I promise”

...

When he left Jungwoo’s room, Jaemin and Jeno were nowhere to be found. Oh well, maybe they had gone to the hospital canteen, or outside - the fact that they were together meant that they had to be talking, and Donghyuck’s work was done. For now, for them.

The next step for Donghyuck was to go home and talk to Mark. He had to talk to him right away, keeping stuff like this a secret was not healthy, this was Mark’s problem too. Donghyuck had left in the morning before the alpha had woken up (not having slept much himself) but he knew that Mark had been supposed to meet his cousin briefly in the morning. That left Donghyuck with a few hours before the alpha would return.

So, he went home.

Leaving the hospital, his head felt messier than ever before. 

Maybe he should have talked to Jungwoo. He might have been able to help. But… but how? Jungwoo was married and well off, Donghyuck wasn’t. Jungwoo had been mature for a long time, he had known what he wanted and what to do to get it.

 _No one knows,_ that was what Renjun had said. _No one knows at twenty, or even long after that._ But people always knew something, even if the big picture wasn’t clear for them yet. They had an idea. Did Donghyuck have an idea??

No??? He had just come of age so it wasn’t like he was 16 and completely a child but he wasn’t an adult yet either. Absolutely not. He wasn’t ready to have… but what were his options? It was early, he could just go to an omega doctor and eat some pills and bleed and cry for a few weeks and that would be it.

It was easy. The best possible answer, right? Whatever he had inside of him now wasn’t more than a parasite, it was just some organism living off of him and he had the power, the _right_ to decide what to do with it. So why not decide on a termination?

But it was… it wasn’t just a part of him. It was a part of Mark too. How could he… how on earth could he kill something that was Mark’s?

But how could he raise something like that either? He was young and stupid and still in college. He was nothing, his whole life would be ruined. In more ways than one - stretch marks, changes in his hips, and body structure, not to even _mention_ the possible complications. Jungwoo had been near death, he had almost died! Donghyuck didn’t want to die, least of all because of some child that wasn’t welcome and wasn’t wanted.

As he walked, he paid little attention to his surroundings. He nearly walked to a wall twice, but he made it out without anything big happening. The hospital garden was filled with patients and accompanying nurses enjoying the sunny weather. Donghyuck weaved between them.

Did they know? Such a silly thought, of course, they didn’t. But could they see it on his face? That he was another one of those foolish teens, having sex without enough protection and ending up in the worst possible situation. Or, no, it wasn’t the worst, he could have gotten HIV - or no, he would never do it raw, with anyone except Mark and he had been tested. Donghyuck had been tested.

And they had been stupid. But he had been on birth control. His heat had been so far away. It felt good without - oh, that was the stupidest way to think in the whole wide world. Because he wanted it to feel better? Yeah, how selfish, and now he was going to have to prepare a murder because-

Murder? No, it wasn’t a murder. It couldn’t be. Because it wasn’t a person and it would never become one.

Donghyuck ran over a street, then another one. The area wasn’t too familiar to him but that didn’t matter. He had to get to the metro and then back home, as soon as possible. 

And then he made his mistake. He looked, but the traffic moved fast. The cars moved fast. Way too fast. Donghyuck moved fast. One minute he was running over the road and second, he saw a car right there, coming towards him.

_“Watch out!”_

Did someone scream or did he just imagine it? Afterward, he would have no memory of what had happened anyway. Donghyuck moved on autopilot, he managed to dodge the speeding car, but he didn’t land on his feet. He fell on the pavement hard, and his phone that had been in his hand smashed against the concrete. Donghyuck’s heart first skipped a beat and then started pumping so hard, he felt like it could crawl out through his throat.

_“Crazy bastard!”_

Who was yelling? And at whom? Donghyuck saw people running his way but he didn’t know what to do. Everything happened so fast, one second he was running over the road and the next, he was lying on the ground. Had he been hit? Was he hurt? Was he at a safe place now?

His ears were ringing. What… what? 

_“Are you hurt?”_ Someone kneeled next to him. Donghyuck looked up to see a woman, maybe in their mid-forties although Donghyuck was so shitty at telling anyone’s age. She looked concerned, as she eyed him, while someone, maybe her friend, fetched his phone from the ground. The screen was in pieces, of course, but Donghyuck couldn’t care less about that. What he cared about was… was…

He looked down at his stomach. He had placed his hands on it. He had done it unconsciously, he should have held his phone or protected himself from hitting the ground so hard, but he hadn’t. Instead, he had placed his hands on his stomach to protect what was in there. 

The _life_ that was growing there. 

Not a clot of cells, but life.

_“The bastard drove off! Did anyone get his license plate?”_

_“Hey, can you hear me?”_

Donghyuck couldn’t look up. He felt some pain in his knees, in his hip, since he had landed quite roughly on his side. But his stomach hadn’t been hit, right? It had just been his legs, his hip, but his stomach was fine. He wasn’t actually injured, he… his… baby hadn’t been injured.

_“Did you see? Was he hit? He might be going into a shock!”_

_"Did he hit his head? That looked like a rough landing!"_

_“Are you hurt? Hey,_ hello?” a man snapped their fingers right in front of his eyes and he finally looked up properly. The people looked concerned. There were three of them near him, they all looked blurry. The woman, the man, and another woman further away.

“I, uh, no. I wasn’t hit”, Donghyuck was shaking, but that was due to the fright he had felt. It had to be.

“But you’re holding your stomach”, the other woman pointed out. “You might not feel pain due to adrenaline, inner bleeding can be fatal. Should we call an ambulance?”

“No”, he was slowly coming to his senses. Three people staring at him while he laid on the ground suddenly started to feel agonizing. He couldn’t bear being stared at when he was weak. “No ambulance. I’m fine”

“Are you sure? Your inner organs might-”

The woman closest to him reached towards his stomach and Donghyuck, without thinking of it further, curled up into himself.

“Please don’t touch me”, he said. “I- I’m fine, just, please don’t”

“Oh”, the woman pulled her hand away immediately, an understanding expression settling on her face. How she was able to tell, Donghyuck didn’t know. Sometimes omegas just knew. It was like an extra sense. “Um, in that case, it would be better safe than sorry, right?”

“If he wasn’t hit, there’s no need for an ambulance”, the man commented. Donghyuck had sensory overload, he had just almost been hit, his feelings were all over the place, his omega was concerned over his baby and the people around him were giving him too much attention. He could, under all that, feel some pain in his knees but that was nothing. He had hit the asphalt hard.

_"but he might have hit his head"_

_"I'm sure he knows his body the best"_

_"He might not, actually"_

And he wanted to escape right now. 

He tried to get up, holding one hand on his stomach, but it was difficult. His feet felt like spaghetti. Someone noticed his attempt and helped him get up, but Donghyuck didn’t even turn around to say thank you to them. He took the phone offered to him and started walking sloppily.

“Hey! Are you sure-” someone yelled after him but he was not turning back. He needed to get home, get back to his alpha, get into safety, get into… into… 

He got around the corner and all strength seemed to leave his body.

He had almost been hit. He was pregnant. He didn’t know what to do. _He didn't know what to do!!_

As the tears started falling, his back hit the wall of the building he was next to, and he just shrunk to the ground. With shaky hands, he lifted the phone in front of his eyes. The screen was shattered but he could still use it, the tiny pieces of glass sunk into his fingers as he searched his contacts while sobbing helplessly on the ground.

He needed guidance. He needed to talk to someone who would understand. Right now. He didn’t care about his bleeding knees or the fact that he was now sobbing and there were probably people watching him from afar, wondering what was wrong with him.

Once the line connected, he spoke immediately.

“Dad”, he sounded awful, but Baekhyun would understand him. He knew he would. “I’m in trouble”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm adding this later so everyone might not see it but, I'm adding this for those of you who can. According to my somewhat irregular schedule, I should post the next chapter next Tuesday. However, I'm going to spend the weekend away from my laptop and I'm quite far behind with my school work so, the chapter might end up coming a bit later. Sorry!


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second to last chapter, everyone! It's so weird to think that the story is coming to an end soon, woah.
> 
> Also, I was wrong about the Resonance album. I've developed an unhealthy addiction to Volcano, I listen to it all. the. time. and the other songs on the album are actually really good too. Maybe I just psyched myself to like them or maybe they just needed some time, as NCT songs usually do. idk. Anyway, I'm happy about it. ALSO let's hope Jisung gets better soon <3
> 
> Let's go!

“Donghyuck!” 

He turned to look at the source of the voice. Mark looked concerned, as he half-walked half-ran to them, and Donghyuck turned to the woman sitting next to him, the one in her forties, who had reached out for him first.

“Thank you”, he smiled at her, trying his best to get his thankfulness into just a few words. “For keeping me company, and helping”

“It was no trouble”, she smiled reassuringly and stood up. “Just be more careful in the future. And… and good luck”

“Thank you”, Donghyuck said again, and the woman bowed to Mark when the alpha made it to them.

"Keep an eye on him", she told Mark. "He refused to go to the hospital so, I hope you can take care of him"

"Yes, of course", Mark bowed to her as well, trying his best to hide his confusion, and once the woman concluded that Donghyuck was in safe hands, she left.

She had insisted on calling him an ambulance. She had kept an eye on him from afar when he had spoken with Baekhyun (whom he had woken up, as it was night time in the States) and had approached him again once he put his phone down.

Donghyuck had been in no state to walk home alone. Anyone could see that. But he had not wanted to go to the hospital - he didn’t want any more trouble, any more attention pointed towards him. He was fine. _They_ were fine.

So, the lady, the sweetest of all middle-aged ladies that Donghyuck had ever met (except for maybe his mom but she was an exception) had compromised with him. She wanted Donghyuck to call someone who could pick him up, and she wanted to wait with him until that someone came.

Donghyuck was thankful. The lady had given him a few tissues to cry on but hadn’t pried. She knew his state. She could see from his face how young and lost he was. So, she just kept him company and distracted him a little: she told him stories about her children who were just a bit younger than Donghyuck himself, and even when he had asked if she was in a hurry, she had just shaken her head.

 _“I’m not on a tight schedule”,_ she had smiled at him. _“We need to care for one another in this cold world”_

“Hey”, Donghyuck smiled at Mark a bit. “You were quick”

“Yeah, I was worried sick about you”, Mark was perplexed, and rightly so. “What happened to you? Your knees are all bloody!”

Donghyuck had been quite vague on the phone so, it was no wonder that Mark was distressed now that he actually saw him.

“I was almost hit by a car and fell pretty bad”, Donghyuck explained. “It’s okay, I wasn’t actually hit or anything. It's just road rash”

Mark's confusion turned into anger. But it wasn't pointed at him.

“Were there witnesses? Did that bastard drive away?”

“I told you, I wasn’t actually hit”, Donghyuck looked at his hands on his lap. He had some road rash on his left hand too, with which he had stopped himself from hitting the asphalt full force. He had been lucky that he hadn't sprained his wrist. 

“Okay, uh”, Mark scratched the back of his neck. “Can you walk? I borrowed your mother’s car, I left it a couple of blocks away from here”

Donghyuck looked down at his knees. He hadn’t tried to walk in a while. He felt a lot calmer now, but his knees were really hurting. He stood up slowly but immediately, his knees gave up and he would have fallen down, hadn’t Mark been there to catch him. Donghyuck grimaced - his shock was still affecting his body and he hated being so weak. 

“Alright”, Mark just said, trying to sound as casual as possible. “Piggyback it is” 

Mark wasn’t the most muscular man out there, neither was he much taller than Donghyuck, but he was able to carry him, no problem. Donghyuck had lost quite a bit of weight during the spring too so it was easier now than it had been back in New York. A few people glanced at them when they walked past but Donghyuck just closed his eyes and hugged Mark tighter. 

Being close to him felt so good. Mark’s smell made him feel safe, content, he kept his eyes closed and ignored the people around them. It was just the two of them in their own bubble. Or maybe… maybe three of them. 

“Mark”, he said quietly, after a while of walking. The car shouldn’t be too far anymore, but they weren’t moving very quickly. 

“Mmh?” 

“I need to tell you something”, this way, Donghyuck trapped himself so that he couldn’t back out. So that he couldn’t avoid it anymore.

“Does it have something to do with the accident?” Mark asked and jumped a little to improve his hold of Donghyuck. Donghyuck wrapped his legs around him a bit better - he could probably walk by himself soon but being on Mark’s back was way too comfortable. 

“No”, it didn’t, not really. 

“Well then, can we talk about it once we get to your place? We need to check your knees as soon as possible”

Donghyuck nodded. He’d gladly wait forever but that obviously couldn’t happen. 

They needed to make decisions fast.

They stayed silent for the duration of the car ride. It wasn’t uncomfortable silence, it just… was. Donghyuck stared out of his window, leaning to his hand, and Mark focused on driving. For some reason, the whole neighborhood looked different now. Donghyuck looked at the children playing on the school grounds, smaller kids walking on the streets, holding the hands of their parents. He saw the paths he used to take, the places where he used to spend his time. 

His past was right there in front of his eyes. Nothing around him had really changed, yet, it still looked completely different. And he couldn't explain why.

Mark carried him in. Donghyuck sat on the closed lid of the toilet seat and hissed as he pulled his pant legs up - the torn fabric had been glued to his skin with blood that had mostly dried now. Mark rummaged through the bathroom cabinets to find something to disinfect them with. From what Donghyuck could see, he really needed it - there were sand and dirt there, he wouldn’t like an infection on top of everything else.

“This is going to sting”, Mark had indeed found disinfectant and was now pouring it on cotton swabs.

“I can do it myself”, Donghyuck protested, but Mark just rolled his eyes.

“Let me help you, this one time”

 _One time_ , yeah right. Donghyuck hissed again as the cotton came to contact with his skin, but Mark was quick. He cleaned his knees and patted them somewhat dry, before wrapping them in bandages. He was a bit sloppy, so Donghyuck ended up doing that step himself. But he was thankful - his pain tolerance was minimal, he wouldn’t have been able to rub his knees clean by himself. That was probably the reason why Mark had helped him in the first place.

Donghyuck had to wipe away a few tears because of the pain. For other reasons too, probably, the tears just fell so easily, as though he had been holding them back for weeks. Mark put the supplies back and they left the bathroom, to instead go to Donghyuck’s room.

Donghyuck hadn’t intended to, but he fell asleep in Mark’s arms before he managed to talk to him. Maybe it was understandable because although he was anxious, he was tired as well - everything that had happened during the day had drained him, and once Mark wrapped his arms around him, he just closed his eyes and was out.

He woke up later, alone. The sun was still up, he could hear some talking from the kitchen. Donghyuck recognized his mom’s and Mark’s voices, as well as his youngest sister. So, they had all returned from summer school and work. Donghyuck didn’t feel like joining them, at all, so he hugged the pillow that smelled like Mark and drifted off again.

_“Hyuck. Hyuckie, wake up”_

He was ripped away from his sleep coldly, meanly. He opened his eyes to see Mark kneeling in front of him, looking concerned.

“Mmh?”

“You can’t sleep anymore. If you do, you won’t be able to sleep at night”

That sounded like a shitty reason. 

But he understood it. He couldn’t pull another all-nighter with his thoughts, alone. 

“What time is it?”

“Two o’clock. You slept for three hours”

Donghyuck sat up and Mark sat down next to him. He still had his eyes closed but he was waking up, slowly. And he hated it - oblivion had been so much easier to handle.

“I thought I heard you talking to my parents”

“Oh, they came here for lunch hour”, Mark explained. “I didn’t tell them about your accident, but it feels like your mother has a sixth sense or something because she insisted on checking on you”

Oh, his mother and her maternal instincts. 

“Did she suspect something?” he asked Mark. The alpha shrugged.

“She didn’t say anything.”

Then it could be anything. At least his mother shouldn’t be able to sense his… his _state_ yet. Hopefully, she wouldn’t. Or maybe it would be better if she did, then it would be easier for Donghyuck to explain.

Or he might never need to explain. It depended on what they chose to do.

“How are you feeling?” Mark asked, and Donghyuck leaned his head on his shoulder, his eyes still closed. 

“Nauseous”, he answered honestly. “Weak. The usual"

"Do you remember what happened?" Mark asked carefully. "You might have a concussion, and just not remember hitting your head"

"A concussion?" Donghyuck mumbled. "I don't think so, my head doesn't hurt. And my nausea has other explanations too"

"Oh, what, then?"

A chance. Donghyuck kept his eyes closed - not yet. He had just woken up.

"I haven’t eaten anything today so, it might be that too”

“You haven’t? Hyuckie, why didn’t you?”, Mark scolded him. “What’s going on? You disappear in the morning and then get into an accident, why are you being so reckless?”

“I’m not being reckless”, Donghyuck muttered as his poor defense. “I’ve been a bit… out of it lately”

“I’ll go heat up some leftovers for you and then we’re going to talk, okay?” Mark stood up and Donghyuck finally opened his eyes. “There’s clearly something going on and you’re going to tell me about it”

Donghyuck had never before taken so long to eat some chicken and rice. To his defense, he was feeling nauseous already and his anxiety was eating him from the inside, but he was kind of taking longer on purpose too. For as long as he had some food left, he wasn’t expected to talk. The moment that the last grain of rice was gone, he would have to speak. To tear their world apart with his words.

Putting the plate back on the table and taking the few steps back to his bed felt like he was walking to his doom. He sat further away from Mark on purpose, to create some breathing space between them, and then took a deep breath. 

The time had come.

“Remember last night, when you asked me about my scent? And when you said that I smell like Jungwoo?” he asked, trying to guide Mark’s thoughts a little so that he wouldn’t shock him quite as much. That was an impossible task though, considering that Donghyuck was the one who had felt the symptoms, yet he had shocked himself.

“Yeah”, Mark nodded slowly. He was sitting on the bed, his legs crossed, not at all prepared to hear what Donghyuck was about to tell him.

“Yeah, well”, Donghyuck looked down at his hands. “It made me think. Since I hadn’t seen him in a while and still smelled like him, could it be… You know how I’ve been fatigued and nauseous and all, so, just in case, I took a pregnancy test.”

Donghyuck tried to interpret Mark’s face from his peripheral vision. Mark didn’t look shocked, but the lines between his eyebrows deepened. And deepened. 

“And”, Donghyuck continued, although he knew that Mark had understood already. “It turned out positive”

Mark leaned against his knees and rubbed his face. Donghyuck, in turn, hugged his pillow. There, he had said it. The more often he said it out loud, the more real it felt. The more serious it felt, the worse it felt. 

“You weren’t even in heat”, Mark said, surprisingly steadily, as he looked at Donghyuck in the eyes again. “My rut was suppressed”

“I know”, Donghyuck sighed. “You know my history with birth control, it might have been too weak. And it can happen outside of heat - it’s unlikely, but not impossible. As far as I know, this is how I was created as well”

Mark leaned back against his hands, and let out a heavy breath. Of course, he was troubled. Anyone would be. Donghyuck had been. 

“It could be a false positive too”, Mark looked at the ceiling, without really seeing it. Donghyuck hugged the pillow even closer.

“It could”, he admitted. “I should go to take a blood test to make sure. That’s the recommended thing for male omegas, but this… false positives are much rarer than false negatives”

Mark knew that too, Donghyuck could see it. He was just reaching out for something, anything that might change the reality he was imagining now. 

“You know”, the words he was about to say already tasted foul in his mouth. But he had to recognize the reality. “At the end of the day, it’s just a clot of cells now. I could just… It’s just a few pills and bleeding from me and it would be over”

Donghyuck looked down. The tears burned in his eyes but he forced them to stay. It hurt. It hurt so much. But he couldn’t… He just…

“Donghyuck”, Mark said, a faint alpha echo in his voice, but Donghyuck could still resist it. “Look at me”

Fuck, the tears still fell. Thick and hot, they rolled on his cheeks and ruined everything. If he cried, he wouldn’t be able to articulate, get a word out. Crying didn’t fix anything, so why the fuck was he doing that now?

Why was he never in control of his own body? Why was he so weak? 

He hated himself more than ever before.

“Hyuckie”, Mark tried again, softer, and took his hand. When Donghyuck still didn’t look up, he kneeled in front of him on the floor, attempting to find a way to look at him in the eyes. Donghyuck only saw his faint shape, but he squeezed his eyes shut. All he could think of was Dongyoung doing the same for Jungwoo, looking at him in the eyes lovingly. And then, Donghyuck’s thoughts wandered to the tiny baby, wrapping his whole hand around one of his fingers, and he just- he just- he just _couldn’t-_

He stood up, turned, and walked out of the room. He didn’t get very far before Mark yelled after him, but he just… he felt so anxious, he wanted to rip himself apart. Why couldn’t he just- why did something have to grow in him? He had never asked for it, he never wanted it, he couldn’t do it, he couldn’t, why didn’t the world understand him? There were hundreds of couples who couldn’t conceive, why did he have to? Why?

_“Dad, please be honest with me - did you ever think about abortion?”_

_“Why do you ask? Are you okay?”_

_“Just… Can you just answer that? Please?”_

_Baekhyun was quiet for a few beats._

_“It crossed my mind”, he said. “But honestly, no. I knew that I could never do such a thing. And even if I had wanted to, I was too far along.”_

_“But if you had realized in time”, Donghyuck continued and wiped his nose to his sleeve. “Considering your situation…”_

_“Baby”, Baekhyun’s voice was so soft, Donghyuck felt like throwing up again. He felt like throwing up all the time because there was a fucking parasite eating away his life force. “Are you… is this relevant to you, right now?”_

_“I’m pregnant”, Donghyuck just spit it out, but it didn’t make him feel any better. “I don’t know what to do and I- I’m sorry, you must be so disappointed”_

_“What, no, of course not”, Baekhyun sounded flustered, and for a good reason. “How could I ever be disappointed? It… Have you talked to Mark yet?”_

_“No”, Donghyuck looked at the people passing by. Most of them just glanced at him and went their way. He must have been quite a sight, teary-eyed and his knees bloody, holding his phone with a shaky hand while his other one was… it was still on his stomach. Protecting something that he wanted dead. Did he? How the fuck did he know?_

_“Talk to him”, Baekhyun said. “You need him now. You don’t need to go through this alone like I did, you have friends around you, you have your parents and you have me. Even if everything else fails, you have me”_

_“If I abort it”, he said. “Will you be there for me? Even if I’m not strong enough, even if I take the easy way out?”_

_“I don’t believe an easy way out exists”, Baekhyun answered. “But I promise. Whatever you decide - I’ll be there for you”_

“Please, Donghyuck, wait!”

He got out to the garden, but he couldn’t breathe any better outside. The bright sun kept mocking him, shining light to his poor state, and laughing at his idiocy. There was nowhere he could go to escape this. No turning back, no matter what he did.

Mark followed him.

“I can’t do this Mark!” Donghyuck’s voice was broken and he could barely breathe. “I can barely even take care of myself, how could I care for… for a child?! You’re going to leave, I can’t do this alone!”

“I’m not leaving”, Mark yelled after him. “I promised that I won’t leave, remember?”

“But you have your studies”, Donghyuck shook his head. “You have everything in New York, I don’t want you to abandon it just because my body is so… so overly fertile. You’d start hating me sooner or later, I’m going to ruin your life!”

“This is my fault as much as it is yours”, Mark stepped closer. “And I really meant it when I said that I won’t leave, I… I applied for the Seoul musical institute”

Silence.

It took Donghyuck a few more seconds than normal, to really understand what he had heard. Maybe his thoughts were a bit sticky, could you really blame him for it? Anyway, once he did internalize everything, he couldn’t help but feel angry.

“What?!” Donghyuck screamed. “You- why didn’t you tell me?!”

“Because I didn’t want to raise vain hope, in case it doesn’t work out”, Mark explained, his cheeks red. “It’s supposed to be a short exchange at first but, if I do well, they might let me enroll as an actual degree student.”

“I can’t believe you kept that from me!” Donghyuck didn't care at all that their neighbors might hear. “You’re the one who always talks about honesty!”

“It was supposed to be a surprise, I swear, I was going to talk to you about it during this trip, once I had gotten some actual answers!”

“Why couldn’t you trust me during the process? This is huge, Mark!”

“Why couldn’t you tell me last night, right when you had taken the test? Where were you this morning, what could possibly be more important than this?”

“I tried to figure out my thoughts and fix what could be fixed! I’m sorry, I-”, Donghyuck sat down on the grass and leaned his face to his knees. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t escape, everything was ruined, everything. Mark might be coming to Korea but even then, he couldn’t- the thought of it didn’t calm his mind. He still couldn’t deal with his body changing, he couldn’t take care of someone else, he couldn’t-

He couldn’t-

He just couldn’t. No matter where Mark decided to be, Donghyuck couldn’t deal with this.

“Hey”, Mark kneeled next to him on the grass. “It’s- It’s going to be okay, you hear me? We’ll get through this together.”

“But you might still leave”, Donghyuck shook his head. “Nothing is certain”

“We will figure it out, I promise”

“Will we? You can’t promise something like that!”

“How are you going to stop me?”

Donghyuck kept shaking his head, but Mark hugged him anyway, on the grass, and didn’t let go no matter how hard Donghyuck sobbed.

…

And it helped.

He got it all out. It felt like he could finally let go of those heavy, suffocating feelings of anxiety and fear and share them with Mark. Once the alpha helped him to stand up and they got back into the house, he felt a lot calmer.

They laid in Donghyuck’s bed, cuddling, in the quietness. Mark drew lazy circles on his stomach like he always did, but this time it felt different. Everything was different. Mark needed his time to come to terms with the news, Donghyuck didn’t push him. They would both need a lot more time - heck, it hadn't even been 24 hours since Donghyuck had found out, maybe it was natural to still be clueless and messed up.

“Remember, on New Year's Eve, when I asked you about your New Year's wishes?” Mark asked quietly after a while.

Donghyuck had to think for a moment. He did. It was such an unclear memory, blurred by alcohol and time. But yeah, he remembered. And grimaced a little at the memory.

“Yeah, and I told you to fuck off or something, didn’t I?”

“Not quite, you just brushed me off”, Mark was smiling at the memory. Yeah, it was probably funny to him now, how mean and annoying Donghyuck had been towards him at the start of everything. The kind of act anyone could see through. “I didn’t get to say mine back then. But, if you may, mine was to find a purpose, find a meaning for my life.”

That sounded too convenient. Donghyuck sniffed again since his eyes had obviously forgotten what it was like to be dry, be _normal_.

“I was quite lost actually, before I met you”, Mark continued, and Donghyuck just stayed quiet, listening. “Ask anyone who knows me: Johnny hyung, Jaehyun hyung, even Kevin hyung. I had been so sure about music when I was 14, 15 or so, but the initial excitement had long worn off. I was lonely in New York, I had lost my passion and determination, and then… then came you. This huge ball of passion, energy, sassiness, you were like an enigma that burst into my gray and pointless life, and I needed to learn more. I wanted more.”

Donghyuck chuckled against his chest. If he just let Mark talk, figure out his own thoughts by talking them out loud, he knew that the alpha would come up with something. So he listened.

“I know that it sounds… funny. But I believe that everything happens for a reason. As I started to get to know you, the more passionate I became too. Towards music, towards my friendships, everything. Even when we went through some bumps on our road, I believed that I had been blessed, for having met you, for having you. So this… I believe it must have been planned. Maybe not by us, but by someone greater than us. And I believe that we’re strong enough to carry our responsibilities, together”

Donghyuck shook his head a little. Mark made it sound so easy. But he knew that it wasn’t.

“I know that you love me now”, Donghyuck said quietly. “But will you think the same a year from now? Ten years from now? We’ve been fighting a lot lately, how can we raise a child and stand each other for twenty years?”

“You know, loving someone is so much more than just a feeling”, Mark answered. “To love someone is to make a commitment. If my parents ever taught me something about love, then it’s this: Loving is a choice. Our feelings will change with time, that is certain, but I can make a decision to love you. I choose you, now, and I will keep choosing you again and again, until the very end of my time.”

Yeah, Donghyuck definitely still had tears to shed for Mark’s words. 

“We’ve known each other for seven months”, he muttered. “You can’t… You can’t promise something like that. People don’t stay together for years anymore”

“I know that our basis isn’t the best possible one, but”, Mark hugged him closer. “Our grandparents, the people before them, courted each other quicker and stayed together for decades. Do you think that love is weaker today or, did they just do something differently?”

“They weren’t happy”, Donghyuck mumbled. “And they had no other choice but to be together”

“I don’t believe in that”, Mark touched Donghyuck’s chin carefully, tilting his head up so that their eyes met. “We can’t choose to always be happy, but we can choose to stay together through it all. We can choose to stay as companions, to fulfill our duties and hold on to each other when the times get hard”

Donghyuck blinked his tears away.

“That's disgusting”

Mark chuckled.

"And I love you too"

Donghyuck had to close his eyes to figure out his thoughts. His head was such a mess, it was starting to get tiring.

"You're too good to me", he whispered. "I've done nothing but let you down. I don't want to steal your youth, your dreams"

"Stop", Mark brushed a strand of hair from Donghyuck's face. "That's not true. If anything, you've given me more dreams, more reasons to go on. God only knows how much I needed you in my life"

"You always know what to say. I don't deserve you"

"Hush", Mark pressed a kiss on his forehead. "Don't put me on a pedestal I don't deserve"

Donghyuck didn't know how to answer. So he just... didn't. His insecurities kept swimming in his mind but Mark slowed down their circles simply by being there. Neither of them was perfect. Neither of them was ready. Neither of them knew what to do. 

Mark sighed. “We have to make a lot of sacrifices. But I’m ready to make them, for us”

“Me too”, Donghyuck answered. “I mean, I don’t feel ready yet but I’m going to be”

Mark’s hand on top of his stomach felt right, in some weird way. This decision felt right. It was a decision that his omega must have made the moment it had figured out his state. Donghyuck just had to agree. 

“What did you mean by the Seoul institute?” Donghyuck asked. “Is it actually something that you want to do? Be honest with me, I think you owe me that much”

“Yes, it is”, Mark answered. “I’m sorry, for not telling you earlier. I really am. I’ve been planning on applying to the Seoul institute for a while now. Honestly, not only there - I also considered Beijing and Osaka, but Seoul was up there because I’ve wanted to get to know my roots. And ever since I got to know you in January, I got another reason to come here. I just didn't want to bring it up right away because I didn't know when it would actually happen and I didn't want to seem too attached from the start. I didn't want to scare you away”

Donghyuck couldn’t shake away the feeling of Mark’s life being ruined because of him. But, it made him feel a bit better, hearing that Mark had planned on moving to Asia even before meeting him. 

“I worked my butt off during my first year, mostly because I didn’t have anything else to do either. So, I have enough credits for a year and a half. I can come to Korea with a student visa at first and then apply for work once I have graduated. Your family supports you, I have my savings and we can take a loan. We can make it work, I’m sure of it”

Donghyuck laid his hand on Mark’s chest and felt his steady heartbeat on his palm.

“How convenient”, he whispered.

“Maybe the luck is on our side, this time around”

“I’ve used all of my luck already. This must be yours then”

“Maybe. We can share it"

Donghyuck could finally smile a little. Very little. 

That sounded good.

“When do you think it happened?” Mark asked after another long silence. He didn’t need to specify, Donghyuck knew exactly what he meant.

“For male omegas, the pregnancy symptoms may start as early as a week after conceiving, as the body needs to change so much and fast”, he cited the article he had read over and over again at night. He had been taught about it at school too but, as usual, he hadn’t really paid any attention to sex ed.

“So”, he continued. “I remember feeling fatigued already when we arrived in Guangzhou, but it was most likely because of the weather. However, that kind of nausea can only last for so long, and I feel like it never really went away.”

“So it might have been one of our first nights”, Mark muttered. “During my rut, at the very latest”

Donghyuck swallowed a big lump in his throat.

“I got drunk after that”, Donghyuck whispered, the reality falling down on his heart, filling it with ice. “I smoked. Oh god, what if-”

“Hey”, Mark cupped his face. “You didn’t know. Let’s just be careful from now on, okay? I’m sure that our… our baby is alright”

_Our baby._

The one they were going to raise together, as mates. Donghyuck was still scared out of his mind, but his omega had calmed down and was now only focusing on the safety of the baby growing in his omega womb. His hips were going to widen, his body was going to get softer. 

A part of Mark was growing inside him. And he was willing to face the changes. However-

“Anything can still happen”, Donghyuck muttered. “I might miscarry, I might get sick just like Jungwoo did. I’m a male omega, the risks for both me and the baby are higher. Not to even mention that I might… I might die in childbirth”

“You’re not going to”, Mark kept holding his face, a firm expression on his own. “It’s the 21st century, we’re in one of the most developed countries in the whole world. No matter what, you’re going to be fine”

“I might have to start praying”, Donghyuck whispered. Being this close to Mark no longer made him nervous - he felt safe, above all. “Will you pray for me?”

“I will, every single day”, Mark answered with a whisper too. “And I’ll stay right here”

Mark kissed him then, on Donghyuck’s bed, like he had so many times before.

It wasn’t a desperate kiss. It wasn’t filled with lust, of want and desire. It was so different from the many kisses they had shared before, and in a way it felt even better. It felt like the start of something new. It was a promise, sealed with a kiss, that they would share their lives together. It might all happen if they just believed in it. 

They had to believe in it. Donghyuck wanted so badly to believe that it could happen. 

Mark’s hands wandered to his lower stomach and stayed there. It was still hard to believe that underneath the soft skin, a new life could be growing. A life that was a part of him as much as it was a part of Mark. And it had been there, for a while already. Hidden away. When they had been intimate, when they had fought, when they had forgiven each other. 

Donghyuck wanted to believe in fate too. That seemed to make things easier.

With Mark, he might learn.

...

Donghyuck took a blood test and indeed, got his confirmation. When the doctor hesitantly congratulated him, he managed to smile at him. Even though he didn’t have a ring on his finger, it didn’t mean that he wasn’t mated. In his files, he was still unmated, but his omega had formed a bond with Mark’s alpha. They could take care of legal things later. There were other things to worry about first.

Jisung and Chenle returned from Shanghai on the 31st of July. However, Donghyuck didn’t have the time to meet them when they did because that was also the day when Jungwoo and Dongyoung returned home from the hospital. And the day was not calm by any means.

It was a freaking circus, living up to the Na family’s general reputation.

Jungwoo and Dongyoung and the babies who had finally been named after months of discussions left the hospital in the afternoon with the help of Jungwoo’s parents. When they got home, there were people waiting for them, ready to celebrate their new start as a family.

Jaemin was there of course. Renjun came to help, and Jeno lingered around as well. Donghyuck and Mark were there too - it had been supposed to be a lowkey party for the new family, to make coming back home a fun experience and really, Jungwoo especially appreciated such things much more than he would a quiet, mundane experience with his spouse alone. They would have plenty of time to adjust by themselves later. Dongyoung’s elder brother also visited them briefly but soon realized that he wasn’t exactly needed. The poor man escaped the chaos, good for him.

One of the reasons why the new family also needed help at the start was that Jungwoo couldn’t lift his babies yet. He could hold them sitting down but not while standing up, the huge scar in his abdomen was healing very slowly and he needed to be extra careful with it. And the babies… weren’t the easiest of twins.

“Baby, hey, why are you crying? Look at appa, hush”, Dongyoung kept rocking Haneul in his arms but the poor girl kept screaming and screaming, her face red. “I need to warm your milk, just… just please don’t yell”

“You should give her to an omega”, Jungwoo’s alpha father commented while making noodles. Renjun and Jaemin had cooked a bit before, so that they all could eat together once the family arrived, but Jungwoo’s alpha dad wanted to make his own noodles. Mmh. “Jungwoo also never stopped screaming with me, he always needed omega care”

“Okay, uh, Jaemin?!”

“I’m holding Gaeun!” he yelled from the other room. Dongyoung looked as red as the baby he was holding - he wasn’t a clueless guy but he was still adjusting to parenting two infants and the necessary multitasking that it required. Donghyuck was the only one with his hands free in the kitchen, as he was done setting the table. He rolled his eyes - he was an omega too, _hello?_

“Just give her to me”, he huffed and walked to Dongyoung. The alpha handed his baby over with little hesitation, and Donghyuck held her carefully. Haneul was still smaller than a regular newborn, but both of the twins were growing stronger and healthier each day. 

“Well hello there”, he said softly to the child. In his own mind, Donghyuck wasn’t _terrible_ with children. He wasn’t doing anything radically wrong with them. However, most kids screamed with him more than with anyone else. But at least he could work as spare hands so that Dongyoung could do what he had to. The child screamed, tears falling from her big eyes and Donghyuck tried his best to bounce her a bit.

“What’s the matter, mmh? Impatience? Oh, I know all about that, believe me”

He felt a bit… weird rambling to the baby since she clearly couldn’t understand him but, wasn’t that what people were supposed to do? Dongyoung, as well as Jungwoo’s father paid no attention to him, so he walked a little and calmed the baby like he was supposed to do. He placed a kiss on her cheek, a very light one, but that seemed to do the trick. She calmed down.

“See? It isn’t that bad now, is it?” he spoke softly, as he held the baby even closer to his face. The child eyed him with visible confusion in her big eyes - oh, but wasn’t that just the natural state of babies in general? It was better than screaming her lungs out. She looked tired, Donghyuck smiled at her and spoke even quieter.

“Our Haneul, sweet little Haneul, you’re doing so well”

The microwave beeped and Donghyuck turned to look as Dongyoung fumbled with the bottle. 

“Your appa is clumsy”, Donghyuck commented for Haneul. “You should grow up very fast, he needs all help he can get”

“Yah, don’t corrupt my child”, Dongyoung reproached him while he walked over with the bottle. Donghyuck laughed softly and turned to the child who was… sleeping.

Yeah, she was sleeping soundly against his chest.

“What, she fell asleep?” Dongyoung raised his brows. “Damn, I did all this for nothing then!”

“You could feed Gaeun first?” Donghyuck suggested. “Haneul will wake up sooner or later, I can hold her while she sleeps”

“Sure, I’ll do that”, Dongyoung nodded and stumbled out of the door, to take care of his other child.

Donghyuck looked after him and shook his head. Dongyoung was trying so hard, he might burn himself out if he wasn't careful. Luckily, he had a sweet omega partner to look after himself.

So, Donghyuck just walked back and forth and listened to the commotion in the living room. Gaeun was screaming too but for once, Haneul wasn’t affected by it. The poor baby had been screaming for the whole afternoon, it was no wonder that tiredness had caught up on her.

Jungwoo’s and Jaemin's alpha father cooked his noodles while Donghyuck stood by the window, stalking the people walking outside on the street, his mind blank. The weather was perfect, sunny and calm. 

“Oh”, Jungwoo sounded surprised as he walked in a bit later. He had been treating his wound with the help of his omega father, he needed to change the bandages often and avoid all stress. “You calmed her down? How did you do that?”

Donghyuck just shrugged a little, being careful not to wake the girl.

“I just talked to her”, he explained very quietly, and Jungwoo stepped closer to hear. “I kissed her cheek. It was as though a switch had been turned off”

“Mmh, interesting”, Jungwoo eyed his child. The girl was sleeping soundly - Haneul had definitely been the worse one of the two when it came to sleeping so, every minute was precious. 

Jungwoo knew how badly Donghyuck had performed with children before. But maybe Haneul had just been tired? Omegas generally had that calming effect built in - or, most omegas did. They had joked around saying that Donghyuck missed that trait, that he was like a beta in everything but his reproductive organs. Maybe he had just gotten the trait back now?

But why… now?

Mates were crazy good at sensing each other’s feelings through scents. But other beings really good at scents, better than anyone else, were newborn babies. It was a survival instinct - they wanted to be close to omegas because omegas meant safety and care. Mated omegas meant absolute safety since there were no betas or alphas lingering nearby, trying to court them anymore. Mated, or, pregnant.

Jungwoo hadn't been born yesterday. 

The older omega wrapped his arm around Donghyuck’s waist and kissed the crown of his head.

Donghyuck knew that it was a subtle way to check his scent too, but he enjoyed the closeness and didn’t mind. And the baby in his arms weighted nothing, holding her felt natural. Donghyuck had been handed his baby cousins before and it had always felt a bit weird.

“Thank you”, Jungwoo whispered as he pulled away. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t pry or pressure him to speak, he just patted Donghyuck’s shoulder and let go. “Do you mind holding her a little longer? We could put her to bed but I'd rather not take that risk"

“Sure, I don't mind", Donghyuck whispered and looked back to the window. It was raining, but the clouds were already breaking over the city, revealing the bright July sun. 

_Lifting you to my chest afterward… nothing had ever felt more right to me._

Omegas always talked about the wonders of having children. Donghyuck had never really listened to them before, he had never cared. But maybe he could learn. 

It was all about learning now, wasn't it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not very pleased with this one, not gonna lie. I'll probably come back to this multiple times to fix stuff so, eh, sorry about that. Anyways, please tell me what you thought about this - was it too cliche, did something about the dialogue seem unnatural, or about their reactions, I could really use your feedback now. or even if you have nothing else to say, I'd love to hear a word or two about your feelings, anything at all. Thank you and have a great day everyone!


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are everyone, the final chapter is here. This ended up being almost 8k so, you're welcome? 
> 
> Thank you so much to every single one of you who has read and enjoyed the story. Extra thanks for those of you who gave this story kudos and took time to comment - without your support, this story would have ended up being different, I got a lot of motivation and encouragement from your words and I’m very thankful for them. There were a few people who supported me from start to finish - again, words can’t describe how thankful I am to you. <3
> 
> One last time, let's go!

On the 2nd of August, Mark turned 20.

“Happy birthday!” Jaemin screamed as he let himself in through the front door, being the last person to arrive. They had invited everyone over to celebrate Mark’s birthday, even Jisung and Chenle so that they could get to know the older. Jaemin was, as usual, fashionably late. He threw himself into Mark’s arms the moment he got there, surprising him and everyone else.

“Oh, thank you”, Mark laughed a little and grabbed Jaemin’s waist to keep them balanced. Donghyuck narrowed his eyes at the sight and Chenle laughed loudly from where he was, standing next to him by the kitchen counter.

“No problem, sweetie”, Jaemin was back to his original self. He let go of Mark but not before kissing him on the cheek. “I brought you a gift, I hope you like red wine!”

“Ahem”, Donghyuck knew that he had no reason to be jealous, but he was _standing right there_. “Jaemin, what a pleasure”

“Oh, it is indeed”, the omega smiled and kissed Donghyuck’s cheek too before ruffling Chenle’s hair. “So, did you already have fun without me?” 

“No, of course not”

Renjun and Jeno were hanging out in the living room, drinking red bull and beer respectively, and eating the snacks on the sofa table. There wasn’t that much, they had tried to keep it low-key and non-alcoholic but of course, the people had brought their own drinks. Renjun had also brought something else when he had come.

“ _White rabbit candy, remember?” the alpha had explained when Donghyuck inspected the bag of candy that Renjun had dropped in his hands. “The ones we used to buy every Friday, in middle school”_

_“Oh”, Donghyuck noticed the packaging, the very familiar pattern, and smiled. “You remembered”_

_“You reminded me, back in China”, he shrugged. “I haven’t had them in years”_

_“Me neither”, Donghyuck smiled and blinked a few extra times. “I feel nostalgic”_

“Jisung, is that beer in your hands?” Jaemin pointed at the youngest who was sitting innocently between Renjun and Jeno, holding a can that looked very suspicious.

“Uh, no?”

Jaemin walked to him, to fuss, and Chenle followed him, laughing like a seal. Not a dolphin anymore, just a seal. The babies were growing up so fast. 

“That’s my third alcoholic gift tonight”, Mark smiled and inspected the bottle Jaemin had given him. “It’s such a shame that I decided to stop drinking”

“You can do it moderately, you don’t have to stop entirely”, Donghyuck rubbed his back and looked at the bottle as well. It wasn’t the cheapest of brands but Donghyuck knew that if he could drink, he still wouldn’t like it. Mark might, he had a more expensive taste with alcohol. 

But he also couldn’t drink coffee, so it was a 50/50 chance.

“I know”, Mark sighed. “I guess that’s not my biggest fault in the first place”

“Oh, no, alcohol is not a problem of yours”, Donghyuck wrapped his hands around the alpha’s waist and kissed his cheek. “Don’t stress, you’re doing alright. Better than alright. You’re _overdoing_ it”

Mark had insisted on making a change on himself. During the past few days, both of them had gone through their own emotional roller coasters, with highs and lows and… okay, mostly lows. Mark had panicked and lost sleep, stressing over school, money, and his own abilities and faults. He had tried to hide it from Donghyuck but now that they had a deeper bond, it was impossible. Donghyuck could sense his distress.

And he didn’t know how to comfort him, because he was stressed too. He stressed about his own abilities, and then he stressed about his stressing and felt even more under the weather but if he knew something for sure, then it was that Mark was doing perfectly fine as he was and would NOT need a personality change or to join AA, anonymous alcoholics, despite the alpha being convinced that he did. Donghyuck was the one pregnant here, Mark could drink all he wanted until April and maybe a few carefully calculated drunk sessions might even do some good for him.

But Donghyuck understood why he was unsure. For Donghyuck, his job was very clear - he had to bear the child. But for Mark, eh, technically he had already done his part but since he wasn’t an asshole, he wanted to continue doing his share. But all he could do right now was rub Donghyuck’s back as he threw up, and offer emotional support.

Alphas were more practical, Donghyuck understood his frustration regarding all this. But there was nothing he could do. 

They were powerless. But at least they could hold on to each other while being kicked around, that would make everything easier to bear. Coming to terms with this huge change was going to take time, some more sleepless nights, and some more panicking, but they could share those feelings together.

“Come on, you two!” Jaemin yelled at them from the living room. “Let’s eat some cake!”

Mark blew the candles and they sang a birthday song to him, in two languages. The night was filled with laughter, Jisung and Chenle told them all about their trip to Shanghai, and Mark, Donghyuck and Renjun, in turn, shared their experiences from their trip. Renjun was pressured into sharing details about his relationship with Dejun which was indeed still quite warm, despite the alpha escaping to Korea on short notice.

Jeno and Jaemin sat on separate sofas and didn’t address each other directly, but they still got along and talked. The atmosphere was surprisingly comfortable, considering the knots in their relationships, and the fact that Jisung, Chenle, and Jeno were meeting Mark for the very first time.

After a couple of hours of chatting, Donghyuck finally gathered his courage to reveal the other reason for why they had invited everyone over - the main one, actually. Mark’s birthday had just happened to be at a good moment so that it could be used as an excuse to get everyone together. Of course, Donghyuck had wanted to celebrate it too, since he loved Mark and wanted to give him good things. It was a two-birds-with-one-stone kind of situation.

Anyway, they had moved to the garden, the summer night was still warm but Donghyuck had worn a hoodie, sipping his coca-cola nervously. He wasn’t the only one not drinking alcohol, so he hadn’t been busted because of that, but he had a feeling that at least Renjun suspected something. The alpha kept shooting side glances at him but he stayed quiet.

Jeno had promised not to tell anyone about Donghyuck’s pregnancy, and Donghyuck believed that he had kept that promise. He had planned on telling them himself and now was the time he would do it. He could technically still wait a bit, a few months even, but he wanted to get it out of the way. Why push back something inevitable?

“Alright”, he said, effectively attracting everyone’s attention to himself. “We actually had another reason to invite you over than just the old age of my alpha”

“I knew it!” Renjun hit the garden table with his fist. Jeno stared at him, masking his knowing look well from the others who just looked confused, waiting for him to continue. Mark grabbed his hand under the table and Donghyuck got the strength he needed to go on.

“We, uh”, he took a deep breath. “We got engaged”

_“Aren’t you jumping on this too soon?” Donghyuck had asked the alpha when he had suggested it. He hadn’t proposed, it had just come up when they had discussed - and they had discussed a lot. And some more. And even more._

_“Is time going to change anything?” Mark had asked in return. They had been sitting on Donghyuck’s bed after showering, both of their hair still a bit wet since they hadn't bothered using a hairdryer at such a late hour. The rest of the people in the house were regular, responsible people who had to wake up early._

_“I guess not”, Donghyuck muttered. Mark was leaning against him for a change, his chin resting on Donghyuck's shoulder. His scent was the strongest in his neck, and he knew that since they were mates now (him being pregnant connected him to Mark, and their feelings did their share too) his scent calmed the alpha as well._

_“It would just be a… deeper promise, I think. That’s what marriage is for, to provide a steady base for raising a family, and since that’s what we’re doing anyway…”_

_Donghyuck understood what he was saying. It was still a taboo in Korea to have children out of wedlock - premarital sex was somewhat normal now but if someone got pregnant, they pretty much got married. So, it made perfect sense._

_But he had to ask._

_“Would you marry me if it weren’t for this?”_

_“Not this quickly, but, yeah”, Mark straightened and they looked at each other in the eyes again. “Didn’t I say this before? That’s always been my end goal”_

_“Always?”_

_“Well, ever since I started to think of you as more than a friend”_

_Donghyuck kept asking questions and Mark kept answering them._

_“Alright”, Donghyuck finally nodded. “Let’s get engaged”_

_It wasn’t a fairytale romance, where his prince kneeled in front of him and asked him to marry him. It was far from ideal. But as long as he got to do it with Mark… it was perfect._

Jeno raised his brows too, surprised. He hadn’t known that detail. No one knew about it other than Donghyuck and Mark who had, after his medical pregnancy test had come back positive, walked into the nearest jewel shop, and bought matching rings.

The rings weren’t very expensive, and neither of them was wearing them in their fingers yet. Donghyuck had his own hanging from a chain in his neck, hidden from anyone else but reminding him of its existence all the time. Because it wasn’t something either of them was going to flash to the entire world yet, the rings were a symbol of their affection and the responsibilities that they were going to carry out together. They were more like promise rings than anything else at that point.

A promise that they would be in this together, till the end. No matter what.

Donghyuck eyed the reactions of his friends. Most of them looked unbelieving, but they tried to hide it. Donghyuck knew what it sounded like - they were 19, 20, depending on how you counted their ages. If any of his friends had told him something similar, he would have gently placed his hand on their forehead to check their fever and then smacked them for being out of their minds.

So, he continued.

“And that’s because”, he squeezed Mark’s hand. “I’m pregnant”

Silence. Complete, utter silence. Jisung’s jaw dropped open, and Chenle looked around like he often did when he hadn’t understood something. Jeno stayed neutral while Jaemin gasped and hid his mouth with his hands. Renjun’s disbelief only deepened, and Donghyuck looked down at his thighs, to escape the intense stares.

“You have got to be kidding me”, Renjun said, and Donghyuck shook his head.

“Oh I wish I were”, he said. “I, we, found out five days ago. And I know that it sounds crazy, it _is_ crazy, but we decided to keep it. We’re going to take responsibility and raise the child”

The silence dragged on, Renjun ruffled his hair while Jaemin stayed frozen and Jeno bit his lip. It wasn’t a shock to him necessarily - or maybe it was. He had only known that Donghyuck was pregnant, not what he was going to _do_ about it. Chenle whispered something to Jisung, probably asking him to explain what was going on, but otherwise, everyone was still in different states of confusion.

“So that’s why you were so ill”, Renjun spoke his thoughts out loud. Donghyuck nodded. Renjun had been the first one to question his nausea and poor health, yet no one had come to the right conclusion. Now they knew why that had been. 

“So, yeah”, Mark spoke, as most of Donghyuck’s friends still remained silent. “This isn’t something we planned but we wish that you could support our decision. It’s… the due date is in April and there’s a lot of things that we still need to do before that. We are going to have to learn fast”

“You idiots!” Renjun shook his head. “You fools, what were you thinking?!”

Donghyuck swallowed. “As Mark said, this wasn’t pl- oof”

Renjun stood up, walked over to Donghyuck, and pulled him into a hug. And maybe for the first time in his life, Donghyuck was completely speechless. He looked at the others who looked more or less confused as well, but Renjun, luckily, continued speaking.

“I should have known! Of course, it would be you! _Of course_ , you two, it surely doesn’t get boring with you!”

The alpha still shook his head but hugged Donghyuck very tightly. 

“I didn’t read the signs well either. We were using birth control, it just... Failed”, Donghyuck felt like he had to explain further. Renjun was reproaching him, but he was also hugging him so what exactly did the alpha want him to say? He was confused out of his mind.

“I know that you wouldn’t do something like this on purpose. You’re not _that_ foolish”, Renjun sighed. “So, what are we going to do now?”

Donghyuck felt tears in his eyes again as he leaned his chin on Renjun’s shoulder.

“W- we?”

“Yeah, it’s all of our problem now!” Jaemin finally lowered his hands from his face. “I promised to look over Jungwoo’s offspring on Tuesdays, so, what’s a mini Markhyuck in the bunch?”

“I’ll take a day each week as well!” Chenle said, and Jisung turned to look at him with wide eyes. “What? I’m going to study literature, they can’t make me actually study every day!”

“And I’ll help whenever I can as well”, Jeno joined the others. “You’re not going to quit school, right?”

_Some of my friends stayed over for a couple of days to help, but they also had their own lives to live. We were all so young._

“I can’t ask that of you”, he whispered, but the people had moved close enough to hear. “You shouldn’t have to make sacrifices just because we messed up”

“You’re not asking us”, Jaemin ran over to join the hug. “We’re offering”

“He is right”, Renjun pointed out. “We are a package deal, all of us, remember? Of course, we’ll help you!”

Baekhyun had been left alone eventually, even though he had had friends.

But Donghyuck wasn’t him. Byun blood ran in his veins but it didn’t need to define his destiny. He could learn from his father’s mistakes - both the alpha’s and the omega’s. 

Chenle dragged Jisung over as well, and they hugged the three of them. Jeno wrapped his arms around all of them, and Jaemin pulled Mark too. Donghyuck cried, unashamed, the anxiety leaving him and being replaced with relief.

“We have to celebrate this!” Chenle yelled and finally broke the huge hug. Renjun and Jaemin took their time letting go of Donghyuck though, and he didn’t mind one bit.

“Is this worth celebrating?” He asked through his tears, but no one commented on his shaky voice. He had immunity against their teasing now. Oh, he could use that to his advantage now. Or not - maybe he should grow up.

“Maybe? Maybe not? But this is a new beginning, for you two as well as us so, why not celebrate something this big?” Chenle asked.

“It’s not sure yet though”, Donghyuck looked down when Renjun finally let go of him. “I mean, I took several tests and everything, but it could still… I could get a miscarriage or something, anything”

“If that happens then we will support you”, Jaemin never let go of his arm. “You’re not alone. You two are not alone in this.”

“It’s not going to be easy. It’s not going to be fun”

“Who said anything about easy and fun?” Renjun asked. “That child is going to grow up surrounded by the happiest uncles in the world, we won’t leave you behind. You won’t get rid of us even if you want to!”

Donghyuck wiped his tears. Those words carried such a weight on them, he wasn’t sure if Renjun knew what he was truly saying.

Or, he must know. Renjun was so smart. And Renjun was still standing by him. Just like everyone else there. No one, except for maybe Chenle, was exactly overjoyed by the news but they still held on to him. Them. 

“Promise?” he sniffed pathetically and Jeno handed him a tissue.

“Promise!” 

“Let’s celebrate then!” Chenle cheered. “I brought some champagne with me!”

“Wait, you’re not of age yet!” Jisung complained as he ran after Chenle who disappeared back inside.

“Neither of you are!” Renjun yelled and went after them. “No minors will drink under this roof!”

“This isn’t your house!” 

Jeno laughed loudly and followed the others, and Mark went ahead too as he saw that Donghyuck wasn’t left alone - Jaemin was still holding on to his arm, and turned to him as he noticed that Donghyuck didn’t take a single step to follow the others inside. Of course, the other omega noticed his hesitation first.

“Are you okay?” he asked quietly, and Donghyuck wiped the rest of his tears to the tissue and folded it in his hands.

“Yeah, of course”, he answered. “It’s just… You know how I can’t drink champagne”

Jaemin’s concerned expression melted into something that kind of resembled joy or happiness, but only, Donghyuck could see tears in his eyes now. Despite the others making noise in the living room and yelling at them to hurry up, Jaemin pulled Donghyuck into one more hug. It was one of his warmest ones, the kind where he pressed his whole body against Donghyuck and made him feel loved and warm all over.

“I can’t believe this is happening”, Jaemin said quietly, only for Donghyuck to hear. “My little Hyuckie is going to be an appa now”

“I’m older than you, you fool”, Donghyuck hit his side but felt his words shake a little, as his vision blurred with his own tears. “Honestly, I feel like passing out whenever I think about that”

“I can imagine”, Jaemin exhaled deeply, and Donghyuck followed his example. The night air made wonders to his head - or maybe it was just relief that cleared his thoughts, who knew.

“I’m sure you’re going to be okay”, Jaemin hummed. “You’ve always been our wild card”

“Actually, that’s your title”

“Oh, is it? Well, maybe our whole deck is wild. Who cares”

When Jaemin let him go, they both laughed a little at their reactions, their tears. Donghyuck looked up to see Mark at the door and smiled. 

Maybe they would be alright. Maybe. Definitely.

As long as they had each other.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

**_November 2019_ **

**_Nana 17:42  
_ ** _Lele babyyyy how did it goooo?????  
  
_

 **_Yangx2 17:45  
_ ** _What happened?  
  
_

 **_Nana 17:45  
_ ** _CSATs you idiot  
  
_

 **_Yangx2 17:45  
_ ** _Ohhh  
_ _I get goosebumps just thinking about them ew  
  
_

 **_Jen 17:46  
_ ** _You fake friend, we even went there to cheer for him  
  
_

 **_SungieBaby 17:46  
_ ** _You fake friends I took care of his physical health during this whole month and made sure he was relaxed  
  
_

 **_Nana 17:46  
_ ** _TMI JISUNG  
_ _TM fucking I  
  
_

 **_Hyuckie 17:47  
_ ** _Please I don’t want to picture you two going at it  
  
_

 **_SungieBaby 17:47  
_ ** _I GAVE HIM A MASSAGE  
_ _IT’S YOU WHO ARE THINKING WEIRD  
  
_

 **_Huang Hendery 17:47  
_ ** _So, where is our star  
_ _Did he pass out after that math stuff?  
_ _I heard it was awful this year  
  
_

 **_Hyuckie 17:48  
_ ** _It’s awful every year  
  
_

 **_Jen 17:48  
_ ** _Yeah, you don’t know pain unless you’ve sat through Korean SATs  
  
_

 **_Renjun 17:48  
_ ** _And as a foreigner, may I add  
  
_

 **_Huang Hendery 17:48  
_ ** _This makes me curious  
_ _I kinda want to sit through one of those to see what all that fuss is about  
  
_

 **_Hyuckie 17:48  
_ ** _No you don’t  
  
_

 **_Jen 17:48  
_ ** _No you don’t  
  
_

 **_Nana 17:48  
_ ** _No you don’t  
  
_

 **_Huang Hendery 17:49  
_ ** _Sometimes I feel like you’re exaggerating it tbh  
  
_

 **_Nana 17:49  
_ ** _!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! whAT  
  
_

 **_Renjun 17:50  
_ ** _The airplanes stay on land  
_ _The traffic stops  
_ _The whole country stops for these exams  
_ _Don’t fucking say we’re exaggerating  
  
_

 **_Huang Hendery 17:50  
_ ** _But people have SATs in other places too  
_ _And they do just fine  
  
_

 **_Mark 17:50  
_ ** _That’s a very dangerous path you’re taking my friend  
_ _If I were you I’d just not  
  
_

 **_Yangx2 17:50  
_ ** _Yeah it’s like arguing about heats with omegas  
_ _They just start to cry  
  
_

 **_Hyuckie 17:50  
_ ** _WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY  
  
_

 **_Chenle_The_Dolphin 18:12  
_ ** _[sent a mushu-rising-i-live.gif]  
_ _I’m alive  
  
_

 **_Nana 18:13  
_ ** _HE IS ALIVE  
  
_

 **_Jen 18:13  
_ ** _!!!!  
  
_

 **_Nana 18:13  
_ ** _HOW DID IT GO  
  
_

 **_Chenle_the_dolphin 18:19  
_ ** _I just want to get so hammered that I forget about everything  
  
_

 **_Hyuckie 18:22  
_ ** _We’ll be at your door in 20_

  
  


…

  
  


_Fight if you have to..._

_Scream if you have to…_

_Be open, about everything, so that not a single trace of resentment lingers around_

Chanyeol’s words kept playing in Donghyuck’s head, amongst all else. 

Because returning to where they had been, as friends, wasn’t easy. Especially when all cuts weren’t easy to locate, and couldn’t be explained. There was tension between them, something felt uneasy no matter how hard they tried to make things right. Everything kept changing, they saw each other way too rarely, Donghyuck just felt uneasy and he knew that the others felt the same.

Something had to change. Preferably before April. Maybe it was because he was starting to grow into his role as an expecting omega and he needed to fix his environment. Maybe he was nesting mentally already or something. But he wanted things to get better for all of them.

And he got an idea.

“So, now we just go to the beach and scream like some idiots?”

“Idols”, Chenle corrected Jisung as he jumped out of the car after him. “I’ve seen, like, tons of idols do this! Like, BTS and Ateez and all those people”

The idea had initially come from Donghyuck but it had been polished to perfection by Chenle. It was a collaboration between an omega who desperately wanted to come up with some group-strengthening activities, and a beta who had watched all idol reality programs under the sun and knew a million different ones. They had planned a trip, and this was the final, important activity on the list. The most important one, everything else had been built around it.

“You do know that most of those are scripted, right? Or at least that they can’t say, like, half the things they want to when cameras are rolling?” Jisung asked, and Chenle rolled his eyes. 

“Well, duh, do I look like an idiot?” See? Youth slang? Chenle was like an evil copy of Jisung when it came to the way that he talked. “That’s why it’s going to be awesome now! Because we can say whatever the fuck it is that we want to!”

“We could say _‘whatever the fuck we want to’_ any time so I don’t get the purpose of this at all”

“Jisung, did I hear you curse?!”

“Are you cold?” Mark asked as he got next to Donghyuck, effectively moving his attention from the bickering couple and Jaemin to himself.

The alpha had grown very protective over him, especially since he had started to show. His baby belly was ridiculously small, still, but Donghyuck had always been quite skinny so of course, it was noticeable. And it would only grow from this. Mark liked hugging him from behind so that he could place his hands on it, and Donghyuck placed his hands over the alpha’s. 

Each passing week stabilized his condition, and the possibility of a miscarriage was far less likely now than it had been at the start. Getting used to the idea had taken time but now, Donghyuck knew that if something was to happen to end it, he would be devastated. They both would. 

His omega was ready for this change. And slowly, he started to be too. It wasn’t like he had any other option but, he didn’t want to just hesitantly accept his faith - he wanted to welcome it, choose it as his own and live it with no regrets.

“Not yet”, Donghyuck answered. The wind was strong, November had fallen upon them like a thick cover, with its darkness and cold winds. Donghyuck had never met a November so depressing - but only when it came to the weather. Otherwise, his life was far from depressing. Especially now that Mark had returned to him, to stay for good. 

He had had to go to The States to arrange his studies for a couple of months - applications, all kinds of changes had to be made if Mark wanted to change schools and continents, but it looked like he would be able to continue his studies in Seoul like he had planned, in March. That also meant that he had to take a lot of courses in those two months and do most of them at least partially online. It was an incredibly inconvenient and difficult task for him. 

Donghyuck hurried with his own studies too, the two months apart flew by surprisingly quickly on that front. On the other hand, his omega was losing its mind, being the world apart from his alpha. He knew that he had been getting to his friends’ nerves a lot - he had even been getting to his _own_ nerves. But, when he had finally picked Mark up at the airport, everything had felt right again.

Mark was a part of his home now, whether he wanted it or not. But judging by the alpha’s expression as he tackled Donghyuck into a hug and twirled them around, he felt the same.

Kevin had been a bit sad to lose his roommate. _First, Sasha, now, Mark. What kind of punishment from the universe is this?!_ But, he was apparently going to move in with Jacob anyway so, everything was going to be alright on that end.

Johnny and Jaehyun also supported them. Neither of them had been overly joyed by the turn of events but they still wished them luck and treated Donghyuck very warmly. Mark was going to miss them a lot, he was going to miss New York a lot. 

Baekhyun had visited Korea for Chuseok. During his trip, he had, once again, been in contact with his friends. And, he had come to meet his son. 

_“I can’t believe you’re going to make me a grandfather when I only just got you back”, he had fussed when he had picked Donghyuck from his place so that they could go somewhere to eat. “I’m only 37!”_

_“Yeah, well”, Donghyuck scratched his neck. “It was an… accident”_

_Baekhyun had just smiled at him reassuringly._

_“If someone had told me, even just a year ago, that one of Chanyeol’s neighbor’s bratty friends was going to get my child pregnant… you know what, I still find it hard to believe. Fate is such a ridiculous thing”_

_“If you word it like that, it sure as hell sounds strange”, Donghyuck shook his head. “I met Mark down at the lobby of that freaking apartment building. It was one of the addresses that Kyungsoo gave me”_

_“Oh, so it’s Kyungsoo’s fault”, Baekhyun nodded. “How typical. Speaking of Kyungsoo, he promised to make us samgyeopsal so, I hope you’re hungry”_

_“Definitely, always for Kyungsoo’s samgyeopsal!”_

_Baekhyun smiled widely._

_“That’s the only right answer”_

“Alrighty, lovebirds”, Jeno was the last one to jump out of the car, as he had been the one to drive it. “I think we should head to the beach before it gets stormy"

Donghyuck smirked.

“Ay ay, captain!”

They had cut Jeno’s hair very short the night before because he was about to join the army. It was mandatory for all alpha and beta males, and as his first year in university was coming to an end, he had decided to go now. That had been one of the factors that had made planning the trip so difficult - Chenle’s SATs, Mark’s visit to the States, and Jeno’s enlistment. The beta was going to enlist only a week from now, so they had drunk beer (not Donghyuck, of course) sung some old war songs that they knew (Jeno was going to learn plenty more) and Jaemin had shaved Jeno’s hair off.

It had felt like a ritual of some sort. 

He was happy they had been able to spend his final weekend as a regular student, together.

And as this was their final night in the small rented cottage near the coast, screaming at each other on the beach was going to be the highlight, the ending of a good trip. A trip that had brought them a bit closer again. Hopefully, at least.

Jeno tsk-ed and walked past them, to follow Chenle and Jisung who were already heading towards the sea.

“Hurry up!” Chenle screamed. “Jisung is freezing!”

“Why do you always have to blame me!” Jisung yelled in turn. “You’re the one who is wearing a leather jacket!”

They found a nice place next to high rocks, far from the waves. The sky was already black and the beach was empty, so they got to it. Donghyuck looked up - the city lights were still preventing them from seeing the milky way, but he could still recognize some of the brightest constellations. The big dipper, Orion, Cassiopeia. 

"From the oldest?" Chenle suggested, and everyone was behind him right away. Mark had been granted the role of an honorary guest, so they watched as Renjun ran across the beach. He looked funny, as his boots sunk in the wet sand, and they ordered him to run very far away. He had ditched his _royal blue_ Yonsei jacket in favor of his own comfort - finally - but his winter jacket looked very similar.

Standing so far away, he looked tiny and very harmless. Oh, what an illusion.

Renjun was tiny. But far from harmless. Donghyuck now had the baby shield, Renjun hadn’t hit or choked him in months but would get back to it eventually. He knew it. Or at least he secretly hoped so. 

“What do you want me to do now?!” He yelled. The wind was creating big, noisy waves behind him but it luckily also carried his voice over to them. 

“Scream!”, Chenle screamed and scared Jisung, as usual. “We talked about this, you idiot!”

“It’s hyung for you!” Renjun was so cute when he got all worked up. “Respect me Zhong Chenle!”

“Will do, hyung!” Chenle was smiling brightly. “Good! Just like that!”

“So, I should just scream anything?” 

“Anything!”

“Lee Jeno!” Renjun pointed at them with his index finger. “You look like a fucking egg now!”

“Fuck you too!” Jeno yelled back but his eyes were smiling. A smiling egg. 

“You better come back as a sergeant at least!” the alpha continued. “You need to set the bar high for Jisungie!”

“Oh, I will!” Jeno answered and hit Jisung who was standing next to him. Because of the nationality and sub-gender differences, the only other person from their group who was going to go was Jisung. He would be eligible in less than a year too - oh god, baby Jisung was growing up too.

“Lee Donghyuck!”

Shit, Donghyuck turned to look at the alpha screaming. 

"Yeah?"

“Stop rolling your eyes at everything alpha-like that I do!" the alpha in question screamed." It’s not like I chose to be like this, just like you didn’t, and I know it’s sometimes silly but this is just who I am now! If my territorial instincts don't hurt anyone then why does it matter?!”

"I'm sorry!" he answered right away, then turned to Mark. "Do I really do that?" 

"Yeah, sometimes", Mark shrugged and pulled him to his side. “It’s not a big deal but, you could do it less”

“Na Jaemin!”

“Yes?”

“I, Uh”, Renjun stopped to think but continued when Chenle, followed by the others, screamed at him to do so. “I honestly don’t have a problem with you!”

“That’s good to hear!” Jaemin yelled with a smile although the others complained. 

“I miss the late-night conversations we used to have!” Renjun continued.

“We can arrange more sleepovers!” Jaemin smirked.

Then, the alpha screamed something at Chenle in Chinese and moved to Jisung.

“I don’t care how tall you grow, stop treating me like a same-aged friend, I’m your hyung!”

“I’m sorry!” Jisung answered. “I mean, I’m sorry, Renjun hyung!”

Renjun wrinkled his nose but accepted the maknae’s answer. He then made a big heart with his arms over his head.

“Yeah well, I still care about you all!” He yelled. “Let’s become better people, let’s have more good times like these!”

“We love you Renjun!” Jaemin yelled back and then turned to the others. “Come on, say it with me!”

“We love you Renjun!”

“Love you hyung!”

“Yeah, love you I guess”

The alpha ran back and that was how they went about it. The others had needed a bit of warming up before they had truly agreed on their plan - and Donghyuck was glad that they had discussed this activity beforehand because his friends had had the time they needed to think what exactly was bothering them and word it out for the others to hear.

“Guys”, Jeno raised his voice. “I’m sorry for being an asshole!”

“We forgive you!”

“And I know that in your eyes being a beta is the easiest thing in the world but”, he swallowed. “I’ve been really insecure! I know that it’s stupid-”

“No, it isn’t!”

“- But I’ve had a hard time coming to terms with myself and I’ve let it out on you! I’m sorry about that!”

“I’m sorry for being an idiot!” Donghyuck yelled when his turn came. “Thanks for staying awesome people! Also, I never thanked Jeno and Renjun properly for doing such a good job with your homework in high school, I’ve missed copying your work in college!”

“Hey, what about me?!” Jaemin screamed. Donghyuck chuckled to himself. 

“I copied yours, like, once and I got an F!”

Jaemin showed him his tongue.

“Anyway, love you guys!”

“Totally!” Jaemin sent them five kinds of hearts on his turn. “Thank you for understanding me and my problems everyone, I would be so lost without you!”

“It’s no problem!"

“Oh, and Jisung, I love you!”

“I love Jisung the most!” Chenle yelled from even further away. “I have boyfriend privileges now, so you should respect them! Also, I was the one who ate Jaemin’s garlic bread yesterday!”

“I know that I’m younger than you, and that will never change”, Jisung yelled when he finally got his own turn. “But we’re not children anymore. Far from it. I’m turning nineteen next year! So please don’t try to shelter me anymore, I just feel left out and honestly, there is nothing that can really shock me anymore. I know about, you know, alcohol and vectors and sex -”

“Isn’t it funny how he chose those three”, Jaemin whispered to Donghyuck and he hushed him quiet, trying to contain his chuckle.

“- I know everything you do, so please stop shutting me out when you think something is not child-friendly. Because I’m not a child!”

“You will always be our baby Jisungie!” Jaemin yelled with his aegyo voice and Jisung shook his head. The maknae was still smiling though - a certain kind of babying would never end. But Donghyuck, all of them, could try to understand his frustration better.

“We’ll do better”, Renjun yelled in turn.

“Stick to hyung and I’ll think about it”, Jeno continued and got a lot of cheers. Jisung waved at them from where he was and they waved back. 

But still. When Jisung got back, when Donghyuck had to look up instead of down to see his face and when Donghyuck saw their baby maknae kiss Chenle quickly when he thought no one was looking, he had to admit it. Jisung had grown up. So suddenly, yet it had happened right before his eyes. 

And with that, everyone had poured their hearts, to each other, and to the sea that preserved their worries and their feelings under the surface. Forever.

“So, what do you want to do now?” Renjun asked. They were all shivering in the wind now. Donghyuck eyed Chenle.

“Is this how the idol segments usually end?” He asked, unable to keep the shaking out of his voice.

“Uh, it depends”, Chenle said. “Usually they do, like, a group promise or a group chant at the end and then the scene changes”

“We don’t have a group name. Or a chant”, Jaemin wondered out loud.

“And we don’t need one”, Renjun rolled his eyes. “That’s cheesy. We can scream and then leave, I’m freezing to death here”

“Oh, wait, I brought something!” Chenle started rummaging his backpack and the rest just stared as he pulled out “Sparklers!”

“What are we, twelve?”

“Oh don’t be such a grown-up”, Chenle hit Jisung and started handing them around. “I was thinking, since Jeno won’t be with us on New Years, we could make a promise now with these?”

“Awww, Lele”, Jaemin wiped fake tears from his eyes. “When did you become this cute?”

“I’ve always been cute”, the beta pouted.

“Alright then!” Donghyuck lifted his sparkler up as Chenle dug a lighter from his pocket. The others followed, sticking the points of their sparklers up so that they could be lighted with a single flame. “What are we promising? Everyone?”

“That we will be friends forever!”

“I like your sentiment Jaemin, but let’s be realistic here”

“Well then, you boring people”, Jaemin wrinkled his nose. “Let’s make one thing clear. No matter what happens, we will meet every year in November to scream at each other! Let’s make this into a tradition!”

“What is this, a coming of age movie? You know that the world doesn’t really work like that, right? Those kinds of promises always fail”

“Oh, I know. But it’s easier to keep in touch if we have something more than just abstract promises forcing us to contact each other. We can decide to be different and succeed”

“He is right, you boring people”, Donghyuck joined him. Mark had wrapped his arm around him and as they were very close to each other, he didn’t feel as cold anymore. “Who’s to say that we have to fail? Everything will change and I know that it will be hard but, if we just make this one simple promise… can you try to keep it?”

“I can”, Jaemin nodded firmly from next to him.

“I can as well”, Chenle nodded as well. “We can always meet on Skype or something if live screaming doesn’t work out”

“Will that be our promise? We’ll try our best to not let the world drag us away?”

"Yes!"

“Okay, I’ll light these now!” Chenle screamed over them and put his lighter in the middle. As the first sparklers started shooting out, he screamed again and scared Jisung who jumped back and their small formation broke. The kids were screaming like… like children, Mark pointed his already lit sparkle against Donghyuck’s to light it too.

“Okay, get yourselves together!” Renjun snapped and Jeno grabbed Jisung’s arm to bring him back to their circle. 

“Let’s count to three and scream, alright?”

“Yes!”

“One”

“Two”

“Three!”

“We promise!”

Donghyuck closed his eyes for a split second and he knew.

That promise would hold, through the years to come.

Through the times of darkness, through the times of light and warmth. Through the coldest of winters and brightest of summers. When the blinding pain resulted in him holding his love in his arms, when the tears burned and when they were filled with joy and happiness. Donghyuck saw it all reflect from the eyes that were so much like his own, through the years of heartbreaks and happiness, of stumbling and holding on.

They would find each other again and again. Donghyuck heard the bells, he heard cheers and he heard crying. He felt the new grass under his feet, he felt the coldness of white hospital walls under his hands and the sting of freezing air in his lungs on bright winter mornings.

The pain of goodbyes, the joy of welcoming new people into the world. Seeing his friends fall in love, their eyes shining despite time draining them little by little. Seeing wrinkles make their home to Mark’s eyes, hearing his tunes on the radio, meeting Yangyang at the airport, flying across the world to meet friends and in-laws, and bringing his family closer together. To East and West, North and South, in the world that was his home as much as it was going to be his doom, he got it all and then some, and he was never alone.

Donghyuck saw it all. He gave himself up to the stream of life, he swam in it instead of just floating aimlessly and he wasn’t afraid of the things life decided to throw his way. He saw sunrises and sunsets, ends and beginnings, an endless circle where he had his own place and purpose and he knew.

He promised. And he held on.

“Ahhhhh”, Chenle screamed and he opened his eyes again. Jisung had started running on the beach and the older ran after him, waving his sparkler in the air. 

“The last one at the car pays for dinner!” 

“Wait, that’s not fair!” Renjun ran after them and Jaemin went as well, laughing. Jeno lagged for a few seconds before sprinting after them full speed, surpassing them with no effort at all. They were little sparkles on the beach, Donghyuck took Mark’s hand and pulled him after himself, as they waved their sparklers and ran after the others.

“We’re going to lose!” Mark yelled over the noise of the raging sea. 

“Maybe”, Donghyuck admitted. 

“Then it doesn’t matter how much we lose, right?”

Mark pulled him into a stop, caught his waist, and pressed his lips against his. He tasted amazing, Donghyuck wrapped his arms around his neck, trying his best to keep his sparkler away from him so as not to hurt him. The fire was playing on his eyelids, his friends were screaming far away and his growing stomach pressed against Mark, reminding him of the third party in their relationship all the damn time.

And it felt so good, kissing him on the beach. The cold wind blew their hair around and tickled their faces, he heard their sparklers burn to the end but the sparkles in his mind went nowhere. His heart was still burning, his soul felt warm and happy in Mark’s arms and he knew - that feeling would never disappear entirely.

Never, ever.

Maybe it was a cliche - oh, he knew that it was. Donghyuck had gone to the other side of the world to find his biological parents, to find who _he_ was, and what he had found had been very different from what he had thought it would be. He had learned the importance of home, the importance of his friends - the family he had chosen for himself. He had learned that the most important people in his life weren’t necessarily the ones linked to him by blood, not at all.

Baekhyun had become a part of his family that he was very glad he had found. But finding him hadn’t magically cured all of Donghyuck’s insecurities and pointed him to a path in life. Baekhyun was just a person after all - yes, he was Donghyuck’s father and Donghyuck was amazing so of course, his birth parents had to be too, to produce something like him (haha) but at the end of the day, Baekhyun was just like anyone else. A regular human. 

His alpha father was the same. A normal human, not that much wiser about life than anyone else his age. The only reason why he was special to Donghyuck was that he was the one who had given him half of his genetic code. But that was all. Donghyuck was happy he had decided to find him, even though some answers had been unpleasant. But it hadn’t necessarily been what he had _found_ that had changed his life forever - it had been the journey itself.

For him, and so many other people as well.

He had found Mark - the one he was building a life with now, the one he hadn’t known he had been looking for nor needed, but who he now woke up next to every day, and couldn’t picture living without. 

Listening to his friends run around like children with no care in the world for a short while, feeling safe, getting ready to start another chapter in his life...

For that short, fleeting moment in time, Donghyuck felt like he knew what happiness was all about.

Life might prove him wrong again, it tended to do that and surprise him in both good and bad. But that was what life was about, wasn’t it? No matter what, he wasn’t going to ever be alone again, and knowing that, he felt confident. He was ready for everything.

“Hurry up, we’re hungry!”

Jeno’s voice reached them from the other side of the beach and Mark and Donghyuck finally pulled apart. The alpha smiled at him a little before taking his hand.

Donghyuck squeezed it but then, a thought popped into his head.

“Well, I don’t think this race is supposed to have more than one loser”, he said. Mark turned to look at him, and Donghyuck thought he saw a little spark in his eye. Maybe.

He smirked and pushed the alpha a little before sprinting away. Mark gasped but was behind him soon - yeah, maybe they were engaged now and they were supposed to be adults but if there was a chance that Donghyuck could avoid spending over 200,00 Won paying for his friends’ meals then he would take it. Sorry, Mark. He ran with all his might while his friends watched from the car and cheered for them.

Donghyuck lost that race.

But he had won so many other things, he couldn’t even be upset.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I poured my whole heart into this cliche fluff here, and I’m not even sorry.
> 
> Now, I’ve discussed this with some of you before but I’ll say it here too: I’m going to mark this story finished now since the story I wanted to tell has been told. However, I know that some of you would have really wanted to see how the lives of our characters develop from this, how Markhyuck would build their little family, and so on, and to be honest… I kind of like the idea as well. So, I might write some continuation at some point, just because I’m unable to let go haha. I don’t have anything planned yet but I’m playing with some ideas.
> 
> I can’t promise anything solid. But if you want to be notified just in case I do post something, I suggest keeping an eye on the ‘I’m looking for myself (in you)’ series. I might come up with something just for the heck of it, or maybe not, but first I’ll return to the stories I’ve completely abandoned in favor of this one. Let me know what you think though. 
> 
> So… that’s it I guess. If you’d take the time to write a word or two about your thoughts I’d be super thankful, but most of all, thank you for reading. Bye!


	22. Chapter 22

Hi! 

For anyone who is still subscribed to this story and is curious about Markhyuck's future, the first chapter of part three is out NOW!

Stay happy and healthy everyone! <3


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